Love her or loathe her, the material girl Madonna certainly has staying power. For nearly forty years, she has shaped and re-shaped the pop music landscape as we know it. Grammy-decorated and in the record books as the second best-selling female recording artist of all time (after, surprisingly, Barbra Streisand), Madonna's film career has been somewhat less successful, but that has not stopped her from trying.
RELATED: 10 Pop Stars You Forgot Guest-Starred On Disney Channel Shows (& Where They Are Now)
Having appeared in at least twenty-six cinematic endeavors, Madonna absolutely refuses to quit, even when all of the world is against her. Her persistence has, in a few instances, paid off, having worked with acclaimed directors likeSpike Lee and Woody Allen, and taken home a Golden Globe for her performance in 1996'sEvita. Although she has moved on from acting to directing in recent years, Madonna has left behind a body of onscreen work filled with both charming highs and cringe-worthy lows. Below, we list ten of her performances, ranked from worst to best.
Swept Away (2002)
In this remake of Lina Wertmüller's 1974 original, Madonna stars as Amber Leighton, a spoiled socialite who finds herself shipwrecked on a tropical island with hired hand Giuseppe (Adriano Giannini). The two initially cannot stand each other, but loathing turns to love as their social roles reverse.
Written and directed by her now ex-husbandGuy Ritchie, Madonna's turn in this waterloggeddisaster got roundly savaged by critics (more so than usual) and, to date, is her final film performance in a starring role.
Body of Evidence (1993)
When an elderly millionaire leaves his fortune to his mistress (Madonna), she becomes the prime suspect in his mysterious death. But when attorney Frank Dulaney (Willem Dafoe) is tasked with defending the woman, he finds himself caught in a dangerous, psychosexual web.
RELATED:10 Thrillers To Prepare You For Edgar Wright’s 'Last Night In Soho'
Madonna can play femmeand fatale with the best of them, but she cannot compensate for a ridiculous script and direction that makes her character look likeBasic Instinct's Catherine Tramell with about half of the sex appeal and even fewer IQ points.
The Next Best Thing (2000)
Perpetually unlucky-in-love besties Abbie (Madonna) and Robert (Rupert Everett) would be a perfect couple if it was not for one issue: Robert is gay. Fueled by too many cocktails, a night of experimentation leads to a surprise pregnancy, and the duo decides to make a go of it as a couple. But can this very modern family survive?
Though she started making these jokes in the mid-90s,The Next Best Thing may actually be ground-zero for Madonna British accent jokes. Though Madonna and Rupert Everett are reportedly good friends in real life, the chemistry just does not translate here, and the pop star's chillier personality traits are at their incongruous worst in what is supposed to be a heartwarming family dramedy.
Shanghai Surprise (1986)
Sleazy con-artist Glendon Wasey (Sean Penn) is out of luck. Struggling to sell his glow-in-the-dark neckties in Shanghai, he seizes an opportunity when he meets Gloria Tatlock (Madonna), a nurse desperate to get her hands on a stolen supply of opium to help her suffering patients.
Notable for its original George Harrison songs and a cameo by the former Beatles member himself, this otherwise forgettable comic flop was the first film in Madonna's career to get her the "talentless" label that she has been struggling to scrape off ever since.
Who's That Girl (1987)
In this screwball comedy, Madonna stars as Nikki Finn, a streetwise woman imprisoned for her boyfriend's murder. When she is paroled, she is taken under wing by a tightly wound attorney (Griffin Dunne) who agrees to help her expunge her record at the expense of his personal life.
RELATED:5 Comedy Films From The '80s That Are Way Underrated (& 5 That Are Overrated)
James Foley's madcap comedy tries to capture the same lightning-in-a-bottle energy that Madonna brought toDesperately Seeking Susan, discussed later on this list, two years earlier, and he succeeds, mostly. The film is a classic '80s vehicle for the queen of pop but is also a bit of a rehash.
Evita (1996)
Eva Perón (Madonna) becomes the toast of Argentina as an actress and wife of President Juan Perón in this cinematic rendition of Andrew Lloyd Webber's celebrated 1978 musical. Told in flashbacks, the film charts Eva's journey from poverty to power and all the joys and troubles that come with it.
It still manages to shock people that Madonna took home a Golden Globe for this fairly rote musical (especially when fellow nominee Frances McDormand would go on to win her first Oscar forFargo), and it's hard to argue: she's just fine here. Her vocals are impressive (this was her first time training with a professional) and she wears the glamorous frocks well, but her portrayal of Perón feels like a very un-Madonna-like shrinking violet.
Dick Tracy (1990)
Famous detectiveDick Tracy's (Warren Beatty) mission to put a brutal mob boss behind bars leads him into the arms of the enigmatic cabaret singer, Breathless Mahoney (Madonna), who, despite holding the key to dismantling Chicago's crime network, seems more interested in seducing him.
Beatty also directed this colorful adaptation of the 1930s comic strip, which sees Madonna more than holding her own with a ridiculous cast of prosthetics-laden characters. Not only does she effortlessly embody the part of a classic gangster's moll, but this is the movie that inspired her to write her album Vogue.
A League of Their Own (1992)
Filling the gap left by World War II, an ambitious candy maker assembles an all-female professional baseball league to make up for America's lack of young male athletes. Sisters Dottie Hinson (Geena Davis) and Kit Keller (Lori Petty) see a shot at fame and join the team under the tutelage of the cantankerous, past-his-prime coach Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks).
RELATED:The 5 Best Sports Movie Coaches Of All Time (& The 5 Worst)
Madonna is part of the supporting cast (which also includes Rosie O'Donnell) that makesA League of Their Own such a fun andbeloved film. As "All the Way" Mae Mordabito, the queen of pop gets to serve up doses of adorable Italian spunk without sickening the audience, a technique she probably should have perfected over taking bigger roles in soppy dramas.
Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Roberta Glass (Rosanna Arquette) is a forever-bored New Jersey housewife whose only escape is reading personal ads. Her favorite is a series of ads written by a mysterious girl-about-town named Susan (Madonna). When one of Susan's ads calls for a suitor to meet her in Battery Park, Roberta cannot resist the temptation to witness the rendezvous firsthand, but when things take an unexpected turn, amnesiac hijinks and mistaken-identity tomfoolery ensue.
Even though she was in a couple of films previously, Susan Seidelman's fun and frothy New York comedy skillfully translated Madonna's '80s wild-child appeal for the big screen. Though it coasts on the young star's natural magnetism,Desperately Seeking Susan is proof positive that, as an actress, Madonna is at her best when she is not trying too hard.
Madonna: Truth or Dare (1991)
Alek Keshishian's documentary follows Madonna's controversial "Blonde Ambition" tour as it travels across the globe. Sure, it may feel like a cop-out to list Madonna's appearance in this influential backstage doc among her best, but make no mistake, it is still a performance because, as a celebrity, her life is a performance.
In many ways,Madonna: Truth or Dare was the bedrock of reality TV as we know it today, providing a "candid" look at the private lives of the rich and famous that is actually highly controlled and manicured. Perhaps Madonna has always had a poor screen presence because acting is about "telling the truth," and this documentary proves how little she cares about that. Madonna: Truth or Dareshowsone of music's biggest stars as she would like you to see her.
