In the name of God, Most Gracious, MostMerciful
Domestic violence represented by wife beating or abuse is rampant in thiscountry and around the world. While the exact numbers on domestic violenceincidents differ, because this is such an under-reported crime there arestatistics on which most experts agree.
1. In 1984 the US Surgeon General declared domestic violence as this nation'snumber one health problem. (US Surgeon General)
2. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by her partner; it happens at sometime in 25-35 % of American homes; 4,000 women die from such abuse each year.(FBI)
3. Physical abuse by male social partners is the single most common sourceof injury among women ages 15 to 44, more common than auto accidents, muggingsand rape by a stranger combined. (U.S. Surgeon General, 1989)
4. In USA, medical costs from domestic violence total at least $3-5 billionannually. At least another $100 million can be added to the cost to businessesin lost wages, sick leave and absenteeism. (Sylvia Porter, For Your Money'sWorth)
5.Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages arebattered - by husbands, boyfriends, lovers and partners. (Surgeon GeneralAntonia Novello, as quoted in Domestic Violence: Battered Women, publicationof the Reference Department of the Cambridge Public Library, Cambridge, MA)
6.Approximately one-third of the men counseled (for battering) at Emergeare professional men who are well respected in their jobs and their communities.these have included doctors, psychologists, lawyers, ministers, and businessexecutives. (For Shelter and Beyond, Massachusetts Coalition of BatteredWomen Service Groups, Boston, MA 1990)
Statistics as these should awaken all those in denial of the fact that wifebeating and abuse is an endemic disease in all different cultures, religionsand communities. It is as common in Western as it is in Eastern societies.
Men in Western (and Eastern) societies do not abuse their wives because ofscriptural teachings, but because of a natural instinct of domination andaggression. God, knowing this, has therefore decreed a perfect law to helpmen control their temper and to solve any problems before resorting to physicalaggression.
These statistics reflect the failure of modern societies in treating thisperilous condition in men. Despite advances in modern psychology and improvedunderstanding of behavioral patterns of men, civilized and uncivilized, asuccessful solution to this aggressive behavior has not been found by man.
A solution has however been presented to the world in the Quran, the FinalTestament, more than 1400 years ago, in verse 4:34.
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At first glance this verse may appear as if promoting physical abuse of women.But when reading 4:34 carefully one realizes that it actually prohibits abuseand beating of women by using the best psychological approach.
The advise to first talk and then avoid sexual contact, provides the necessarytime and space for both parties to cool off, reason, examine the problemand reach a favorable agreement for both of them.
Abuse of a wife willnot happen if the man learns to followthe clear commandments of God in this verse and in the order decreed. Abusewill only happen when a man doesnotfollow thesecommandments, and thus fails to cool off and reason with himself or withhis wife.
Sura 4, where we read 4:34, entitled "The Women," is one of the longest chaptersin the Quran. It deals with many of the rights and responsibilities of women,rights that were first available to western women only a few decades ago,and some that still aren't. The theme of this Sura is to defend women's rights,and countering injustice and oppression of women. Thus, any interpretationof verses in Sura 4 must be in favor of the women, not the other way around.
Unfortunately 4:34 is extremely abused by many of the so-called "Muslim"men in the world. While disregarding their own obligations and their ownrighteousness, these men only focus on the third step of handling this difficultcondition as described in 4:34, skip the first two necessary steps andgive themselves the excuse to beat their wives. They find support for theirmisguided and biased views, and for treating their spouses unjustly, in thefabrications of the so called Hadith and Sunna. They thus misrepresent thetrue Islam (Submission), and divert people from this perfect and just religionfor all.
We have to remember that the right given to the man in 4:34, can only beclaimed when you have a situation with a righteous man on one hand dealingwith a situation in which his wife repeatedly commits "Neshooz" which isan unrighteous, wicked and rebellious act. Abusing this law and theattempt to apply it to regular daily marital disagreements is not warrantedby the strong and selective wording of the verse. Furthermore, fora man to demand or claim this right, he must first give that woman all therights God has given her and follow all aspects of the commandment withoutskipping any part of it. God clearly says in the Quran that He has decreedfor the men and the women rights and obligations equitably (2:228).
In reality, a believing husband would most probablyNEVER come tothe stage where he would actually lay a hand on his wife. He would be muchtoo careful to examine his own motives first, as a God fearing man, beforeexercising this right. As we see in the verse immediately following 4:34,when the marriage reaches this stage it's on it's way to end, as the verynext words in the Quran reads; "If a couple fears separation…"
Most women in the world today do not enjoy the protection verse 4:34 grantsthem. Instead they are unjustly abused, verbally and physically, by unrighteousmen in unrighteous ways, and get beaten up for the most trivial of reasons,or for no reason at all. According to 4:34 even if the husband has a goodreason, he is not allowed to lay a hand on his wife until he has passed allthe previous steps.
The woman's responsibility in a marriage starts the day she chooses a husband.If she wants to enjoy her God given rights, she must obey her God given commands,and choose a believing husband. Thus, she can expect from him to treat herin accordance with God's decree, and not transgress against her. She canexpect from a believing husband that he will heed any reminder she giveshim, if he forgets. If she chooses to disregard God's commands, she has toknow that there will be consequences.
If women expect the men's deeds to have consequences, they should expectthe same for themselves. These consequences are however well controlled toprotect the women from the outrage of the angry husbands as we canfind in God's law for the believers in 4:34.
We also learn that one of the traits of the righteous is that they suppressanger.
The nature and essence of a healthy relationship between a husband and wifeis beautifully expressed in the following verse from the Quran:
When facing difficult times, even if the man dislikes his wife, God has decreed;
And when divorce happens, the full respect to the wife is urged,
In conclusion; A BELIEVING wife and a BELIEVING husband will NEVER get tothe point where beating of the wife enters the picture. A BELIEVING couplewill consult one another and agree on the best way to solve their differencesas verse 4:34 and the whole scripture recommends.
We have to know that we are not in this world to protect unrighteous behavior.We are in this world to be given a last chance to make the right choice andsubmit to God alone. Making the wrong choices will have consequences forall of us, both in this world and in the eternal Hereafter, for women andmen equally.
God is the Most Just, the Most Merciful.
Some WWW Resources
(1)WomenDress code in Islam.
(2)Submitters(Muslim) women Dress code.by Senobar Tafozali & Naima Turner
(3)Women inIslam Vs. Judeo-Christianity
(3b)
(4) Are women andmen equal in Islam?
(5)Womenand Politics in Islam.
(6)Polygamy, the rightway.
(7) Womenin the religion of Submission (Islam).
(8)Abortion is Murder,No ifs or buts.
(9).
(10)Blame it onEve. !!!!!Eve in the Bible Vs theQuran.
(11)Marriagein the Quran.Quranic verses that talk about themarriage issue.
(12)Divorceaccording to the Quran.
(13)Weddingceremony format .A format used in a recent weddingceremony.
(14)A Marriagequestion and answer from the Quran.
(15)Engagementquestion and answer from the Quran.
(16)A Dowryquestion and answer from the Quran.
(17)Religious Duties andMenstruation . A question/ answer report.
(18)Women and Men in your Care-Ma MalakatAymanukum, the Quranic Perspective.
(19)Rights ofHindu women Vs rights of Muslim women.
(20)Wives in Heaven,The contradiction between Quran and Hadithbooks.
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