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Bitchin poster made byWydness
looking for pattern screamers, are we? Fuck off, pal.
What's this?
The cack hard cinematic universe is home to a bunch of dumb stupid stuff, mostly weird crack fiction. Cack fiction, if you will. This is a world where things always take a turn for the stupid, farcical, and idiotic. This isn't a canon, but simply a hub to host crackfiction too stupid for LolFoundation.
Hidden in this collapsible are the general 'rules' which we adhere to when writing within the cack hard cinematic universe. If for whatever reason you want to write crack.
- No one is good at their job unless the plot demands it.
- Researcher Zyn Kiryu is the only person who is good at her job regardless of the situation.
- If anyone has to suffer, it's Mr. Fish.
- 049 and Spanko are best buds. No exceptions!
- 'Cack Hard' installments must be a movie of some sort. Continuity is for suckers!
- Bottledick is canon.
- The Foundation is less of a jail and more of a hotel.
- Bottledick is not canon.
- SCP-055 is a sphere.
- Dr. Cimmerian sent 650 million emails and crashed scipnet servers for a week.
- Site-19 has an on-site burger king.
- WWS is engaged in a bloody war with the Shark Punching Center.
- Dr. Hamm and SCP-049 are 049-J's fathers.
- fuck you.
- If you write in the cack hard cinematic universe, just set this page as your content's parent page.
- Mixing canons and doing things that don't make any logical sense is not only allowed but encouraged.
- have fun, damn it.this is not a canon, more like a loose continuity of crack fiction that is all about writing the stupidest crap you can think of.
crack fic? More like cack fic!
Home to shameful crack fiction which truly, bluely should not have seen the light of day!
Includes such bar-lowering classics as:
| SCP | Name | Author |
|---|---|---|
| SCP-3472-J | In time, you will come to hateme. | |
| SCP-4491 | "pulp ficktion" | |
| SCP-4498 | The Plurality of Elias Shaw | |
| SCP-4952 | PlayerUnknown's Robert Frost | |
| SCP-4852 | Site-19 Goes South For The Winter! | |
| SCP-7013 | Thirteen Indeed |
| GoI Formats | Author(s) |
|---|---|
| Critter Profile: Wobbles! | |
| The Corncrake of Destiny | |
| Project Kōza, 1942 |
what the people are saying
"Fuckin' bottledick became a canon. The bar has now burrowed into the ground"
-Weryllium
"That verse rolled out the red carpet for Kanye's long-awaited album, but it doubled as an announcement of Chance's new Coloring Book (then given the working title Chance 3), which may very well be the most eagerly-anticipated hip-hop project this year that doesn't come attached to an actual record label."
-Pitchfork
"In a time of social fragmentation, vulgarity becomes a way of life. To be shocking becomes more important - and often more profitable - than to be civil or creative or truly original."
- Al Gore
"This is easily the worst thing I have ever read. Its obnoxious to the point of insanity. You should be ashamed of yourself."
-SecretCrow
"'You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take'
- Wayne Gretzky"
- Michael Scott
"Okay, April Fools is over, you can take the hub down now."
-A Random Day
"i still hear dr. spanko in my nightmares"
-morhadow
"You know, I was going to post this back in February but I figured April 1st would be a good time to actually post a hub for crack fiction."
-Uncle Nicolini
Are you sold yet?
No?
Well, that's fine, go ahead and slam that downvote button. The rating module is right here, coward!
And thats all I wrote.