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Two characters in a verbal dispute are reduced to exchanging insults—back and forth, over and over, like a ping-pong ball. Sometimes they escalate to extraordinary heights of inventiveness, but more often it degenerates intoutter lameness as they run out ofnasty things to call each other and resort tostupid ones. If an intellectual character is involved, theirSesquipedalian Loquaciousness will be their key to victory.
If the participants are of each other's preferred gender,Volleying Insults can sometimes take a left turn into aSlap Slap Kiss. Common forBelligerent Sexual Tension.
And if the participantshappen to be the same gender, such as withVitriolic Best Buds, certainfans will use this as a ground for claiming that the pairing has a basis. Namely, that the characters have chemistry by bickeringLike an Old Married Couple, or that they have a lot ofFoe Yay.
If they're dueling, it'sYou Fight Like a Cow; if they're in a contest of some sort it'sTrash Talk. You can pretty sureYour Mom will get mentioned at some point in the exchange.
Commonly known as "The Dozens" in mid-20th Century America.
Examples of Volleying Insults include:
Anime and Manga
- Sanji and Zoro fromOne Piece; the two fight constantly, and their contests end with "love-cook" and "marimo", respectively.
- Lately, Sanji has gone straight into using "Zoro-kun" to fake concern for him. After the time-skip, the first thing they do when they meet up again is insult each other.
- Don't forget Iceburg and Franky with "Bakanky" and "Bakaburg."
- Goku and Gojyo fromSaiyuki: their fights always end up as "____ monkey!" / "____ kappa!" The most popular fill-in-the-blanks are 'stupid' and 'pervy,' respectively. Often, they just go straight to this trope.
- InAzumanga Daioh, in the episode where Kagura is introduced (ep. 10), she & Tomo start doing this, and soon degenerate into face-pulling and grappling.
- InG Gundam, a good part of the interaction betweenWhite Prince George andBoisterous Bruiser Chibodee consists of snarking at each other and throw playful insults around. George calls Chibodee "savage", he retorts by calling George "young master".
- The last episode ofCode Geass R2 had Rakshata and Lloyd bickering at each otherwhen they're in prison, right before Lelouch's assassination at the hands of Suzaku/Zero. Hardly surprising, since they're ex-classmates and members of opposingRival Science Teams. Lampshaded whenthe also imprisoned Nina hears them, asks Lloyd's assistant Cécile what's up, and Cécile is all "oh, don't worry hon, they've been like this since forever".
- InFull Metal Panic!, Kurz and Sousuke tend to do this with each other a lot. Kurz tends to take the dirtier approach, and insults Sousuke by calling him a stupid, naive,gutless virgin (which Sousuke reacts angrily to mainly because heassumes it's probably an insult), while Sousuke tends to attack Kurz as being a lazy, useless good-for-nothing. Interestingly enough, Kurz is shown to pretty much be theonly person who can makeSousuke get annoyed to the point where he yells petty insults and bickers. Some people think itmeanssomething.
- Kanda and Allen fromD.Gray-man. They can't go two sentences without Volleying Insults at each other. Most of the time it ends with Kanda calling Allen "Moyashi," and Allen calling Kanda some random insulting name.
- One example is in the Drama CD where the following conversation takes place:
 | Kanda: Gluttonous pig with no sense of taste. |  |
- Naruto and Sasuke did this often in the beginning. One flashback had Naruto calling Sasuke "idiot" repeatedly and Sasuke responding with "dumbass." Ino and Sakura did this after becoming rivals as well, with Sakura calling Ino "Ino-pig" and Ino calling Sakura "Billboard Brow" for her big forehead.
- Alice and Gilbert ofPandora Hearts revel in this. Gilbert calls Alice "Baka-Usagi" and Alice calls Gilbert "Seaweed head."
- This is a major part of comedy inBleach; their expressions, voices and dialogue as they're arguing isdownrighthilarious to most fans. Participants includeIchigo andRukia,Haineko andTobiume,Shinji andHiyori,Renji and Ichigo, Rukia and Renji, Ichigo andIshida,Byakuya andKenpachi,Apache withSun-Sun andMila-Rose, Snakey withChimpette, and nowIkkaku withShishigawara.
- Kazuha and Heiji fromDetective Conan have a relationship built almost exclusivly from this trope. Most of their conversations will degrade into calling one another "ahou!" (Or, "idiot!")
- Ranma ½: Ranma and Akane have done this before. Their fights usually involve the words "idiot," "jerk," and "tomboy," but sometimes, they're a bit more creative.
| Akane: What did you say, you little sardine?! | |
Comic Books
- InElf Quest, two major characters Cutter and Rayek are in a physical duel where they share banter that quickly degenerates from bragging about their skills, to calling each other "Bone Polisher!" and "Bead Rattler!" to "Dog!" and "Snake!" respectively.
- Often exchanged by the title characters ofCalvin and Hobbes. One time, instead of escalating to aBig Ball of Violence, they wind up just doing insulting 'impressions' of each other, until Calvin's mom calls, "Time to come in!" They trudge off, muttering:
| Calvin: Leave it to Mom to interrupt our repartee. | |
- Also Calvin and Suzy
- WHO'S A MUFFIN-HEAD?!
- In theTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mirage comics, Raphael and Casey Jones did this as a way of male bonding, in the first issue after their Northampton exile. This scene is later adapted in thefirst movie with Donatello instead of Raph, and with both characters going up the alphabet as they did so. A similar scene then occurs in the2003 cartoon, where Casey and Raph are doing the same thing whileroof-hopping.
- An installment ofThe Simpsons Comics showed Lisa Simpson and Martin Prince engaging in a poetry duel:
| "You're a self-absorbed neurotic mess!" | |
Fan Works
- TheBuffy the Vampire Slayer/Harry PotterCrossover FicThe Life of Brian by "echo" has this wonderful exchange between Sirius Black and Severus Snape:
| "I am beyond houses today, git." | |
- A truly classic example can be seen in the "complicated traditional word-war" in which Shampoo and Hilda the Chinese Viking engage during chapter 17 of theRanma ½Original Flavour ficGirl Days by Rob "Kenko" Haynie. True to the trope, it starts out lame and goes south from there, aided by both girls'limited grasp of Japanese:
| Shampoo and Hilda were, well, not being particularly nice. | |
Film
- In theJim Carrey filmLiar Liar, the following exchange occurs in court:
| Swoosie Kurtz: Your Honor, I object! | |
- During the credits, the followingout-take occurs.
| Swoosie Kurtz: Your Honor, I object! | |
- Who can forget the legendary exchange between Rufio and Peter inHook, consisting of at least nineteen volleys, climaxing with "Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just EAT ME? You two-toned zebra-headed paramecium-brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!"
| What's a Paramecium-brain? | |
- InWild Wild West, West and Loveless take not-so-subtle verbal pot shots at each other for being black and crippled, respectively. This becomes aBrick Joke near the end of the film.
- Happens inThe 40-Year-Old Virgin when David and Cal are playing a video game:
| David: You know how I know you're gay? | |
- The firstTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film had a painfully G-rated version of this between Donatello and Casey Jones. Part of it was that they were trying to go in alphabetical order.
- Watch a majority of Stephen Chow's golden age movies. A majority have this by the bucketloads.Hail the Judge,Flirting Scholar,Lawyer Lawyer, it is a trademark of his since he specializes in Mo Le Tau style of comedy. This is lampshaded inHail the Judge when the title character can talk trash to the extent of making his opponent spew blood, making water explode and freaking raising the dead.
- Dickinson and Adams in1776, leading to a stick fight:
| "Coward!" | |
- Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, when Ron and Veronica's rivalry finally spills over:
| Ron: You're a smelly pirate hooker. | |
- This exchange fromThe Sandlot:
| Phillips: We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats. | |
Literature
- In theDiscworld novelMort, Mort and Ysabel have a lengthy slanging match with one another, including, at a few point taking a moment out to clarify their meaning, before continuing.
- Year of the Griffin displays this with Felim and the Emir of a far off land. When they meet towards the end of the book, they begin yelling various insults at each other about how their maternal ancestors were different animals. (Your mother was a camel!) It is later revealed thatthe two are brothers and insulting their own mothers, grandmothers, etc.
- Artemis Fowl: something of a hobby among most of the main characters, Foaly and Mulch in particular.
- Bartimaeus and Nathaniel, nigh-constantly.
- By circumstances, main protagonist Monza Murcatto and Carlot dan Eider, whom she once more than just slighted, meet on the same side before a major battle inBest Served Cold. An insult volley ensues (though of course strictly speaking both only speak the truth. Or at least, as far as they know):
| Carlot dan Eider: And who is this? The Butcher of Caprile! I thought you were but a thief, blackmailer, murderer of innocents and keen practiser of incest! Now it seems you are soldier, too." | |
- TheIcelandic Saga of Gunnlaug Viper-Tongue (Gunnlaugs saga ormstungu). A major part of the story is Gunnlaugur confronting his rival in front of the king of Norway and them doing the ancient equivalent of freestyle battle rapping to see who the king favours.
- Mudge gets something of aMoment of Awesome inThe Paths of the Perambulator, when the world-saving heroes are trapped by amagical cage built of insults. Only Mudge is a sufficient maestro of put-downs to volley the cage's slurs back at it, with each diss's intensity turnedUp to Eleven, until it disperses.
- InBored of the Rings, Gimlet and Legolam frequently trade lame epithets.
| "Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard. | |
Live-Action TV
- The entire concept of Rob Newman and David Baddiel'sHistory Today sketches onThe Mary Whitehouse Experience, featuring two history professors insulting each other like schoolchildren; "That's you, that is..."
- In theDoctor Who episode "Doomsday", the leader of the Daleks and the Cyberleader take turns insulting each other after the Dalek refuses an alliance. What makes this particularly fun is that both communicate inRobo Speak. Mickey sums it up: "It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock."
- The is the entire premise ofYo Mamma on theNetwork Decay-ed MTV.
- "Jane, you ignorant slut." "Dan, you pompous ass."
- Parodied inBlackadder series three, with a French revolutionary and aristocrat using various animal insults, from 'Dog' and 'Snake' up to 'Happypotamus'.
- In theBabylon 5 episode "Convictions", Londo and G'Kar are trapped in an elevator. They exchange a final volley of insults as a rescue crew approaches (much to G'Kar's annoyance, as he'd seen the incident as a chance to watch Londo die under circumstances that would not trigger reprisals against his people).
| Londo: There, you see... I am going tolive! | |
- An episode ofAlly McBeal had Ally and her ex doing this two different times, with Ally ultimately winning both rounds. In the first, her conquering insult was "Lawyer!" (ironic, since she was one also), and in the second, she won by calling her opponent, simply, "Man!"
- FromLost, "Tricia Tanaka is Dead":
| Sawyer: What's your problem, Jumbotron? | |
- FromThat '70s Show, between Hyde and Laurie:
| Hyde: Boy Laurie, you really like that hotdog! You didn't even chew it. | |
- in one episode of the incredibly obscure UkSitcomNever The Twain Windsor Davies character gets into one of these with a French waiter which ends with both of them consulting a phrase book/dictionary in order to continue the insults. Funnier than it sounds.
- In the Avery Schrieber episode ofThe Muppet Show, Avery does a sketch where he battles "the Monster of the Moors" (Sweetums) in an insult contest.
- Buffy and Willow inBuffy the Vampire Slayer:
| Willow: I'll stop giving you a hard time... Runaway. | |
- Reba has Reba's ex-husband, Brock, and her close friend,Lori Ann interact with each other in this fashion. For example:
| Brock, upon walking into Reba's eldest daughter's baby shower: Look at all these beautiful women.(Looks at Lori Ann) You must be security. | |
| Donny Tourette (grabbing his crotch): This is what I think of you! | |
- FromMy Wife and Kids, Michael and Wanda:
| Wanda: I'm going to dedicate my life to making you miserable, even if I have to live to be 150. | |
- InThe Monkees episode "Monkees Chow Mein", Davy and Mike are dressed as superheroes and use insults as their "weapon":
| Davy: You're nail biter. You're nail biter and your mother neverever loved you. | |
- The pilot episode ofCommunity has this exchange:
| Prof. Duncan: I'm asking if you know the difference between right and wrong. | |
- In theTwo and A Half Men episode "For the Sake of the Child", Charlie and Alan take turns at insulting each other, using up insults that start with each letter of the alphabet. When we see them, they're at L.
- Surprisingly, given it'sBeyond the ImpossibleCluster F-Bombs and extremelyFlowery Insults,The Thick of It doesn't have as many as you'd think. Arguments frequently occur, but they're usually aboutsomething that needs to be dealt with quickly and so seldom become simple insult contests. Also, the fact that most of the arguments involveMalcolmTucker, who can steamroller most opposition fairly easily, means that the shouting matches don't drag on for as long as a fight between equals would.
- Happens often between Bud and Kelly onMarried... with Children. The insults usually center around Al (occasionally Peggy's thrown in as well). Also happens between Kelly and one of her sleepover guests; the final insult before fisticuffs: Bundy.
- Discussedandinvoked in the very first episode ofWelcome Back, Kotter, in which Mr. Kotter contrasts the differences between the 1950s and 1970s versions of "The Dozens" by engaging Barbarino in an exchange of insults. (Kotter uses"your mother" attacks as examples of the 50s, Barbarino uses the immortal "Up your nose with a rubber hose".)
Oral Tradition, Folklore, Myths and Legends
- Flytings are found inNorse Mythology, the most memorable beingLokasenna ("The Insults of Loki") in which Loki insults every single god in the pantheon, and is only quelled when Thor threatens to smash his head in.
- Another classic flyting is the exchange between Thor and Harbard the Ferryman (actuallyOdin in disguise).
- In the African epicSundiata the eponymous hero does this with hisWorthy Opponent.
Theatre
- Appears in the ancient Greek comedyThe Clouds byAristophanes.
- Several examples from the works of Shakespeare:
- Othello.
| Brabantio: Thou art a villain. | |
- Much Ado About Nothing:
| Beatrice: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick, nobody marks you. | |
- Appropriately, these are the archetype forSlap Slap Kiss.
- A Shakespearean example appears in Act IV, Scene I ofTimon of Athens:
| Timon: When there is nothing living but thee, thou shalt be welcome. I had rather be a beggar's dog than Apemantus. | |
- InHenry IV, Hal and Falstaff spend most of their scenes together trying to top the other in insults.
| Hal: I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward,this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh,— | |
- Seen in the playWaiting for Godot where Vladimir and Estragon spend one page hurling insults until Vladimir yells 'Cretin' to which Estragon replies with 'Critic', which naturally utterly defeats Vladimir.
- Cyrano De Bergerac:Viscount de Valvert andCyrano engage on this in anepic' way at Act I Scene IV.It was not prettyfor the Viscount.
- InThe Marriage of Figaro, Susanna and Marcellina insult each other in song while fighting over Figaro.
- InThe Threepenny Opera, Lucy and Polly try to out-do each other in the Jealousy Duet, while fighting over Macheath.
Musical and Opera
- The following from1776:
| John Dickinson: Are you calling me a coward? | |
- InKeating! The Musical a song calledOn The Floor is a rap-battle of volleying insults between Paul Keating and John Hewson. It's all the funnier because all the insults are things they actually said.
- Gyorgy Ligeti's operaticMind Screw masterpieceLe Grand Macabre has this embarassing scene where the Black and the White Ministers trade insults with each other—alphabetically, from A to W, because they cannot think of anything that start with X, Y or Z.
| White: Arse-licker! Arse-kisser! | |
- InGilbert and Sullivan's last opera, THE GRAND DUKE, the duet of Rudolph and Ludwig:
| Ludwig. Tall snobs, small snobs, rich snobs and needy ones! | |
- Also, in Gilbert'sCox and Box, the duet "Who are you, sir?" followed by "Printer, printer"
Video Games
- Volleying Insults are a staple ofMonkey Island.
- The most famous example is the "insult swordfights" fromSecret ("You fight like a dairy farmer!" "How appropriate.You Fight Like a Cow."); the Fettucini Brothers indulge in this a bit as well ("Slacker!" "Weasel!" "Ruffian!" "Fop!").
- The quality of your insult comes from your swordfighting skill, of all things.
- The Curse of Monkey Island featuresrhyming insult sword-fighting.
- Escape from Monkey Island has insult arm-wrestling and a monkey form of insult battles, "Monkey Combat". Also inEscape, in order to solve a puzzle, Guybrush needs to "borrow" a time clock from two chess players, so he gets the two mad enough at each other that they're too busy Volleying Insults (such as "Falstaff stand-in!" and "Weasel worrier!") to notice him take it.
- Likewise, there's an entire pirate insult mini-game in the thirdSly Cooper game where the object is to not do the same insult twice.
- Pirates and Volleying Insults seem to go well together: a quest inKingdom of Loathing requires you to face another pirate in a game of Insult Beer Pong.
- That's a blatant swipe/parody ofMonkey Island, though, even to the point of having the same (long, tedious) puzzle solution and even some of the same insults.
- InWorld of Warcraft, an exchange between twobumbling ex-cops in Dalaran (possibly atribute to the aboveTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles example) goes as follows:
| Jadaar: Arrogant. | |
- The cutscenes ofThe Amazing Spider-Man for theGame Boy have Spidey trading insults with villains.
- Imoen and Korgan fromBaldur's Gate II get into this in the "Throne of Bhaal" expansion.
| Korgan: Hmph, Imoen, yer an o'er-lame excuse fer a member o' this party and I be tired of exertin' meself toprotect ye! Next time I let ye perish, screaming like a ninny as ye does! | |
Web Comics
- Honeydew Syndrome shows this between Josh and Metis in the last scene of Chapter 5.
- Metanoia has Star and Zander doing this a few times.
- Misfile has a round of this between Ash and Tom before their last race.
| Tom: Say, why don't you wear something sexy some time? I keep mistaking you for a boy. Maybe if you showed some cleavage I'd feel bad and go easy on you." | |
- Ozy and Millie had a friendly version of this in one strip, in one of their games: iambic pentameter slam.
- The Dreamer has Alexander and Beatrice do thisin spades.
- InRusty and Co,this is a pirate duel.
- InSinfestSeymour and Lil' E trade cynical and idealistic cliches.
Web Original
- The top-rated quote on Bash.org is a somewhat meta version.
- The Nostalgia Critic and Angry Video Game Nerd do this in their first brawl.
- The Nostalgia Chick, Nella and Tammy use the Wii FIT to insult the hell out of each other instead of just using it for exercise.
- This quote from two people from the blog Everything Sucks Forever.
- Dragon Ball Abridged had Nail and Vegeta snappily shooting back and forth for a few moments.
| Vegeta: Trust me, you don't want any of what I am right now. | |
Western Animation
- OnSpongeBob SquarePants, in the episode "Pressure", an argument between Spongebob and Sandy over whether land creatures or sea creatures are better leads to one of these. It ends when Spongebob can't think of a better insult than "not-wet person".
- AnAnimaniacs sketch features Yakko trading insults with "Howard Tern", ultimately winning out when the best insult Tern can think of is "You're a little shorty-shorty."
- Beavis and Butthead did this to each other constantly. On more than one occasion, it's actually shown as a sign of endearment.
- OnThe Tick (animation), (the animated version), this happens between Die Fledermaus and American Maid: "Jerk!" "Jingoist!"
- TheEarthworm Jim cartoon gave us this classic...
| Professor Monkey-For-A-Head: Yellow belly! | |
- InAvatar: The Last Airbender, Katara and Sokka pick a fight in front of some Fire Nation soldiers to try and get Katara arrested...
| Sokka: Get out of my way, pipsqueak! | |
- Jackie Chan Adventures, this happens whenever Uncle and Tohru's mom are in the same room.
- Siblings Bonnie and Billy often did this in the first season ofPopples.
- This happens between Madame Medusa and Mr. Snoops inThe Rescuers when the Devil's Eye is found.
| Medusa: It's mine! It's all mine! | |
- South Park runs nuts on this trope, usually revolving around Cartman. After about season 4 or so, any scene featuring him and Kyle has about a 50% chance of devolving into an exchange of insults focusing on Kyle's Judaism and Cartman's weight.
- Ed and Edd exchange this inEd, Edd 'n' Eddy over a hunk of rotting cheese Ed keeps in his jacket. But Ed's only insult he made was "STINKY HAT!"
Real Life
- Prime Minister's question time (yes, that really is what it's called) in the UK can desend into this. Luckily there is someone with the job of "Speaker of the House" who stops it going on for too long. There has been at least one incidence of an argument over music groups breaking out (paraphrased);
| MP: [speaking about the recentlyunelected Gordon Brown]...asThe White Stripes say "Everyday I love you less and less". | |
- Also frequently occurs in the Australian Federal Parliament's Question Time. Certain politicians are infamous (and often popular) for their command of invective, but the all-time champ in the last few decades was former Prime Minister Paul Keating. Many of his 'greatest hits' can be found onYouTube, and make quite entertaining viewing.
- They call the floor of the Australian Parliament the "bear pit" for good reason.
- SirWinston Churchill is known for more than a few of these. A small sampling:
- Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."Churchill: "If I were your husband, I'd drink it."
- Elizabeth Braddock: "Winston, you are drunk."Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But In the morning,I shall be sober."
- If you have multiple children who are capable of speech, odds are this will ensue.
- Even if they are incapable of speech, they will find a way to do this. Bickering trumps all obstacles.
- Known as "The Dozens", this is a semi-friendly practice of trying to top each others' insults. This is thought to have originated from the slave-trade practice of selling less valuable (old, feeble, deformed) or less skilled slaves by "the dozens", where being included in that group was the lowest insult imaginable.
- Roger Ebert's feud withVincent Gallo. After reviewing the premier of Gallo'sThe Brown Bunny as "the worst film in the history of Cannes," Gallo retorted that Ebert was "a fat pig with the physique of a slave trader."Taking a page out of Churchill's book, Ebert proclaimed that"one day I will be thin, but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny." Gallo then claimed to have hexed Ebert's colon, and Ebert replied that a colonoscopy would be preferable to watching the movie again. They have since made up.
- Sadly, thyroid cancer made that thin joke aFunny Aneurysm Moment.
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