| Things | |
|---|---|
_DVD_cover.jpg) DVD cover | |
| Directed by | Andrew Jordan |
| Screenplay by |
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| Produced by |
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| Starring |
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| Cinematography | Dan Riggs |
| Edited by |
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| Music by | Jack Procher |
Production company | Left Field Productions |
| Distributed by | Intervision |
Release date |
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Running time | 83 minutes |
| Country | Canada |
| Language | English |
Things is a 1989 Canadianindependentdirect-to-videohorror film, directed by Andrew Jordan and written by Jordan and Barry J. Gillis.[1] The film was shot in theToronto suburb ofScarborough, Ontario, with a cast consisting of co-writer Barry J. Gillis andpornographic film starAmber Lynn.[2] The plot follows two friends who, while visiting a relative's house, encounter a horde of hostile creatures that are the results of experiments by a demented doctor.[3]
Things is considered the first Canadian shot-on-Super 8 horror film released for theVHS market,[4] as well asone of the worst films of all time.[2]
Don and Fred decide to visit the house of Doug, Don's brother. They are unaware that Doug and his wife Susan, who have been unable to conceive a child naturally, have been participating in unconventional experiments performed by Doctor Lucas, in order toartificially induce pregnancy in Susan. While looking for beer in Doug's house, Don and Fred discover a book written byAleister Crowley, as well as a tape recorder that plays a recording of a distorted voice. Hearing the tape, Doug storms in and scolds them before joining them in their drinking.
Susan gives birth to insect-like creatures before dying. The creatures attack and kill a dog. Doug explains to Don and Fred about the experiments he and Susan had been involved in with Doctor Lucas, and that they went awry. The power in the house suddenly goes out, and the creatures born of Susan infest the house and attack the men.
Don and Doug search the house with a flashlight. In the basement, a creature attacks Doug from behind. Don attempts to strike the creature with a hammer, but accidentally bludgeons Doug instead. Don helps Doug back upstairs, where another creature bites off several of Doug's fingers. Doncauterizes Doug's wounds, but Doug dies. Don hides Doug's body in a closet to prevent the creatures from eating the rest of him.
Armed with a drill, Don continues to wander around the house. He sees visions of Doug still alive, and falls asleep on a couch. Fred appears with a chainsaw while Don finds a golf club, and the two kill several of the creatures. They discover that the creatures have eaten Susan's body, reducing her to mostly bones. The creatures eat Fred alive as he pleads for Don's help. Doctor Lucas arrives at the house, and Don accuses him of being responsible for everyone's deaths. The creatures attack Doctor Lucas, and Don is shown escaping the house and coming across a passerby, who walks with him to a car. Don is then seen back in the house, alongside a bloody Doctor Lucas, He locks himself in the closet and repeats to himself "I'll be okay".
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In 1989,Things was releaseddirect-to-video onVHS.[5] In the United States, the film was distributed on VHS by Triworld Films.[6]
Things was released onDVD on September 4, 2008, byCinema Sewer and Left Field Productions,[7][8] and was re-released on DVD in 2011 bySeverin Films.[9][10]
In 2021,Joe Bob Briggs hosted the film onThe Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs. The episode featuring the movie was subsequently released on VHS in 2022.[11] It has also been featured atfilm festivals.[12]
A reviewer forVariety wrote ofThings that "[t]here are some toothy puppet monsters, more amusing than scary."[6]
Since its release,Things has gained a reputation as beingone of the worst films ever made. Critics fromThe Beachwood Reporter,Dread Central andCinema Sewer each described it as being the worst film ever made.[13][7][2] Adam Symchuk ofScreen Rant writes: "While films likeThe Room andBirdemic seem to be constant contenders for the best 'so bad it's good' movie, [Things] is the true unheralded champion among manycinephiles."[14] Likewise, a review fromDVD Verdict wrote that the film was "a treasure for those who like to revel in the worst of the worst."[15] Meanwhile, J Hurtado ofScreen Anarchy described it as "critically unassailable" andWill Pfeifer opined that "It's so terrible I can’t think of another movie that even comes close."[3][16] After addressing various shortcomings, Erin Brady of/Film wrote: "Things is also one of the most authentic movies you will likely ever watch. It is proof that anyone can pick up a camera and make a movie with their friends, even if their resources are limited."[17]
Caelum Vatnsdal, author ofThey Came from Within: A History of Canadian Horror Cinema, wrote thatThings is "the worst Canadian horror film ever made".[18] In his bookSpinegrinder: The Movies Most Critics Won't Write About, Clive Davies stated that, whileThings was a strong contender for the title of "best worst movie", it is not well known outside of itscult following.[19]Things was also reviewed byRedLetterMedia on an episode ofHalf in the Bag in 2013,[20] andRiffTrax spoofed it on March 4, 2022, with the latter concluding that "It's definitive, universal… the worst movie we've ever done".[21][22]