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![]() Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go! | |||||||||||||
"Blitzwing Bop" | |||||||||||||
Publisher | Fun Publications | ||||||||||||
First published | November 17,2009 | ||||||||||||
Written by | Trent Troop andGreg Sepelak | ||||||||||||
Illustrations by | Chad Porter | ||||||||||||
Cover | Chad Porter | ||||||||||||
Continuity | Shattered Glass | ||||||||||||
Chronology | Current era (2009) | ||||||||||||
Page count | 35pp |
Blitzwing inadvertently becomes a musical countdown, and not the kind that sounds like Bluestreak.
Contents |
In the asteroid belt, an alien vessel listens to the outpouring of signals coming fromEarth. Reports of the heroic Decepticons and evil Autobots dominate the signal, and when the vessel comes across one specific report, it begins its journey to the small blue world. And on that small blue world below,Will is preforming maintenance on his Decepticon friend, the triple-changerBlitzwing. In the process of installing anoPod into the Decepticon, Will attempts to ask aboutCybertron, but Blitzwing shows far more interest in Earth, his home having been a wasteland for a long time. Finishing up, the two go cruising, with Will trying to explain his interest in music to an uninterested Blitzwing. Meanwhile, in a small canyon nearby, the Autobot’s second-in-commandGoldbug has begun a project underRodimus Prime’s nose, having withWheeljack andSide Burn create astellar spanner with which to return to Cybertron. Goldbug attempts to use Side Burn as a test subject, but the odd Autobot weasels his way out of possibly getting stuck in space, pointing out that they’ll need him to fix it in case of any troubles. Meanwhile, on the road above, a bored Blitzwing notices a massive Autobot tech signature coming out of the canyon. CallingSoundwave, Blitzwing asks for back-up; with most of the Decepticons inAntarctica fishing outAstrotrain, they can only spare one soldier, andHeatwave is sent to help his comrade. Soon arriving at the canyon, the two watch the Autobots. Heatwave recognizes the stellar spanner’s purpose, and although he doubts Wheeljack could make it work, he is excited to go down and talk to it, ignoring Blitzwing’s protests. Heatwave nearly manages to sneak up on them, but trips on sandstone boulder, sending him toppling to the ground and causing the Autobots to notice him; recognizing the opportunity, Goldbug orders the others to kidnap the Decepticon so that he can use him as a test subject. Quickly transforming into vehicle mode, Heatwave’s missiles send Side Burn flying back, nearly ripping the Autobot in half. Unfortunately, the other Autobots grab onto Heatwave’s turret and force him to transform, binding up the struggling Decepticon. Blitzwing has Will get out of his cockpit, and rushes down, stealthily knocking out Wheeljack. Goldbug mocks Blitzwing, Heatwave having already been placed into the activated Stellar Spanner, and blasts the Decepticon’s sword. Undeterred, Blitzwing knocks out the Autobot by bashing his forehead into Goldbug, and rushes over to Heatwave. Having escaped his bonds, Heatwave tells that he can’t talk the spanner into letting him go, and that Blitzwing will have to do it manually. Directly accessing the spanner control console’s datastream, Blitzwing accesses the schematics, stealing Autobot comms codes in the process, but before he can free Heatwave, Wheeljack blasts him, only pretending to be unconscious. Violently separated from the datastream, Blitzwing can only watch as Heatwave ascends through a portal in the sky, the stellar spanner sending him across space. The Autobots laugh, but soon find that their emergency comm channel is blaring human music in their heads. Side Burn rushes up, claiming that his supposed demise was a trick of the light, and tries to press the advantage, but as the Decepticons arrive, Goldbug orders them to retreat, unable to form any strategies with rock music blaring in his head. Destroying the stellar spanner, the Autobots run off, Goldbug assured that he can build a new one.
Back at Decepticon base, Blitzwing jolts awake, and sadly informs the others of what happened to Heatwave.Cliffjumper wonders why the Autobots didn’t kill or capture him, and Soundwave realizes that the oPod, now plugged into Blitzwing’s nervous system, is broadcasting on the stolen Autobot emergency communications channel. Blitzwing asks for them to remove the device from his body, butStarscream, realizing the offensive capabilities of Blitzwing’s new ability, has an idea. Meanwhile, at Autobot base, Goldbug tries to convince Rodimus that the stellar spanner was a surprise, so that they could get reinforcements from Cybertron. Rodimus threatens him into submission, pointing out thatOptimus Prime is still in command back at home, and would have killed them all for betraying him.Elita-One reports that theAR Chamber has mysteriously stopped working, and so Rodimus gives his second-in-command an alternative punishment: salvage duty withSeaspray. As Goldbug storms off, Rodimus tells Elita-One andBlaster that he has special jobs for them…
Elsewhere, friendlyDinobotSwoop and massive loserStar Saber have taken a restaurant and its customers hostage, placing them on-top of massive oil drill. Starscream, Blitzwing, andSlugslinger arrive on the scene, and Starscream orders for Blitzwing to stay back while he and Slugslinger lure the Decepticons away from the hostages. Starscream engages Swoop, while Slugslinger takes on Star Saber, the Autobot jet getting the spear shot out of his hands several times. As soon as both are lured away, Starscream tells Blitzwing to hit it, and the Autobots tumble, buckling one of the drill station’s legs and fleeing. Starscream is excited at the prospect of the Decepticon’s new non-lethal weapon, but Blitzwing interrupts him as he struggles to hold up the tower. Later, Blitzwing joinsBombshell andSideswipe in fighting cars modified to become drones by the Autobots. While Sideswipe deals with the drones, Blitzwing and Bombshell head to the origin of the disturbance, aRoll-N-Wash. The Decepticons spot AutobotsBrawn and Elita-One in the parking lot and go to engage them. Brawn transforms, launching cars at Bombshell, and the Decepticon psychologist tries to calm him down by launching ananestho-shell at him. Brawn’snucleon shock gauntlets disintegrates the shell, but before he can attack further, Blitzwing’s broadcast immobilizes the Autobot jeep, and Bombshell launches a second, successful shell. Bombshell heads off to assist Sideswipe, while Blitzwing heads after Elita-One, transforming into tank mode and destroying the interior of the car wash. Finding Elita-One, Blitzwing turns back to robot mode, but his gun has been rendered inoperable by the foam from the wash. Elita prepares her shot, but Blitzwing quickly changes his broadcast to a pop song, breaking through Elita’s resolve. Before she can do anything else, a car bursts through the side of the wall, and Elita-One drives off, Brawn draped over her. Bombshell and Sideswipe are happy that the job is done, but suddenly, the two begin to hear Blitzwing’s broadcast. Blitzwing is horrified to find that not only has his attack expanded to the Decepticon frequency, he’s unable to shut it off!
Sometime later at Decepticon HQ, Starscream has scanned Blitzwing, finding that his powers are now growing in intensity and range. Soundwave appears to be the only Decepticon besides Blitzwing able to handle the constant broadcast, which ProfessorArkeville theorizes is due to his function as a communications officer/device. Arkeville postulates that if Blitzwing’s broadcast isn’t stopped soon, the Decepticons will suffer severe memory loss and catastrophic data corruption. Sent to find Blitzwing, Soundwave goes to the hangar where the Triple Changer’s friend, Astrotrain, is currently being unfrozen in, and finds a message left by Blitzwing. Meanwhile, at theArk, the Autobots are still affected by Blitzwing’s broadcast. Rodimus tries to haveRatchet do something about it, but has second guesses when Ratchet pulls out his tools for brain surgery. Blaster, however, is unaffected by the broadcast, even if he does find the compositions of the songs lacking. Blaster suggest that with Rodimus incapacitated, he should "temporarily" take over as commander, but Rodimus knocks him into a wall, discouraging him and any other Autobots from a coup. Rodimus and Blaster notice thatBeachcomber also appears unaffected, his harddrive already so fragmented as to be immune to the broadcast. Rodimus smashes his head against a wall to clear his mind and asksTeletraan-X what the Decepticons are up to. When the computer reports that only one Decepticon signature can be detected, Rodimus realizes that the they’re susceptible too, and tells Blaster and Beachcomber that he has jobs for them both…
Back at Decepticon HQ, Soundwave has some bad news; Blitzwing has left to hide and protect the others, not realizing the increasing strength of the signal. With Soundwave the only one able to enter the field, the other Decepticons are forced to go into emergency stasis lock; even Cliffjumper is affected, the frequency for the Decepticon’s emergency comm being identical to his universe’s Autobots. Starscream is worried about leaving the base unguarded in case the Autobots have anyone unaffected, but the humans offer to helped. Hard-pressed for options, Starscream agrees, and sends Soundwave into the field. Out inTucson, Blaster investigates reports of a "big tank of savings" atBig Steve’s Honest Deals.Big Steve Ludwig bumbles his way into revealing that he’s let Blitzwing stay, and the Decepticon threatens to fire on Blaster. The Autobot calls his bluff, so Blitzwing does something he can’t: fly away, leaving the Autobot to run back to the city. Sometime later, Soundwave drives toWyatt's Roadsideaganza, where reports have come in of Monstroso, the Robot Horror from Beyond, has returned. Soundwave knows something is up, becausehe used to be Monstroso, hisstasis pod having landed at Wyatt’s. Greeting his old captor and briefly terrifying him, Soundwave tells him that Monstroso is his friend, but before long, Blitzwing flies off before Soundwave can even say hello. Meanwhile, back at base,Rick tries to convinceSephie that they can handle whatever the Autobots can throw…but before long, the alarms go off, as Beachcomber invades the base…
Out in the city, Blitzwing hides in a narrow alleyway, thinking of where else he could hide out. It isn’t long, however, until a taxi cab drives up to him, with Blaster jumping out and confronting Blitzwing. Having found his location viaYatter, Blaster prepares to attack…only for Soundwave to jump between the two, afriend of his having found Blitzwing on Yatter as well! The two communications bots begin to duke it out, Soundwave using his speakers against Blaster and his sonic baton. Initially dumbfounded, Blitzwing also tries to join the fight, but the battle is stopped before he can, as a meteorite crashes into the street, knocking the three back. From the crater emerges DecepticonElite GuardsmanThunderwing, who announces that he is here to take in a fugitive; initially elated, Soundwave is shocked to find that he’s the fugitive. Blaster takes his chance and stealthily knocks out Blitzwing, carrying him off. Soundwave is charged with piracy and indecency by Thunderwing, who plays a recording of Soundwave accidentally broadcasting onto a military comm channel, and orders him to return with him to Cybertron. Quickly thinking, Soundwave points out that he would have to report to his commanding officer before leaving, but he cannot bring him out of stasis lock until he’s rescued Blitzwing. Suitably convinced, Thunderwing allows him to chase after Blaster, but warns him that he will not help, and to not even think about running…
At Decepticon headquarters, the Professor and his students rush to fortify the bases, while the defense cannons attempt to deal with Beachcomber. The insane Autobot quickly destroys the guns and enters the base. The humans confront him, blinding him and letting loose barrels of ball bearings across the floor, toppling the Autobot. Unfortunately for the quartet, all they’ve managed to do is make him angry. Rushing after them, Beachcomber finds Will and Rick in a hallway, armed with a fire extinguisher. Missing with the foam, Rick throws it at the Autobot’s face, startling him long enough for them to escape. The pair lead him on into the Decepticon’s decontamination room, trapping him in the chemical spray for a little while. Meanwhile, Blitzwing awakens, finding himself in a mountain with Blaster. The Autobot comms officer begins to explain to him his plan; using abroadcast signal amplifier, Blaster will amplify Blitzwing sonic assault to lethal, global levels, and reveals that all the odd and silly plots were merely a distraction. With a dramatic twirl, Blaster reveals that the Autobots have built a second stellar spanner! Using it, Blitzwing, and the amplifier, Blaster will create a makeshift bomb, wiping out every Autobot and Decepticon neuro-circuit on Cybertron, allowing for the Earthbound Autobots to return home, grab up all the weapons left, and destroy the Decepticons once and for all! Blitzwing claims that Soundwave and Thunderwing will stop him, but Blaster doubts it; judging by his faction symbol and lack of reaction to Blitzwing’s broadcast, Thunderwing has been gone long before the war began. Fortunately for Blitzwing, this isn’t the case; having followed his signal, Soundwave engages Blaster, while Thunderwing observes. Too evenly matched, Soundwave tries another tactic, telling Blaster that he’s never done anything without Optimus Prime ordering him to. Incensed, Blaster reveals that before the war, he stole 30 kilotons from theAltihex Protoform Rehabilitation Complex, which causes Thunderwing to step in to arrest him. While the lawmech deals with Blaster, Soundwave rushes to the stellar spanner, and frees Blitzwing, attaching a dampener device to block his signal and carrying him off in his van mode as space warps around the two. Blaster takes his chance and jumps into the stellar spanner, but as it closes, Blitzwing blasts the control panel, destroying and disrupting the portal. Blaster finds himself stuck on Earth’smoon, unable to even scream his frustrations.
Back at Decepticon base, Beachcomber has finally tracked down the humans to the med-bay. Beachcomber prepares for the kill, only to find the Decepticons re-activated with their guns drawn. Deciding that he isn’t that crazy, Beachcomber flees back to Autobot base. Sometime later, Starscream has removed the oPod from a grateful Blitzwing’s head. The Decepticons looks on the bright side of things, having one less Autobot to deal with and blueprints for a stellar spanner of their own. Sephie offers Blitzwing a portable music player that won’t fuse with his systems, but Blitzwing politely tells her that he’ll stick to radio for a while, eliciting a laugh from everyone in the room but her. The fun’s cut short when Thunderwing starts to haul off Soundwave, and the communications mech decides to go for a guilty plea. Thunderwing gives him 500 hours of community service, knocking off two and a half hours for saving Cybertron, and directs him to a littered highway.
Meanwhile, millions of light years away, Heatwave awakens on Cybertron. The aching Decepticon activates his distress signal, and before long,Micromaster DecepticonWhisper arrives to bring him back to base. Heatwave tells his comrade about the Autobot’s stellar spanner, and the two head back to base. But all the while, Heatwave can’t shake off the sensation of arainbow hue of emotions while he was being transported…
(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)
Decepticons | Autobots | Humans | Others |
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"So tell me about Cybertron."
"Why?"
"I've never been there, Blitzwing. Thought it'd be interesting."
"Okay. Imagine a junk yard. Now make it the size of a planet, and set big patches of it on fire. I suppose that's interesting in a horrible sort of way, but there's nothing appealing about it."
"If my examination of Starscream's systems is accurate, unless we can stop the subspace transmission, Blitzwing's signal will eventually cause permanent memory damage... possibly even catastrophic data corruption."
"Whoah, that means-"
"If it's not stopped, this 'rock and roll' assault will rapidly become...death metal."
"Right now, I gots two idiot humans yammerin' 'bout venting exhaust stuck in my head. They will not shut up. An' I can still bend your fenders in a knot an' stick 'em in your reactor linkage! Soup your tube with an energon cube! Capiche?!"
Beachcomber had survived the decon bath, the optic calibration process, the hallway filled with zero-friction lubricant and three chemical explosions since breaching the outer defenses of the Decepticon base. He had been thrown about, smashed and lit on fire by four puddles of organic waste.
He was not happy.
Now, however, the enemy was out of tricks, and out of places to run.
That made him happy. Insanely happy.