The wicked have only accomplices, the voluptuous have only companions in debauchery; self-seekers have only associates; politicians have only their factions; the generality of idle men has only connections; princes have only courtiers; virtuous men alone possess friends. ~VoltaireYour friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years. ~Richard Bach
"Friends" redirects here, for the television series, seeFriends (TV series).
Friendship is a term which is used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. It can be taken to mean a supportive relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection.
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~AristotleThe best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. ~AristotleWe are friends now, and we will be much closer friends in the future. ~Mustafa Kemal AtatürkFriends are those who believe in us and who want to help us whatever it is that we are trying to achieve. ~Aung San Suu KyiI get by with a little help from my friends. ~The BeatlesLove is only chatter, Friends are all that matter. ~Gelett BurgessTo desire the same things and to reject the same things, constitutes true friendship. ~CatilineFriendship makes prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it. ~CiceroWe are not born, we do not live for ourselves alone; our country, our friends, have a share in us. ~CiceroA friend is, as it were, a second self. ~CiceroFriendship is a sheltering tree. ~Samuel Taylor ColeridgeWhen the daylight's gone, & you're on your own And you need a friend, just to be around I will comfort you, I will take your hand And I'll pull you through, I will understand ~The CorrsOh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feelingsafe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah CraikA friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud. ~Ralph Waldo EmersonThe only way to have a friend is to be one. ~Ralph Waldo EmersonThe highest compact we can make with our fellow is, — Let there be truth between us two forevermore. ~Ralph Waldo EmersonOf all the means whichwisdom acquires to ensurehappiness throughout the whole oflife, by far the most important is friendship. ~EpicurusNever explain — your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyhow. ~Elbert HubbardThe finest friendships are between those who can do without each other. ~Elbert HubbardGreater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. ~JesusChoose your friends, then treat them as friends; do not regard them like slaves or servants, but associate with them frankly and simply and generously; not saying one thing of them and thinking something else. ~JulianTo let friendship die away by negligence and silence, is certainly not wise. It is voluntarily to throw away one of the greatest comforts of this weary pilgrimage. ~Samuel Johnson The better part of one's life consists of his friendships. ~Abraham LincolnFriendships that are won by awards, and not bygreatness andnobility of soul, although deserved, yet are not real, and cannot be depended upon in time ofadversity. ~Niccolò MachiavelliA friendship that can be ended didn't ever start. ~Mellin de Saint-GelaisEach friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~Anaïs NinFriends, the soil is poor, we must sow seeds in plenty for us to garner even modest harvests... ~NovalisWhen it comes to friends, it's not how much time you spend with them, just how you spend it! ~Eiichiro OdaRemembrance and regrets, they too are a part of friendship. ~Jean-Luc PicardFor all are friends in heaven, all faithful friends; And many friendships in the days of time Begun, are lasting here, and growing still. ~Robert PollokIt is something that grows over time... a true friendship. A feeling in the heart that becomes even stronger through time...The passion of friendship will soon blossom into a righteous power and through it, you'll know which way to go... ~ "Sheik",The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of TimeA faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. ~SirachLife is to be fortified by many friendships. To love, and to be loved, is the greatest happiness of existence. ~Sydney SmithMisfortune shows those who are not really friends. ~AristotleThat my friend should be well is our wish, and that our enemies should be gone! May those friendly to you reach their goal as a ship does a friendly harbour! May your enemy, like the flood waters of a river, return to his city. ~Sumerian proverbMany a time,… from a bad beginning great friendships have sprung up. ~TerenceAll things are common to friends. ~TerenceFriendship is not for merriment but for stern reproach when friends go astray. ~TiruvalluvarTrue friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. ~George WashingtonThink where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends. ~William Butler YeatsDeath is mighty, and is no one's friend. ~Roger Zelazny,Lord of LightI shall choose friends among men, but neither slaves nor masters. And I shall choose only such as please me, and them I shall love and respect, but neither command nor obey. And we shall join our hands when we wish, or walk alone when we so desire. ~Ayn Rand, in AnthemKeep thy friend Under thy own life's key. ~William Shakespeare
my friend He was quite a dear, but very naughty. He would tell the filthiest jokes right up until the cameras started rolling, so one had to compose oneself before the scene started. He had originally been a dentist which always amused me because he had the worst teeth!
We need new friends; some of us are cannibals who have eaten their old friends up; others must have ever-renewed audiences before whom to re-enact the ideal version of their lives.
Henry Adams,The Education of Henry Adams (1907), Ch. VII.
One friend in a life time is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.
Henry Adams,The Education of Henry Adams (1907), Ch. XX.
The friendships of the world are oft Confederacies in vice, or leagues of pleasure; Ours has severest virtue for its basis, And such a friendship ends not but with life.
Joseph Addison,Cato, A Tragedy (1713), Act III, scene 1.
A friend is he whose absence also proves the friendship.
If you intend to cut yourself off from a friend leave some scope for him from your side by which he may resume friendship if it occurs to him some day.
Your friends are three and your enemies arc (also) three. Your friends are: your friend, your friend's friend and your enemy's enemy. And your enemies are: your enemy, your friend's enemy and your enemy's friend.
Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends.
Aristotle,Nicomachean Ethics (c. 325 BC), Book I, 1096.a16.
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.
Aristotle,Nicomachean Ethics (c. 325 BC), Book VIII, 1155.a5.
When people are friends, they have no need of justice, but when they are just, they need friendship in addition.
Aristotle,Nicomachean Ethics (c. 325 BC), Book VIII, 1155.a26.
The best friend is he that, when he wishes a person's good, wishes it for that person's own sake.
Aristotle,Nicomachean Ethics (c. 325 BC), Book IX, 1168.b1
Variants: My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. The best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake.
You are the oldest democracy of the New World. We are the youngest democracy of the Old World. You, the great democracy of the New World, should take due note of your new sister democracy and should conceive its import.We are friends now, and we will be much closer friends in the future.
Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, Address to the American Ambassador to Turkey in 1927. As quoted in: Under SecretaryEugene V. Rostow (April 4, 1968): The United States and Turkey, Partners in World Security. Address made before the American-Turkish Society Inc., at New York, N.Y. on April 4, 1968. Source: United States Department of State (April 20, 1968): The Department of State Bulletin, Volume 58, page 559.Archivedfromthe original on November 4, 2023. See also Google Books PDF-Page of aforementioned source, which wasarchived fromthe original on November 4, 2023.
I’ve always said there’s no hope without endeavor. Hope has no meaning unless we are prepared to work to realize our hopes and dreams but in order to that we do need to have friends. We need those who believe in us. Friends are those who believe in us and who want to help us whatever it is that we are trying to achieve.
Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in commendation of age, that age appears to be best in four things, — old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
FRIENDSHIP,n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
Nicht aus dem schweren Boden der Erde,
sondern aus freiem Gefallen
und freiem Verlangen des Geistes,
der nicht des Eides und des Gesetzes bedarf,
wird der Freund dem Freunde geschenkt.
Not from the heavy soil of the earth,
but from the spirit's choice and free desire, needing no oath of legal bond,
is friend bestowed on friend.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer,Der Freund, published inWiderstand und Ergebung, Briefe und Aufzeichnungen aus der Haft (1952), p. 269
We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.
James Boswell,Life of Samuel Johnson (1791), "19 September 1777".
I have loved my friends as I do virtue, my soul, my God.
SirThomas Browne,Religio Medici (1642), Part II, Section V.
Now with my friend I desire not to share or participate, but to engross his sorrows, that, by making them mine own, I may more easily discuss them; for in mine own reason, and within myself, I can command that which I cannot entreat without myself, and within the circle of another.
SirThomas Browne,Religio Medici (1642), Part II, Section V.
Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the greatest wealth, a trusted friend is the best relative, Nibbana is the greatest bliss.
A young man needs friends to serve as guides and counselors, confidantes and role-models. The mature man is capable of meaningful undertakings only when his actions are undergirded by the support of others. And the elderly seek strength in their time of weakness and, ultimately, in their struggle for survival, in companionship and affection. Even if there is love at first sight, there is no friendship that does not demand time and space to reach its perfection. The ancient proverb states, and rightly so, that two friends cannot truly know each other without having first shared a bag of salt…Outside the family circle, friendship evolves into good will. In the workplace this allows us to manage without despotism, and to follow orders without resentment. In society we will learn to intervene without violence, but also without servility. And we will be able to look beyond the geographical borders of our own country, our customs, our race, our religious beliefs, and our political ideology to see that humanity is an attribute of all mankind.
Rosario Castellanos "In Praise of Friendship" (1964) In Another Way to Be: Selected Works of Rosario Castellanos translated from Spanish by Myralyn Allgood
Non nobis solum nati sumus ortusque nostri partem patria vindicat, partem amici.
We are not born, we do not live for ourselves alone; our country, our friends, have a share in us.
Flowers are lovely; love is flower-like; Friendship is a sheltering tree; Oh the joys that came down shower-like, Of friendship, love, and liberty, Ere I was old!
Francis Ford Coppola andMario Puzo,The Godfather Part II (1974), (character of "Michael Corleone"); this has often become attributed toSun Tzu and sometimes toNiccolò Machiavelli orPetrarch, but there are no published sources yet found which predate its use in the secondGodfather film, where Corleone states: My father taught me many things here — he taught me in this room. He taught me — keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
When the daylight's gone, & you're on your own And you need a friend, just to be around I will comfort you, I will take your hand And I'll pull you through, I will understand And you know that
I'll be at your side There's no need to worry Together, we'll survive Through the haste & hurry I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone And you've nowhere to turn I'll be at your side
If life's standing still, and your soul's confused And you cannot find what road to choose [...] I will turn around And you know that I 'll be at your side
I would not enter on my list of friends (Though graced with polish'd manners and fine sense, Yet wanting sensibility) the man Who needlessly sets foot upon aworm.
The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feelingsafe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
Dinah Craik,A Life for a Life (1859); since the 1930s this has also been published in many paraphrased forms, often uncredited to Craik, including: A friend is one To whom one may pour out all The contents of one's heart Chaff and grain, together, Knowing that the gentlest of hands Will take and sift it, Keep what's worth keeping And blow the rest away.
Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances with the exception of such companions in pleasure as Horiki. I have frantically played the clown in order to disentangle myself from these painful relationships, only to wear myself out as a result. Even now it comes as a shock if by chance I notice in the street a face resembling someone I know however slightly, and I am at once seized by a shivering violent enough to make me dizzy.I know that I am liked by other people, but I seem to be deficient in the faculty to love others. (I should add that I have very strong doubts as to whether even human beings really possess this faculty.) It was hardly to be expected that someone like myself could ever develop any close friends—besides, I lacked even the ability to pay visits. The front door of another person’s house terrified me more than the gate of Inferno in the Divine Comedy, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I really felt I could detect within the door the presence of a horrible dragon-like monster writhing there with a dank, raw smell.
We ought to esteem him alone an agreeable and good-natured man, who, in his daily intercourse with others, behaves in such a manner as friends usually behave to each other. For as a person of that rustic character appears, wherever he comes, like a mere stranger: so, on the contrary, a polite man, wherever he goes, seems as easy as if he were amongst his intimate friends and acquaintances.
Giovanni Della Casa,Galateo: Or, A Treatise on Politeness and Delicacy of Manners, pp. 42-43
Otherdogs bite only theirenemies, whereas I bite also myfriends in order to save them.
Es gibt wenig aufrichtige Freunde. Die Nachfrage ist auch gering.
There are very few honest friends—the demand is not particularly great.
Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach, Aphorisms, D. Scrase and W. Mieder, trans. (Riverside, California: 1994), p. 71
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
Our friends early appear to us as representatives of certain ideas, which they never pass or exceed. They stand on the brink of the ocean of thought and power, but they never take a single step that would bring them there.
The wise man … needs no bribe or feast or palace to draw friends to him. He is supremely fair. He angles with himself and with no other bait.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journal entry December 26, 1839, Journals (1911), Volume 5, p. 360-361, also in “Politics,” The Early Lectures of Ralph Waldo Emerson (Harvard: 1972), p. 243
Of all the means whichwisdom acquires to ensurehappiness throughout the whole oflife, by far the most important isfriendship.
Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
Hazer de los amigos maestros, penetrando el útil del aprender con el gusto del conversar.
Make your friends your teachers and blend the usefulness of learning with the pleasure of conversation.
Baltasar Gracián,Oráculo Manual y Arte de Prudencia, § 11 (Christopher Maurer trans.)
If displeased with any man, do all you can to prevent his seeing it, for otherwise he will become estranged. And occasions often arise when he might and would have served you had you not lost him by showing your dislike. Of this I have had experience to my own profit. For once and again I have felt ill-disposed towards some one who not being aware of my hostility has afterwards helped me when I needed help and proved my good friend.
Defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.
Jean Hérault, sieur de Gourville as quoted inConsidérations sur l'esprit et les moeurs (1788) byGabriel Sénac de Meilhan; a similar remark "May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies." has become attributed toVoltaire, since at least 1908, but without sourcing
Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but, above all, the power of going out of one's self and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another.
Thomas Hughes, in Katherine Frances Jelf,George Edward Jelf: A Memoir (London: Skeffington & Son, 1909), p. 10.
One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and more symbolic form) the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies.
It is nothing against the validity of a friendship that the parties to it have not a mutual resemblance. There must be a basis of agreement, but the structure reared upon it may contain a thousand disparities.
I merely point out to you that, as a matter of fact, certain persons do exist with an enormous capacity for friendship and for taking delight in other people's lives; and that such person know more of truth than if their hearts were not so big.
William James,Talks to Teachers on Psychology and to Students on Some of Life's Ideals (1911).
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success — yours or his.
Franklin P. Jones, inSaturday Evening Post (29 November 1953).
Got a lot of haters and a lot of homies; some friends and some phony.
Michael Jones, "Still Tippin'" (2005),Who Is Mike Jones? (2005).
Choose your friends, then treat them as friends; do not regard them like slaves or servants, but associate with them frankly and simply and generously; not saying one thing of them and thinking something else.
I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.
Helen Keller, as quoted byJoseph P. Lash (1980). Helen and Teacher: The Story of Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan Macy. Penguin Books, Limited. pp. 498.ISBN 0713913630.
Friends need to tell each other the hard truth and friendships require mutual respect.
John Kerry,Kerry Blasts Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu — (December 2016)
The absolute condition for friendship is unity in a life-view. If a person has that, he will not be tempted to base his friendship on obscure feelings or on indefinable sympathies. As a consequence, he will not experience these ridiculous shifts, so that one day he has a friend and the next day he does not. He will not fail to appreciate the significance of the indefinable sympathies, because, strictly speaking, a person is certainly not a friend of everyone with whom he shares a life-view but neither does he stop with only the mysteriousness of the sympathies. A true friendship always requires consciousness and is therefore freed from being infatuation. The life-view in which one is united must be a positive view.
There is nothing in the world more trustworthy than a friend one is sure will betray everything confided to him, nothing more trustworthy if only one is careful about what is confided to him. it is unsafe to ask a friend to tell this or that, but if one confides to him under the pledge of secrecy something one wishes to come out, then one can be absolutely sure, for then it must come out. Furthermore, it is a rare good fortune if in turn such a friend has a friend, and in turn this friend has a girlfriend-then it travels with the speed of lightning.
A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart's. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back — it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it. The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation, it is also the joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined. One cannot dance well unless one is completely in time with the music, not leaning back to the last step or pressing forward to the next one, but poised directly on the present step as it comes. Perfect poise on the beat is what gives good dancing its sense of ease, of timelessness, of the eternal.
Come back! ye friendships long departed! That like o'erflowing streamlets started, And now are dwindled, one by one, To stony channels in the sun! Come back! ye friends, whose lives are ended, Come back, with all that light attended, Which seemed to darken and decay When ye arose and went away!
Friendship was salvation, in this fragile world the only thing left that was not fragile. I promise you one can be drunk on friendship as well as on love.
Jacques Lusseyran,And There Was Light: The Extraordinary Memoir of a Blind Hero of the French Resistance in World War II (1998), p. 216.
“I sometimes think that ‘friend’ is just a word I use for all the people I haven't murdered yet.”
I say that every prince must desire to be considered merciful and not cruel. He must, however, take care not to misuse this mercifulness. … A prince, therefore, must not mind incurring the charge of cruelty for the purpose of keeping his subjects united and confident; for, with a very few examples, he will be more merciful than those who, from excess of tenderness, allow disorders to arise, from whence spring murders and rapine; for these as a rule injure the whole community, while the executions carried out by the prince injure only one individual. And of all princes, it is impossible for a new prince to escape the name of cruel, new states being always full of dangers. … Nevertheless, he must be cautious in believing and acting, and must not inspire fear of his own accord, and must proceed in a temperate manner with prudence and humanity, so that too much confidence does not render him incautious, and too much diffidence does not render him intolerant. From this arises the question whether it is better to be loved more than feared, or feared more than loved. The reply is, that one ought to be both feared and loved, but as it is difficult for the two to go together, it is much safer to be feared than loved, if one of the two has to be wanting. For it may be said of men in general that they are ungrateful, voluble, dissemblers, anxious to avoid danger, and covetous of gain ; as long as you benefit them, they are entirely yours; they offer you their blood, their goods, their life, and their children, as I have before said, when the necessity is remote; but when it approaches, they revolt. And the prince who has relied solely on their words, without making other preparations, is ruined, for the friendship which is gained by purchase and not through grandeur and nobility of spirit is merited but is not secured, and at times is not to be had. And men have less scruple in offending one who makes himself loved than one who makes himself feared; for love is held by a chain of obligation which, men being selfish, is broken whenever it serves their purpose; but fear is maintained by a dread of punishment which never fails.
Niccolò Machiavelli,The Prince (1513), Ch. 17, as translated by Luigi Ricci (1903)
Variant translations of portions of this passage:
From this arises the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.
He ought to be slow to believe and to act, nor should he himself show fear, but proceed in a temperate manner with prudence and humanity, so that too much confidence may not make him incautious and too much distrust render him intolerable.
The prince who relies upon their words, without having otherwise provided for his security, is ruined; for friendships that are won by awards, and not by greatness and nobility of soul, although deserved, yet are not real, and cannot be depended upon in time of adversity.
Used to have friends, now I've got enemies. Used to keep them close, now they're dead to me.
Multiplex workplace friendships—those in which a personal, affective relationship coincides with a business relationship, namely, with coworkers within one’s organization—are a widespread organizational phenomenon (Ingram & Zou, 2008). Indeed, a recent Gallup study determined that 30% of employees report having a best friend at work (Rath, 2006), and studies show that a sizeable number of employees describe their coworkers as both colleagues and friends (e.g., Gersick, Bartunek, & Dutton, 2000; Lonkila, 1998). Importantly, multiplex workplace friendships have implications for key employee and organizational outcomes through the provision of moral and material support, work and nonwork advice, and quality information exchanges (Kram & Isabella, 1985; Rawlins, 1992; Sias, 2005; Sias & Cahill, 1998; Winstead, Derlega, Montgomery, & Pilkington, 1995). For instance, employees who report having friends at work have higher levels of productivity, retention, and job satisfaction, and are seven times more likely to be engaged in their work than their “friendless” counterparts (Rath, 2006).
Multiplex workplace friendships are exhausting because they create feelings of responsibility and obligation, and because they require investments of attention and energy toward their maintenance. Thus, although there are positive effects of multiplex workplace friendships on job performance, they should be offset somewhat by the effect of exhaustion, which reflects reduced energy and attention that could otherwise be applied to core job performance‐related activities (Greenhaus & Beutell, 1985; LePine, Podsakoff, & LePine, 2005).
Further, we expect individuals with larger multiplex workplace friendship networks will perform effectively because emotional support provides a mechanism to minimize distress (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). Emotional support is a form of support that is not related to work tasks themselves; rather, it is a “backstage resource” that allows employees to indirectly manage their work demands (Lazega & Pattison, 1999). More specifically, rather than being a source of work‐related communication, emotional support comprises communication regarding good things at work, bad things at work, and nonwork topics (Beehr, Jex, Stacy, & Murray, 2000), and having access to an outlet that allows the discussion of non work‐related topics and concerns fulfills socio emotional needs (Cobb, 1976; Cohen & Wills, 1985). Thus, emotional distress can be effectively managed with emotional support, decreasing the saliency of emotional distractions and, ultimately, allowing employees the opportunity to address work tasks. Along these lines, both AbuAlRub (2004) and Beehr et al. (2000) found a positive association between emotional support and job performance. Taken together, we theorize that access to emotional support will decrease attention paid to emotional distractions and increase productive work time, which will positively impact job performance.
The ubiquity of multiplex workplace friendships warrants a deeper investigation of their effects on individuals’ performance at work. Indeed, McEvily and colleagues (2014) argue that “the more we attempt to disentangle formal [interaction] and informal [interaction] in an effort to understand their unique effects, the less we learn about how they actually operate” (p. 333) and call for investigations “where multiplexity of interactions is not just a possibility, but rather is an essential and defining feature” (p. 335) of theory and research. Here, we address this issue by exploring how and why multiplex workplace friendships uniquely influence performance.
Feelings arecontagious. “Eachhappy friend a person has increases that person’sprobability of being happy by 9 percent and eachunhappy friend decreases it by 7 percent,” saysNicholas A. Christakis, a co-author of “Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives.” Males withdepressedroommates may end up feeling a bit blue themselves, according to Daniel Eisenberg, an assistant professor of public health at theUniversity of Michigan who recently led a survey of 1,600 freshmen at two universities — a public one in the Midwest and a private one in the Northeast — on the issue. He found no such carryover forfemale students. This mood contagion seems to occur when thestudent keeps his feelings bottled up, Dr. Eisenberg says. And it’s only a mild case; roommates typically don’t develop their friends’ moreseriousconditions. “It’s not like you catch amental-healthcold,” he says. “People are resilient. They have a lot of coping strategies.”
A real friendship should not fade as time passes, and should not weaken because of space separation.
John Newton, Ph.D.,Complete Conduct Principles for the 21st Century (2000), p. 138.ISBN 0967370574.
A more appropriate adjective for measuring the degree of a friendship should be “good” – how good, rather than “close” – how close. A good friend is not necessarily close; a close friend is not necessarily good.
John Newton, Ph.D.,Complete Conduct Principles for the 21st Century (2000), p. 45.ISBN 0967370574.
Mitfreude, nicht Mitleiden, macht den Freund.
Fellowship in joy, not sympathy in sorrow, is what makes friends.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
We were at the age when a friend's conversation seems like oneself talking, when one shares a life in common the way I still think, bachelor though I am, some married couples are able to live.
Although many scholars and practitioners have assumed that workplace friendships lead to desirable organizational outcomes, a growing body of research suggests important complexities and downsides associated with workplace friendships. This suggests a need to better understand how and when workplace friendships may lead to harmful outcomes, especially in light of organizational and technological shifts that are changing the way employees connect. Drawing on theories of close relationships, social exchange, and boundary management, we present a theoretical framework that highlights how the four defining features of friendship (informality, voluntariness, communal norms, and socio-emotional goals) are in tension with four fundamental elements of organizational life (formal roles, involuntary constraints, exchange norms, and instrumental goals). We also highlight how mutual self-disclosure and perceived similarity develop and deepen friendships but also lead to downsides for individuals, groups, and organizations. We articulate how specific features of a focal friendship clique (e.g., closeness, maturity, and status of members) may amplify or buffer negative aspects and how social media affect friendship formation and tensions. Our theoretical framework should inform new theory and research on positive relationships at work, boundary management of professional and personal identities, and how changes to work and technology affect workplace relationships.
Pillemer, Julianna; Rothbard, Nancy (2018-02-15). "Friends Without Benefits: Understanding the Dark Sides of Workplace Friendship". Academy of Management Review: amr.2016.0309. doi:10.5465/amr.2016.0309. ISSN 0363-7425.
For all are friends in heaven, all faithful friends; And many friendships in the days of time Begun, are lasting here, and growing still.
Robert Pollok,The Course of Time (1827), Book V, line 336.
Friends given by God in mercy and in love; My counsellors, my comforters, and guides; My joy in grief, my second bliss in joy; Companions of my young desires; in doubt My oracles; my wings in high pursuit. Oh! I remember, and will ne'er forget Our meeting spots, our chosen sacred hours; Our burning words, that utter'd all the soul, Our faces beaming with unearthly love;— Sorrow with sorrow sighing, hope with hope Exulting, heart embracing heart entire.
Robert Pollok,The Course of Time (1827), Book V, line 315.
What ill-starr'd rage Divides a friendship long confirm'd by age?
Alexander Pope,Dunciad (1728 to 1743), Book III, line 173.
Trust not yourself; but your defects to know, Make use of ev'ry friend—and ev'ry foe.
Our triumphs seem hollow unless we have friends to share them, and our failures are made bearable by their understanding.
James Rachels,The Elements of Moral Philosophy (1999), p. 183.
I shall choose friends among men, but neither slaves nor masters. And I shall choose only such as please me, and them I shall love and respect, but neither command nor obey. And we shall join our hands when we wish, or walk alone when we so desire.
Although organizational research on workplace friendships is well established, it has been criticized for its predominately postpositivistic outlook, which largely focuses on how workplace friendships can be linked to improving organizational outcomes such as efficiency and performance. As a consequence, other aspects of the lived experiences of work and friendship are obscured, in particular how these friendships are important in their own right and how they function as social and personal relationships.
Scots proverb, as published inBeauties of Allan Ramsay: Being a Selection of the Most Admired Pieces of that Celebrated Author, viz. The Gentle Shepherd; Christ's Kirk on the Green; The Monk, and the Miller's Wife; with his valuable collection of Scots Proverbs (1815), "Scots Proverbs" Ch. 1; also quoted inPure Morning, a song byPlacebo
Old friends are best. King James used to call for his old shoes; they were easiest for his feet.
The ending inevitably matches the beginning: the person who starts being friends with you because it pays him will similarly cease to be friends with you because it pays him.
A true friend can be a blood or legal relation. They can be in the same clique or neighborhood or workplace. They can belong to the same racial, cultural, religious, or national group. But a true “friend” asks the right questions about category itself, and thereby transcends it. A true friend has the conversation.
We still have slept together, Rose at an instant, learn'd, play'd, eat together; And wheresoe'er we went, like Juno's swans, Still we went coupled and inseparable.
William Shakespeare,As You Like It (c.1599-1600), Song, Act II, scene 7, line 181.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; But do not dull thy palm with entertainment Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
Where you are liberal of your loves and counsels Be sure you be not loose; for those you make friends And give your hearts to, when they once perceive The least rub in your fortunes, fall away Like water from ye, never found again But where they mean to sink ye.
Friendship is constant in all other things, Save in the office and affairs of love: Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues; Let every eye negotiate for itself, And trust no agent.
Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.
Attributed toWilliam Shakespeare,Passionate Pilgrim. In Notes and Queries, June, 1918, p. 174, it is suggested that the lines are by Barnfield, being a piracy from Jaggard's publication (1599), a volume containing little of Shakespeare, the majority being pieces by Marlowe, Raleigh, Barnfield, and others.
I am not of that feather to shake off My friend when he must need me.
He who betrays a secret is no longer trusted; he will no longer find reliable friends. Love your friend and be loyal; if you have revealed his secrets, go with him no longer.It is like having lost some of your relatives: his friendship to you has died. Like a bird, you have let your friend go, you will not get him back. When you open your hand, the bird flies off; do not pursue him: he is far away and has fled like a gazelle from the snare. Fora wound can be bandaged and an insult forgiven, but if you betray a secret there is no hope.
Ben Sirach,Ecclesiasticus:Wisdom of Sirach 27:16-21
I don’t care what a man’s character is, if he’s my friend, a true friend, I will be a friend to him and preach the Gospel of salvation to him, and give him good counsel, helping him out of his difficulties.Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease, and men to become friends and brothers...
Friends humor and flatter us, they steal our time, they encourage our love of ease, they make us content with ourselves, they are the foes of our virtue and our glory.
That my friend should be well is our wish, and that our enemies should be gone! May those friendly to you reach their goal as a ship does a friendly harbour! May your enemy, like the flood waters of a river, return to his city.
It’s very easy to develop friends but it’s very hard to see whether or not they’re real friends ~Donald Trump
Well, I think it’s easier to develop friendships but I’m not so sure when you get back down to the traditional sense, and that would be the friends that are here in good times and bad. I’m not so sure necessarily how many of those friends would be around if things did take a turn for the worst. I’ve oftentimes thought that I’d like to test some people and find out and just played a little game of doing the testing and which has been done on occasion. Butit’s very easy to develop friends but it’s very hard to see whether or not they’re real friends.
If our friends do us a service, we think they owe it to us by their title of friend. We never think that they do not owe us their friendship.
Vauvenargues,Reflections and Maxims, E. Lee, trans. (1903), p. 175
Les méchants n’ont que des complices; les voluptueux ont des compagnons de débauche; les intéressés ont des associés; les politiques assemblent des factieux; le commun des hommes oisifs a des liaisons; les princes ont des courtisans; les hommes vertueux ont seuls des amis.
The wicked have only accomplices, the voluptuous have only companions in debauchery; self-seekers have only associates; politicians have only their factions; the generality of idle men has only connections; princes have only courtiers; virtuous men alone possess friends.
Old friends are the great blessing of one's latter years—half a word conveys one's meaning. They have memory of the same events, and have the same mode of thinking.
Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature — it requires, in fact, the nature of a true Individualist — to sympathise with a friend's success.
Oscar Wilde,The Soul of Man under Socialism (1891).
I have lost friends, some by death [...] others through sheer inability to cross the street.
You that would judge me, do not judge alone This book or that, come to this hallowed place Where my friends' portraits hang and look thereon, Ireland's history in their lineaments trace, Think where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends.
Give me one friend, just one, who meets The needs of all my varying moods.
Esther M. Clark, "A Plea," lines 1 and 2, Verses by a Commonplace Person (1906).
The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends,And no investment on the street pays larger dividends,For life is more than stocks and bonds, and love than rate percent,And he who gives in friendship's name shall reap what he has spent.
Anne S. Eaton, "The Business of Friendship," lines 1–4. Seth Parker, Fireside Poems, p. 34 (1933).
Never Explain—your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway
Elbert Hubbard, The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard, opposite p. 176 (1927).
But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life; and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine.
Thomas Jefferson, letter to Maria Cosway, October 12, 1786. The Papers of Thomas Jefferson, ed. Julian P. Boyd, vol. 10, p. 449–50 (1954).
Our cause, then, must be intrusted to, and conducted by, its own undoubted friends—those whose hands are free, whose hearts are in the work—who do care for the result. Two years ago the Republicans of the nation mustered over thirteen hundred thousand strong. We did this under the single impulse of resistance to a common danger, with every external circumstance against us. Of strange, discordant, and even, hostile elements, we gathered from the four winds, and formed and fought the battle through, under the constant hot fire of a disciplined, proud, and pampered enemy. Did we brave all then to falter now?—now when that same enemy is wavering, dissevered, and belligerent? The result is not doubtful. We shall not fail—if we stand firm, we shall not fail. Wise councils may accelerate or mistakes delay it, but, sooner or later, the victory is sure to come.
Abraham Lincoln, speech delivered at the close of the Republican state convention, which named him the candidate for the United States Senate, Springfield, Illinois, June 16, 1858. The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln, ed. Roy P. Basler, vol. 2, p. 468–69 (1953).
When someone asked Abraham Lincoln, after he was elected president, what he was going to do about his enemies, he replied, "I am going to destroy them. I am going to make them my friends."
Attributed toAbraham Lincoln. Reported as unverified inRespectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations (1989).
Think where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends.
William Butler Yeats, "The Municipal Gallery Revisited," lines 54–55, The Variorum Edition of the Poems of W. B. Yeats, ed. Peter Allt and Russell K. Alspach, p. 604 (1957). Senator George McGovern quoted these words of Yeats's in his concession speech following the 1972 presidential election.
Friendship, of itself a holy tie, Is made more sacred by adversity. ~John DrydenI would not enter on my list of friends (Though graced with polish'd manners and fine sense, Yet wanting sensibility) the man Who needlessly sets foot upon aworm. ~William Cowper
Great souls by instinct to each other turn, Demand alliance, and in friendship burn.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, Though they return with scars.
Allan Ramsay's Version. See hisTea-Table Miscellany (1724). Transferred after to Johnson's Musical Museum. See S. J. A. Fitzgerald's Stories of Famous Songs.
His ancient, trusty, drouthy crony, Tam lo'ed him like a vera brither— They had been fou for weeks thegither!
Ah! were I sever'd from thy side, Where were thy friend and who my guide? Years have not seen, Time shall not see The hour that tears my soul from thee.
Lord Byron,Bride of Abydos (1813), Canto I, Stanza 11.
Friendship is Love without his wings!
Lord Byron,L'Amitié est l'Amour sans Ailes, Stanza 1.
In friendship I early was taught to believe; * * * * * * I have found that a friend may profess, yet deceive.
Lord Byron, lines addressed to the Rev. J. T. Becher, Stanza 7.
'Twas sung, how they were lovely in their lives, And in their deaths had not divided been.
Give me the avowed, the erect, the manly foe; Bold I can meet—perhaps may turn his blow; But of all plagues, good Heaven, thy wrath can send, Save, save, oh! save me from the candid friend.
Oh, how you wrong our friendship, valiant youth. With friends there is not such a word as debt: Where amity is ty'd with band of truth, All benefits are there in common set.
Our very best friends have a tincture of jealousy even in their friendship; and when they hear us praised by others, will ascribe it to sinister and interested motives if they can.
The man that hails you Tom or Jack, And proves by thumps upon your back How he esteems your merit, Is such a friend, that one had need Be very much his friend indeed To pardon or to bear it.
"Wal'r, my boy," replied the captain; "in the Proverbs of Solomon you will find the following words: 'May we never want a friend in need, nor a bottle to give him!' When found, make a note of."
Forsake not an old friend, for the new is not comparable unto him. A new friend is as new wine: when it is old thou shalt drink it with pleasure.
Ecclesiasticus, IX. 10.
The fallying out of faithful frends is the reunyng of love.
Richard Edwards,The Paradise of Dainty Devices, No. 42, Stanza 1.
Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
George Eliot,Mr. Gilfil's Love-Story, Chapter VII.
Friendships begin with liking or gratitude—roots that can be pulled up.
George Eliot,Daniel Deronda (1876), Book IV, Chapter XXXII.
So, if I live or die to serve my friend, 'Tis for my love —' tis for my friend alone, And not for any rate that friendship bears In heaven or on earth.
To act the part of a true friend requires more conscientious feeling than to fill with credit and complacency any other station or capacity in social life.
Sarah Stickney Ellis,Pictures of Private Life, Second Series,The Pains of Pleasing, Chapter IV.
A day for toil, an hour for sport, But for a friend is life too short.
Friendship should be surrounded with ceremonies and respects, and not crushed into corners. Friendship requires more time than poor, busy men can usually command.
The highest compact we can make with our fellow is, — Let there be truth between us two forevermore. * * * It is sublime to feel and say of another, I need never meet, or speak, or write to him; we need not reinforce ourselves or send tokens of remembrance; I rely on him as on myself; if he did thus or thus, I know it was right.
Fast as the rolling seasons bring The hour of fate to those we love, Each pearl that leaves the broken string Is set in Friendship's crown above. As narrower grows the earthly chain, The circle widens in the sky; These are our treasures that remain, But those are stars that beam on high.
A generous friendship no cold medium knows, Burns with one love, with one resentment glows; One should our interests and our passions be, My friend must hate the man that injures me.
Homer,The Iliad, Book IX, line 725. Pope's translation.
Two friends, two bodies with one soul inspir'd.
Homer,The Iliad, Book XVI, line 267. Pope's translation.
Dulcis inexpertis cultura potentis amici; Expertus metuit.
To have a great man for an intimate friend seems pleasant to those who have never tried it; those who have, fear it.
If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair.
To let friendship die away by negligence and silence, is certainly not wise. It is voluntarily to throw away one of the greatest comforts of this weary pilgrimage.
True happiness Consists not in the multitude of friends, But in the worth and choice. Nor would I have Virtue a popular regard pursue: Let them be good that love me, though but few.
I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me.
Abraham Lincoln,Reply to Missouri Committee of Seventy (1864).
Alas! to-day I would give everything To see a friend's face, or hear a voice That had the slightest tone of comfort in it.
Molière, Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme, Act IV, scene 1.
The wiser a man becomes the more numerous are the men whom he dislikes, only if he is really wise, he does not tell anyone of his dislikes, unless he finds it necessary to cement a friendship with a man (or a woman) by talking about a mutual enemy. There is no stronger bond of friendship than a common enemy.
Forsooth, brethren, fellowship is heaven and lack of fellowship is hell; fellowship is life and lack of fellowship is death; and the deeds that ye do upon the earth, it is for fellowship's sake that ye do them.
There is nothing that is meritorious but virtue and friendship; and indeed friendship itself is only a part of virtue.
Alexander Pope, reported in Johnson'sLives of the Poets;Life of Pope.
Absent or dead, still let a friend be dear, (A sigh the absent claims, the dead a tear.)
Alexander Pope,Epistle to Robert, Earl of Oxford.
A man that hath friends must show himself friendly; and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Proverbs, XVIII. 24.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
Proverbs, XXVII. 6.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs, XXVII. 17.
Mine own familiar friend.
Psalms. XLI. 9.
Our triumphs seem hollow unless we have friends to share them, and our failures are made bearable by their understanding.
James Rachels,The Elements of Moral Philosophy, 1986.
There is no treasure the which may be compared unto a faithful friend; Gold soone decayeth, and worldly wealth consumeth, and wasteth in the winde; But love once planted in a perfect and pure minde indureth weale and woe; The frownes of fortune, come they never so unkinde, cannot the same overthrowe.
Roxburghe Ballads.The Bride's Good-Morrow. Ed. by John Payne Collier.
Idem velle et idem nolle ea demum firma amicitia est.
To desire the same things and to reject the same things, constitutes true friendship.
Sallust,Catilina, XX. From Catiline's Oration to his Associates.
Saul and Jonathan were lovely and pleasant in their lives, and in their death they were not divided.
2 Samuel. 1:23.
Dear is my friend—yet from my foe, as from my friend, comes good: My friend shows what I can do, and my foe what I should.
Perhaps it is the deprivation that keeps hearts connected. Once everything is fulfilled, wings sprout in everyone’s heart, and they fly off to different destinations. How can a relationship stay warm with just the body, when the heart is absent?"
To hear him speak, and sweetly smile You were in Paradise the while.
SirPhilip Sidney,Friend's Passion for his Astrophel. Attributed also to Spenser and Roydon.
Madam, I have been looking for a person who disliked gravy all my life; let us swear eternal friendship.
Sydney Smith, inLady Holland's Memoir (1855) , p. 257; "Let us swear an eternal friendship. Poetry of the Anti-Jacobin. The Rovers".
Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love, and to be loved, is the greatest happiness of existence.
Sydney Smith,Lady Holland's Memoir (1855), "Of Friendship".
For to cast away a virtuous friend, I call as bad as to cast away one's own life, which one loves best.
Sophocles,Œdipus Tyrannis. Oxford translation. Revised by Buckley.
For whoever knows how to return a kindness he has received must be a friend above all price.
Sophocles,Philoctetes. Oxford translation. Revised by Buckley.
'Tis something to be willing to commend; But my best praise is, that I am your friend.
Thomas Southerne,To Mr. Congreve on the Old Bachelor, last lines.
It's an owercome sooth fo' age an' youth, And it brooks wi' nae denial, That the dearest friends are the auldest friends, And the young are just on trial.
A good man is the best friend, and therefore soonest to be chosen, longer to be retained; and indeed, never to be parted with, unless he cease to be that for which he was chosen.
Jeremy Taylor,A Discourse of the Nature, Measures, and Offices of Friendship.
Choose for your friend him that is wise and good, and secret and just, ingenious and honest, and in those things which have a latitude, use your own liberty.
Jeremy Taylor,A Discourse of the Nature, Measures, and Offices of Friendship.
When I choose my friend, I will not stay till I have received a kindness; but I will choose such a one that can do me many if I need them; but I mean such kindnesses which make me wiser, and which make me better.
Jeremy Taylor,A Discourse of the Nature, Measures, and Offices of Friendship.
Friendship is like rivers, and the strand of seas, and the air, common to all the world; but tyrants, and evil customs, wars, and want of love, have made them proper and peculiar.
Jeremy Taylor,A Discourse of the Nature, Measures, and Offices of Friendship.
Nature and religion are the bands of friendship, excellence and usefulness are its great endearments.
Jeremy Taylor,A Discourse of the Nature, Measures, and Offices of Friendship.
Some friendships are made by nature, some by contract, some by interest, and some by souls.
Jeremy Taylor,A Discourse of the Nature, Measures, and Offices of Friendship.
O friendship, equal-poised control, O heart, with kindliest motion warm, O sacred essence, other form, O solemn ghost, O crowned soul!
A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man, that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends; and that the most liberal professions of good-will are very far from being the surest marks of it.
I have friends in Spirit Land,— Not shadows in a shadowy band, Not others but themselves are they, And still I think of them the same As when the Master's summons came.
Quotes reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert,Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895).
I consider beyond all wealth, honor, or even health, is the attachment due to noble souls; because to become one with the good, generous, and true, is to be, in a manner, good, generous, and true yourself.
The friendship of high and sanctified spirits loses nothing by death but its alloy; failings disappear, and the virtues of those whose faces we shall behold no more appear greater and more sacred when beheld through the shades of the sepulchre.
Character is so largely affected by associations that we cannot afford to be indifferent as to who and what our friends are. They write their names in our albums, but they do more, they help make us what we are. Be therefore careful in selecting them; and when wisely selected, never sacrifice them.
M. Hulburd, p. 255.
Friendship is a cadence of divine melody melting through the heart.
Charles Mildway, p. 255.
A good man is the best friend, and therefore soonest to be chosen, longest to be retained, and indeed never to be parted with, unless he cease to be that for which he was chosen.
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