KING’S RANSOM
Paducah, Kansas
Fine dining at its best.
Fried-Butter Appetizer
Butter, cream, fat, lard, shortening, palm oil, drawn-butter dip.
Greaseballs
Four greaseballs served flaming hot in your hands (grease, balls).
♥ Cow Organs Charlton Heston
Steaming entrails and freshly slaughtered virgin cow brains, marinated in lard. Find the bullet and eat free!
Maybelle’s Vegetarian Special
Ham, ham hocks, pork rinds, butter, eggs. Ask for Bac-O-Bits!
Double Height Rib-Eye Steak
Cooked in its own juice while alive, served with hot buttered metal screws, cardboard.
Egg-Yolk Omelette à la Mitt
Yellow hearts of egg folded into an omelette. Cooked and served inside a boxing glove.
Our Banana Split
Fried ice cream, butter, double-cream-infused banana, whipped cream, cherries in red dye No. 2, triple-fudge chocolate sauce, pancakes, cow fat.
♥ Heartwise!
SYNERGY
Beverly Hills, California
Phone: Yeah, right.
Air Salad
Dehumidified ocean air on a bed of fileted basil.
Egg-White Omelette
Egg whites, pumpkin seeds, Vitamin C, nonfat cheese buttons, aerated yogi urine.
Spaghetti à la Nerf
Our natural eggless spaghetti, cooked in desalted Caspian Sea water, simmered in oliveless olive oil, and sprinkled with parsley skins. As light as a Nerf ball!
Filet of Sole
Sole.
Chilean Sea Bass
The Patagonian toothfish is overfished, so try our soya-based lo-fat substitute, swimming in hot water. Soy, water, gelatin added for viscosity. Garlic vapor. A natural face-lift dish.
Our Banana Split
One banana lying in its own skin, covered in chocolate, on a bed of arugula. A cheesecloth mouth condom is supplied to enable you to taste the chocolate without swallowing.
Hemlock Tea
Try our depoisoned herbal infusion. ♦
