Ever watched The Simpsons and found yourself craving a bright blue Squishee, a can of Buzz Cola or a bowl of Krusty O's? Ever wished you could just pop out to the Kwik E Mart like Homer to pick up a six pack of Duff from Apu? Well you can't you maniac! Make do with the stuff in the real life Londis down the road! That stuff on The Simpsons is just a bunch of made-up drawings! Or at least it was until the devilish marketing minds behind The Simpsons Movie decided to turn the show's familiar brands into real life goods and services, resulting in a chain of actual Kwik E Marts across North America.
Can the brands we know and love from TV and film survive in the real world? We roped in the services of Adrian Pettett - a partner in Cake Media, the firm responsible for the branding of Carling, Nintendo and Motorola - to try and find out ...
Duff Beer
"Beer, the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!" declares Homer Simpson as he raises an ice cold glass of Duff, his favourite brew served at Moe's Tavern and available by the can at Apu's Kwik E Mart.
The Brand Identity
"Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you have one too," goes the brand anthem. The marketing is pitched squarely at the undiscerning, blue-collar American everyman and surrounds heroic brand ambassador, Duff-man (catchphrase: "Are you ready to get DUFFED?"). Wide ranging brand diversification has encompassed Tartar Control Duff and Duff Stout - "The beer that made Ireland famous."
Would it work in real life?
"Duff is an awful name that wouldn't work in the beer market," says Adrian. "But other than that it has all the facets of a successful American beer brand. Selling in America is all about lifestyle - and Duff-man represents an all-American lifestyle that men like Homer would aspire to."
Strickland Propane
A provider of propane and propane-related products to the barbecue enthusiasts of Texas, as portrayed in animated series, King Of The Hill. Specialist propane-fuelled grills include Vagner Char King, Char King Imperial and the Vagner Citizen, all available at discounted prices at the annual Grillstravaganza.
The Brand Identity
"Taste the meat, not the heat." Strickland's central proposition is that traditional, charcoal-fuelled barbecues taint the flavour of the food, whereby their flavourless gas is for the true gastronome. Plus, their small family business provides customer service that can't be beaten by rival store, Mega Lo Mart. "For pennies more you get the same products with the Strickland service," Hank Hill tells a wayward customer. "How many pennies?" the customer asks. "Several hundred," Hank replies.
Would it work in the real world?
"This is exactly the sort of branding that succeeds these days," says Pettett. "There's a real backlash against these out of town supermarket chains and the way they damage local businesses. Propane is propane wherever you get it but by emphasising their family values and service ethic, Strickland would easily convince a more ethical generation of consumers to spend the extra at their shop."
Acme
The acronym is said to stand for A Company That Makes Everything. In over 50 years of business, it has manufactured rockets, springs, giant magnets, iron-laced bird seed, jet-powered roller skates and triple-strength leg muscle vitamins for various members of the Looney Tunes cartoon family.
The Brand Identity
"For Fifty Years, The Leader In Creative Mayhem," claims the slogan. But products have a reputation for spectacular and catastrophic failure at crucial moments, often resulting in users losing control of rocket-powered transportation at high speeds, colliding with billboards and leaving holes in the shape of their own bodies. This once prompted National Lampoon magazine to publish a lawsuit against Acme which catalogued the 85 occasions on which faulty products had caused injury to Wile E Coyote in his ill fated pursuit of Roadrunner. However, the company boasts an implausibly fast delivery service, with goods often arriving with a customer mere seconds after the order has been placed.
Would it work in the real world?
"The products don't work which is a problem for any brand," says Pettett. "But if Acme were to distract from this by emphasising the speed of their delivery they could still succeed. We live in a convenience obsessed world where people expect to get what they want immediately. The internet has allowed them to achieve this but Acme seem to work even faster. Their brand message should be 'Whether you're in a desert or hanging off a cliff, we'll get your product to you wherever you are'."
The Stay Puft Corporation
Stay Puft manufacture the sort of marshmallow that Americans toast on open fires. But the produce developed a less wholesome reputation when the Sumerian God Gozer took the form of a 112ft Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and rampaged through the streets of Manhattan in a bid to destroy the human world. He was eventually foiled by the Ghost Busters who, by crossing the streams in their proton packs, generated an explosion that incinerated the confectionery-based monster and sent Stay Puft marshmallow raining onto the streets below.
The brand identity
Stay Puft's familiar mascot combined elements of real life brand ambassadors Bibendum (aka the Michelin tyre man) and the Pillsbury Dough Boy. This successfully cultivated a warm, non-threatening appeal. When Gozer warns the Ghost Busters that he will take the form of the next thing that enters their minds, bumbling Ray Stantz admits that the Stay Puft man "just popped in there" as "something that could never possibly destroy us".
Would it work in the real world?
"Mascots still work," says Pettett. "Look at Monkey - he started out advertising ITV Digital and went on to repeat the success for PG Tips. The only risk with getting a single character to embody your brand is that they might go off the rails and get negative publicity. Like Kerry Katona when she advertised Iceland. But the Marshmallow Man was fictional so they couldn't have expected him to go off the rails like he did. Then again, if the Lloyds Bank black horse bolted and killed someone, would it damage the brand? No."
Butterbeer
The drink of choice for Harry Potter and other young wizards, Butterbeer contains alcohol but not enough, it seems, to cause drunkenness in 13-year-olds. House elves, however, can get plastered on the stuff. The drink can be served hot or cold and is said to taste like a less sickly version of butterscotch.
The Brand Identity
Marketing booze to adolescents and maintaining a homely image is no easy task. But the gurus who promote Butterbeer manage to pull it off. The beverage's innocent looking mascot is Barney The Fruit Bat who, with his charming catchphrase "I'm just batty about butterbeer," helps to distract us from fears of bladdered, binge drinking wizards recklessly misusing their wands after chucking out time.
Would it work in the real world?
"This would be an absolute non starter," says Pettett. "If you made a drink with any trace of alcohol and aimed it at kids then every retail chain would refuse to stock it. There's a growing sense of socially responsible marketing in the UK. This wouldn't get out of the traps."
Wonka Confectionary
All manner of outlandish sweets including the everlasting gobstopper, three-course-dinner chewing gum and non-melting ice cream. The company's best-loved product remains its simple Wonka bars, used as the vehicle for the wildly successful "Golden Ticket" promotion.
The Brand Identity
Central to the company's image is its mysterious proprietor Willy Wonka. A reclusive eccentric, he closed down his renowned chocolate factory to guard against the industrial espionage of rival companies. Such heightened paranoia has helped to cultivate a captivating myth around the brand - which is only added to by a loyal workforce comprised of Pygmy sized "Oompa Loompas".
Would it work in the real world?
"Maintaining an air of mystery is very important to any brand," says Pettett. "Wonka is the master of this - people are fascinated by him and his factory and so his products become more coveted. The downside is that he has to make sure his products live up to the brand image. A Wonka bar needs to be the best chocolate you've ever tasted or you'll feel let down. Like Richard Branson, Wonka is a one man PR machine which means he never needs to waste money hiring celebrities to promote their stuff."
· The Simpsons Movie is out now. Sam Delaney is the author of Get Smashed! The Story Of The Men Who Made The Adverts That Changed Our Lives, out August 9
Sell-uloid goods
And there's more ...
Bubba Gump Shrimp
The mega-successful shrimp company founded by Tom Hanks' Forrest Gump in the 1994 Oscar-winner led to the creation of a real Bubba Gump chain of shrimp restaurants. The chain is still going strong.
Red Apple Cigarettes
The world of Quentin Tarantino is home to many a made-up brand. From Kahuna Burgers to Red Apple fags, these items pop up in Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, even Four Rooms.
Mooby
Mooby is a golden calf whose media/fast-food empire echoes McDonald's and Disney in director Kevin Smith's universe. Mooby's grim, multicoloured restaurants feature playground equipment shaped like a meat grinder.
Quietus Suicide Kit
As the human race lurches to a miserable end in Children Of Men the government hands out Quietus-branded suicide kits.
Da Bomb
Spike Lee maintains his own brands too with Da Bomb - a whisky that comes in a bottle shaped like an A-bomb. The jingle goes: "Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, Baby. It makes you get your freak on." Quite.
Laughing Clown Malt Liquor
The frankly quite scary, Laughing Clown Malt Liquor brand sponsors the first Nascar of Will Ferrell's Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights.
Brawndo Corporation
In Mike Judge's Idiocracy, sports drink Brawndo ("The Thirst Mutilator") is used by its owner as a replacement for water in almost all forms in the Uhh-merica as water is seen as a threat to Brawndo's profits.Will Dean