Raise your hand if you’ve never felt romantically attracted to literally anyone, but you never questioned this absence of romance because it just felt natural to you.Rom-coms have never interested you, you’ve never really wanted a romantic partner, and you don’t totally get it when people describebeing in love. If any of this sounds familiar, you might be aromantic.

Not to be confused withasexuality, which is the absence ofsexual attraction, aromanticism is a romantic orientation wherein the person is not interested in romance of any kind—flirting, dating, relationships, marriage, the works. Simply put, “people who identify as aromantic tend to feel little to no romantic attraction to other people,” says licensed professional counselorElizabeth Cruz, MS, who’s based in Dallas, TX and specializes in LGBTQIA+ sexuality. And according to licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapistSarah Wright, who’s based in South Carolina, that means they often don’t think about dating or finding a romantic partner.

That said, aromantic folkscan still be in relationships, but they’ll connect with their partner sexually, spiritually, intellectually, or even socially—not romantically. Some aro folks can also be inpolyamorous relationships where their connection is exclusively sexual, while others can be in long-term partnerships (including marriage, even) where they live together but have a purely platonic relationship.

The fact is that “relationships look all kinds of ways for people of every identity,” says Wright, and romantic attraction, just like sexuality, exists on a spectrum. Just like there’s no set definition for an aromatic relationship, there’s also no formula for how an aro person expresses their love.

Because, yes, an aro person might not feel romantic love, but theycanexperience other forms of love. Never confuse aromanticism “with not loving someone; platonic love isn’t the same as romantic love,” explainsKim Sherva, MS, LAMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Minneapolis, MN. “People can love their friends and family but not ever feel like they’ve been ‘in love’ with someone they’ve dated or been in a relationship with. People can form really great relationships with their partners without romance because there is a great friendship and bond there.”

Related terms:

• Asexual
• Demiromantic
• Biromantic

Read on to learn more about aromanticism, including how it’s different from asexuality, how to know if you’re aromantic, and some common myths about aromanticism.

The Difference Between Aromantic, Demiromantic, and Asexual

The term that people may confuse aromanticism with the most isasexuality. As stated above, asexual people (or ace people) feel little or no sexual attraction toward others.

Nevertheless, identifying as asexual isn’t a choice like celibacy or abstinence are. Asexual people can still have sex if they want to, they just don’t often, or at all, experience sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of their gender identity.

To put it simply, an aromantic person doesn’t really want a romantic relationship, while an asexual person doesn’t really to have sex. And even if they do, how often and with who can vary. (Just like most people who consensually engage in sex or sex acts!)

When it comes to “aromantic”and “demiromantic,” both terms describe how a person experiences romantic attraction (key word here is “romantic”). “While people who identify as aromantic typically experience little or no romantic attraction to others, those who identify as demiromantic may experience romantic attraction, but typically not until after they form a close emotional connection with another person,” explains Cruz.

Nevertheless, neither aromantic or demiromantic as terms provide any information about how people experiencesexual attraction. So, for example, “a person might identify as both demiromatic and asexual,” says Cruz. “In this case, that person may experience romantic attraction after forming a close bond with someone, but this romantic attraction does not lead to sexual attraction.”

What Identifying As Aromantic Could Feel Like Like

Kathrine Winnick, a sex coach atLetsTalkSex.net, adds that sometimes people who are aromantic might “feel that dating is a form of pressure, and nothing very natural.” She further explains that an aromantic person still appreciates and values beauty, as they might recognize that someone is handsome or beautiful, but they still feel no desire to date them or be emotionally involved with them.

Nevertheless, aromantic people can still be in relationships or date, and may even get married if they want to. Someone who is aromantic might not desire aromantic relationship, but still may want other types of relationships and experiences, such as a sex and/or a deep, meaningful friendship.

Signs that You Might be Aromantic

First off, there is no one-size-fits-all here. Everyone’s journey looks different, but a few expert-advised signs that you might be aromantic include (but are not limited to!):

1. You don’t understand why people get all emotional over love.Do you find it extremely odd when your friends do "silly things" in the name of love? Do romance novels and rom-coms make you cringe? If the things that your friends consider sweet are really just poor decisions in your eyes, it might be a sign you’re aromantic.
2. You’re more excited about making a new best friend than a new lover. If the first thing that comes to mind when you meet a person is what a cool friend they would be, you might be aromantic. Of course, some couples can start off as just friends, but if there’s no desire to further the relationship into a romantic one, then this might be a sign. (That’s also not to say that every relationship you have or create with another person has to turn romantic—sometimes you legitimately just wanna be friends!)
3. You don’t have crushes or fall in love with other people. If you’ve never had a crush before or have never felt “in love” with another person, this is a clear sign that you might be aromantic.
4. You like the idea of romance, but don’t personally experience romantic feelings toward others.You just don’t feel it, and that’s okay!
5. You feel uncomfortable with the idea of romance and have no interest in having a romantic relationship.If the idea of romance and love is a complete turn off for you, and you have no desire to pursue nor form a romantic relationship with another person, then you might be aromantic.

If you’re trying to decipher whether or not your lack of interest in a romantic relationship means that you are aromantic, there are some resources you can turn to. You can visit an educational site likeAUREA, which stands for Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy, or you can listen to the podcastSounds Fake But Okay hosted by college friends Sarah, who is asexual and aromantic, and Kayla, who identifies as a demisexual straight girl.

How to Support Friends or Partners Who Identify as Aromantic

Rachel Sommer, PhD, co-founder ofMy Sex Toy Guide, says that if a family member, friend, or even partner comes out to you as aromantic, it’s best to show your support and affirm their identity. “Be open to learn more about aromanticism, and be supportive.”

Cruz adds that you can further support your aromantic loved one by educating yourself on aromantic identities and calling out ace-erasure and ace-phobia when you encounter them.

Also, don’t assume that everyone is looking for a romantic partner, no matter their identity or sexuality. “We live in a society that is hardwired around sex and romance. There are so many rom-coms in our mass media; so many stories of love and romance. Those who are on the aromantic spectrum can grow up believing something is wrong with them; they can feel like they don’t fit in with their peers and family because they don’t experience romantic feelings,” says Sherva. “It’s important to remember that love can be expressed in different ways. A partner can show love, care, and support without having romance attached to it. There’s really no ‘downgrade’ because loyalty, care, compassion, and platonic love can be just as steadfast and true as romantic love.”

How to Stand Proud in Your Aromantic Identity

Aromanticism, like other identities and orientations, has a flag that members proudly show off to express themselves.The flag is made up of five stripes (one dark green, one light green, one white, one gray, and one black).

According toAUREA, the flag includes the color green because it’s the opposite of red, a color that’s often used to represent romantic love. Combined, these two colors (dark and light green) represent all identities underneath the aromantic umbrella. White is used because it’s often referred to as ‘the platonic stripe’ (other types of attraction other than romantic and sexual). The white is then followed by gray and black, which acknowledges how diverse the sexual identities of aromantic people can be.

Additionally, there’s a vast community of people who identify as aromantic online. You can find them using the hashtags #aromantic, #aromantictiktok, #aromanticawareness, #aromanticanthem, #aromanticism, and #aromantic with three hearts in green, white, and black.