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rating: +82+–x

Sublimation

In the months since escaping the prison that was the Anomalous Documents Disposal Chamber of Site-43's AAF-A, Ilse Reynders had developed quite the lust for life.

She had signed up for a new PhD program to learn about all the new Groups of Interest which had arisen in the near-century she had been trapped underground. She had learned that she quite liked the feeling of sand between her toes as she walked the shores of Ipperwash Beach. She learned that she enjoyed the taste of matcha.

But no matter how much she experienced the new, there was still something bothering her. She could never quite place her finger onwhat exactly, though. This was something the Acroamatic Abatement Chair found most vexing. In her experience, all problems had answers, and this was simply the newest problem plaguing her. Much like the last one, she would persevere over this.

Having picked up a cup of matcha tea from one of the Site commissaries in town, Dr. Reynders sat down for the intro lecture for her new GoI PhD course from the comforts of her Grand Bend home's backyard. Though she had been offered habitation on-site down at 43, she had turned it down in favor of being able to enjoy the wind in her hair and sun on her skin before having to commute to the Site. And even then, she was allowed to telecommute most of the time, so she rarely found herself having to go underground nowadays.

She took a sip and delighted in her tea's earthy flavor, which slowly turned into a sweet finish. A contented sigh escaped her lips as she logged onto SCiPNET's teleconference software on her laptop. Ilse walked out from her porch and out to the picnic table in her backyard, placing the device atop it before taking another sip of tea. She smiled as the breeze came in, tossing her hair in front of her eyes without immediately having it rubberband back to its original position.

"Niet een mens hier op aard' die voor leed werd gespaard in de harde leerschool van het leven maar zo slim kan 't niet zijn..." She started hum-singing to herself as the device finally loaded into the virtual classroom. Reynders stopped as soon as she realized her microphone was on and she had just accidentally serenaded the only other person there, which by the looks of it, was the lecturer. Her cheeks matched her hair color as she mumbled out a "sorry."

Her instructor switched on their video, revealing a person wearing a prosthetic arm. They looked tired, but had kind eyes. "No need to apologize, Dr. Reynders," they offered them a smile. "I won't lie, it did startle me to suddenly not be alone in here before the lecture starts, but that was lovely."

Ilse turned on their video feed as well once her cheeks paled again. She returned the smile and waved. "Thank you, Doctor Everwood."

"Please, call me Jay," they said. "By the way, Dr. Reynders, I am flabbergasted that you would join my program." Jay shoved aside some paperwork on their desk and leaned back in their chair.

"Oh?" Reynders quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, I remember hearing about you when I first started at the Foundation. 'The woman with 14 PhDs'." They whistled. "No small feat."

"When you have nothing but time to kill, you've got to find unique ways of doing so." Reynders reached for her tea mug.

"Well, this is different though. You're a woman with a PhD, who got her first back when it was mostly only men who got those. And then… well… your accident… I'm sorry for bringing it up…" Everwood looked straight forward at their screen, almost as if locking their hazel eyes with Reynders' own blues.

Now it was Ilse's turn to wave it off. "It's no big deal." She smiled triumphantly before dropping her expression. "But I will be honest with you, Jay, there were times I felt as if I was losing it."

"I understand. I've been through somerough times myself; maybe not for as long or exactly the same circumstances, but I do sympathize."

Reynders merely nodded.

"Anyway… you didn't let your accident stop you. You persevered, and became the Foundation's foremost authority on so many things. It… it meant a lot to me when I was younger." Everwood trailed off, staring at the corner of the screen wistfully.

Reynders took a sip from her tea before replying: "I'm flattered that my story inspired you. But I was only acting in self-interest. That's hardly inspirational," she sighed. "That being said, I am glad to see more women like you taking up positions of leadership and power in the Foundation." The Acroamatic Abatement Chair offered a weak smile.

"Actually, Dr. Reynders… I'm not a woman. I haven't been for a long time."

"Jeetje! My apologies, Jay!" Ilse sounded mortified at the prospect of having offended them, and covered her mouth. Though she had known of the existence of transgender people before becoming stuck in AAF-A, she had never met any aside from Lillihammer. In a different life, one where she didn't attend university or join the Foundation, she might have rejected the notion of them existing. But with her life having turned out the way it did, she felt that debating the existence of the so-called 'trans question' was best left to the slack-jawed, backwards yokels of the world. "So I am correct in assuming you are male, then?"

Jay shook their head. "Nope. I am nonbinary."

"Nonbinary." Reynders repeated. "As in not male or female?" The familiar feeling which had been bothering her for years resurfaced; overwhelmingly so. Suddenly, curiosity overwhelmed her. "Doctor Everwood, if I may, how did you know you—" She stopped herself. "I apologize. I shouldn't be asking these things. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, Doctor Reynders," they let out a slight laugh. "You might be a woman of science, but I'm a glorified relationship manager. I can pick up when people mean no ill intention."

"Correct." She nodded.

"One moment." Everwood held up the index finger of their prosthetic arm while using their left to move their computer mouse. Ilse could see that the teleconference room they were in had been locked to just them.

"Doctor?"

"I don't want anyone coming in while I talk about this."

"You don't have to tell me about it, I overstepped in my curiosit—" Ilse found herself interrupted by Jay.

"Heh. I know that look, Doctor Reynders. Don't worry. You're not imposing any discomfort on me. But I do want to have this conversation in private because it is something important and personal. But I know that look in your eyes," Jay said with a sly smile.

"Look?" Ilse blinked.

Everwood chuckled. "Well, it came after a lifetime of struggling with who I was. As a kid, I didn't like the traditional girl toys. I preferred the boy's action figures. My parents thought I might be a tomboy. But then I hit my teen years. I wore a lot of dresses and a lot of pinks. I grew out my hair. And then college began. I changed all of that and became more like how I am now. I guess maybe nonbinary isn't the best way to put it. I view my relationship to gender as more of a fluid thing. Sometimes I'm more masculine, sometimes I'm more feminine, but most of the time I'm neither," they shrugged.

Reynders nodded, unsure of what to say.

"But anyway, I realized I didn't quite fit in the binary about ten years ago. It might sound silly for it to have taken that long for me to realize something that seems so obvious, but…" Jay shrugged again. "… there are people who go their whole lives without learning that not being a part of the binary is an option. I'm just glad I learned about myself before it was too late, you know?"

"Of course," she nodded again. "I believe I know how you feel, Jay. As a child, I spent a long time wondering what I wanted to be when I was older, and 'housewife' never sat quite right with me."

"Well, that's because you're a learned person, Doctor." Everwood grinned.

The unknown feeling came gnawing at her again. She had long since felt this odd sensation, ever since before her accident. Since before she had met Director Scout after her sister died nearly a century ago. She had met nonbinary people before; she had even taught a few after they installed projectors outside her little room.

But none of them made her think about it like Jay had. But then again, Reynders had spent so long pent up inside that abatement chamber desperately trying to think of a way out, she had neglected to think of her own identity. Ilse opened her mouth to speak again, but found herself interrupted by Jay.

"I've stalled long enough. I need to get the lesson going, but if you ever need any questions on gender answered, I'm your genderslime." They pointed at themselves with their robotic prosthetic and winked in the dorkiest way imaginable. Reynders did her best not to laugh as Everwood let all the awaiting students into the digital classroom. "Welcome everyone! Sorry I made you all wait, I just needed to chat with someone about something before we got the ball rolling. My name is Doctor Everwood, but you can call me Jay…"

As they began introducing themselves, Reynders' mind couldn't help but trail off. She thought about the tea she had been drinking, the doctorate that she was pursuing, the feeling of sand between her toes. It was all new. She had no way of knowing she would like these things had she not tried them; had she not been scientifically inclined to experiment. So maybe, just maybe,they would run a new experiment.

…

"Dat spreekt voor zich."