Butt-Ugly Martians: Zoom or Doom
Regardless of how you cut it, Zoom or Doom's characters aren't butt-ugly, the gameplay is.
The latest example of such a stepping-stone isRunecraft and Crave Entertainment's licensed kart racer,Butt-Ugly Martians: Zoom or Doom. Based on the one-season-then-cancelled Nickelodeon show of the same name,Butt-Ugly Martians borrows several characters, themes, and settings from the now-defunct program and combines them all into what the developers hope to be the definitive representation of the license. Glance back at the first two words in the title, however, and you'll understand what it is that we truly get; a product that's nothing short of butt-ugly on all possible levels.
Gameplay
As simplistic as they come,Zoom or Doom boasts a moderate amount of features. Seven different characters (two of which are hidden), nine tracks, Reverse Mode, and a couple of two-player goodies will probably entice parents looking to get the most bang for their buck. For the kiddies involved, there's a nifty slider that allows you to adjust how effectively the CPU controls the hovercraft, and a couple of CG cut scenes that act as bookends for the Conqueror's Cup option. On the surface, it appears as though Runecraft is off to a good start, but once play begins, it's a whole other story.
The main problem is that there's almost no need to steer your vehicle. No matter which level the steering assist function is adjusted to in the options menu, the Martian karts never come close to veering off-course. In fact, invisible walls surround every stage, so regardless of how crazy or nutty you drive; your character will always stay right on target. Naturally there will be some drifting to the left or right either way, but that has no influence on the outcome of the race. Your hovercraft can bounce off the walls all day long and never have to worry about damage or similar problems.
When your vehicles do get damaged, it's only temporary. And it's exclusively the result of either some kind of track-based obstacle (spouting flames, icicles) or pick-up weapons used by your opponent. After three to four seconds of wild spinning (still moving in a forward direction at 3/4 the original speed), everything goes back to normal again, and you can go about your business as though nothing happened. There are six different categories of pickups in all (Missiles, Obstacles, Martian Technology, OMAB Enhancements, Smart Weapons, and Dr. Damage Prototypes), with effects ranging from time bombs to shrink rays. But no matter how you approach the game or how terrific/awful you may be, the only power-up that really matters is the speed boost. Since overall damage and recovery time are minimal for everything else, it's the only adjustment that's has a legitimate effect on the race at hand, and the only one you'll ever need to search for.
But that's only the beginning ofZoom or Doom's problems. The game is incredibly easy even when playing through on the most difficult settings and patient gamers can beat all three circuits plus the reverse tracks within two hours of opening the box. Multiplayer modes are no different from the single player missions, and the only toggled option is being to race against CPU opponents or against each other. The collision detection is bordering on terrible (objects you're sure you've missed will mysteriously knock you for a loop) and the catch-up A.I. keeps you in the race at all times -- even if you're purposely racing like moon dung.
All of the above makes for a pretty disappointing experience, and while the track design isn't bad and the multiple paths are nice touch, they never feel as though they have any real significance. What does it matter what shortcut you take when you'll probably win anyway? No challenge equals no satisfaction.
Graphics
Abiding by the simple nature of the gameplay, the visuals follow a similar basic path. Character models are small and under-detailed and the vehicles are just as meager. In fact, we had to go back and examine our television screens on more than one occasion to verify that there was an actual difference between the cars. Sure enough, there are distinguishing features, but we were hard-pressed to notice them without some mild detective work.
The racetracks fare a bit better, with a few interesting objects populating the background. Space-themed stages found later on inButt-Ugly Martians are kind of cool, but their presence doesn't exactly push the limit of the console's processing power. Particle effects, pyrotechnics, and other razzmatazz is barely acknowledged, and the whole look ofZoom or Doom reminded us of a rushed first-generation Dreamcast port. It's pretty obvious that Runecraft designed the game with a younger audience in mind, but the quality of its visual representation is so underwhelming that it's literally a step away from qualifying as brail.
Sound
Zoom or Doom's audio is probably its most redeeming quality. Using the same vocal talents from the television show, the acting is up to Saturday morning standards; and a couple of the lines performed during the CG intro successfully border the "almost funny" range. Unfortunately there isn't much speech during the span of the game itself, and when characters do speak, they'll repeat the same couple of lines over and over again. "Let's get ugly" was said so many times and by so many racers during the span of a single stage, we thought our disc was skipping. It wasn't.
One aspect of the sound that's really worth mentioning, however, is the bizarre musical score. A mature, techno-beat dance track, the notes thatButt-Ugly Martians throws at you never quite fit the setting. We'd expect this type of setup to accompany a game likeExtreme-G orWipEout, not a hurried children's game. That said, it's still pretty good -- regardless of how out of place it may seem. Sound effects, on the other hand, are so sparse that you'll barely notice them.
Verdict
Having only seen snippets of the cartoon myself, and having the videogame to base it on, I can't say that I'm surprised the series was cancelled. If the television show was anything like the software, then it's better off dead and buried in the annals of failed TV experiments (which is pretty much how I feel aboutZoom or Doom). Budget marked at $19.99 from the moment it ships,Butt-Ugly Martians is still over-priced, and even when offered to young, inexperienced children, the fun factor just isn't there.
Recommended as a one-time, one-day rental for the under age-10 group only, your money can definitely be better spent on quality titles likeHarry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets orSuper Monkey Ball. Parents beware.
