How to Address a Same-Sex Couple

1-2-3 How to Address a Same-Sex Couple,Gay Couple,Lesbian Couple

—–1)When each member of a couple uses a different surnames, list each name fully – in alphabetical order by family name:How to Address a Same-Sex Couple

—–—–Mr. ThomasAppleton
—–—–and Mr. RichardZappa
—–—–1234 Weston Street
—–—–Springfield, MA 12345

—–—–Ms. LindaArlington
—–—–and Ms. JenniferZorro
—–—–5678 Taylor Street
—–—–Springfield, MA 12345

—–—–This is a formula you can used for any couple of equal precedence who use different surnames.

Robert Hickey author of“Honor & Respect”

—–2)If both partners use the same surname, list in alphabetical order by given name.[Note: In French you will see plural honorifics such as Mmes. or Messrs., but plural honorifics aren’t used in standard American or British English.]  So use the following:

—–—–Ms.Adeline Henderson
—–—–and Ms.Zelda Henderson
—–—–5678 Taylor Street
—–—–Springfield, MA 12345

—–—–Mr.Adam Miller
—–—–and Mr.William Miller
—–—–1234 Weston Street
—–—–Springfield, MA 12345

—–If they are inviting them both equally … then list them in alphabetical order.

—–In a salutation just list each person as you would address them, in the same order you addressed the envelope. So formally that would be:
—–—–Dear Mr. (Surname) and Mr. (Surname)
—–—–—–or
—–—–Dear Ms. (Surname) and Ms. (Surname)o Address a Same-Sex Couple How to Address a Gay Couple How to Address a Lesbian Couple

Robert Hickey author of“Honor & Respect”

—-#3A)Two exceptions to the alphabetical order rule.
—-—-If you are sending an invitation to one person and including the second person as a courtesy to the first – then list the primary guest first, their guest second.  If inviting equally … list them in alphabetically as covered above.

—-—-In a salutation list each person as you would address them, in the same order you addressed the envelope.

—-Salutation:
—-—-Dear Mr. (Surname) and Mr. (Surname):
—-—-—-or
—-—-Dear Ms. (Surname) and Ms. (Surname):

—-#3B)Elsewhere on the site I have examples of what to do if one has apersonal rank oris an elected official. But I will skip it here. Follow the links if need be.

– Robert Hickey  How to Address a Same-Sex Couple How to Address a Gay Couple How to Address a Lesbian Couple

Robert Hickey author of“Honor & Respect”

Alphabetizing When Partners Use Different Surnames?

I am putting together a church directory. I have some same-sex male couples with different last names. Under which last name do I list the couple?
—————-– H. Beck

Dear H. Beck,

—-#1)With couples of equal precedence who use different surnames, their names are written in alphabetical order by surname:
—-—-—-Mr. John Adams and Mr. William Zappa
—-—-I would list this couple under ‘A’.

—-#2)If one partner had a special honorific(Dr., Judge, military rank) or courtesy title (the Honorable), list that person first acknowledging the higher precedence.

– Robert HickeyHow to Address a Same-Sex Couple How to Address a Gay Couple How to Address a Lesbian Couple

Related Forms of Address:
–—-—Boy
–—-—Couples: Military
–—-—Couples: Private Citizens
–—-—Couples: U.S. Officials
–—-—Couple, Same Sex
–—-—Family
–—-—First Names
–—-—Gender-Neutral Honorifics
–—-—Girl
–—–—Man or Woman, Social
–—-—Woman, Married
–—–—Miss
–—–—Mrs. vs. Ms.
–—–—Mx.
–—-—Retiree
–—–—Spouse of an Official
–—–—Widow

Robert Hickey author of“Honor & Respect”

When Should You Use the Forms on this Page?

You can use these forms of address for any mode of communication: addressing aletter, invitation, card orEmail.(If there are differences between the official and social forms of address, I will have mentioned the different forms.) The form noted in the salutation is the same form you use when you say their name in conversation or when yougreet them.
___What I don’t cover on this site aremany thingsI do cover in my book:all the rules of forms of address, about names, international titles, precedence, complimentary closes, details on invitations, place cards, all sorts of introductions,etc. I hope you’ll get acopy of the book if you’d like the further detail.

Not Finding Your Answer?

—-#1)At right ondesktops,at the bottom of every pageontablets andphones, is a list of all the offices, officials & topics covered on the site.

—-#2) If you don’t see the official you seek included or your question answeredsend me an e-mail. I am pretty fast at sending a reply: usually the next day or so (unless I am traveling.)Note: I don’t have mailing or Email addresses for any of the officials and I don’t keep track of offices that exist only in history books.

—-#3) If I think your question is of interest to others, Sometimes I post the question – but always change all the specifics.

— Robert Hickey

Robert Hickey author of“Honor & Respect”

Recommended Resources:  The Protocol School of Washington (PSOW) and Protocol and Diplomacy International – Protocol Officers Association (PDI-POA)   For more information see theProtocol Resources page.