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SCP-2304-4, SCP-2304-9, and SCP-2304-11, edited to remove cognitohazardous properties.
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation AIs are to analyze all images posted to high-traffic online social media groups centered around the discovery of SCP-2304 instances. Any images found to contain cognitohazardous properties are to be systematically removed from their respective image hosting services and saved to a Foundation server.
Description: SCP-2304 is the collective designation for a group of at least 14 images all carrying some degree of cognitohazardous properties1. SCP-2304 instances take the form of common internet memes2, and are artificially over-processed and edited for comedic effect. All SCP-2304 instances carry the ability to cause spontaneous muscle cell growth upon viewing, often resulting indeaththe constriction of air passages and consequent medical issues. (UPDATED2020-09-12)
Discovery Log:
SCP-2304 first came to the Foundation's attention in 2019, after a series of suspicious deaths from constricted airways caused by extreme cell growth in the throat. It was initially classified as an unknown vector, but following the ΩK "End of Death" scenario on 2020-09-12, several surviving victims were located and interviewed to discover the source of the anomaly. A victim of an SCP-2304 instance revealed to Foundation personnel that they had acquired the SCP-2304 instance from an internet relay chatroom, #██████████, under the handle "OxyGenesis". Agent Smith was chosen to attempt to infiltrate this community, under the handle "PebbleTooth".
Attached Files:
Excerpt: September 28th, 2021
PebbleTooth has joined.
Komodo:OPS does anybody know this guy
commodore69: im gonna fucking punt you if you keep pinging us for dumb shit
PebbleTooth:Komodo: hello
FastNJammin:PebbleTooth: yo, how did you like
FastNJammin: find this place
stormstorm: through the internet, id bet
FastNJammin:stormstorm: kinda busy here
PebbleTooth:FastNJammin: A friend thought i'd like it, OxyGenesis.
Komodo: oh fuck, oxygenesis
stormstorm: haven't seen him for a while
PebbleTooth: he got busy with irl stuff
FastNJammin: I trust oxy's judgement. welcome.
PebbleTooth: so, uh
PebbleTooth: what goes on here? oxy told me something about like, memes
stormstorm: oxy probably explained to u what anart is, right?
PebbleTooth: he told me they were like irl memesTakeovermetal uploaded file1632838905.png 1mb⬇
FastNJammin kickedTakeovermetal. Reason: NSFW.
commodore69: lmao
Komodo: yeah but like, anart can affect your brain
PebbleTooth: like, optical illusions?
stormstorm: optical illusions on roids lmao
Komodo: slightly more powerful than that
Komodo: but yee, we like sharing them. finding cool ones.
PebbleTooth: can i see
commodore69: not yet dude
commodore69: you've been here like 10 minutes, chill lol
PebbleTooth: sry
stormstorm: s'okay. but we'll show you when we're sure you're not a snitch
PebbleTooth: what's there to snitch on
Komodo: some of the images can be dangerous
Komodo: we deal with those
PebbleTooth: it's not like it can kill you
stormstorm: lol
Excerpt: December 14th, 2021
FastNJammin set the topic: Merry Xmas/Hanukkah/Whatever, y'all.
PebbleTooth: happy holidays everyone
stormstorm:FastNJammin: you too, old fart
commodore69: w/e
Komodo:commodore69: aw, don't be a grinch
commodore69:Komodo: fuck you asshole
Komodo: r00d
FastNJammin: chill out,commodore69
commodore69: sorry.
commodore69: not having a good holiday season.
PebbleTooth: you want to talk about it?
commodore69: what's there to talk about? spending the holidays alone in a dorm while anyone who has a goddamn life is out fucking doing something
commodore69: im failing two classes and im pretty sure im gonna get fired soon
commodore69: drowning in fucking debt and i can't even end it all anymore
commodore69: should've done it when i had the chance.FastNJammin kickedcommodore69. Reason: Not the place or the time, my man.
Komodo: i don't think that was a good decision
FastNJammin: Then it's a good thing I didn't ask you.commodore69has joined.
Excerpt: January 11th, 2022
Komodo:stormstorm:commodore69: yo check this one out
Komodo uploaded file1704964371.png3 2mb⬇
stormstorm: think that one gave me a tiny headache. not much, if anything.
commodore69: probably placebo or w/e
commodore69:komodo: damn you got my hopes up and everything lol
PebbleTooth: what were you hoping for?
stormstorm: yo pebbles
commodore69: not sure, to be honest. i know that none of thereally bad ones matter anymore, cause of you can't die and all, but still can't help but hope.
PebbleTooth: oh.
Excerpt: January 11th, 2022 (Private Messages)
Komodo: yo
PebbleTooth: hey
Komodo: so
Komodo: about commodore
PebbleTooth: what about him?
Komodo: he's kind of a weird dude
PebbleTooth: ?
Komodo: you've been around for, what, 2 months or so?
PebbleTooth: just about, yes
Komodo: you've probably noticed this isn't like a
Komodo:super positive environment?
PebbleTooth: i suppose so
Komodo: yeah, commodore is like that, but way worse
Komodo: just, a deeply unhappy dude.
PebbleTooth: i see
Komodo: i'm not saying walk on eggshells around him but like
Komodo: just, be mindful of what you say.
PebbleTooth: thanks for the heads-up
Komodo: np. you're a good dude, i like having you around.
Excerpt: January 28th, 2022
commodore69: FUCK
Komodo: what
commodore69: fucking fuck
PebbleTooth: Is something wrong?
commodore69: i got fired from work
commodore69: godDAMMIT
PebbleTooth: Sorry to hear that.
commodore69: why does this shit always happen to me
stormstorm: didnt you tell me that you've been slacking on the job
commodore69: so
stormstorm: im just sayin, you cant say this was unexpected
Komodo: just let the guy vent
commodore69: thank you
commodore69:stormstorm: i told you that in confidence :/
commodore69: w/e
commodore69: but yeah. dunno what im gonna do now.
PebbleTooth: Do you have living arrangements.
commodore69: ill probably bunk with a friend
commodore69: just
commodore69: FUCK, dude
commodore69: i fucking hate my life
stormstorm: Well you cant end it now, so i guess we're both in it for the long run
FastNJammin: …
FastNJammin: I'm not going to kick you, but I'd ask that you not talk about other users committing suicide.
stormstorm: duly noted.
Komodo: Yeah thats uh
Komodo: not cool
commodore69: i dont care
commodore69: just fucking sick of it
PebbleTooth: I hope your situation gets resolved, man.
commodore69: yeah
commodore69: me too
Excerpt: February 17th, 2022
FastNJammin: you all already know what time it is
FastNJammin: selfie hourFastNJammin: uploaded file1708164491.png 358.53kb⬇
FastNJammin:
stormstorm: god why r you soold
commodore69: do i have to
Komodo:commodore69: depends, are you a coward?
commodore69: yescommodore69: uploaded file1708164504.png 255.571kb⬇
commodore69:
stormstorm: look at this sad mf
stormstorm: what a sad boi
stormstorm: why is he sad
commodore69: shut
stormstorm: no
Komodo:stormstorm: lay off
stormstorm:Komodo: weird, i don't remember asking you
FastNJammin: Calm down, both of you.
commodore69: ur fighting for no reason
stormstorm: you'd know a lot about that
commodore69: …
commodore69: what the fuck is that supposed to mean
stormstorm: im just saying i'm not the one constantly getting in people's faces
commodore69: when the fuck have i ever done that
stormstorm: when you started spouting off toPebbleTooth like he was ur personal therapist
PebbleTooth: It wasn't really like that.
commodore69: am i not allowed to talk about my personal stuff now
stormstorm: not when they were clearly annoyed by it
commodore69:PebbleTooth: you were annoyed by it?
PebbleTooth: No. I never said that.
commodore69:stormstorm: see
commodore69:stormstorm: just fucking shut your mouth about shit you know nothing about
stormstorm: you dont get to decide what people feel about your self-pity
stormstorm: and you cant stop people from voicing their opinions on you being a constant downer hereChannel mode set to +m by•FastNJammin
FastNJammin: I stepped away for five minutes to go deal with something and I come back to this.
FastNJammin: You all are adults.
FastNJammin: Fucking behave yourselves.Channel mode set to -m by•FastNJammin
Interview 2304.1:
From the metadata located in the images of the channel members, Foundation personnel were able to locate the GPS coordinates where the images were taken. MTF Mu-4 "Debuggers" operatives were dispatched to the locations to detain the members of #██████████.
Interviewed: Ryan Romero, handle "commodore69"
Interviewer: Agent Smith
Foreword: Romero was detained and brought to Site-56 for interrogation.
<Begin Log>
Agent Smith enters the interview room.
Agent Smith: Evening, Mr. Romero.
Romero: I want a lawyer.
Agent Smith: I'm afraid we can't do that.
Romero: I'm a US citizen, I have the right to a lawyer. I'm not a dumbass.
Agent Smith: You're not in United States government jurisdiction at the moment, sir.
Romero: What the fuck do you even want?
Agent Smith: We'd just like to know where you acquired the images. Nothing more.
Romero: What images?
Agent Smith: The ones you posted in #██████████.
Romero: … How do you know about those?
Agent Smith: That's not within my clearance to tell you.
Romero: It was the fucking new guy, wasn't it? Bastard.
Agent Smith: Please answer the question.
Romero sighs.
Romero: What imagesspecifically?
Agent Smith produces non-anomalous replications of several SCP-2304 instances.
Romero: Oh.
Agent Smith: Can you remember where you saved them from?
Romero: Yeah. Some of them.
Agent Smith: Not all?
Romero: #██████████ isn't the biggest source for anart memes. Not by a longshot.
Agent Smith: You're in other such chatrooms?
Romero: Yeah. A bunch. #██████████████, #█████,#████████.
Agent Smith: Why would you willingly expose yourself to harmful mind-affecting phenomena?
Romero: I mean, I guess it's the same reason people drink or do drugs.
Agent Smith: An addiction?
Romero: Not… entirely? There's definitely an aspect of it, but I think it's more…
Romero hesitates.
Agent Smith: What's wrong?
Romero: I think it's more the feeling you get when you're driving along the highway and have the urge to swerve into the oncoming lane.
Agent Smith: I- I'm not familiar with it.
Romero: Fucking-
Romero breathes deeply.
Romero: No, you do. Because if you don't, I'm just fucked, and I'm not willing to believe that.
Agent Smith: Okay, so, this fee-
Romero: Yeah, it's like that. It's just- It's so much easier to end things than to deal with shit.
Agent Smith: Well, we don't get to make that choice.
Romero: Tha- That's the fucking thing. I can actually do it, I can open the damn link andif, for some fucking reason, it actually kills me, my last thoughts won't be about how many other people I hurt.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Investigations into the provided chatrooms are currently ongoing.
Excerpt: January 12th, 2024 (Private Messages)
PebbleTooth: hello.
commodore69: hi.
PebbleTooth: how've you been?
commodore69: as good as i can be.
PebbleTooth: i'm surprised they didn't amnesticize you.
commodore69: i don't know what they did, but i can't talk about any of it anymore. the words just don't come out.
PebbleTooth: ah.
commodore69: what the fuck do you want, man?
PebbleTooth: to apologize.
commodore69: fuck off, dude.
PebbleTooth: i'm sorry.
commodore69: look, we're good. i'm h
commodore69: i'm fine, and i'm doing better than i was. i don't need your pity.
commodore69: far as i fucking know, you're trying to get me arrested again. you're a liar, none of it was real, nothing you said was genuine. it was for a fucking job.
PebbleTooth: i had to do it, but i meant what i said. i'm sorry.
commodore69: yeah, me too, bud.commodore69 disconnected.
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"SCP-2304" by Rounderhouse, from theSCP Wiki. Source:https://scpwiki.com/scp-2304. Licensed underCC-BY-SA.
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