Blackchevron represents asexuality, gray represents gray asexuality, white represents sexuality, and purple represents community.[2]
Demisexuality is a term used to describe individuals who rarely experience primarysexual attraction[3] – a type of attraction that is based on immediatelyobservable characteristics such asappearance orsmell, and is experienced immediately after firstencounter.[1] A demisexual person generally tends to develop sexual attraction after theyexperience secondary sexual attraction – a type of attraction that occurs after development of anemotional bond.[4][5][1] The amount of time that a demisexual individual needs to know another person before developing sexual attraction towards them varies from person to person. Demisexuality is generally categorized on theasexuality spectrum.[6][1]
The term was coined in theAsexual Visibility and Education Network Forums in February 2006. Based on the theory thatallosexuals experience both primary and secondary sexual attraction andasexuals do not experience either, the termdemisexual was proposed for people who experience the latter without the former.[5] However,David Jay suggested a similar word in 2003, called semisexual.[7][8][9][10]
Demisexuality is used to describe individuals who feel sexually attracted to someone only after developing a close or strong emotional bond with them.[1] Some demisexuals will also feelromantic attraction, while others do not. The duration of time and the degree of interpersonal knowledge and bonding required for a demisexual person to develop sexual attraction may be highly variable between individuals. There is a lack of clear definitions for what qualifies as a close or strong bond in this context, which can cause confusion.[4][1]
Unlike other words used to describe sexual orientations, the term "demisexuality" does not indicate which gender or genders a person finds attractive.[1]
Primary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell). Primary sexual attraction is characterized as being experienced at first sight.
Secondary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on information that is not instantly available (such as personality, life experiences, talents, etc.); how much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them before secondary sexual attraction develops varies from person to person.[11][5]
After secondary sexual attraction is developed, demisexuals are not only aroused by personality traits. They also may or may not experience arousal or desire based on the physical traits of the persons with whom they have already experienced secondary sexual attraction towards.[15]
A misconception is that demisexual individuals cannot engage incasual sex.[16] Demisexuality refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction; it does not describe a choice or an action, but describes a feeling instead.[4][17] While it is common for demisexuals to not desiresex without feeling sexually attracted to the other person, this is not required to be considered demisexual. Many demisexuals may choose to engage in casual sex even without experiencing sexual attraction towards theirsexual partner.[18]
Some demisexual,gray-asexual andasexual individuals (all included under the "ace umbrella")[clarification needed] use the termsfavorable,neutral orindifferent,averse, orrepulsed to describe how they feel about sex.[1] Nonetheless, these terms can be used by anyone, regardless of whether they are on the asexual spectrum or not.[19]
Sex-repulsed: feeling repulsed oruncomfortable towards the thought of engaging in sex.[20] It should not be confused with apothisexuality,[21][22][23] because sex-repulsed demisexual people are not absent from feeling attracted to specific individuals,[24][25] when the attraction urges to appear.[26]
Sex-indifferent: no particular positive or negative feelings towards sex. Sex-indifferent individuals might partake in sex or avoid it.
Sex-favourable: sex-favourable individuals enjoy sex and may seek it out.[27]
Sex-ambivalent: experiencing mixed or complicated feelings regarding the act or concept of sexual interaction, usually fluctuating between sex-neutral, sex-favorable, sex-repulsed, sex-negative, or sex-averse.[28]
These terms are generally used to refer to someone's opinion about engaging in sexual activities themself. However, they might also be used to describe how they feel reading, watching, hearing about, or imagining these activities. The term-repulsed in particular is often used to refer to one's feelings about engaging in sexual activities or being around them. One's feelings can vary depending on the situation or other factors such as identity, societal context, common social understanding or intent of actions or comfort level with another individual. For example, someone who isaegosexual may enjoy thinking about sexual activities involving others but may feel repulsed upon the thought of personally participating in such activities.[29][30]
Demisexuality is a common theme (ortrope) in romantic novels that has been termed "compulsory demisexuality".[31] In this genre, the paradigm or trope of sex being only truly pleasurable and fulfilling when the partners are in love is a trait most commonly associated with female characters. The added requirements for a connection to occur may engender or reinforce feelings that the connection is unique or special.[32][33]
^McAlister, Jodi. "First Love, Last Love, True Love: Heroines, Heroes, and the Gendered Representation of Love in the Category Romance Novel." Gender & Love, 3rd Global Conference. Mansfield College, Oxford, UK. Vol. 15. 2013
^McAlister, Jodi (1 September 2014). "'That complete fusion of spirit as well as body': Heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel".Australasian Journal of Popular Culture.3 (3):299–310.doi:10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1.
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