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This is a rewrite of the original 285, 'A Hack Job', which floundered from 10 to 17 for the past couple of months.
Well, this is an attempt to change that.
Thanks to Vacuum, Dr0Shadow, and Avocadonut for looking over this. And a special thank you to BlueBloodStain.
Item #: SCP-285
Object Class:Euclid Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-285 is to be kept in a Type-III humanoid containment cell in Site-43's B-Wing. SCP-285 is to be given basic amenities. Following SCP-285's recent cooperation with the Foundation, it is allowed exactly two hours of free roaming Site-43's botanical gardens with supervision by at least one guard if it so chooses. SCP-285 is not allowed to use its abilities outside of testing. Should it violate this condition, the aforementioned privileges are to be revoked.
Description: SCP-285 is a human male, who is 23 years of age at the time of writing. No physical or mental abnormalities are present in SCP-285. SCP-285 possesses a tattoo on its right hand, with the words "Mr. Hax, by Gamers Against Weed". The tattoo is slightly smudged from several attempts to remove it by SCP-285.
SCP-285 is capable of altering a physical environment and its own body at will through pressing its index finger on a surface. When it does, an HTML coding block forms above the object in green text. These blocks do not deviate from standard HTML coding. SCP-285 can edit these blocks of coding, allowing it to specifically alter reality in order to change specific objects or environment. These also extend to electronic devices, such as computers and video game entertainment systems.
These alterations are often minor, with very little being changed from the original 'source'. They are often simple cases of deleting advertisements around suburban areas, fixing broken vending machines, hacking video game entertainment systems for the purposes of winning in-game prizes, or the changing the location of specific objects. These changes are not permanent, and will dissipate within 24 hours of the initial alteration if not maintained by SCP-285. In many cases, these alterations are incapable of extending beyond two to three hours.
Recovery Log
SCP-285 first came attention to the Foundation following an eSports1 event, which SCP-285 was a part of. Three hours into the event, spectators complained of several problems with the controls and performance of the event. Both teams accused the other of hacking the game for their own benefit.
During this time, SCP-285 was discovered 'hacking' into event hosted servers by event security guards, which affected the game results. Before the guards could detain SCP-285, it formed a large concrete wall between them and escaped. Following this, local law enforcement were called in to deal with SCP-285. An Agent embedded into the local police department heard about SCP-285, and promptly informed Foundation personnel at Site-43 of the possible hiding spot of it.
SCP-285 was discovered attempting to form road blocks while escaping capture by local law enforcement, and promptly moved to Site-43.
Interview Log
Interviewer: Dr. Henderson:
Interviewed: SCP-285
<Begin Log>Dr. Henderson: What is your earliest memory?
SCP-285: I remember waking up, in a house in [REDACTED], Alabama. I could hear that it was raining. I hear a giggle, and I look up to see a kid looking at me. He told me that his parents found me on the streets, cold and alone. Then he told me that he always wanted a "Little Mister".
Dr. Henderson: Did he know about what you were?
SCP-285: Not sure, to be frank. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But, in all likelihood, he probably knew no more than I did.
Dr. Henderson: What do you mean?
SCP-285: Well, I didn't know much other than that I was "Mr. Hax" and my purpose was to entertain. At least that's what my creators intended me to be, at any rate.
Dr. Henderson: Now, these parents, why did they take you in?
SCP-285: No reason, really. They were ministers at a local church, and they would take people off the streets and help them get their lives back together. They [Pauses] they were good, fine people.
Dr. Henderson: How did you end up running this livestreaming business?
SCP-285: Back at the kid's house, something happened that forced me to live and seek another, more stable source of income.
Dr. Henderson: What forced you out, exactly?
SCP-285: I would rather not talk about what happened. Whenever I talk about it, it just brings up bad memories.
Dr. Henderson: That's fine, now, why did you chose livestreaming as your main source of income?
SCP-285: Really? Do I have to really explain why I chose it?
Dr. Henderson: If you want to.
SCP-285: It's, like, the best job in the world.
Dr. Henderson: Would you be willing to explain?
SCP-285: Gladly. I get to sit on my ass, eat pizza, and play WoW for money on the internet, while, at the same time, being able to troll people and post it on youtube as cringe compilations. Do I even need to explain why it's so fun?
Dr. Henderson: How did you get the equipment for this operation?
SCP-285: I, uh, used to work as IT before I started my livestreaming, and I, uh, maybe, sorta, kinda, stole a computer when no one was looking. And I may have wiped the records of its existence. Possibly.
Dr. Henderson: Possibly?
SCP-285: Definitely.
Dr. Henderson: And, just for the record, you made a living off this?
SCP-285: Yep. Like, sure, it wasn't PewDiePie levels of money or anything, but I made enough to make ends meet. It's strange to see how people would be so willing to see the pain and suffering of their fellow man. Can be good entertainment, if done right.
Dr. Henderson: Alright, now, what about the eSport event that occurred? Was that also meant to entertain?
SCP-285: Yeah, sort of. It was meant to be promotional material for my account. Get some eyeballs, you know? You gotta go big or go home, you know? I would mess with them for awhile before posting my promotions, hehe.
Dr. Henderson: But you got caught.
SCP-285: And I got caught.
SCP-285: Hey, doctor, can you do a favor for me?
Dr. Henderson: Why, of course. What do you need?
SCP-285: Could you remove this tattoo?
[SCP-285 rolls up its sleeves to show its tattoo]
Dr. Henderson: I will try and approve something to get that removed. But, I must ask. Why?
SCP-285: Everyday, when I wake up, I see this tattoo on my arm, reminding me of what I am, what I was meant to be.
Dr. Henderson: What were you meant to be.
SCP-285: A joke. A plaything, only meant to entertain people, and thrown out as soon as they get bored of me. That is what always happens with jokes, right? They get thrown out when they get stale and boring. Why else would they create me? Tohelp people? Ha!
[Laughs]
SCP-285: They're a bunch of parasitic stoners, who only care about their own entertainment. They don't care about anything else. They probably created me after smoking an entire truckload of weed, which they either bummed off other people or stole, and thought it would be fucking hilarious to create a feeling, living creature and make his entire life's purpose to be a fucking joke.
[Pauses]
SCP-285: That's why I want it off my arm. I don't want to be reminded that my entire life is a fucking joke.
<End Log>
Addendum-285-A
Following an interview with SCP-285, an investigation was conducted on the [REDACTED] street that it claimed to have woken up in. The results of the investigation lead to the discovery of SCP-285 possible involvement with the disappearance of 'Aiden Taylor'. According to witnesses, Aiden had disappeared on the date of his birthday party, which SCP-285 had attended.
Witnesses claim that SCP-285 was told by Aiden to perform a magic trick for the audience, specifically to 'make him disappear'. SCP-285 was described to have touched Aiden, bringing up a HTML coding block. After some 'editing', Aiden disappeared with no trace. Attendants the began to panic due to the disappearance of Aiden and of SCP-285's abilities. SCP-285 was then described fleeing the premises.
Revising of SCP-285's Containment Procedures are currently pending approval from Site-Director [REDACTED]
Addendum-285-B
Since the removal of its tattoo, SCP-285 has been more cooperative with Foundation personnel. On 11-22-2016, SCP-285 requested a one-on-one interview with Dr. Henderson, his on-Site psychologist. Dr. Henderson was equipped with a Foundation tap wire, and told to communicate to SCP-285.
Interviewer: Dr. Henderson
Interviewed: SCP-285
<Begin Log>SCP-285: Hello, doctor, how are you? Are you alone?
Dr. Henderson: I'm doing well, and, yes, I am alone.
SCP-285: Good, good. Now, I need to talk to you about something.
Dr. Henderson: Alright. What did you want to talk about?
SCP-285: I just wanted to talk to you about these nightmares I've been having.
Dr. Henderson: What type of nightmares?
SCP-285: They involve— are you sure you're alone?
Dr. Henderson: Positive.
SCP-285: Alright. I dream of… of him.
Dr. Henderson: Him?
SCP-285: The boy, the one you guys found out about—
Dr. Henderson: Wait, you mean— how did yo—
SCP-285: The stoners called me 'Mr. Hax' for a reason.
[Silence]
Dr. Henderson: Did you… did you know what you were doing, when you did it?
SCP-285: I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know that he would disappear like that. I didn't know that it was going to be permanent, just that he would go away and come back, you know? And I just ran away because I… I was—
Dr. Henderson: You were afraid.
SCP-285: I was afraid. I just saw flashing lights and screaming and shouting, and it… it just overwhelmed me, I couldn't think straight, so I ran.
[Silence]
SCP-285: Doctor?
Dr. Henderson: Yes, Paul?
SCP-285: Can you… can you help me?
[Silence]
Dr. Henderson: Listen, I… I don't know if I can—
SCP-285: Please doctor, please help me. I don't want to see his face anymore, I don't want to hear him screaming in that white void, not anymore. Please, help me doctor.
Dr. Henderson: I'll see what I can do. Now, tell me what the dream was?
[INFORMATION REMOVED ON THE REQUEST OF ETHICS COMMITTEE]
<Eng Log>
Addendum-285-C
The following was found on SCP-285's person following its recovery.
Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very ownMr. Hax by Gamers Against Weed! Always use Antimalware, kids. Who is this Fourchan?
Collect them all and become Mr. Gamer!
01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer
02. Mr. Normie
03. Mr. Bernie Sanders
04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop
05. Mr. Humble Waterfilter Merchant
20. Mr. Sex Number
21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues
22. Mr. Deadly Sins
23. Mr. Original Character
24. Mr. D.A.R.E.
25. Mr. Gentrification
26. Ms. Mad About Video Games
27. Mr. Meme
28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued)
29. Mr. Destiny
30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail
31. Ms. Zapatista
32. Mr. Hax ✔
33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo
34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text
35. Mr. Finale
(account deleted)07 Aug 2017 04:15Said most of this in the chat, to quickly recap here: this, in my mind, is an enormous step-up over the original, by whichever metric you wish to meaure by. It has a nice noir-y, cyber-punkish vibe, which is perfect for a character literally called Mr. Hax. The inherent narrative here is also leagues more entertaining than the initial version - making the Weedster in question the product of a rogue agent out for blood was, while well-tread ground, infinitely more engaging than the fairly simplistic, borderline pedestrian sequence of events that led to the birth of the original Hax - though that version had its own merits.
Aside from a few rough patches - I'm not sure why the letter addresses both the UIUand the Foundation - this was delicious. Hearty +1.
In some ways it's an improvement (like Hax's abilities) but also feels like too much; you add more and more and more and more and it just becomes bloated to heck.
The final note sort of implicitly contradicts sections of my own GAW tale series that heavily imply that GAW does not have a good way of directly contacting the Foundation — which would not strictly be a problem, except uh, you link to that series. Also, it just doesn't feel necessary or on-tone with the rest of the article.
Otherwise, I agree with A Vacuum.
if your reading this your gay
You can get rid of pretty much every instance of the word "clear".
that we formed within its own database
Is that supposed to be 'were'?
I can't understand why a Foundation interviewer would be assured that a created humanoid SCP should know what its purpose was. The interviews just do not add anything to this. Except length. I am feeling sympathetic to the people who complain about articles being too long these days. There's just so much here, and nothing that I read put me in a mindset to read more.
(account deleted)07 Aug 2017 11:42Yeah, I've always had a problem with length and the like. Fixed the word issues, though.
Sorry to hear that you didn't like it.
[SCP-285 does not respond]
SCP-285: I just did as I was told.
Well, he does respond. So maybe rephrase it to [SCP-285 pauses for a moment] or something along those lines?
The real issue, the burning question on everyone's mind is:
How does Mr. Humble Waterfilter Merchant tie into all of this?
I actually like to imagine that's part of Hax's ability; to just add another name there.
Nice thing you got here, just a nitpick:
Anartist is the colloquial term among paranormal agencies to describe anomalous artwork.
Wouldn’t anartist describe someone whomakes anomalous artwork?
Please don't kill me verbally
I'm reading through the main SCP articles from start to finish. (…To "finish" of the articles or to the finish of me due to old age - whichever comes first.) I'm not keeping track, but I think this might be the first entry I've encountered thus far that relies heavily on Groups of Interest. That reliance makes it completely uninteresting to me. It reads like a piece of fanfiction concerning a crossover among several comic book series that I've never read.
I don't care about the wacky hi-jinks of superspy technowizards or whatever. I don't care about some weakly described eternal war among various super-teams. It just comes across (to this particular reader who is consuming the wiki in this particular order) as being hopelessly, tediously dorky.
At this time, I feel 30% confident that I will never learn why in the world they are called "Gamers Against Weed" and 98% confident that if I ever do learn, then I will not find the explanation interesting, amusing, or plausible. When I see a name like that in an article I feel as if I'm being all-but-explicitly told by the author "you can skip the rest of this one; it's all just gonna be noise". I feel as if I'm watching a short story commit suicide. It's depressing.