“I do have a lovely family and friends that I feel would support me, as I would them in any time of need. But if it doesn’t work out, I’ll take the corner penthouse at the Lillian Booth Actors Home in New Jersey.”Photo-Illustration: Joe McKendry; Photo: Bruce Glikas/WireImage

The Maria Bamford Questionnaire is a series of 25 questions designed by thebeloved comedian to unearth surprising truths about its respondents. In this edition, you’ll learn about Jane Krakowski, the Tony-winning stage and screen actor best known for playing Jenna Maroney in the classic NBC sitcom30 Rockfrom 2006 to 2013. From now until January 4, she can be seen in the role of Mary Todd Lincoln inCole Escola’sOh, Mary!onBroadway.

1.

What do you like to eat and/or drink right before bed?

Well, I am on a Broadway schedule because I’m currently inOh, Mary!, but maybe that doesn’t even affect it. I usually have a glass of wine, and perhaps I’ll sneak in a Wine Gum or a Percy Pig or a gummy kind of candy along with it. Right until I knock out on that pillow!

2.

What would your religion be like if you could make up your own?

I don’t think mine would really be a religion, but I would like to emphasize the morals and values that were instilled in children from the late ’60s to the ’80s throughMister Rogers’ Neighborhood andSesame Street. I feel like kids aren’t getting those same kinds of principles taught to them daily. Granted, that was my babysitter a lot of the time in my childhood, but it was a pretty good babysitter to have. I wish kids had more of that — just reminding everybody about kindness and trying to understand each other and, I don’t know, putting on a comfy sweater when you get home. Save PBS!

3.

If you had to be the face of a product, what would you choose?

I thought about this one a little, because there’s so many things I’d like to be the face of. But I’m going to aim high. I’m going to go to Porsche, because I love cars. I own a Porsche, and I’d like many more. I’d like to try some of the vintage ones. I’d like to try the new ones. I want the new electric one. Since I’ve owned a car, I’ve had a Porsche.

4.

What’s your most repetitive, long-term fear?

No applause. I started in show business at age 9, so I’ve obviously needed a lot of applause, and it’s continued to keep me here and make me very happy. The need was strong. Outside of that, it is being submerged and not being able to escape. Very light and dark side to this answer.

5.

What just happened in your life?

I’m just going to go with the most major thing that has happened in my life, which is getting the opportunity to play Mary inOh, Mary! and to be welcomed back into the Broadway community for the show. I’m having the time of my life playing one of the most unhinged, great comedic roles that will come along for a long time. It’s just been incredible. Every day I wake up with a bruise somewhere or something, but I felt no pain during the show. I guess it’s the magical endorphins of performing in live theater. I don’t know how I’m getting them, but it’s a very physical part. I’m so glad they asked me, and I’m so glad I said yes.

6.

What is the last thing you read — labels, Us Weekly, and texts count. Can you give us the gist of what you learned?

This is going to sound fake, but I’m going to show you the last text I read, because you’re not going to believe me. It’s from Tina [Fey], saying that she’s coming to see the show tonight. I’m so thrilled that she’s coming. Obviously, we get to see each other so much less than we did when we were working together every day for 13 hours per day. But we have text communication, holiday parties, and things like that. She’s always available when I reach out, which is the sweetest thing in the world. I adore that whole group.

7.

What is the last thing you bought used?

I haven’t pulled the trigger yet, but I am on the hunt for vintage Broadway T-shirts. My parents recently moved out of my childhood home, and I found a box of stuff I had kept as memories. I found my originalA Chorus Line sweatshirt that I bought when I saw it in 1979, and I now treasure that sweatshirt. I don’t know why I don’t have all the others, but I have that one — and I still wear it! Proud to be a Broadway small still. Now I’m on the hunt to find other shows that were as important to me. I’m looking forAnnie, I’m looking forCabaret, and for other shows from the late ’70s to early ’80s that really influenced me.

But thebest thing that I bought used — and this goes against how I usually work — was a Mercedes 560 SL from 1988. It goes back to the cars. I’m usually someone who never buys big things like that, and I normally would go home and fret and question,Should I get it? Should I not? But it came through a very reliable person. I literally bought it that same day, and I have not had one regret. It’s very unusual for me, because I overanalyze every decision, being a Libra.

8.

Who was the most difficult person to listen to (for you) recently?

Anyone who is against the rights of the LGBTQ+ community. It actually makes me very sad. Between people trying to reverse gay marriage and everything that’s going on in the trans community with the lack of support, it just makes me so upset that I feel like we’re going backward.

9.

What place will you never return to?

I hope that I don’t return to a place where I make decisions based on what other people will think about the decision. I hope that I’ve gotten to a place where I can choose to do what I think would be most enjoyable. I’m talking mostly about work and my career, but I feel like I spent a lot of time in my mid-career fretting about what other people would think, how it would look, and what the right move is. And there’s such a freedom in just saying, “Yeah, I really want to do this. Let’s do it.” Or to do it for yourself, because you would love to do it. Or because they’ve asked and it sounds like fun.

10.

If you were without a home or ability to earn, do you have anyone you can turn to for shelter and financial support? For how long?

I sure hope I do. I do have a lovely family and friends who I feel would support me, as I would them in any time of need. But if it doesn’t work out, I’ll take the corner penthouse at the Lillian Booth Actors Home in New Jersey. It’s a retirement home for actors and people in the acting community. I hear there might be a disco in the basement.

11.

What TV show or movie would you want to play a part in, and what part would it be?

I’ve long been mildly obsessed with specials likeLiza With a Z, and I was recently watching the documentaryLiza, which I greatly enjoyed. I wish that I was part of something like that, and at a place in my career as an actress and performer to have gotten to do a show like that, which at that time aired at, like, 8 p.m. on NBC. It’s such an iconic piece of footage now, being directed by Bob Fosse, choreographed by Bob Fosse, and starring Liza Minnelli and all the amazing dancers on Broadway at that time. And having the guys who wroteCabaret writing specialty material for you, like that song “Liza With a Z.” It’s a period of time that doesn’t really exist anymore, but I think I absolutely would have loved to have been a part of specials like that back in the day.

12.

What’s something you’d like to quit — a substance, a habit, etc. — and how would you go about it?

Drinking a glass of wine and eating gummies every night. How would I go about it? I don’t think it’s ever going to be a reality, so I haven’t thought about that.

13.

If you could take a brain ride in anyone’s consciousness, whose would it be?

My answer is pretty site-specific right now, but I feel like it would be Cole Escola’s, because I’m working onOh Mary! I think it would be incredible to go through the process of how they came about creatingOh Mary! from the beginning. I’ve been a fangirl from the start. I’ve seen all the Marys. I mean, to start with the seed of “What if Mary Todd’s Lincoln’s life got better once Abe Lincoln was assassinated?” is just a hilarious premise, and I’m always so interested in people who can write such great comedy.

I’ve been very lucky to work with so many great people in that world. That was one of the great joys of getting to be on30 Rock and spend so much time around Tina Fey, Meredith Scardino, and Robert Carlock and all of our incredible writers. You could see them just throwing the jokes back and forth and creating. I find that fascinating. I love learning and being around that.

14.

What is something you regret doing within the past week?

I’m going to go with drinking a glass of wine and eating my gummies at night. It’s the rule of threes. It’s comedy. Now it’s over.

15.

What are you jealous of in a family member?

I don’t think it’s really jealousy, but I am thrilled to have the opportunity to see my child grow and who they become. I’m a mom of a 14-year-old, and it just feels like the start of everything they’re interested in. They’re a musician and into performing in their own genre — nothing that has to do with mine. And so it’s not really jealousy, but I hope I have enough time here to see what they do.

16.

How many colors has your hair been?

In real life, my actual hair has just been blonde. I was natural blonde at birth, then sun-in blonde in my mid-teens, bottle blonde in my early 20s, and now highlighted blonde. But in roles, I’ve gotten to have wigs and wear other hair colors, which is always kind of fun. I’ve been brown, I’ve been black, I’ve been red, and then many other kinds of blondes when they just want it to look better than my real hair.

17.

If you had to move anywhere outside the U.S., where would you go?

Probably the top three are London, Rome, and Paris. It would definitely have to be a major city. I’ve spent a lot of time in London. I love it and I could live there any day. I’ve never tried living in Rome or Paris, but I think I would absolutely love it.

18.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever learned from someone you don’t like?

That frogs can be great boyfriends. Take that, Miss Piggy. Yes, the feud continues. Take note, Ryan Murphy. Sorry, I’m just on a Miss Piggy binge right now.

19.

What did you have for breakfast this morning, and is it your usual?

This morning, I had a cup of coffee and a Bays English Muffin, which is not my normal, but is in the vein of my normal. I always have a cup of coffee with something like a small bite of cake. I don’t put sweetener in it, but I like it with a bite of something sweet. I love Bays English Muffins. I grew up in New Jersey, and for some reason, I was a Thomas’ English Muffin kind of girl. And then, when I did30 Rock,Elaine Stritch was married to the man who owned Bays, so she used to give them out at Christmas, and that’s when I first learned about them. So now I’m a total Bays English Muffin gal.

20.

Describe something that was funny to you.

I don’t know why, but I find it really hilarious when something goes wrong. We’re at the time where the whole Broadway community is collecting money for Broadway Cares, and so every show has someone giving curtain speeches, and it’s me forOh, Mary!The other day at the show, Broadway Cares actually came to video it, and I knew they were there, and I screwed it up so royally. Then I went on another whole tangent of a mistake. It’s not funny here, but I laughed all night long. I was, literally an hour later, putting my key in the door of my house and still laughing at how badly it went. They have to come back and re-record. It was not usable! It just kept domino-ing and getting worse and worse. I do think we made a record amount of money that night in contributions, though. Maybe people felt bad for me that day. Also, a week ago, my cabaret outfit burst open. The zipper broke, and being the old hoofer that I am, I didn’t go off and try to fix it. I just did the entire number with my dress fully open.

21.

Describe something that is not funny to you.

Unkindness and people being ungenerous.

22.

Describe something that is beautiful to you.

Honesty, trust, and kindness. I’m a Libra. Those things are of high value to me.

23.

Describe something that is ugly to you.

The opposite of those.

24.

How much money do you think is “enough” for the whole rest of your life — that you wouldn’t need to work again.

A whole lot. I didn’t do a math analysis of the number, but a lot. I’d like to ride out my time traveling and staying in very nice hotel rooms. I could give up the Porsches, but one of my favorite things is staying in really, really nice hotels.

25.

What do you think is your most likely cause of death?

Uber Eats. I live in New York, and the scariest thing to me about New York right now is the electric bikes. They’re never on the path, and they’re never following the rules of the lights. I’m going to be run over by an electric bike, and that’s why I think that Uber Eats is going to kill me.

I recently — maybe a month ago — got hit by a pedal bike. It was literally like a scene in a movie. I was out getting stuff done, it was a gorgeous fall day, and I crossed the street, and one of these bikes was coming by — not following the light pattern or the walk signs — and I was completely thrown into the middle of the road. I didn’t have to get medical attention, but I was stunned, and I did call for someone I know to come help me. And this lovely woman who worked at the restaurant Lure came out and helped me, which was very nice, because I was shaken. I’d never been run over by a bike before. And I hope never again until my death.

Tags:

• vulture section lede
• vulture homepage lede
• jane krakowski
• the maria bamford questionnaire
• oh mary!