Welcome to the user page of Edwin Engelbarth, Esquire.^[1]

This page is especially recommended for those with deficiency,and satirized for your protection.

Tom Lehrer's"Send the Marines"

From our article onboro glycerine:

At a meeting of the Society of Arts, on March 29, 1882, Professor Barff delivered a lecture, in which he announced his discovery of boro-glycerine. Barff had been attempting to find a way in which boric acid, a known antiseptic, could be used to preserve meats ...

Research prompted, one imagines, by Professor Barff's personal experience with food spoilage?

Merrill Perlman inColumbia Journalism Review[16]

Damn those sticklers in favor of what sounds best to you, in the context of the writing and the audience it’s intended for.

The link above is, by the way, well worth reading.

This morning I used Google to look up the number of the Boston University dental school, and just now I wanted the exact text of a passage from Hound of the Baskervilles, in which Hugo Baskerville warns his sons "to forbear from crossing the moor in those dark hours when the powers of evil are exalted". But through some accident of autocompletion I apparently submitted to Google the stringbu dentalaskervilles hours of darkness evil exalted. Here's what I got in return:

There is no indication of any connection between "The Hound of the Baskervilles" and Boston University Henry M. Goldman School of Dental Medicine, which has regular operating hours Monday through Saturday, and there is no indication that the terms "hours of darkness" and "powers of evil" are used by BU Dental for anything specific.

Which is reassuring, I guess[17].

Youth is the time when the character is being molded and easily takes any impression one may wish to stamp on it. Shall we then simply allow our children to listen to any stories that anyone happens to make up and so receive into their minds ideas often the very opposite to those we shall think they ought to have when they are grown up?

From our articleJohn Ferrar:

He had made his daughter Virginia Ferrar his executor and not his wife or his son.

From our article on British railway executive Peter Hendy[18]:

In 2013, Peter Hendy, who was then the Commissioner of Transport for London, was accused of engaging in a nine-month extramarital affair with a call girl. She alleged that Hendy provided her with severalOyster cards loaded with £10 as gifts.

Oi, mate. Don't knock it till you'vetried it! Beats the oldEel card hands down.Martinevans123 (talk) 21:17, 12 November 2024 (UTC)

From a discussion at the NOR Noticeboard[19]:

The 14th century textPrabandha Kosha claims that Durlabha defeated theGurjara king, brought him to the Chahamana capitalAjmer in chains and forced him to sellyogurt in a market.

From our article on the novelThe Pit, by Frank Norris:

It was the second book in what was to be the trilogyThe Epic of the Wheat ... Together the three novels were to follow the journey of a crop of wheat from its planting in California to its ultimate consumption as bread in Western Europe.

Helpful information from Google AI Overview in response to the question, "Who played the sister in the filmPhiladelphia?"

Peg French plays the Brontë Sisters in the 1993 film Philadelphia.

In a triple role, I guess.

From an advertisement[20] for Tree Top brand apple sauce and apple juice:

Farmer dad: For sixty years, families like ours have been growing apples for "Tree Top" brand apple juice, for families like yours!

Farmer granddad: Ripe, juicy apples -- picked at the peak of perfection!<Shot of cute little girl picking apples – possibly a child-labor violation.>

Farmer dad: And year after year, harvest after harvest, we've held to our core belief that the best quality apples make for the best tasting apple sauce and apple juice.

I'm trying to decide what an apple farmer'score beliefs are.

From our article on electronic test equipment manufacturerTektronix:

The following notable individuals currently work for Tektronix, or have previously worked for Tektronix in some capacity. This list includes persons who are notable for reasons unrelated to their Tektronix careers.

• Norm Winningstad: engineer; founder ofFloating Point Systems, author
• Rebecca Wirfs-Brock: engineer; technical lead for the first commercialSmalltalk implementation; author of books onobject-oriented programming
• Delbert Yocam: former president,COO; former COO ofApple Computer
• Craig Ryan: Technical writer, author of non-fiction Sonic Wind and film of same title.
• William D. Walker: former president, COO; former President ofElectro Scientific Industries, former President ofPlanar Systems, former chair of Tek Foundation, former board ofOregon Graduate Center.
• Randall Woodfield: American serial killer.

From "Stanford employee arrested, charged with falsifying rape allegations" (March 16, 2023):

Law professor Michele Dauber, who teaches a course about sexual violence called “One in Five: The Law, Politics, and Policy of Campus Sexual Assault,” wrote in an email to The Daily that false reports are “very rare.” Only two to ten percent of all reports are found to be false, a rate similar to falsified reports of other crimes including murder.

From Boyer and Merzbach,A History of Mathematics (2nd ed.,1989), p. 685:

A decade later there appeared the first volume ofPrincipia methamatica (3 vols., 1910–1913), by Bertrand Russell and Alfred North Whitehead.

Sign at London'sFarringdon station

Closed captions accompanying an MSNBC talking head's commentary on the recent meeting between presidents Biden and Xi

FOR SHOOTING PAYING, HE REALLY
NEEDS THEIR.
HIS HAD ALSO IT'S A DOMESTIC.
PROBLEMS HE JUST SECTORS FOR
MR. AND HIS PORN MINISTER BECAUSE OF THE CORRUPTION.

Life is in color, but black and white is more realistic.

—Sam Fuller (as "Joe") inThe State of Things (1982).

I knew it was much easier for me to pantomime than it was to talk. I'm an artist, and I knew very well in talking a lot of that would disappear ... I've always said that the pantomime is far more poetic and it has a universal appeal that everyone would understand if it were well done. The spoken word reduces everybody to a certain glibness. The voice is a beautiful thing, most revealing, and I didn’t want to be too revealing in my art because it may show a limitation. There are very few people with voices that can reach or give the illusion of great depth, whereas movement is as near to nature as a bird flying.

—Chaplin[21]

Bowman's disappearance was Danburg's biggest thrill since the milkman eloped with the bootlegger's wife.

—Intertitle in Lon Chaney's horror comedy filmThe Monster (1925).

From our article on mathematicianW. W. Rouse Ball:

He is commemorated in the naming of the small pavilion, now used as changing rooms and toilets, onJesus Green in Cambridge.

From "What are theNTSC,PAL, andSECAM video format standards?"[22]

SECAM is an abbreviation for Sequential Color and Memory. This video format is used in many Eastern countries such as the USSR, China, Pakistan, France, and a few others.

Followup: According toa friend, SECAM alternatively stands for Signal Entirely Contrary to the American Method.

Helpful info fromYale University's Department of Comparative Literature:[23]

Qualifying Examination for the Doctoral Degree (“Orals”)

Candidates for the Ph.D. must take a qualifying oral examination in the fifth term of study. Orals assess students’ knowledge and understanding of their disciplines ... The exam will consist of six topics examined for fifteen minutes each for a total length of two hours.

From our article onOppie:

Oppenheimer did not take the news well. He jumped on Fergusson and tried to strangle him

Arecent item from theLaw&Crime Network

Bodycam footage shows the moment police in Fayetteville, Arkansas arrested Tyson Foods CFO John Tyson who was found asleep in a college-aged woman's bed on Nov. 6. In the video, Tyson appeared to be "disoriented" while officers tried to wake him up. He was charged with criminal trespass and public intoxication. A report said Tyson apologized during a call announcing Tyson Foods' fourth-quarter earnings.

From our articleHoward Mumford Jones:

In February 1954, Jones gave the dedicatory address at the opening of an addition to the University of Wisconsin's Memorial Library, entitled "Books and the Independent Mind." The crux of his comments was contained in this comment: "While it is true that we in this nation remain free to be idiotic, it does not necessarily follow that we must be idiotic in order to be free!"

From our article on the ethically challengedOxbridge Academy Foundation:

Oxbridge Academy Foundation, Inc. is a private coeducational college-preparatory middle and high school in West Palm Beach, Florida. Oxbridge Academy serves grades 7–12. Aimed at students of all socioeconomic backgrounds, the school has physical therapist on staff, chef-prepared lunches, a sailing and equestrian team, and a flight simulator.

The school was funded with a $50 million donation fromBill Koch. Koch's goal was to create a school for his own children where academically gifted students of all socioeconomic backgrounds could do hands-on projects and learn by problem solving, a place where students ruled. Oxbridge was opened in under a year on a 45-acre campus that once held a Jewish community center. By 2016 he had spent more than $75 million on the school.In 2011, Koch hired Robert C. Parsons to lead the school under titles president and chief executive ...

In April 2016, Mr. Koch announced that Academic Dean John Klemme would serve as the School's president, placing Mr. Parsons on paid leave pending an investigation of harassment claims. Parsons compensation package was worth $1 million, with an annual salary of about $600,000 per year.On May 27, 2016, Koch fired Parsons and declined to renew the contracts of Director of Athletics Craig Sponsky and the football coach Doug Socha; Koch noted that a "power elites group" in the school "ran the asylum" ... On June 20, 2018, the school announced that it was ending its football program after a number of its players transferred to other schools.

In 2016, the school self-reported athletic recruiting violations and forfeited all athletic victories for the previous two years ...

From our article onMatthew Freud:

According to theSunday Times Rich List in 2020, Freud is worth an estimated £170 million, a decrease of £10 from the previous year.

From our article "Murder of Alison Shaughnessy"[24]:

Bernard O'Mahoney, a man who had originally campaigned for the release of the Taylors and who then had an affair with Michelle, has since claimed that she confessed to the murder to him and has campaigned for the sisters to be re-convicted.

A correction to[25]:

Don't worry, Donald, it's been 65 years since anyone's beenput to death in the US fortreasonous collaboration with Russiastealing nuclear secrets.

From our article onBeautiful Mystery, "one of the earliest commercially produced gay pornographic films in Japan":

After a night of vigorous intercourse, the couple awaken only to discover that they have overslept and missed the coup.

Re[26], which (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) was a reaction to[27], question: Did he meanNazi fuckers, orNazi-fuckers? The hyphen makes all the difference.

In the opinion ofJohn Adams[28]:

In monarchy the crime of treason may admit of being pardoned or lightly punished, but the man who dares rebel against the laws of a republic ought to suffer death.

(From the much-missedMjolnirPants:)

Unbeknownst to me, my password manager saved my scrambled password ...

[29]

From the instructions for Form 1, the Massachusetts Resident Income Tax Return

Q: What is the Massachusetts voluntary higher tax rate?

A: You can elect to voluntarily pay tax at a rate of 5.85% on taxable income which would otherwise be taxed at a rate of 5%. Very few people make this election.

From theWashington Post}, "Three firefighters from the same station had babies in a 24-hour span" (March 30, 2022):

But on Feb. 20, the men – Frederick, Michael Irvine and Kyle Dean – saw each other at Spotsylvania Regional Medical Center. To their shock and amusement, their sons were born in the same 24-hour period."We were surprised that we all ended up there at the same time," Dean said with the understatement of a first responder who has seen a lot of unusual things on the job.

The men thought they should perhaps burn off some nervous energy by setting up a cornhole game during their downtime at the hospital, the same way they pass time at the firehouse. They quickly decided their two wives and one fiancee wouldn’t like that.

I would think not.

From "The Myth of Fingerprints", an episode ofLaw & Order:

Expert in lab coat: I found seven false positives out of the twenty that I tested.

Assistant DA: <shakes head in disbelief> That's almost a third!

From MSNBC's on-screen "crawl" during its coverage of the2021 Colorado wildfires:

LIVE INTERVIEW: BOULDER MAYOR ON FIRE

From our overcooked article on theDonner Party:

The next morning, the group stripped the muscle and organs from the bodies of Antonio, Dolan, Graves, and Murphy. They dried them to store for the days ahead, taking care to ensure nobody would have to eat his or her relatives.

From our article onTerminal cleaning:

Terminal cleaning is a cleaning method used in healthcare environments ...

From news item, "Massachusetts man who stopped armed robbery honored with prestigiousCarnegie Medal", September 24, 2021[30]:

LaPierre saved a mother and her baby from a crushed car in Canton, put a Newton neighborhood at ease when he quickly found a missing 8-foot python and is now being honored for stopping an armed robbery.

Headline, June 2, 2021:

Doctor who took part in illegal rectal search pleads guilty in federal drug case

Headline in the Decatur, Illinois,Herald & Review, June 9, 2010:

Former Bloomington police officer appeals rape conviction based on too much pornography being shown to jury

From our articleUniversity of Tennessee Health Science Center:

==Notable alumni==

• Winfield C. Dunn, DDS, Class of 1955, Tennessee Governor 1971–1975
• William E. Evans, PharmD, Class of 1975, director and CEO of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital from 2004 to 2014.
• Randy McNally, MPharm, Class of 1969, Lieutenant Governor of Tennessee 2017–present.
• Rhea Seddon, MD, Class of 1973, former NASA astronaut and eighth woman inducted into the U.S. Astronaut Hall of Fame
• Christopher Duntsch, neurosurgeon sentenced to life in prison for intentionally botching 32 surgeries that killed two patients and paralyzed two others

With thanks toAndrew Lancaster

• https://existentialcomics.com/philosopher/Jacques_Derrida
• https://existentialcomics.com/philosopher/Jean-Francois_Lyotard
• https://existentialcomics.com/archive

From our article onHomobiles, "an American nonprofit organization founded in 2011 which provides rides primarily to the San Francisco LGBT community [focusing] on customers that taxis did not want to pick up – those wearing glitter, assless chaps, or unable to pay the fare":

Some riders report that they are unable to get rides due to their glitter makeup as the glitter can be hard for the driver to clean up following the ride.

From our articleFlight attendant:

TheVicki Barr: Flight Stewardess book series, in which Vicki's career "brings her glamorous friends, exciting adventures, loyal roommates and dates with a hand some young pilot and an up-and-coming reporter" ...

MSNBC anchor Katy Tur teasing an upcoming segment, Feb. 22, 2010:

And still ahead ... more than five decades after their deaths, the daughters of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King come together for an extraordinary discussion about their fathers' legacies, and the future.

Personal note: After watching the interview I'm bound to say that for people dead five decades they look remarkably lifelike.

Edit summary for an edit to our article "Catholic Church sexual abuse cases":

Priest gets off[31]

ReporterHallie Jackson interviewing RepresentativeJim Clyburn on MSNBC, January 12, 2023:

Some of your colleagues on the other side of the aisle have drawn parallels between what is happening now as it relates to the revelation of these classified documents found in the president's private areas and what happened with former president Trump.

From the lead ofJoseph P. Kennedy Jr.:

He was posthumously awarded theNavy Cross and was the eldest of nine children born toJoseph P. Kennedy Sr. (1888–1969) andRose Fitzgerald Kennedy (1890–1995).

CNN anchor Yasmin Vossoughian (February 21, 2021) filling us in on ajetliner engine failure which began with a "loud boom", after which "debris from the engine fell out of the sky":

Passengers in the plane were shocked.

FromThe Monsters Are Due on Maple Street#Plot:

Lights begin flashing on and off in houses throughout the neighborhood; lawnmowers and car engines start and stop for no apparent reason. The mob becomes hysterical, hurling accusations, smashing windows, and taking up weapons as the situation devolves into an all-out riot.

The scene cuts to a nearby hilltop, where it is revealed the shadow that flew overhead is, indeed, an alien spaceship. Its crew are watching the riot on Maple Street while using a device to manipulate the neighborhood's power. They comment on how simply fiddling with consistency leads people to descend into paranoia and panic, and that this is a pattern that can be exploited. They also discuss their intention to use this strategy to conquer Earth, one neighborhood at a time. They then ascend a stairway into their spaceship.

Alarming information from our article onDutch babies:

A Dutch baby is always baked in the oven, rather than being fried on both sides on the stove top.

One hundred years ago, Theodor Seuss Geisel (better known as "Dr. Seuss") arguably began his writing career by authoring a book review of a railroad timetable and contributing to the Dartmouth College humor magazineJack-O-Lantern.^[2] Since then millions of children – young and old – have delighted in the wit and wisdom of his iconic books with their hallucinatory illustrations. In celebration of this centennial,The Signpost has blatantly hijacked some of Seuss's most familiar works (and a few less familiar ones) in service of the perhaps questionable goal of indoctrinating a new generation of editors in the wacky ways of Wikipedia.

"Editors are just obsolete children, and the hell with them." – Dr. Seuss

Dr. Seuss's ABCsof Editing^[3]

• One Link,Two Link,Red Link,Blue Link^[4]
• I Can Revert 30Vandals Today! ^[5]
• I Can Edit with MyEyes Shut! ^[6]
• Come Over to MyTalk Page^[7]
• Hooray for FirstEdit Day! ^[8]
• The Recent Changes Feed and OtherLost Stories^[9]

“	You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way!	”
— Dr. Seuss,Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I Am Not Going to Edit Today!

All around the world
they're editing.
And so theydon't need me.
Let others editSwitzerland
orMemphis, Tennessee.
Let them edit inAlaska
and inChina.
I don't care.
Let others editItaly.
Let others editSpain.
Let them editMassachusetts,
Connecticut andMaine.
Someone else can editLondon
andParis andBerlin.
Let them edit all they want to.
But not me.
I'm sleeping in.^[10]

TBANed Editor Will You Please Go Now!

Just go. Go. GO! I don't care how.
You can go editfoot. You can go editcow.^[11]

The Bitter Battleground Book

My wonderful weapon, theRollbacker-Snatchem,
will roll back those edits as quick as we catch 'em.^[12]

Oh, the Places Redirects Go!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You canredirect articles
any places you choose.^[13]

If I Ran Arbcom

Ei! What a committee! Fit for its purpose!
Our clerks theylove clerking.They say, "Work us! Please work us!
We'll clerk and we'll clerkuntil we're lightheaded
(But you'll only see half'causediscussion's unthreaded!)" ^[14]

“	I'm a North-Going Zax andI always go north. Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!	”
— Dr. Seuss,The Zax

The Zax's Conduct Guidance

• You're Only BOLD Once^[15]
• Oh Say You Can't Say^[16]
• Great Day for UPE! ^[17]
• Did I Ever Tell You How Unlucky You Are? ^[18]
• How the Grinch Defaced Articles with Infoboxes^[19]

I Had Trouble Reporting to WP:ANEW

I learned there arevandalsof more than one kind.
Some come from ahead andsome come from behind.
But they gave methe bit – I'm all ready you see.
Now those vandals are going

to be blocked by me! ^[20]

(Sequel:I Had Trouble Reporting to AIV, Too)

“	And to Think That I Saw It in a Featured Article[21] Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small. You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.	”
— Dr. Seuss,The Sneetches and Other Stories

The Lorax's Content Policies

• The Footnote Book^[22]
• Green Eggs and Spam^[23]
• Horton Hatches a Hoax^[24]
• My Article about ME^[25]

Horton Hates a Hasty Hyphen

I'll just have tofix it. Because, after all
An error's an error, no matter how small.^[26]

ArbCom Hatches the Egg

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant ...
ArbCom is faithful, one hundred per cent! ^[27]

“	Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going toget better. It's not.	”
— Dr. Seuss,The Lorax

Oh, the Links You Can Link!

Linkinternal,external,piped or unpiped.
Oh, the links you can link up however you like!
Don't link left-wing or right-wing,promo orspam.
Practicesafe linking whenever you can! ^[28]

Tech Tips from Sam-I-Am

• Scorsese Ahead of Swayze^[29]
• Horton and the Phabberbug
  and More Lost Stories^[30]
• What PetScan Have I Ran? ^[31]
• Lua the Big-Hearted Module^[32]
• The Admin's Mop^[33]
• Bartholomew and the Ombud^[34]

The Place I Be and Other Stuff^[35]

Wrote theFar Western part
Of south-east North Dakota,
And a very fine article
About theiota,
But I'll write a stub
That is even much finer
On thenorth-eastern west part
Of South Carolina.^[36]

Yasmin the Admin and Other Stories

Editors know, up topyou see great sights,
but down here at the bottom, we too should have rights.^[37]

“

Are you sure everyone onenwiki is working? Quick! Check thecontribs! Is anyoneshirking? [38]

”

“

I'm sorry to say so but sadly it's true thatedit conflicts can happen to you.[39]

”

Wardrobe Advice from
The Cat in the Hat

• There's a Socker in My Locker^[40]
• Blocks of Socks^[41]
• The 5000 Sockpuppets of Dr. T^[42]
• Dr. Seuss's Sleeper Book^[43]
• The 500 Hats of
  Bartholomew Cubbins^[44]
• The Hat in the Cat^[45]

“	The Waiting Place A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?	”
— Dr. Seuss,Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Hop on POP3 *

FATHER MOTHER SISTER BROTHER
That wasn't me,it was my brother.
My brother edits little bits
Fixing words likeits andit's.^[46]
———
*Non-geeks should refer to our article onPOP3.

A Little Dab'll Do Ya!

Too Many Dabs[47] Wikipedia:Disambiguation Wikipedia (disambiguation) Wikipedia:Wikipedia (disambiguation) Wikipedia:Disambiguation (disambiguation) Disambiguation (disambiguation) See also:Too Many Daves

Too ManyDebs

---

Aides-mémoire

[edit]

Bonus video

US Senator Rafael Edward Cruz reads Green Eggs and Ham I do not like thatsingle-payer, I do not want it for myBayer. I will not useObamacare, I will not use it anywhere. I will not use it for asprain, I will not use it in the brain. I will not use it for mygout, I will not use it on mysnout. I will not use it for my head, I will not use it when I've bled. I will not use it here or there, I will not use it anywhere! [48]

1. ^Not really.[1]
2. ^Lathem, Edward Connery, ed. (2004) [1976]."The Beginnings of Dr. Seuss: An Informal Reminiscence".Dartmouth College. Retrieved2021-01-22.
3. ^Dr. Seuss's ABC
4. ^One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
5. ^I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today! and Other Stories
6. ^I Can Read with My Eyes Shut!
7. ^Come over to My House
8. ^Hooray for Diffendoofer Day!
9. ^The Bippolo Seed and Other Lost Stories
10. ^I Am Not Going to Get Up Today!: "All around the world / they're getting up. / And that's okay with me. / Let the kids get up in Switzerland / ... or Memphis, Tennessee. / Let the kids get up in Alaska / ... and in China. / I don't care. / Let the kids get up in Italy. / Let the kids get up in Spain. / Let them get up in Massachusetts / and Connecticut and Maine. / Let the kids get up in London / and in Paris and Berlin. / Let them get up all they want to. / But not me. / I'm sleeping in."
11. ^Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!: "Just go. Go. GO! / I don't care how. / You can go by foot. / You can go by cow."
12. ^The Butter Battle Book: ""My wonderful weapon, the Jigger-Rock Snatchem, / will fling 'em right back just as quick as we catch 'em."
13. ^Oh, the Places You'll Go!: "You have brains in your head. / You have feet in your shoes. / You can steer yourself any direction you choose."
14. ^If I Ran the Circus: "Ei! Ei! What a circus! My Circus McGurkus! / My workerslove work. They say, "Work us! Please work us! / We'll work and we'll work up so many surprises / You'd never see half if you had forty eyeses!"
15. ^You're Only Old Once!
16. ^Oh Say Can You Say?
17. ^Great Day for Up!
18. ^Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?
19. ^How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
20. ^I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew: "And I learned there are troubles / Of more than one kind. / Some come from ahead / And some come from behind. / But I've bought a big bat. / I'm all ready, you see. / Now my troubles are going / To have troubles withme!"
21. ^And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street
22. ^The Foot Book
23. ^Green Eggs and Ham
24. ^Horton Hatches the Egg
25. ^My Book about ME
26. ^Horton Hears a Who!: "I'll just have to save him. Because, after all, / A person's a person, no matter how small."
27. ^Horton Hatches the Egg: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. / An elephant's faithful, one hundred per cent!"
28. ^Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!: "Think left and think right / and think low and think high. / Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!"
29. ^Daisy-Head Mayzie
30. ^Horton and the Kwuggerbug and More Lost Stories
31. ^What Pet Should I Get?
32. ^Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose
33. ^The King's Stilts
34. ^Bartholomew and the Oobleck
35. ^The Shape of Me and Other Stuff
36. ^If I Ran the Zoo: "In the Far Western part / Of south-east North Dakota / Lives a very fine animal / Called the Iota. / But I'll capture one / Who is even much finer / In the north-eastern west part / Of South Carolina."
37. ^Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories: "I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, / But down here at the bottom, we, too, should have rights."
38. ^Horton Hears a Who!: "Are you sure everyWho down inWho-ville is working? / Quick! Look through your town! Is there anyone shirking?"
39. ^Oh, the Places You'll Go!: "I'm sorry to say so / but, sadly, it's true / that Bang-ups / and Hang-ups / can happen to you."
40. ^There's a Wocket in My Pocket
41. ^Fox in Socks
42. ^The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T.
43. ^Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book
44. ^The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins
45. ^The Cat in the Hat
46. ^Hop on Pop: "FATHER / MOTHER / SISTER / BROTHER / That one is my other brother. / My brothers read a little bit. / Little words like / If and it."
47. ^Too Many Daves
48. ^Green Eggs and Ham: "I will not eat them in the rain. / I will not eat them on a train. / Not in the dark! Not in a tree! / Not in a car! You let me be! / I do not like them in a box. / I do not like them with a fox. / I will not eat them in a house. / I do not like them with a mouse. / I do not like them here or there. / I do not like them ANYWHERE! / I do not like green eggs and ham! / I do not like them, / Sam-I-am."

Senator Charles Schumer speaking on the floor of the United States Senate, January 22, 2021:

The fact is, the House will deliver the Article of Impeachment to the Senate. The Senate will conduct a trial of the impeachment of Donald Trump. It will be a full trial. It will be a fair trial. But make no mistake: there will be a trial, and when that trial ends senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John Trump incited the erection ... insurrection against the United States.

Followup (February 12): Attorney Michael van der Veen, possibly not fully briefed on the issue at bar, defending Donald Trump during Trump's second trial:

To litigate questions of election integrity within the system is not incitement to resurrection ...

Even opinions lose their immunity, when the circumstances in which they are expressed are such as to constitute their expression a positive instigation to some mischievous act. An opinion that corn-dealers are starvers of the poor, or that private property is robbery, ought to be unmolested when simply circulated through the press, but may justly incur punishment when delivered orally to an excited mob assembled before the house of a corn-dealer, or when handed about among the same mob in the form of a placard.

—Mill, On Liberty, Ch. III

From our article onBlack Rod, essentially the House of Commons's sergeant-at-arms:

Black Rod is best known for their part in the ceremonies surrounding theState Opening of Parliament and theSpeech from the throne. They summon theCommons to attend the speech and lead them to theLords. As part of the ritual, the doors to the chamber of the House of Commons are slammed in the approaching Black Rod's face. This is to symbolise the Commons' independence of the Sovereign. Black Rod then strikes the door three times with the staff, and is then admitted and issues the summons of the monarch to attend. ... This ritual is derived from the attempt byKing Charles I to arrest theFive Members in 1642, in what was seen as a breach of the constitution.

Those who don't know how that turned out, seeExecution of Charles I. But don't worry, Donald, it's been 65 years since anyone's beenput to death in the US for treasonous collaboration with Russia. And speaking of deranged sociopaths:

Suddenly, Hitler began to make one of his characteristic speeches: "Everyone has lied to me, everyone has deceived me, no one has told me the truth. The armed forces have lied to me and now the SS have left me in the lurch. The German people has not fought heroically, it deserves to perish. It is not I who have lost the war, but the German people."

And everyone knowshowthat turned out.

To those who can hear me, I say – do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed – the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Soldiers! Don’t give yourselves to brutes – men who despise you – enslave you – who regiment your lives – tell you what to do – what to think and what to feel! Who drill you – diet you – treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate – the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” – not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power – the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then – in the name of democracy – let us use that power – let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world – a decent world that will give men a chance to work – that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world – to do away with national barriers – to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts.

• Sanity was touch and go for a while there.

A message for visitors: Forperformance reasons some of the more image-heavy exhibits have been moved toUser:EEng/Museum Annex. The Annex is free and open to the public.

We actually have an article on "goat towers", which are – and I am not making this up – "multi-story decorative goat houses" for some reason commonly found in vineyards. And so perhaps it was inevitable that, in the course of a discussion of this article, the following would bubble up from the fertile but warped mind of our fellow editorMartinevans123[32]:

JE SUIS  EEng

Your season tickets to The Museums are validat WP:AE.Userbox byRitchie333[33].

If only it were so...

From adiscussion at AN:

"This episode, to my mind highlights a very big flaw in the functioning of wikipedia. Namely, that certain users who have an elevated status: 'admins' are able to act without impunity."

• "His primary achievement has been in confusing the public mind."
• "Little did I dream you could be so reckless, and so cruel ... You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"
• "Every time I read the paper / those old feelings come on
  We are waist deep in the Big Muddy / and the big fool says to push on."

• Studies on the effect of humor on cognition and memory:[35][36]

This page is under destruction.

No user-serviceable parts inside.

This user hasopted out of revert notifications. You should, too!

This user has been blocked several times, andisn't embarrassed about it - (admire myblock log here!).

• In some cases "unblockable" has meant "behaves inappropriately but has too many supporters to keep blocked". But in some cases it may mean "repeatedly triggers others to behave with inappropriate authoritarianism and is unblocked when it becomes apparent that the authoritarianism was inappropriate".[37]
• The most notorious occasion this problem arises is probably with the self-appointed civility cops. Someone can make a talkpage comment which twenty different people see and conclude is non-problematic, but it only takes one admin to misinterpret it and the editor in question gets blocked.EEng is probably the most obvious example of this, but the problem is that most normal people aren't as sanguine as EEng in this situation ...[38]

This editor wasnominated for deletionin September 2016.The consensus of the discussion washe's speedy.

Resources offered:

• I will be happy to supply, for use in developing articles, materials catalogedhere (digital materials are easy, scans of hardcopies may take some time).

Because some have asked...

• The material on this page is meant to increase other editors' pleasure in contributing (by providing modest amusement they can enjoy during breaks from editing) or to assist them in becoming more effective editors (by illustrating various aspects of Wikipedia as a social environment e.g.[39])
• In humor based on political events, Democratic figures are featured as well as Republican (e.g.[40]) though unfortunately the former opportunities don't arise very often, because e.g. Clinton and Obama just aren't as amusing as the Republican nominee.Note: This wing of the Museums temporarily closed pending approval by thecastigatores of such material as is conducive to theregimen morum.

Department of FunNA‑classBottom‑importance

This article is supported by theDepartment of Fun, which aims to provideWikipedians with fun so that they stay on Wikipedia and keep on improving articles. If you have any ideas, do not hesitate to post them to the discussion page or access ourhome page to join the Department of Fun.Department of FunWikipedia:Department of FunTemplate:WikiProject Department of FunDepartment of Fun NA This article has been rated asNA-class on the project'squality scale. Bottom This article has been rated asBottom-importance on theimportance scale.

                                                  

EEng [is] a general force for good.

—LlywelynII‍^[41]

"Editors such as EEng are very constructive."

—BrownHairedGirl‍^[42]

                    Where Angels Fear to Tread                    

No one dare criticize EEng.

—Nfitz‍^[45]

                    So there!                    

EEng (despite his block log, which is not as bad as it looks at first glance if you understand it) ...

—Doug Weller‍^[46]

                                                  

You play the role of Wiki-jester quite well ... good for the sanity of the community.

—Lepricavark‍^[59]

The Curator doesn't really understand the significance of that last one.

	The Barnstar of Good Humor
	I haven't checked out your userpage in a long while, but I laughed so hard (I particularly liked the "head in the sand" picture) I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose.PS: I would like to apologise forbeing tempted to go to the dark side....Ritchie333(talk)(cont) 12:30, 20 March 2015 (UTC)

	The Rather Unusual User Page Award
	Not sure what my definition of a "rather usual" userpage would be, but it wouldn't be that.[82]

"This is a very long page."‍^[83]

		The Barnstar of Good Humor
		For yourmedicine against chronic wikidespair. Consult your doctor before trying this medicine. Symptoms include: a systemic allergic reaction, a worsening of withdrawal symptoms for not placing{{ANI-notice}} in months, andcasting thefirst stone.[84]

"childish and irresponsible"‍^[85]

No barnstar is better than this barnstar, believe me!

		The Donald Trump Barnstar
		Your userpage is hilarious.MB298 (talk) 00:17, 30 October 2016 (UTC)

	The Barnstar of Good Humor
	Your new gallery made me laugh even harder than the admittedly rambunctious Trump Museums. Astonishing, flabbergasting, yyuuuge!!! —JFGtalk 20:14, 20 December 2016 (UTC)

Ultra-Cool User Page... After looking again at this work of art ....... I'm speechless. What a man! And might the gentleman's first name be Albert?EE=ng²

—I'm ashamed to say

An untidy user page may signify an untidy mind and careless work.

—WP:Advice_for_RfA_candidates

A Note to Readers

We have concluded to publish this work, though it falls short of what it ought to be, and would have been, if circumstances had permitted us to devote more time to its completion. We are well aware of its imperfections and defects. But, with all its faults, we flatter ourselves the it contains much interesting and hitherto unpublished information ...

Our object has been to condense this matter within the smallest space, well knowing that, in this age of instantaneous electric communication, very few have the patience to read large volumes.

We have followed no particular author, servilely, but formed our own conclusions by comparing the opinions of the different authors, more than one hundred in number ... We may have fallen in to some mistakes regarding dates of events, or names of persons or parties, but such errors are hardly avoidable in a work of such wide scope.

— Hugh Quigley,The Irish race in California and on the Pacific Coast:with an introductory historical dissertation on the principal races of mankind,and a vocabulary of ancient and modern Irish family names (1878)

This user feelsphysical pain when hearing othersrefer to Wikipedia as "Wiki".

Wikipedia:Don't call it "Wiki" – People who do are usually trouble

• WP:If you use the word "accolade" in an article, pigs will eat you -- see[87]

• {{FBDB}} – Friendly banter – don't block!
• {{Confused?}} – This editor may be confused.

One fine day in the middle of the night, / Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other, / Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn’t, see / So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play, / A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A paralysed donkey passing by, / Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall, / Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise, / And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don’t believe this story’s true, / Ask the blind man he saw it too!

• Thanks toSoftlavender, we learn that Hollywood predicted Wikipediasixty years in advance, complete with vanity articles:Click here. "Human enlightenment‍—‌whatnonsense, Professor!"

• FromUser:Darwinbish/insultspout (viaRitchie333).Refresh as often as desired:

Don't call names,you lumpish dismal-dreaming bladder!

You have been noticed using opprobrious epithets. It's payback time from theShakespeare Insult Generator! To activate the Insultspout and receive fresh insults, clickhere. Note that all insults generated by the Spout are guaranteed literary and cultured, unlike the nasty thingsyou said,you frothy crook-pated flap-dragon.

See alsothis burst of creativity.

	How To Avoid Pricks
	When you land in a place that is prickly at best, And feathers get ruffled – you've disturbed someone's nest; Be cautious when offering friendly advice, Lest you suddenly find your two orbs in a vise. Lessons are learned, but to do so takes practice, To avoid getting pricked when you land on a cactus. Atsme📞📧 (reflecting on[88])

Theuserbox below was considered for deletion on February 6, 2015. The result of the"discussion" was "We can allow tiny pockets of dissent, as long as it doesn't catch on. Nowback tothe salt mines!".

It has been4029 days sincea userbox was last urgently removed from this page based on athree-hour "consensus" at ANI.

When users do something that administrators don't like, but when the users not only disagree but have the temerity to object to the sanctions levied against them by administrators, is this an unacceptable dissent against the powers-that-be that must, always, be quashed by any means necessary?

I'm probably hyperbolizing here, but I think thisis how the issue appears to the EEng's of the world. And some, at least, of the EEng's of the worldare here to help build the encyclopedia. We say "The free encyclopedia that anyone can edit", not "The benevolent dictatorship encyclopedia that docile and compliant rule-followers can edit as long as they remember their place and are always properly respectful towards ADMINISTRATORS." So, please, if that's not the message you want to send, just let these userboxes go. And if you want to boot a user off the project for not being here to help build the encyclopedia, please do it for a more substantive reason than that the user refuses to say "Uncle" when confronted by admins.

—Steve Summit (talk) 19:46, 6 February 2015 (UTC)^[89]

And finally, to each admin who says, "Well,I wouldn't have blocked, but I don't feel like overturning it": what you're condoning is a situation in which every editor is at the mercy of the least restrained, most trigger-happy admin who happens to stumble into any given situation. Don't you see how corrosive that is? It's like all these recent US police shootings: no matter how blatantly revolting an officer's actions were, the monolithic reply is "It was by the book. Case closed." This [admin] wasway out of line from the beginning in deleting multiple editors' posts (as someone suggested, hatting would have made complete sense, and troubled me not at all) and when called on it above, he gives a middle-finger-raised LOL. No wonder so many see haughty arrogance in much of the admin corps around here.

—EEng 05:38, 16 January 2015 (UTC)^[90]

And let me be clear: I have no problem with 97% of admins, who do noble work in return for (generally) either no recognition or shitloads of grief, only occasionally punctuated by thanks. But the other 3%‍—‌whoa, boy, watch out!

—EEng 20:02, 6 February 2015 (UTC)^[91]

Clickhere and contribute your own.

• "Shit! I left the tub running!"EEng 05:09, 28 April 2017 (UTC)

I hereby propose "overextended-confirmed protection" under which you can only edit after proving that you have other things to do and really should be spending your time somewhere other than Wikipedia. Would cut down on a lot of nonsense, I think. —Dumuzid

• Professional wrestling:WP:General_sanctions/Professional_wrestling

• Hail, as inAll the victims appeared to hail from the lower class of society orMusic historian Bob Gulla hailed it as an "iconoclastic funk-rock" record. God, that sounds stupid.
• Accolades, as inList of accolades received by The Avengers (2012 film).
• Garner, as ingarnered worldwide recognition for her portrayal. (The same article goes on to make us vomit by saying a bunch of people wereawarded the Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series accolade.)
• Berth (except on ships), as ingarnered a playoff berth.
• Welcomed in the context of childbirth, as inIn April they welcomed their first child.[95] Absolutely nauseating.
• Legacy for any and all things that happen after someone dies, a film has ended its theatrical run, etc.

Violators will be subject to initial 24-hour blocks, with escalating blocks for subsequent infractions. Repeated instances of welcoming children may be punished by beheading.

Wisdom fromObjective3000[96]:

There is Al-anon, cocaine-anon, food-anon, game-anon, and about 20 others. We are now seeing on-and-on ... First rule of ANI: Don’t manifest the problem on ANI.

Anyone puzzled by the below should seeBurma-Shave#Roadside_billboards:

–Levivich 05:01, 12 January 2020 (UTC)

^creffpublic_{acreffett franchise} (talk to the boss) 20:34, 14 January 2020 (UTC)

Guy (help!)

FromWikipedia:Administrators'_noticeboard/Archive323#Comment:

• AsLevivich says,nobody stops after one "sodomite". I know I certainly didn't.EEng 19:56, 3 August 2020 (UTC)

ONCE YOU TRY A SODOMITE YOU'LL NEVER SAY "NO, NOT TONIGHT" Burma-shave

Levivich ^{[dubious –discuss]} 20:08, 3 August 2020 (UTC)

I can wiki-die happy now. My wiki-life is complete. I have reached wiki-nirvana.EEng 23:42, 3 August 2020 (UTC)

Followup, from a discussion at Arbcom'sRequests for clarification and amendment page[97]:

There are so many things that you could do to fix this, and instead you're putting your finger in the dike.

Pardon me ... putting my finger in the WHO?

... at least he's not fromEssex?

• Neologism that may come in handy someday (with thanks to editorRavenswing[98]):Wikipeons.

xxxx>>File:Burp.opus <<xxxxBAll of fire

• I think there's aK in knucklehead
• Not of the body!
• It is done.
• Read her the riot act.
• Wheel warring
• Wikipedia:Arbitration Committee/Magic 8 Ball
• Don't call me Shirley
• Troll-B-Gone®, another fine product from our esteemed fellow editorAntandrus
• Incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial
• Illogical! Norman, coordinate!
• Definitions of the wordrebuttle (bottom of thread)
• Silence,you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!

Template:Convert

... in conception

... and in reality

{{Rainbow}} e.g.Somewhereovertherainbow

Some poetry fromAtsme:

	"Don't croak, SMILE!"
	A satirist I'm not, A satirist I'd like to be; I seem to have forgot, What in hell prevented me. It might have been my style, It might have been my prose; But I'd like to make you smile, And even happy, I suppose, For teaching me to jump, From the bottom to the top, Of a page with so much clump, We're all worried it might pop! Atsme📞📧 20:07, 15 May 2017 (UTC)

                                                       After ANI

The next three images gratefully stolen fromCatherine de Burgh

A video clip for use at ANI someday.

Children of thee 60s talk about what Wikipedia will be like:[99][100]

Desirable and undesirable kinds of editors:

• I am wounded in dignity only, Whitaker Walt
• For God's sake we've got to get organized!
• Why is it we can't learn to live together?
• Tristram Shandy
• My people are not responsible for your agreements

This is a humorousessay. It containshumorous advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This is not an encyclopedia article or one ofWikipedia's policies or guidelines and may not representcommunity consensus.

Shortcuts WP:WHININGWP:WHINING WP:WHINERWP:WHINER WP:WHINEWP:WHINE

This page in a nutshell: Wikipedia is all about teamwork. Editors must work together to build a reliable encyclopedia, not whine all the time. While complaining is sometimes appropriate, and a glass of wine may sometimes ease tensions, neither of these is central to the purpose of Wikipedia.

Wikipedia is not about whining. Complaining about editor behavior is appropriate – at a relevantnoticeboard when that behavior is contrary toWikipedia policies and guidelines and harms the project. But editors should not complain just for the sake of complaining, nor astherapy or catharsis, but to get help in guiding an errant editor back on track with the project'sfundamental principles.

If you find yourself complaining more than contributing, it might be time for a shortwikibreak to clear your mind, rethink your approach, and help you come back ready to resume building the encyclopedia.

• 
  Wikipedia is also not about wining.
• 
  Butwining can grease the wheels, now that you mention it.
• 
  Some cheese to go with your whine?
• 
  In cases of habitual or sustained whining, admins may hand out cool-downbocks.
• 
  Ryan demonstrates correct behavior: he has left the laptop at home, and wisely does not edit Wikipedia at this time.

Incidentally,Wikipedia is also not about wining. A glass ofLambrusco is not areliable source, too muchoriginal research in this area may lead to habituallyediting under the influence, and indefinitebocks could lead to anindefinite block. That doesn't mean, however, that the occasional pint can't help reducewikistress, as long as editors don't become awikiholic. This can lead to serious problems including wikihomelessness, which is of course the opposite of being aWikipedian in residence.

User:EEng/Principle of Some Astonishment

This is a humorousessay. It containshumorous advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This is not an encyclopedia article or one ofWikipedia's policies or guidelines and may not representcommunity consensus.

Shortcuts WP:DEFUSEWP:DEFUSE WP:KABLAMWP:KABLAM WP:DIFFUSINGCONFLICTWP:DIFFUSINGCONFLICT WP:CASTINGDISPERSIONSWP:CASTINGDISPERSIONS

This page in a nutshell: Most people who say they're "diffusing conflict" don't really mean it. And some other wreckage thrown in for good measure.

Now and then someone undertakes to "diffuse" a conflict budding somewhere in the project. Probably they really mean they want todefuse the problem, as in "remove its fuse" – like from a bomb – to avoid blow-ups.Diffusing a conflict would be to spread it over a wide area, which is presumably not the intention.

Sometimes people write lengthy posts atWP:ANI, or proposeArbcom cases, or use the images on this page, in hopes of defusing a situation; however, the ensuingdrama often means the conflict isdiffused instead.

• 
  Smoke can be seendiffusing at left. Next time, call the bombdefusing team.
• 
  Avoid blow-ups
• 
  Next customer!

• "12 tips for diffusing office conflict" (especially recommended – fromPest Management Professional)
• "How to Diffuse a Difficult Situation - in Just Five Words" (for those in a hurry to begin diffusing) - "There's a simple sentence that can help you to diffuse a difficult situation, and stop a fight before it begins." Possibly that's "with all due respect".
• "The 1 Skill Leaders Need To Diffuse A Conflict Between Employees" (for when the diffusion need is urgent)
• MANAGING CONFLICT AND DIFFUSING ANGER (for advanced diffusers)

Closely related concepts include:

• 
  Making inciteful comments
• 
  We can't support you ingood conscious
• 
  Sewing chaos
• 
  An effluent neighborhood
• Much adieu about nothing
• 
  Having de Gaulle to do something

• 
  A civil andconstructive manor
• 
  She's going to work weatheror not
• 
  Breeches of civility
• 
  The right tobare arms
• 
  Buy in large
• 
  Aired on the side of caution

• 
  Duel citizens(and see also[2])
• 
  Where angles fear to tread
• 
  Pedaling bogus arguments
• 
  It's a doggie-dog world
• 
  My curiosity
  waspeeked
• 
  My curiosity
  was peaked^{[citation needed]}
• 
  For all intensive purposes
• 
  Non-consensual editing (Not illustrated: sensual editing)

Casting

Ass

Persians

Casting of ass

Persians

Repeated

ass

Persians

Buttle

Rebuttle[104]

Veiled ass

Persians

Unnecessary ass

Persians

Retraction of ass

Persians

[105]

Baseless[106][107]

Pussy-grabber[108]
(Formerlyass but someone objected[109])

Persians

Persian asses

Democratic ass

Republican ass

Casting

aspersion

Diffusing the balm

Conflict is inevitable when dealing with other editors, so knowing how to apply the proper solution is key. When discussion looks like it's about to explode, it's important to diffuse the balm, before things get out of hand.

• 
  Aunivalved,^[3]inveterate admin. This one's "running" for Arbcom.
• 
  Then, of course, there are theunevolved admins.
• 
  Cetacean needed^[4]
• 
  NOTBURRO (i.e. don't be a jackass
• 
  Long-term tendonitis editing^[5]
• 
  Assume goodfaixa
• 
  No personnel attacks

"I have now also added sauces to the page"^[1]

• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independent sauces
• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independent saucers
• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independent sorcerors
• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independent salsas
• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independent sawsedges
• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independent sawstops
• 
  Significant coverage in multiple independentsawtooths
• 
  Significant coverage in Kabul, Afghanistan (not Iran, so we are not casting as Persians)

Stalkers are invited to contribute appalling or unappealing blocks to this collection (perhaps later to be broken out as its own page)

Admins note! Important!It is unethical (and time-consuming) to go out and make an appalling block just to get something on the list!

• Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2006-04-24/Office actions
• "hands-down the worst block I've seen in my time on Wikipedia, and I've seen some whoppers"
• Intent to unblock

• 
  An appalling block
• 
  Unappalling blocks

• Appalling blocks in Croydon

• 
  Fusing conflict

This is anessay on the pretension and stupidity of referring to ships asshe. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors. This page is not an encyclopedia article or aWikipedia policy, as it has not beenreviewed by the community.

Shortcuts WP:YOURMAJESTYYOURSLIPISSHOWINGWP:YOURMAJESTYYOURSLIPISSHOWING WP:QESMITWWP:QESMITW WP:ELIZABETHWP:ELIZABETH

This page in a nutshell: Referring to ships asshe has at least the redeeming quality of being a potential source of amusement.

This page is for accumulating amusing passages – real or hypothetical – made possible by referring to ships asshe, and for general derision of that pretentious and stupid practice.^[1](Ridicule of other forms of stylistic pretension is welcome as well.) It was inspired bythis discussion at WT:MOS (and see alsoWT:Manual of Style/Archive (ships as "she") for more background).

• (hypothetical)After Queen Elizabeth broke a bottle of champagne against the ship's gigantic bow, she slipped majestically into the water.[110]
• (from the Featured ArticleSMS Emden)During this period, she also served as the escort for Kaiser Wilhelm II aboard his yacht Hohenzollern.[111]

• (from the articleHMS Elk (1804))Fearing that he might lose the prize if the winds changed, Morris rammed her.[112]
• (from the articleHMS Monmouth (1796))Archibald Dickson raised his flag in her.[113]
• (from the articleHMS Indefatigable (1784))She had a long career under several distinguished commanders.[114]
• (fromThe Appleton Weekly Post, 1907)Lusitania does not appear to be so lusty as the Mauretania ... If Lussie doesn't hump herself and do it first she won't be in it with her big sister.^[2]

N.B. Thereis an appropriate use of the "he would later" form, and that's when taking a temporary jump into the future during an otherwise chronologically linear narrative—but to be clear, not all such cases justify the "he would later" form. Here's an example (abridged a bit here) fromStatue of John Harvard:

The commission weighed heavily on French even as the figure neared completion. "I am sometimes scared by the importance of this work. It is a subject that one might not have in a lifetime," wrote the sculptor‍—‌who thirty years later would create the statue of Abraham Lincoln for the Lincoln Memorial‍—‌"and a failure would be inexcusable."

French's final model was ready the following May and realized in bronze by the Henry-Bonnard Bronze Company over the next several months.

Now, technically "who thirty years later would create" could be rendered as "who thirty years later created", and it's hard to explain why exactly the former form is preferable in this particular case. (There might be other appropriate uses as well, but your correspondent just vacuumed the house so he's too pooped to think of any.)^[3]

The following examples all lack the key component, found in the above passage, that's required to justify the "he would later" form: atemporary jump into the future. So thewoulds get axed:^[4]

• "Mel Blanc was the original voice of Bugs andwould voicevoiced the character for nearly five decades."[116]
• "Although he did not receive a classical schooling in the Harvard Graduate School, Morganwouldwas immediately after his graduationbe appointed to the teaching staff. ... Morgan fell seriously ill on March 15, 1910 while on a trip to New York to visit Daniel B. Fearing, the mayor of Newport,Rhode Island, andwould diedied soon after."[117]
• "Gowdywould later be awardedreceived the Postal Inspector's Award for the successful prosecution of J. Mark Allen, one of 'America's Most Wanted' suspects."[118]
• "In 1973 he relocated to Waynesville, North Carolina, where hewould dielater died of cancer."[119]
• "But Harrisonwould also latertelltold him, 'You've got a lovely karma, Vic.' ... Spinettiwould makemade a small appearance in the promotional video for McCartney's song 'London Town' from the 1978 album of the same name. Spinetti's July 2010 performance of the song 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da', at theFestival Theatre, Malvern in Worcestershire,would later be madewas available onThe Beatles Complete on Ukulele podcast. ... Spinetti's film career developed simultaneously; his dozens of film appearanceswould includeincluded Zeffirelli'sThe Taming of the Shrew,Under Milk Wood,The Return of the Pink Panther andUnder the Cherry Moon."[120][121]
• "The racewould startstarted with Kyle Busch and Kyle Larson fighting for the lead, but on lap 2 Christopher Bellwould loselost control of his car in Turn 1, butwould save the carmanaged to save it."[122]
• "Cecil Beaton, after being fired from AmericanVogue in 1938, on charges of anti-Semitism, was living in England when his phone rang. Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, who would go on to be his favorite royal subject, wanted to be photographed by him ... Years later, he would sit in Westminster Abbey, high up near the organ pipes, taking photos of Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation with his top hat stuffed with sandwiches."[123] (This illustrates a particular hazard of would-iness, to wit that it can mislead the reader into thinking a habit is being described: "He would sit in Westminster Abbey, high up near the organ pipes, taking photos", like he's a stalker or something.)
• "Those who pleaded for clemency for Casement includedSir Arthur Conan Doyle, who was acquainted with Casement through the work of the Congo Reform Association, poetW. B. Yeats, and playwrightGeorge Bernard Shaw.Joseph Conrad could not forgive Casement, nor could Casement's longtime friend, the sculptorHerbert Ward, whose son Charles had been killed on the Western Front that January, and who would change the name of Casement's godson, who had been named after him."[124] (What in the hell is that even trying to say?)
• [125]
• [126]
• Big Van Vader would emerge victorious.[127]
• "The Tiddlytubbies would get their own spin-off animated web series in 2018."[128]
• "However, many jumps racing supporters attempted to keep jumps racing at Oakbank and that fight went into the South Australian Court System. ... That would result in an election occurring which the anti-jumps faction winning but debate surrounding that vote spilled into more legal action."[129]
• Farianwouldlater attempted a failed comeback for the group without Morvan and Pilatus.[130]
• While at Vassar, he and fellow future filmmakerJason Blum were roommates (Blumwouldlater produced Baumbach's first film,Kicking and Screaming in 1995).[131] (This edit and the previous one about Farian are accompanied by the edit summary "He not only would but did". Tongue in cheek because it suggests ignorance of the valid use of the "would" construction in, for example, an account written in an engaging you-are-there tone, but that isn't Wikipedia tone.)
• This entire article, with 46 instances of "would", 45 of which were incorrect usage.

Closely related constructions include:

• Albino Luciani (later to becomePope John Paul I)^{[citation needed]}
• The SL-8200 was to compete against the VHS VCRs.^[5]

• At least it didn't say "eponymous pudding"

• Wikipedia:The problem with elegant variation (featured inThe New Yorker -- really![132])
• "Ships—sexist or sexy?",The Signpost, 2014-10-15.
• Explorer weds Titanic widow
• Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day

• ... thatJohn Harvard(left) does not look likeJohn Harvard?
• ... that Massachusetts officials were "shocked into a condition bordering on speech­less­ness" by the theft of theirSacred Cod(right)?

• ... that the four miles ofstacks aisles inHarvard's 3.5-million-volumeWidener Library are solabyrinthine that one student felt she ought to carry "a compass, a sandwich, and a whistle" when entering?

• ... that eight years after rowing aTitanic lifeboat and honoringher drowned son with aHarvard library,Eleanor Widener waited on a yacht whileher new husband fought "scantily-clad, ferocious cannibals"?
• ... that atHarvard commencements, bagpipes herald breakfast, bachelors are welcomed, sheriffs on white steeds preserve order, andHarvard's president occupies a "bizarre" chair prone to tipping over?
• ... that afterLionel de Jersey Harvard(left) died in World War I, a fellow officer wrote, "IfHarvard College made him what he was, I want my sons to go there that it may do the same for them"?
• ... thatDr. Young's Ideal Rectal Dilators(right) were forcibly withdrawn after officials clamped down on them?
• ... that the intruder who shotJ. P. Morgan, Jr. and bombed the US Senate in 1915 was identified by "Harvard Cop No. 1"Charles Apted as a deranged, wife-poisoning,ex-Harvard German instructor?
• ... that inMenace from the Moon, a lunar colony‍—‌founded in 1654 by a Dutchman, an Englishman, an Italian, and "their women"‍—‌promises Earth heat-ray doom unless it helps them escape their dying world?

• ... that problems witha brutalist gray elephant were "like a five-car accident at an intersection. You just can't tell what caused it"?

• ... that "University Moves to Thwart Early Marriages" was the 1963Harvard Crimson caption beneath a photo of the school's "hideous"new housing complex for married students?

• ... that mathematicianAndrew Gleason(right) liked to say thatproofs "really aren't there to convince you that something is true—they're there to show youwhy it is true"?

• ... that quirky dogs and plural wugs helpedJean Berko Gleason(left) show that young children extract linguistic rules from what they hear, rather than just memorizing words?

• ... that warden's wifeKate Soffel, who fled with condemned brothers Jack and Ed Biddle after supplying guns and saws for their 1902 escape from theAllegheny County Jail, later took up dressmaking?
• ... that while testifying in a 2004 lawsuit involving the meaning of the wordsteakburger, a corporate CEO was grilled on the witness stand?

• ... that theVicar of Brighton got shot in thetwitten?
• ... that after he died, daredevilLarry Donovan's mother said, "I told him that jumping off bridges was a poor way of earning a living"?

• ... that afterPhineas Gage (left) survived an accident in which a large iron bar(also left) was driven through his head, he made it his "constant companion for the remainder of his life", and a medical journal (mis)quotedMacbeth: "The times have been that when the brains were out the man would die. But now they rise again"?
• ... that theAmphicar(right) was called "a vehicle that promised to revolutionize drowning"?

• ... that Japanese EmperorHirohito had aLiverpudlian cousin namedPaddy Murphy?
• ... thatEdwin Stevens, while in a missionary position, said that erections indicated apprehension and penetration was difficult?
• ... thatBarthélemy Prosper Enfantin planned to penetrate the feminine Orient with the masculine Occident in a consummation of progression?
• ... that the website "Six Degrees toHarry Lewis"(left) was a precursor to Facebook?
• ... that theGet Out and Push Railroad(right) required passengers to help its trains over the steeper bits of the route?
• ... thatWikipedia's Arbitration Committeeengaged in self-flagellation?
• ... thatHarvard University'sNewell Boathouse stands on public land for which Harvard pays $1 per year under a lease lasting 1000 years‍—‌at the end of which Harvard can renew for another 1000 years?
• ... that "sorcery for your vagina" can result in second-degree burns?
• ... thatdonaldtrumpi has a scaly yellowish head and small genitalia?
• ... thatswarms of dykes have intruded into Uruguay?
• ... that erection engineerMark Barr had a business making rubbers, said bicycles stimulated ball development, and was elected to the screw committee?
• ... thatJ. J. Stiffler's(right) "unparalleled ... landmark"Theory of Synchronous Communications (1971) sprang fromNASA's need for power-efficient synchronization of data transmission for itsspace probes?

• ... that Harvard’sMemorial Hall (right) has been called “the most valuable gift the Uni­ver­si­ty has ever received” (1878), “that house of honor and of hos­pi­tal­ity which [dispenses] laurels to the dead and dinners to the living” (1905), and “a huge Victorian Gothic barn” (1941)?
• ... thatthe biggestTurdus(not pictured) is 23–28 centimetres (9–10 inches) in length?
• ... that ina 2016 portrait,Queen Elizabeth II is depicted withsomeone else's bust?
• ... that theCommission on Training Camp Activities used sexual denial to make American solders fight harder?
• ... that in the late 19th century, there began a decline in the number oftheologians and churchmen acquiring STDs at Harvard commencements?

And finally ...

• ... thatTrump is directly connected toRussia?
• ... thatHillary's portrait is now being printed on the $5 bill?
• ... thatObama was born in Japan?
• ... that the US National Gallery of Art has a picture ofTrump urinating?
• ... that police found a corpse inBernie's freezer?

• Dash it all!]

From something calledSeussblog:

This is the first book that Seuss wrote after his first wife, Helen's, death and before he married his second wife, Audrey. It was written in the winter of 1967 while he was dealing with the financial and business gaps that Helen's death left behind, and while Audrey divorced her first husband so she could marry Seuss.

I got a call this morning from theRepublican National Committee. Their robot said they were contacting Donald Trump's "most steadfast supporters" for donations. Sad, really.

From[133]:

Issue with Pornographic image

Hello! As I was innocently googling “pearl necklace” for shopping purposes ...

External video
Four years ago today
Trump mocks Hillary Clinton's pneumonia

Consider: 7 million of the 330 million people in the US have contracted Covid at some point.7/330 = 2%, so really, the chance of contracting the virus is pretty small. The odds are against you. You have toreally work at it. But through determined stupidity Trump and his coterie of morons have managed to beat the odds and get themselves infected. Way to go, team! Finally, you're making America great again!EEng 02:56, 3 October 2020 (UTC)

So it turns out:

• (a) There really is a God after all.
• (b) He has a sense of humor.

EEng 07:25, 2 October 2020 (UTC)

From our articleJames Boswell:

Upon turning nineteen, he was sent to continue his studies at the University of Glasgow, where he attended the lectures of Adam Smith. While at Glasgow, Boswell decided to convert to Catholicism and become a monk. Upon learning of this, his father ordered him home. Instead of obeying, though, Boswell ran away to London, where he spent three months living the life of a libertine.

[134]

From our article on Thomas Hill, president of Harvard 1862–1868[135]:

Hill claimed to have injured his testicle while gardening, an incident that made him wary of laboratory instruction at Harvard, warning students not to exert themselves too much in their studies.

From "The Springfield Three", an episode of the true-crime seriesPeople Magazine Investigates:

Talking head: Just in case it's Susie or Stacey calling, Janelle picks up the phone. But it's not either of their friends.

Detective: It was an obscene phone call.

Talking head: The individual would not identify himself.

Correspondent Yamiche Alcindor discussing Trump's tweeting compulsion on MSNBC, July 6, 2020:

Today you think of theWashington Redskins tweet. Did he really have to send that tweet? But the president obviously couldn't help himself, he had to weigh in on this issue that really is not – it's in some ways a settled issue – the Washington Redskins likely should be changing their name. But the President can't resist and as a result you have the campaign and the White House having tocircle the wagons on something they really didn't want to focus on today.

(Think about it. Maybe read it again.)

Don't worry....about amile up the road^{[citation needed]} there's ahidden cave.... allegedly.

From our article onPratt's Bottom, "a village in Greater London":

A "bottom" in this context means a valley or hollow, and the Pratts were a noble family once seated in the area.

As explained by an anchorman on MSNBC, April 23,2020:

Today the Department of Labor announced that 4.4 additional Americans filed for unemployment claims last week.

Fromour article on the sainted Charles Osgood:

When they became empty nesters, Osgood and his wife moved to a 12-room duplex on West 57th Street at 7th Avenue.

For those who are wondering what leadership looks like, here'sFDR before he was even sworn in:

It is common sense to take a method and try it: If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. The millions who are in want will not stand by silently forever while the things to satisfy their needs are within easy reach.

Reporter Hans Nichols on MSNBC, March 26, 2020:

It seemed to me that the president didn't think being not calledTom Brady wasn't an insult.

Followup (Anchor Kasie Hunt on MSNBC, March 29):

There is no reason not to think that New York is not going to need these 30,000 ventilators.

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a9EppdF0r4#t=53s
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I09RkjLcFpU#t=21s

A viewer's question on MSNBC, March 16, 2020:

Q: I am supposed to fly commercial next week to visit my elderly parents in upstate NY, one of who is ill. Is it safe? I don't want to put this trip off because I know things will get worse.

A: To properly answer your question we need to know (a) your parents' net worth and (b) whether you're certain you're in their wills.

OK, that's not actually the answer that was given.

Followup: As part of our ongoing series on natural selection at work, we give you Congressman Devin Nunes (Republican of California – see:#Devin Nunes isan Idiota Dumb Asshole) offering helpful advice viewers of Fox News, March 16:

There's a lotta concerns with the economy here because people are scared to go out. But I will just say one of the things you can do if you're healthy, uh, you and your family, it's a great time to just go out, go to a local restaurant. Likely you can get in easily. Ya know, let's not hurt, uh, the working people in this country that are relying on wages and tips to keep their small business going. Just don't run to the grocery store and buy $4000 of food. Go to your local pub.

Further followup headline ("Thousands of Liberty students expected to return to campus amid coronavirus outbreak", Mar 23, 2020):

LYNCHBURG — As the coronavirus threatens to spread across the Lynchburg region,Liberty University officials are preparing to welcome back up to 5,000 students from spring break this week ... “I think we have a responsibility to our students — who paid to be here, who want to be here, who love it here — to give them the ability to be with their friends, to continue their studies, enjoy the room and board they’ve already paid for and to not interrupt their college life,” Falwell said.

Read this[136] and look for the word which was probably supposed to bewinch but for some reason isn't. Then if you don't know what that word means, google it.EEng 04:13, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

• From the greatTom Lehrer:"I Got It from Agnes"

The Official Trump 2020 Campaign Song:

A reflection by a guest on MSNBC'sAll In with Chris Hayes, March 5, 2020:

It's sad, you know, I really would love to see a woman presindent in my lifetime, soon in my lifetime, and I think that Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, ya know, ...

From an inquiry at Quora[137]:

Q. What is a good synonym for "panties in a bunch"?

A. Could you explain what you mean? It could be:

1. A bunch of panties, an indefinite number of panties held together in some way;
2. Panties that have got bunched up, maybe in spatial conflict with other clothing or due to bodily friction;
3. A bunch (of bananas, of hair, of tourists) which panties have somehow managed to infiltrate.

Number 3 sounds like the most fun (they could be the Pantie Patrol, the Knicker Niche or the Thong Throng), but I think to be honest you really mean something more akin to number 2 ...

From theJoe Biden donation landing page (February 29, 2020):

DONATE NOW TO DEFEAT DONALD TRUMP – URGENT SUPPORT NEEDED: Our country cannot take another four years of Trump. But two of our Democratic opponents outraised us last quarter, and our campaign won’t have the resources we need to win the nomination unless we raise $1,027 by midnight tonight.

From ourbio of actor James MacArthur:

Throughout his career, MacArthur had also found time for various other ventures. From 1959 to 1960, he partnered with actorsJames Franciscus andAlan Ladd, Jr. in a Beverly Hills telephone answering service.

From our plot summary of the James Bond filmOctopussy:

While trying to escape fromEast toWest Berlin, British agent 009 is fatally wounded and dies after reaching the residence of the British Ambassador, dressed as a circus clown and carrying a fakeFabergé egg.

You've got it wrong. It was obviouslynot the ambassador that was dressed like a clown and carrying a fake egg. It clearly states it was hisresidence that was so dressed and so carrying. --A D Monroe III^(talk) 01:46, 9 March 2020 (UTC)

From ourvery detailed plot summary of the filmDial 1119:

Homicidal escaped mental patient Gunther Wyckoff (Marshall Thompson) arrives by bus in Terminal City. As he gets off, he is confronted by the bus driver for stealing his Colt pistol. Wyckoff uses it to kill the driver. Delusional patient Gunther Wyckoff (Marshall Thompson) escapes from a mental institution intent on locating psychiatrist Dr. John Faron, (Sam Levene), whose testimony sent him to the asylum.

From the articleWang Laboratories:

One major "lesson" in the book was to always remain cocked above the competition, and to always come explosively with new innovations to the products available to the public.

Update: The above has now been removed from the article byYngvadottir with the edit summary "Not all wangs are jerks"[138]. Ha!

A discussion atWikipedia talk:The problem with elegant variation:

The page currently[139] says

There's rarely any use in pointing out when something is titular. For example:

Batman Returns is a 1992 Americansuperhero film directed byTim Burton, based on thetitular DC Comics character.

For reasons that surely must be obvious, I would think that Batgirl or Catwoman would be better examples of titular characters than is Batman, unless of course we takeGroucho Marx's famous comment into account.EEng 13:02, 23 November 2018 (UTC)

Adding: when following the Groucho link, look at the very bottom of the page.EEng 02:25, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

Good suggestion. I actually implemented it but reverted it for the moment because I want to find an example of a film or work that dosn't just have the character name as its title (as Catwoman does). Otherwise it just brings up other arguments of repetitive prose which isn't meant to be the point of the section (see the "Of the same name" debate). I'm sure good examples exist, but it's time for bed for me now...Popcornduff (talk) 14:14, 23 November 2018 (UTC)

I'm trying to decide if you're turning the titular tables on me.EEng 16:46, 23 November 2018 (UTC)

You know, I sometimes think this place is justawash with complete tits.Martinevans123 (talk) 20:57, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

The linked article suggests so many winking puns that it's positively dazzling. This could keep us in business for years.EEng 22:55, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

• See alsoTalk:List_of_Star_Trek_films_and_television_series#Titular_space_stations.

Note: The opinions expressed in this section may not reflect the views of the management of this page.

Do we need another book to tell us what we already know about how President Donald Trump is a legendary dumbass unfit to execute his duties as leader of the free world? Probably not. Are we getting one? Yes. Did I pre-order it like an absolute schmuck? Also yes. I am as God made me.

Headline in theDundee Courier (courtesy of our good friendArid Desiccant):

Everybody was flung poo fighting — Carnoustie kids make mess of residential street

Vaguely related earlier item[140]:

The story you link, "VENEZUELAN PROTESTORS PREPARE TO LAUNCH A SHIT BOMB PROTEST", reads in part, "Now protesters have decided to organize what they are deeming the 'shit march.' A flyer circulating on social media reads, 'They have gas; we have excrement'... Parts of the Venezuelan military have already begun to defect and join the protesters."

(At first I thought it saiddefecate and join the protesters.)

From areview of the filmAtlas Shrugged: Who is John Galt?:

Rand's parable is meant to showcase just how much our world needs the best of us, but this adaptation only does so accidentally – by revealing what movies would be like if none of the best of us worked on them.

From our article1881 Gate:

The1881 Gate, orClass of 1881 Gate forms part of the perimeter ofHarvard Yard inCambridge, Massachusetts. Its inscription invites students to "come within its gates, in order that in whole-hearted service to the truth, they may enter into life and so be free". The gate has been locked for many years.

From the image description page forFile:Bugs Bunny statue in Butterfly Park Bangladesh (01).jpg:

Valued image: This image has been assessed under the valued image criteria and is considered themost valued image on Commons within the scope:Statue evoking Bugs Bunny at Butterfly Park Bangladesh.

Visitors to The Museums are encouraged to add droll codas, possibly withevocative yet enigmatic double-entrendre wikilinks, to the items on display (though these will of course be subject to the discretion of The Curator).

Normally humans have five digits on each hand^{[citation needed]}[141]