It’s Sunday afternoon, and normally by this time my weekly article is all written and ready to go, but this week was a little bit different. I actually don’t have the mental energy to write something useful, so I’m going to write something just a little bit human, hoping it might inspire all of us to find common cause in our humanity. Next week you’ll get a very serious post on how to think about timesheets. I’m sure you’re excited. And now to some abnormal programming.

WTF Has Happened to Our Very Souls?

Remember what happened right after 9/11? How people helped each other a little more, held doors open, lifted luggage into overhead bins, smiled, and let people merge instead of honking at them? It was the same in the early days of COVID, too, when we were still wiping off our packages and wondering how long we had to live. That community spirit dissipated quickly, and quite sadly, in fights about masks and vaccines and politics.

The online world has done some amazing things for us, like helping us find like-minded hobbyists for the most obscure things on earth (Jonathan collects poker chips). Or planning very specific vacations to faraway lands. But it’s also facilitated the reinforcement of bad behavior as formerly good people, who have now lost their way, have found similarly weird people with Early Onset OffTheReservationness who seem to have tossed all nuance and empathy out the window. And I do mean on all sides, my friends, and not just on the other side you like to scorn.

The truth is that there are still lots of good people in the world, but they’re not the ones yelling at HOA meetings and trolling Facebook groups and ruining Thanksgiving dinners. With one-fifth of the billboards along the freeway advertising personal injury attorneys and many of your friends dividing the world into victim and oppressor, you could be forgiven for wondering what the heck has happened to us.

I’m just a normal person who longs for a world in which we are not clawing at each other’s throats all the time, so please don’t misunderstand what I’m going to write next. It’s just the sort of thing we all should be doing, and I need to be doing more of it, frankly.

I have a mixed relationship with empathy, and a very distant relationship with patience. There are times when I’m as embarrassed to be around myself as I am to be around you, and then an unexpected kindness surfaces.

Why am I even writing this? Well, failing a devastating war or an unexpected natural disaster, I don’t see any “uniting feature” on the horizon. So could we all just be a little bit less rage obsessed? I know, I know. “The other side is evil.” But “the other side”—whoever that is—is going to do their shitty things no matter how much you scream or keep hoisting the signal flag pledging that you’re on the right side of history. You are not changing anybody’s mind.

So how about we just be as unexpectedly kind as our dogs think we are? Now to the story, and the last few paragraphs are really the message. And I didn’t give a shit about how either one of them voted in the last election.

Two Weeks Ago

I belong to a Facebook group for owners of a particular brand of RV. On a whim, I just randomly posted an offer. “Hey, if you are faced with some medical emergency and have to get your big rig home, just reach out to me. If my schedule will allow, I’ll be glad to help you out.” I didn’t think too much of it and went back to my life.

One Week Ago

Julie and I were actually in an RV park on a long weekend at the lake, walking the dogs, and my cell phone rang. It was from an unknown number and I almost didn’t answer it, but I did anyway, winding up to cuss out a scammer. But it was a lady whose husband had had a bad heart event and three subsequent procedures. The doctors were forbidding him from driving, and she had only driven the rig a few times and wasn’t comfortable driving it for longer distances. Could I help? (A friend of hers who had seen my post from the week before suggested that she reach out to me.)

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I looked at my schedule, realized that I could move a few business calls and take some others from a rest stop, and said sure. My further conversations with her are what I want to talk about at the end of this. And I'll say now that I didn't give a shit about how they voted in the last election, and I still don't know and don't care.

Three Days Ago

I took a one-way flight from Nashville to Miami, and then a $216 Uber ride even further south to Key Largo, FL. I met this very sweet couple, hooked their sedan up to the back of the Freightliner-built chassis, and left on a 1,700-mile adventure. The trip took three days as I wound my way up through Miami, Palm Beach, Orlando, Atlanta, Chattanooga, Nashville, Louisville, Indianapolis, South Bend, Grand Rapids, and to the far northern part of Michigan: Traverse City.

Tally: 213 gallons of diesel, 7 gallons of DEF, one good meal at Leo’s in Grand Rapids when I just couldn’t face another snack machine, three shitty RV parks at $50/night, every single podcast on my “catch up” list marked off, too many NCAA games, hours and hours of “Netflix is a Joke Radio” on Sirius XM, and notes to write to every politician in charge of the roads in Chattanooga and Louisville.

Today

I met up with the very grateful him and her in their little town, after which they dropped me off at the airport for a one-way flight back home. I’m quite tired from maneuvering a combined 67’ rig that weighs 47,000 lbs across much of the US, but a few things strike me.

• I need to take the time to do more of this.
• You need to take the time to do more of this.
• There are a million reasons that would stop you and I from doing this, like liability, time, trust, and what people are going to think about it when you write about it. But heck with all that.

That Last Paragraph I Promised

It was a really fun adventure, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. But here’s what struck me the most: they had a really hard time understanding why someone would do this. A total stranger, and for nothing in return. There was one humorous moment when she queried me on the phone, very apologetically, asking why my driver’s license photo doesn’t seem to match other pictures of me on the web. (Maybe because nobody’s picture does?) You could forgive her for being extra cautious and wondering what sort of scam this was. I sent her links to my LinkedIn and Facebook profiles, the book listings on Amazon, etc. But still, seeing some random dude drive off with your prized possession—and car—with all the keys, and only having met him 15 mins before, well, you can see the trepidation.

Tomorrow there will be someone you should trust and someone who wants to trust you. You will have the opportunity to be kind and to leave an impression on someone you will never see again. Let’s be more generous with each other, because I really don’t want some other galvanizing event that might bring us closer together but will also inflict untold pain.

This sort of kindness, without strings attached, should not surprise the people your life touches, and here’s hoping it becomes more ordinary.

I kind of like this empathy thing I’ve heard people talk about. I might try it again.

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