The 33 definitive rules of road trips
A manual for drivers and passengers who want to get along
The car is packed. Everyone is belted in, including the dog. Now the adventure begins.
The road trip is a great American pastime. The slideshow of landscapes, from prairie to forest to city. The spontaneous stops for homemade pie or tacky souvenirs. The ocean air or evergreen scents wafting through the open windows (okay, it’s more likely asphalt).
Everything is going well — until it’s not. The driver is tired. The kids are fighting. Someone is asking foranother bathroom break. Many of these incidents could be avoided, if only we all agreed on some ground rules.
So, we compiled 33 tips and tenets that will ensure every trip is epic, with smooth roads ahead and only the best memories in the rearview mirror.
Make sure your car isn’t gross
Start with a clean car. While you are at it, check all the levels. Check your tire pressure. Change your windshield wipers if you know they are on their last legs.
Absolutely no air fresheners
That little pine tree dangling from the mirror might look cute, but it’s a big no for road trips. For the scent-sensitive, any kind of artificial smell could mean an instant headache and a miserable drive.
Driving shifts must be negotiated in advance
Does someone want to nap while someone else drives, then switch places? Or does one driver want to power through all day? Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure everyone is on the same page from the get-go.
Respect the seating hierarchy
In the car, the seating order is determined by age — adults in the front, kiddos in the back — and height (long legs come with privileges). Youngest and smallest go in the middle seat.
Speed up, windows up
Helmholtz Resonance is not the name of a cool new band. It’s the throbbing hum that occurs when you drive fast with the windows open. So shut ’em and crank up Social Distortion instead.
Plot out your pit stops
Check the route. Determine the best exits for meals, restrooms and any along-the-way sights ahead of time so you’re not making hangry decisions on the fly.
Tap into that dad advice
Around the time they get their license, every driver should have to acquaint themselves with a jack, a tire iron, lug nuts and little backup doughnut tires. They’ll come in handy one day.
Who takes the middle seat?
Don’t be a trunk hog
Yes, the car has more storage than an overhead bin. But remember that the space in the back is not all yours. Keep a smaller bag with essentials close by so no one has to dig through the luggage mountain to get to your magazine.
The driver has full veto power
What the driver says goes. There shall be no debate over music, temperature settings or wacky roadside attraction stops. Got a problem with that? Well, doyou want to drive?
Focus!
The driver has one job: to drive without distraction. Leave the auxiliary activities — navigation, Spotify playlists,Buc-ee’s mile countdowns — to the passengers. Absolutely no texting and driving. And no drinking (duh).
Cool it with the road rage
For the sake of your fellow passengers alone, take a deep breath. Somebody cut you off? Put “the bird” away and wish them a nice day.
Riding shotgun comes with great responsibilities
You’re the driver’s right hand, the first level of defense against distraction and discomfort. This means you have to navigate, play DJ upon request, change the temperature and generally be an extra set of hands. Don’t be shocked if you’re asked to feed the driver a grape.
But you’re responsible for your own car sickness
Sorry you get carsick, but if you’re about to hurl, you better say something. Make yourconditionknown at the start of the trip, maybe sit shotgun if that helps, and stay! off! your! phone! If you do start to feel nauseous, give the driver a heads-up ASAP so you can pull over before the point of no return.
Speak now or forever hold your … you know
Everyone must try to use the restroom at scheduled stops. If nature calls at other times, just say the word to be accommodated — but make sure to give fair warning.
… But don’t ask 5 minutes after for another stop
You had your chance, so hold it and avoid looking at waterfalls.
No back-seat driving
Keep your opinions and shrieks to yourself. The driver is the boss here, remember?
Stop whining
You are not the only person cramped in this car. Resist the urge to ask “Are we there yet?”
Share precious charging access
In a perfect world, everyone would board the car with devices fully charged. But you should still pass the charging cable when someone’s phone needs a boost. If you’re the kind of person who gets nervous when your battery life dips below 50 percent, consider bringing your own portable charger on board.
The sunroof is a group decision
The sun warming your head and the wind ruffling your hair might feel glorious to one traveler but torturous to another. All in favor of an open sunroof, say “aye.”
Screen-time rules are out the window
Yes, engage and entertain young passengers with all the I Spy games and “Wheels on the Bus” rounds you can handle. Pack knickknacks and crafts galore. But if all else fails, this is a fine time to let the kids watch “Bluey” to their hearts’ content.
Sorry, but no feet on the dashboard
It may be comfortable to stretch out. But resist the urge to rest those tootsies on the dash: If the air bag were to deploy, it could cause serious injuries. The folks over at MythBusters evenused a crash dummy to illustrate the risk.
Belt up the pups
For your safety and your pet’s, the front seat — including your lap — should be a dog-free zone. Use a harness, travel carrier or car seat — with a booster if Buster is tiny.
When can you ask “are we there yet?”
Eat like a college freshman
There is a time and a place forWhoppers and Combos. This is it. Stock up accordingly, and bring enough to share.
No tuna salad
Before you crack open the container of pickled eggs, ask yourself: Is this snack going to stink up the car? Unless you have group consensus, save your fragrant food for pit stops. Here aresome better options.
Fast food is forgivable … to a point
If you’re going to inflict fast foodon your body, you better be sure it’s worth it. Don’t just take the first exit after your stomach grumbles. Know your personal junk food rankings, taking into accountindependent unicorns and regional chains. Nobody wants stale fries. But a Cook Out milkshake? Revelatory.
Get your hands dirty
Formal table manners have no place inside a car. You have permission to eat all food groups with your hands and wipe your fingers on your pants.
One cupholder per person!
These are precious real estate. If you have several beverages, you should stack, combine or chug them.
Littering is verboten
Don’t you dare chuck trash out the window. Circulate a communal trash bag and toss it (in a bin, please) whenever it reaches capacity.
Is resting your feet on the dashboard ever appropriate?
Keep your tank reasonably full
This is not the time tolive dangerously, Kramer! Don’t let your gas dip below a quarter tank, let alone push the limits of E.
Pump the gas? You’re the hero.
It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it. It would be nice if that someone weren’t the driver, who deserves a little break from responsibility.
Offer to pitch in gas money
The driver might not let you contribute, but it’s polite to offer. This applies to tolls and filling station snacks, too.
When in Jersey, let the pros pump
Yes, someone will pump your gas for you. No, do not tip. In the lone Full-Service State, the custom is to thank the gas station attendant with words, not cash.
Park like a valet
It’s your last act, so end the trip with a solid dismount. Park near the hotel, not in another Zip code. Find a real spot, not a gap in the bike lane. If you are still circling after 15 minutes, find a garage or drop off your passengersand the luggage.You better know how to parallel park.
About this story
Editing by Gabe Hiatt and Amanda Finnegan. Design editing by Christine Ashack. Design and development by Katty Huertas. Illustrations by iStock. Copy editing by Briana R. Ellison.
