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The Cinema Snob

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
"If I want information, I'll stick withreal user edited Internet encyclopedias -- likeWikipedia, thank you very much!"

You're anExploitation Film! EXPLOIT SOMETHING!

... I'll stick withreal woodchipper movies -- like "Fargo", thank you very much.

Brad Jones isThe Cinema Snob, a parody ofsnotty art-film lovers who hate every movie that isn'tTrue Art. He naturally reviews mostly exploitation films and obscure foreignknockoff films.

Jones also produces and hosts several other series on his website, including:

  • Kung Tai Ted - Where he dissects classic martial-arts B-movie fight scenes as the titular martial artist wannabe.
  • The Big Box - In which Brad plays Vic Dealio, a sleazy infomercial host hawkingeighties movies from the era when VHS tapes came in big plastic clamshell cases, co-hosted by the well-endowed Big Box Model (played by his wife Jillian).
  • The Bruno Mattei Show - A series of roundtable discussions onone of Italy's more infamous exploitation directors.
  • Softly From Cable - So far his only show where he himself does not have a starring role, showcasing classic late-night skinemax films fromThe Nineties.
  • Brad Tries... - An impromptu series where Brad (as himself) samples various novelty foods, particularly long-since-discontinued soft drinks, often with his wife and friends.
    • Flaming Brian's Kitchen - Brad, Brian Lewis, and various others try hot sauces.
    • Drunk Brian Tries - Brian Lewis gets drunk off his ass as the the rest of Team Snob push bizarre alcoholic beverages on him.
  • Hooker With A Heart of Gold - A mini series that takes thetrope of the same name literally as it follows a well meaning prostitute who is brought back to life by a lonely doctor with a revolutionary robotic heart.
  • 80's Dan - A sitcom parody where Brad, as the title character, reviews obscure shows and products fromThe Eighties with his roommate and neighbors, and aROB robot who has a crush on the neighbor's wife.
  • Brad and Jerrid - Fictionalized versions of Brad and friend Jerrid do random things.
    • Brad and Irving - Same as above, but with Brian Irving replacing Jerrid Foiles after they had a falling out.
  • DVD-R Hell - Where Brad (as himself) reviews failed pilots and educational films that are available only on bootlegged DVDs.
  • Current Movie Reviews/Midnight Screenings - In which Brad, his wife and their friends[1] go to see the midnight screenings of various new movies and review them immediately after seeing them. Reviews during the summer are weekly and are filmed right in parking lot in the car after a screening, while winter reviews are indoors and a bit more intermittent.
  • Radiodrome - A pop culture opinion podcast hosted by Brad and friends.
  • Lloyd - An animated series about a hard-boiled cat detective based on Brad'sactual cat, Lloyd.

He is also co-starring inNinja the Mission Force, a series byDark Maze Studios which parodies theninja films of Godfrey Ho and other 80s "ninjasploitation" films. He wrote and starred in a number of independent films, includingParanoia.

Man has the voice of a youngJack Nicholson, and is a featured contributor onThat Guy With The Glasses. HisYouTube channel,can be found here.

Tropes used inThe Cinema Snob include:

A-H

  • Accentuate the Negative: Like mostCaustic Critics.
    • Lampshaded at least twice, when he pointed out he legitimately likes at least two of the movies he's reviewed as the Snob (the first beingCaligula, and the other beingPieces). He even appearsout of character at the beginning of both reviews to say so.
    • His review ofViolent Shit III opens with The Snob annoyed thatCowboys and Aliens had aliens, an actual complaint from critics.
    • HisManiac review is an elaboratesatire of this, taking opinions from real critics such as Gene Siskel and placing them in-context with the film footage.
    • His later reviews tend to downplay this, often incorporating more of his more honest opinions on such films. Though it doesn't really help that some of the movies he covers arethat bad.
  • Acting for Two: Tends to happen whenever Brad's characters crossover. Also done inHooker, where he plays two of the major antagonists. And at the end ofRiki-Oh: The Story of Ricky review, the Snob and Kung Tai Ted have a duel.
  • Actually Pretty Funny:
    • In hisVideo Violence 2 review, he can be seen chuckling at the joke "What's black and white and red all over, and can't get through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head!", though he tries to shrug it off shortly after.
    • He also admits that the line "My wife has a fever, if I wanted something hot I'd stay with her." fromIsland of Death made him chuckle.
    • Changes his opinion ofChatterbox inmid-sentence, realizing its the greatest movie title ever.
    • In his review ofNudist Colony Of The Dead he admits the sing along is actually pretty catchy, and sings a brief verse.
    • In his review of TheHumanSexipede he chuckles while retelling a joke, admitting that it was pretty funny and that the makers are obviously better at parody than Seltzer and Friedberg.
  • Adaptation Distillation: Says the remake ofBlack Devil Doll from Hell is far better than Chester Novell Turner's original -- although the original sets the bar pretty low anyway.
  • Affectionate Parody: HisCannibal Holocaust review is done in the narrative style of that movie.
  • Alter Ego Acting: Brad's real persona is nothing like the characters he plays.
  • Alter Kocker: Points this out in theGag Dub ofDracula: The Dirty Old Man. After that, somebody dubs overhim the same way.
  • Alternative Character Interpretation:In-Universe: DVD-R Hell'sRock: It's Your Decision is presented as if it's the brave story of a young man who, in spite of overwhelming peer-pressure, rejects a powerful tool of Satan to glory in the grace of God. Brad points out that it pretty much looked to him as the story of a young man who is systematically brainwashed and mentally dismantled by his parents and church because he dares to like a genre of music they don't.
  • Analogy Backfire: "If I want to see a real Aliens rip-off then I will stick withBruno Mattei'sTerminator 2, thank you very much. [beat] Wait a minute, no I won't!"
  • And I'm the Queen of Sheba:Elves' sketch of a nubile, naked "Virgin of Christmas."

"Ifshe's a virgin, then I review good movies for a living."

  • As Himself: The Snob's jaw drops whenColonel Harland Sanders makes a cameo, as himself, inHell's Bloody Devils. Which was apparently not that uncommon, back whenKentucky Fried Chicken would provide catering for movies that featured a bit ofProduct Placement in return.
  • As the Good Book Says...: Parodied in his first part of theCaligula review.
    • Brad references some of the less family-friendly sections of the Bible numerous times throughout hisBibleman review forDVD-R Hell, though only once does he play the trope straight.

Child:[Singing] You can take a trip to lands unexplored/And meet up with heroes who fight with a sword
Brad: Damn right, they're fighting with a sword!For as it says,"Take all the heads of the people and hang them up before The Lord against the sun!" Severed heads, children! It's in Numbers; look it up.[2]

Brad: All you need is a penis the size of a lightsaber and the rest is done for you.
Girl[3]:Ahh! I just orgasmed at the sound of your voice.
Brad: It's to be expected.

    • Lampshaded in the crossover withLinkara where they reviewedBimbos B.C.:

Brad:I can't die! My voice is too sexy!

  • Author Appeal:Guaranteed to like a film so long as it contains an 80's musical number.

"Proving that in the 80's, even thebad songs have a hook!"

Snob: You know, the kids are evil, just fucking kill them!
(Massacre of children begins as the Snob watches in horror)
Snob: I...I wasn'tserious about killing them!

    • And again inMother's Day 2012:

Addley:(throws down knife)Whoever kills the other first gets to live.
Snob: I saidshoot them! What you're doing now isway too dark!

Snob: Wasn'tthat something? It was acomedically-dubbed rape film.Holy shit! The bath I just took now needs to take a bath!

  • Brick Joke: InBrad Tries New Coke, postDefictionalization 80s Dan mentions that he got some Coke 2 from someone from the 90s who was also in Limbo. Flash forward to his joint review of Bimbos BC withLinkara, where 80s Dan meets 90s Kid and the two plan to swap their supplies of discontinued Coke products.
    • In his review of Nightdreams, the Snob says "Sorry, 8-Bit Mickey" for not being able to show a porn scene featuring a strap-on made from the leg of a goat. Which, of course, harks back to the massiveSuburban Knights crossover some weeks before, where the Nostalgia Critic convinces Ma-ti that Mickey has an incurable addiction to goat porn.
    • Brad pauses his review ofElves to answer the doorbell. In the following video, we discover that it was 80s Dan and Dolly.
  • Broke the Rating Scale:A Serbian Film was enough to push past even Brad's limits. He even points out that his favorite movie isCaligula and he didn't regret watchingET: The Porno,Porno Holocaust, orLas Vegas Bloodbath, if only for the ability tocomplain about them. He couldn't do that withA Serbian Film.

Brad: Thinking about all unpleasant movies that I've sat through... Um. I... I think this might be the first one that I... I regret watching. I really regret watching this movie.

    • To further drive home how little he thought of the film, he not only had it as his #1 entry in his "10 Worst Films of 2010", he also says that he would rather watch #10-#2 in order again than watchA Serbian Film again--the list includesThe Twilight Saga: Eclipse,The Last Airbender,Resident EvilAfterlife,Titanic II, andSaw 3D.
    • Much of theCannibal Holocaust review is made up of Brad saying how uncomfortable he is doing a review of a movie that disturbing. Now think about some of the other movies he's done reviews for. Yeah...
  • Brooklyn Rage: Vic theBig Box announcer.
  • Buffy-Speak:Violent Shit III: "Bought ablood geyser, so goddammit, we're gonna geyse some fuckin' blood!"
  • Butt Monkey: Jerrid.
    • Jake can also count, with the number of atrocious movies that Brad sends him to watch all for the sake of the site.
  • But You Screw One Goat!:Literally. In hisIsland of Death review, he simply cannot get over the fact that "this movie has goat fucking!"
    • At the start ofCaligula, he freaked out when the first shot had the title character running around with a herd of sheep. This trope was averted, however.
  • The Cameo:
    • Plenty of them in the 100th episode review ofCaligula.Ask That Guy With The Glasses shows up to explain the historical background to Caligula,Spoony,Angry Joe, LordKat, JewWario andPhelous all appear in Roman costume claiming to be Caligula,Linkara andObscurus Lupa are confused by them,Film Brain gets cross that he didn't get to be Caligula because ofThe Queen's Latin, and all of Brad Jones' other characters also appear, including Eighties Dan, whodoesn't actually exist became an official character after appearing in aBrad Tries episode later on.
    • Bennett the Sage appeared at the end of the Snob's next review of the German slasher filmViolent Shit, also pretending to be Caligula, but he quickly became sad when he realized he missed his opportunity.
    • LordKat appears during Brad Tries Durian. He also appears inThe Bix Box review ofDon't Open the Door as Vic Dealio's Uncle Lino.
    • Ed Glaser has a cameo in the final Hooker With A Heart of Gold episode. He's also made a guest appearance on The Bruno Mattei Show.
  • Caption Humor:Turkish E.T. ends with "I wonder who thereal extraterrestrials are?"
    • He's foiled inAntropohagus, which supplies its own subtitles.

Snob: "Pah!" (Bugger)

    • Too bad we can't read what's written on the wall, though. "Allow me to translate: 'you're gonna fucking die!'"
  • Carpet of Virility: Type 1 on full display at the beginning of hisPieces review.
    • Jerrid has one as well, as seen at the post-credits blooper for theNekromantic review.
  • Catch Phrase: Classy!
  • Celebrity Endorsement: If "Brad Tries" hasn't left you dying to try a Crystal Pepsi just once, then nothing will.

Snob: Because whenI watch near-future gang rape, [holds up DVD] I need that shit in HD.

  • Child-Hater: The Snob cold opens his review of "Beware! Children At Play!" with the statement, "I hate kids." In fact, this isn't the first time he's said this: it goes all the way back to some of his first episodes. It is a particularly unfortunate sentiment given the movie's twist ending, though.

Snob: Oh, what? You're really surprised that the Cinema Snob doesn't like children? Am I really that big of a ball of sunshine?I'M GRUMPY!

Brad: [Otherwise] I'd be picking on a movie I've never seen, andthat would just bemean!

"I guess itdoes work."

  • Crosses the Line Twice: Several in-universe lampshades.
    • InJaws 5, the little girl in the wheelchair is knocked off a pier.
    • Island of Death ends up firmly in this territory by the end.
  • Crossover: With other reviewers.
  • Cute Kitten: Snob's own pet cats, Lloyd, Suki, and Chloe. SeeFunny Background Event for why.
    • His review ofThe Corpse Grinders is basically one big excuse to give Lloyd as much screen time as possible.
  • Damned By Faint Praise: The prosthetic 'rib cage' fromViolent Shit III: Infrantry of Doom? "...Well, at least it's not CG gore."

Snob:[winces] What a fucking sad state we're in, when modern-day computer-infested horror films could learn something fromTHE"VIOLENT SHIT"MOVIES!

    • "Wow. The phone hadthe most realistic death in the movie!" (Entrails of a Virgin)
    • "E.T. Week" kicks off on a promising note: The first movie doesn't show E.T.'s cock.

"Fantastic! I'd say we're already off to a great...start?"

Jeff:(providing "examples" ofSatanic songs) Evil Ways and Soul Sacrifice by Santana.
Brad: Yes,I can see how you would have misinterpreted the line,"You've got to change your evil ways."

"Fine, fine, I'll have sex with you twenty-year-old schoolgirls."

  • Dead Baby Comedy: Subverted(!) inLas Vegas Bloodbath. After a scene where a man kills a woman's unborn fetus, the Snob takes out a list of dead baby jokes, decides against telling them, and instead shows a clip of Jones' filmCheap.
    • Done literally inAntropophagous. "I think it's expired."
  • Deconstruction: One-off joke "Cinema Bum" being him dressed in the usualBum Reviews-style outfit... Being depressed about being homeless and having no comment on the movie.
  • Deadpan Snarker: And he has such a great voice for it, too. Case in point from hisIsland of Death review, when he sees a character get brutally slaughtered with a knife and a gun, then another character says that they don't know how he died.

Snob: If only the stab wounds and bullet holes had given us more clues!

  • Deal with the Devil: Brad goes on record as saying he would sell his soul to get Crystal Pepsi back. He wonders if thishas happened when he tastes "Not See Kola".
  • Dear Negative Reader: Brad himself hasn't done this, but his review of "Grizzly II" was taken down due to a complaint by Suzanne Nagy, the film's producer. Her email (displayed on the former review's page) didn't seem to be concerned with Brad's right to review the film (it was never legally distributed, meaning that first amendment rights don't apply); instead, she showed anger at the Snob's trashing of the film, going so far as to refer to it as a "horrible review." Suzanne was a little upset. Of course, angry fans have made sure the review stays up on Youtube.
    • Averted withVideo Violence:

"This review was the first time I had gotten feedback from any of the filmmakers. When I opened my email and saw I had a message from Gary Cohen, director ofVideo Violence, I was actually a little nervous. It was one of those 'holy shit, I'm going to open this email, and a fist is going to pop out' moments. But to my relief it was a very nice email."

"If I want to watch aTerminator II movie, I'll watchreal Terminator II movies likeTerminator 2, thank you very much."
"I knewthe Seventies were... seventies but I didn't realise they werethat seventies!"
"I would rather date a bipolar manic depressive... again."
"I'm a snob who's so pretentious that I'm a snobduringsomething pretentious!"
"An evil ninja challenges a righteous ninja. Only a ninja can defeat a ninja. Ninja ninja ninja ninja ninja."

Kendall:[innocently] But I don't know the killer!"
Snob: Sure you do! It'sTHE DEAN!

Snob: Yeah, it's just likeKill Bill, ifKill Bill were a 1984James Cameron film calledThe Terminator! And who uses the word Oodles?!

Snob: No, honey, listen -- weneed to have sexRIGHT NOW. I'm feeling very confused.

Snob: Oh, oh, yeah. This seems about right. After Dr. Sex couldn't help me, I, uh, see no other alternative.
Snob: *Hangs himself only to fall onto the floor immediately after*
Snob: *Stands up while hacking and wheezing* Fuck that!

  • Double Entendre: [onA Clockwork Orgy]That's a street gang I get can get behind. Or in front of. *Wink wink*
  • Dude, Not Funny:In-Universe, Brad's review ofRock: It's Your Decision turns serious once protagonist Jeffstarts criticizing rock stars for being "homosexuals". He proceeds to give a very detailed, straightfaced explanation of everything that's wrong with the movie and theorizes that ten years afterwardsJeff hung himself.
    • And inDracula (The Dirty Old Man) after he realizes that they comedically dubbed over a rape scene he goes to take a shower (fully clothed) andstill feels dirty watching it.
    • He's also disgusted byThe Child Bride and remarks that he's seen a woman impaled from her vagina to her mouth, and yet a scene in that movie where a grown man "proposes" to a 12 year old by giving her a doll makes him uncomfortable. In general anything involving children being hurt tends to get this reaction out of The Snob. This may also be some of Brad's real lifePapa Wolf tendency shining through.
  • Ear Worm:The Snob claims both thePorno Holocaust andTortugas Pinjas themes are this.
  • Eat That: Four words: Twenty year-old McDLT.
  • Enforced Method Acting: The video onBreaking Dawn Part 1 with Jillian getting plastered with all kinds of messy things. She revealed she knew what the items were, but didn't know when she'd get hit with them.
  • Even Snobs Have Standards: The Snob is generally portrayed as being okay with pretty much any sort of depravity, and doesn't even blink at scenes of sexual sadism, and yet anything involving children being hurt or abused gets aDude, Not Funny reaction, especially since in character the Snob is aChild-Hater.
    • He also refused to joke about the real animal deaths inCannibal Holocaust, stating that there's limits on how sadistic a film can be, and that "there are some things that youjust don't do."
    • In hisTop 10 Worst Films of 2010 video, he comments that it feels like he's just picking onThe Twilight Saga when he mentions Twilight: Eclipse.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Jake has taken to calling Jerrid "Baldy McGiggles."
    • In there review ofTree of Life, Jake angrily referred to Jerrid as "Mister Potatohead".
  • Funny Spoon: Brad is less interested in a nude model than the giant novelty spoon she's carrying.

"What? Don't take the spoon away! Now all we're left with is just a naked girl! And I seethose every week! Irarely see a giant spoon!"

  • Even the Girls Want Her: Brad accidentally putting his movie ahead of his wife's pick,Moment By Moment, in the Netflix queue. Luckily, Jillian is game for it. "It's no Lily Tomlin's ass in the moonlight, but it'll do."
  • Exiled to the Couch: Brad opening his mouth to give Jillian his impression ofTwilight --Smash Cut to Brad getting kicked out of the house. This happens twice.

Brad: Heh heh heh heh! What are you gonna do?Make me sleep at Jerrid's again?
Jillian: .....[shoots him in the head]

  • Extreme Omnivore:
    • TheBrad Tries segments. Not just that he consumes unusual or disgusting-sounding foods, but that he cheerfully imbibes discontinued soft drinks with sell-by dates somewhere inThe Eighties.
    • Spurred on by a scene inCaligula, he pauses the review to do a briefBrad Tries where he drinksHuman Blood (Well, allegedly anyway). His only complaint was that he was required toheat it up first.
  • Fan Boy: For Pierre Kirby andManimal.
    • And forA Clockwork Orange, to the point where he gets mad atA Clockwork Orgy for taking a line from the film out of context.
  • Fan Disservice:The Nudist Colony of the Dead review, during theEar Worm sequence the Snob runs out onto his deck butt-naked. This later gets aContinuity Nod in the form of a reference to "that incident on the porch".
  • Fan Service: Let's just say that in general, Brad never misses an opportunity to remind us that his wife has a killer rack. Like,never.
    • Specifically, inThe Big Box, Brad is only too happy to flaunt his wife's cleavage and make tasteless jokes on the subject.
    • Softly From Cable takes itUp to Eleven.
  • Fascinating Eyebrow: Jerrid deploys it in theCannibal Holocaust review. "I wonder who thereal critics are."
  • Faux Symbolism: He complains about this in his review ofA Serbian Film.

If you want to make a movie complaining about a government, do it. Don't filmtwo Brazilian girls eating shit and say it's an analogy to the apartheid.

  • Fetish Retardant: Every movie that tries to sell itself with nudity and/or sex, perhaps most notablyHardgore.

Snob: Eaugh! I donot feel like fucking something!

    • Jillian's hell-bent on a romantic Valentine's Day, even if the wrong movie came in the mail.

Brad: [shudders] 'It'll do'?? It was a rape movie!
Jillian: Yeah, yeah. Wanna have sex now?♥
Brad: NO!

"APPLESAUSE,BEEYAATCH!!"

Snob: Well, there's your problem. Yougotta pay them before you call them a hot pussied little whore!

  • Freeze-Frame Bonus: In his review ofViolent Shit, he comments on the choppy editing. For a brief second you can seeBrad sitting naked, reading a newspapaer.
  • Fridge Logic: "If Hell is for Heroes, does that mean Heaven is for Villains?"
  • Funny Background Event: His cats often pop onscreen unexpectedly.
    • DuringNudist Colony of The Dead his cat wanders onscreen and watches as he throws a crumpled up newspaper across the room.
    • The video"Brad Tries Durian Toffee" could just as plausibly be titled "Brad's Cat Has Fun", given that it hops around on the couch behind Brad, falls down behind it, gets out, andfalls back in multiple times.
    • Then there's"Brad Tries Deep Throat energy drink" where halfway through, Lloyd starts going insane behind the curtain.

Brad: Hmm, wonder if Lloyd's been getting into this drink too.

    • In"Brad Tries Urge", Lloyd randomly pops up from behind the couch.
    • And then there's the funnyforeground event in Jillian's review ofEclipse, where Lloyd suddenly pokes his head up right in front of the camera.
    • In "Brad Tries Jones Soda Christmas Packs", the cat has her own show in the background.
    • In "Brad Tries Sperm", Brad has to caution his cat against sniffing the curiously-named canned cocktail he's about to consume, as that would just make the videoall kinds of illegal.
    • At the end of the Rock: It's Your Decision review, Brad describes just how messed up the movie was & how it pretty much detailed the utter ruination of the main character as he is brainwashed. As he states that he is sure that, ten years later, the main character would hang himself, Lloyd picked thatEXACT moment to jump up onto the couch as Brad smiles.
    • In one episode, Lloyd starts meowing quite loudly off-screen, to which Brad reacts by assuring the cat they will drink the drink, which shuts the cat up.
    • In theHilter: Dead or Alive review,Douchey McNitpick caps off his letter on the production date ofViolent Shit III by saying "P.S.: Lloyd!" It cuts back, and the Snob turns to find Lloyd perched on top of the chair.
    • In "Brad Tries The Canwich And Super Rooster Booster", Lloyd pops on the table to take a sniff at some breadcrumbs, meows while Brad and Brian try the energy drink ("I think Lloyd wants some") and then when they show off the crumby mess the Canwich made, Lloyd lurks around before hopping on the couch to take a peek out the window.
  • Fun with Subtitles: Films without subtitles or dubbing can get this treatment (i.e.Italian Batman receives lines fromBatman andBatman Returns).
  • Gag Penis: In an alternate reality, he's the world's greatest porn star for very obvious reasons.

The Nostalgia Critic: OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT HUMAN!
Guardian Angel: How does he fit that into his pants!?

    • The real world isn't far off, as he complains about an unwanted erection inThe Gestapo's Last Orgy. For emphasis, Brad knocks on themiddle of his shirt while winking.
  • Gamer Chick: Brad walks in one Jillian doing "D&D stuff" in one review.
  • Godwin's Law: Invoked at the end ofThey Saved Hitler's Brain. "You know, that law that says if you compare something to Nazis, you lose the argument. I guess that means "They Saved Hitler's Brain" isgood now.(bitter laugh) Well,son of a bitch.
  • Gone Horribly Right: After seeing it used inCannibal Ferox, the Snob decides to see what would happen if he called his wife a "hot-pussied little whore".Coitus Ensues.
  • A Good Name For an Internet Series: "Ninja Master Harry?!"
  • Gorn: A few of the films he reviews. OnPieces he even snarks about blip.tv's censorship policies, as he only needs to censorsbreasts instead of the bloody mess that is the scene...
  • Groin Attack: While watchingRape Squad with Mrs. Snob, the Snobvisibly recoils each time one of the girls takes a stick to a training dummy's crotch.
  • Guilty Pleasures: Yes,the Snob actually has guilty pleasures - the films of Pierre Kirby andManimal.

Snob: Somethingthat obscure still makes me feel a little pretentious.

Snob: Wow, ha, ha, ha - THIS WAS A MESS.

    • Likewise, forDracula: The Dirty Old Man:

Snob: Ha ha ha ha -- he murdered two people!

Hitler: I've been a very very bad Hitler![slaps his wrist]
Brad: Ha ha ha ha...because he killed millions of people!

    • Camp Counselor "Diddler" fromSleepaway Camp:

Counselor:Ain't no such thing astoo young! You're just too old!
Black chef:(boisterous laugh)
Snob: Ha ha ha ha -- oh, pedophilia!

  • Half Truth: "Would you think I was lying if I said the first scene in this movie featured featured someonepounding wood?" [cut to a hammer pounding nails]
  • Happy Place: Brad closes his eyes and dreams of seagulls duringNecromantik's corpse-fucking scene. Unfortunately, he's watched too many exploitation films by that point for this to work.

Snob: What's with these hauntingly-moving exploitation themes?It really confuses me!

Alucard: I wonder how come her hair's moving in this cave. That's strange. Nothing else is moving.\\Snob: Uh, that's my job to point that shit out, not yours. Go back to acting in your shitty movie!

    • Inevitably happens during a crossover with Oancitizen.

Oan: What, you have a monopoly on condescension?
Snob: IINVENTED being condescending on the internet!!

  • Hitler Ate Sugar: Variation. "You know who else threw parties?GACY."
  • Hong Kong Dub: How Kung-Tai Ted talks.
    • From Snob's actual reviews,Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) is a notable example. Snob gets especially frustrated when a character who is clearly supposed to have lines winds up completely mute.
  • Horror Doesn't Settle for Simple Tuesday: "There are horror movies to go along with every fucking holiday, aren't there?"
  • Hostile Show Takeover: In his review ofTwilight: Eclipse. It starts with Jillian giving a positive review, only for Brad to hijack the audio and give his thoughts.
    • Jake threatens one, when they joke about booby-trapping his house to make him think it's haunted after watchingParanormal Activity.

Brad Wasn't us, man. It was a ghost.. I've got way too much porn to watch to be doing that shit.
Jake If my house becomes booby-trapped, do not be mad at me if I seek vengeance. I won't be all spooky, like the ghost.I'll shoot you in the fucking head. It's no longer the Cinema Snob, it's now the Cinema Jake website.. to Hell with you, I'm taking it over.

  • Hurricane of Euphemisms: His review ofSuper Hornio Brothers is cluttered with Mario references.
  • Hypocrisy Nod: InNudist Colony of the Dead he points out that he's hardly in a position to criticize the film's bad lighting, and cuts to a badly lit screenshot from one of his reviews.
  • Hypocritical Humor: During the review ofWoodchipper Massacre, the Snob makes fun of a kid in glasses by saying "What a fucking nerd!"... while adjusting his almost-identical glasses.
    • In his review ofAlienator, he chews out the movie for waiting 20 minutes to get to its credit sequence, saying that all movies that do that, no matter what the quality, suffer by taking the viewer out of the flow. This is immediately followed by his opening credits popping up five minutes into the review.
    • He calls outOversexed Rugsuckers from Mars for randomly cutting to one second of footage outside of a psychiatrist's session before cutting right back... then cuts from the middle of his rant to a short clip from the video for "Jungle Boy."
    • His review ofManiac was filled to the brim with this, as he brings up several criticisms leveled against it in character as the Snob. This may have beento make it clear to fans that the Cinema Snob is a parody.

Cinema Snob: What? So this movie, criticized for its graphic violence, now hassex? Now how are the kids supposed to see it!?

    • "Pfft. Taking Caucasian ninja footage and then splicing it in with whatever random movie you come across? I must say, they certainly do not make them that this anymore -- thank God." Cue trailer forNinja the Misson Force, Brad and Ed's parody of Godfrey Ho films.


I-P

  • I Hate Past Me: Upon seeingVideo Violence 2, Brad receives an angry phone call from 2007!Brad (pre-beard), fresh from his originalVideo Violence review. Brad offers some much-needed advice to his past self - made funnier if you've seen all of Brad's reviews, and are familiar with his tumultuous life - all of which goes unheeded. "What an asshole!"
    • The effect is so seamless, people arestill unsure of whether Brad literallyrecorded himself in 2007 in preparation for the sequel.
    • Also, inItalian Batman he sees his other review of an Italian film without dubbing/subtitles (Porno Holocaust), and engages on someSelf-Deprecation.
  • I Have Many Names: Brad had reason to suspectZombi 7 was added to IMDB as an alternate title specifically in the hope he'd review it.
  • If I Wanted X, I Would Y: HisCatch Phrase.
  • Inherently Funny Words: "Yeti, n. 1. A mythical large furry humanoid said to inhabit the Himalayas. 2. One of the funniest damn words ever (See also "buggery")."
  • In Name Only:The Gestapo's Last Orgy seems to have an alternate title of "Caligula Reincarnated as Hitler" despite having nothing to do with Caligula, Hitler, reincarnation, oreven the word "as".
  • Insult Backfire: Brad lovedTron: Legacy, so whenSpoony in his "Top 11 worst movies of 2010" list said that anyone who likedTron: Legacy was "easily amused and has no standards", Brad had to respond in his top eleven favorite list.

Brad: I know, I know, I'm easily amused and have no standards. It's true. *Smiles coyly*
Snob: *Puts paper down* Pfht, whatever, I hated this fuckin' movie! *Puts paper back up* No fucking sense...

"Aww!! The Captain & Tennille is a sin now, too?! Calling The Captain & Tennille a "sin" is asin against the wordsin!"

Brad: As long as you justthink about the reference, it'll magically happen in the movie.

Snob: That's even too fucking long for aTagline!

  • Mad Libs Catchphrase: "If I want to see a [thing, mostly genre X movie], I'll stick withreal [things/genre X movies] -- like [better-known but still obscure example], thank you very much."
    • "I wonder who thereal [pronouns] are."
    • Hahaha...Because he killed X people!
  • Malaproper: In her midnight review ofCrazy, Stupid Love, Jillian calls it a "romantical comedy" and says that "hilarity pursues."
  • Manly Tears: Pierre Kirby squirts out a tear inDressed to Fire. Being that it'sPierre Kirby though, this leads immediately into aLock and Load Montage.

Snob: Badassss.

  • Massive Multiplayer Crossover:
  • Mean Character, Nice Actor: The real Brad Jones is very gracious towards his fans and generally seems like a nice person, and frequently does reviews as himself, instead of being in-character as The Cinema Snob. Much of the time, it's easy to mistake the Snob's opinions as Brad's own, even though the Snob himself is an exaggeratedCaustic Critic, and Brad frequently finds himself writing hateful reviews for movies he actually likes.
    • Brad specifically mentions that "Snobbing" his favourite movie of all time,Caligula, was particularly heartbreaking.
    • The reverse is also true - Brad remarks that writing a praising review ofSalò, or the 120 Days of Sodom was one of the most difficult things he's ever done.
    • His nice guy attitude even shined through when he "had to be the bad guy" by saying that he was really displeased withScott Pilgrim vs. the World.
    • Need more proof? his latest cameo alongside his aforementionedDistaff Counterpart -Obscurus Lupa - wherein during one of the takes (see the outtakes at the end of the review)...he accidentally punches her ...in theface. He immediately starts apologizing and hugging the girl.
      • And then gives her the greatest two-second cameo ever, when Kung-Tai Ted randomly shows up and punches the Snob in the face.Cut to Lupa, with a laugh.
    • Apparently inverted by Jerrid Foiles, who played himself as an eternal nice, if slightly dumb guy, but, well, more details elsewhere...
  • Memetic Badass: The snob is a Pierre Kirby fanboy, much like Spoony is one for Reb Brown and Lupa is a Cynthia Rothrock fangirl.
    • Ward Bond shot down an airplanewith a tommy gun, shaved off Hitler's mustache, and called him "toots."
  • Missing Episode: Grizzly II can no longer be seen after the film's producer didn't respond well to the negative review.
    • YouTube tothe rescue.
    • Also, theSexploitation trilogy, if you live in a country where Veoh is blocked, or don't feel like fucking up your computer with unwarranted spyware just to watch beyond the first five minutes.
  • Ms. Fanservice: His wife Jillian, as shown inThe Big Box and especiallySoftly from Cable.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: Brad pouring a bottle of New Coke...into a CRYSTAL PEPSI bottle. Stand the fuck back, everyone!

Brad: Ho ho yeah. Nowthat's nostalgia in your stomach!

Brad: A movie that contains the legendary action heroes of our youth, along with the best action heroes of current cinema. AndSteve Austin.

  • My Significance Sense Is Tingling: Snob's "Snob Senses" started tingling whenLinkara mentioned that an exploitation Superman porno movie is something that he should most likely be reviewing.
  • Name McAdjective: He called an actor inWeasels Rip My Flesh "Steve McSeventies".
    • Hitler: Dead or Alive: "You wanna know my name? It'sFrankie Überchop!"
    • He called a female character inHome Sweet Home "Blondie McSurvivor".
    • The headliner victim inCannibal Ferox, "Impaled McTitties."
    • Saucy McProbablyhasnudityinhercontract (Mother's Day 2010)
  • Narm: Referenced.

"This is the funniest scene in the movie. It's notsupposed to be."

  • Narrowed It Down to the Guy I Recognize:In-Universe, His review ofPieces has the Snob figuring out the identity of the killer simply because he recognizes an actor from other movies.
  • Nausea Fuel: The veryconcept ofTurkishSaloto the Snob.
  • Nerdgasm: Or snobgasm in this case. Snob mentions how inappropriate it would be to watch anOrson Welles movie andnot have an orgasm.
  • Network Decay: Subverted. The Snob's largely dropped the cutoff date and has expanded his repertoire to include stuff like Christian movies, but nonetheless remains focused on exploitation films and sleazy schlock. Though it also helps that said Christian movies also happen to be more exploitation and schlock than anything else.
  • Never the Selves Shall Meet: What happens when Brad and the Snob cross paths in a Lupa review. (The Snob survives.)

[to Lupa] "Oh great. You created a time paradox with yourstupid fucking reference!"

  • Nightmare Face: John Carradine inBilly the Kid Versus Dracula.
  • No Except Yes: "Why are there so many sci-fi movies in the public domain? Because it's pretty fucking easy to have two characters in a dark room talking to each other about space-shit and calling it "sci-fi". IsStar Odyssey one ofthose types of science fiction films?Absolutely not. It has much more than two characters, who occupy boring sets and talk about space-shit so they can call it a sci-fi film."

Snob: Of course I'm to much of a snob to admitI fucked up. [[[Beat]]] I fucked up.

Snob: Oh no, you can't stick an entire pole up there! Can you really make a featherwheel like that? You know, a Roman sex swing looks like a really inconvenient way to get a blowjob! Is that... is that a fucking snake?

Brad: [beat]What!?

  • "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The Snob occasionally goes out of his way to point out that a piece of background music or bit of editing in a movie is what is actually in the movie and not something he added to the footage himself.
    • The Snob goes out of his way to point out, yes, Crackers Phinn is the name credited.
    • Fester Smellman, P. Floyd Piranha, andZoofeet?
    • The premise ofElves.
  • Obligatory Joke: OnTroma'sMother's Day: "THIS movie is a motherfucker!"
    • On the mannequin inManiac: "The supporting cast in this movie is very wooden."
    • OnThe Corpse Grinders's characters being ground into cat food: "I guess it only takesone life to make a perfect can of 9 Lives!"
    • The signature death inCannibal Ferox. "It'sone of the only times you can appropriately say, 'Get your meathooks off of her.'"
    • WithThe Cinema Snob movie in post-production, Brad informs the viewer that he'll be reviewing "something that only requires half my attention." Cue the all-midget western!

"Really?! I didn't knowthat was going to be the movie! That makes my previous commentlook really insensitive!"

"Easiest fucking reference I ever made. I almost feel lazy for adding it."

"Interesting. I forgot the DVD I had was the limitedglass case edition."

Snob: This is awkward forme, and I'm not even related to you!

    • Ted Danson comes off fairly well, at least until the editing starts making him stammer likeMax Headroom.
    • Apparently, he doesn't really like his third review "Wanda, The Sadistic Hypnotist" because he didn't like how he was doing itin the upstairs living room and how he had aCritical Research Failure at the end.
    • Lloyd apparently starred in a 70s exploitation movie once.

"REALLY, Lloyd? Were you THAT hard up for cash?"

  • One Steve Limit: Brad has two friends named Brian in "Team Snob", so one of them is referred to by his last name, Irving.
  • Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Judge Reinhold in The ForgottenNic Cage flickZandalee.
  • Overly Long Gag: Parodied theFamily Guy style of this duringGrizzly II. He goes out to his porch, tries to pick up a box that keeps slipping out of his hands, and then just grabs it and throws it off porch yelling at the cameraThis isn't funny!
    • Played straight duringCannibal Ferox in a sequence where the Snob devours an entire tin of Bubble Tape.
  • Overly Narrow Superlative:Elves, "the world's only Christmas-Elf-Incest-Nazi-Occult film."
    • Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies is the best Zombie-Confederates movie.
  • Ow, My Body Part: Mrs. Crabtree on Christmas: "OW MY ASS!" (Don't ask.)
  • Padding: He occasionally points out how some of the movies he watch are a lot longer than they should be.
  • Parallel Porn Titles:
  • Pizza Boy Special Delivery: Parodied in theSoftly From Cable episode coveringAnimal Instinct. The female protagonist gets a visit from a cable guy who makes someAccidental Innuendo, to which Jillian's character responds, "I know where this is going... he's going to order her a pizza."
  • Political Correctness Gone Mad: His more recent works take more than a few jabs at this.
  • Product Displacement: The iconic "Singin' in the Rain" scene inA Clockwork Orange is bowdlerized with "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in its porn spoof.

Snob: Oh yeah,Gene Kelly'ssecond-most popular song! Let me guess, they're going to replace Beethoven with "On Top of Spaghetti"!


Q-Z

  • Quizzical Tilt:Necromantik leaves Brad invoking this a lot.
    • This is Lloyd's reaction to the "don't molest me" song from "Too Smart For Strangers".
  • Raging Stiffie:The Gestapo's Last Orgy provokes this from the Snob, who yells at his own crotch in protest. "Now? You're gonna do thisNOW?"
    • And inBlack Devil Doll from Hell, he says that the film is so unsexy that thinking aboutPorno Holocaust is giving him an erection. Then, without changing his facial expression, he reaches over, grabs a jug of water and pours on his crotch.
  • A Rare Sentence: "I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis." Cut to Brad, looking gobsmacked.
  • Real Life Writes the Plot: Brad's DVD collection was stolen during his move, which was referenced on the show.
    • The theft was precipitated by Brad's layoff from his job. Brad conducts "Sexploitation Week" while sitting on the bare floor, inspiring him to label those reviews theFloor Season. (He didn'tactually sell off his furniture - the iconic chair returned in due time).
  • Real Men Wear Pink: "Okay, I like Patch and Kayla, too.Days of Our Lives was awesome in the eighties! That's when they had Nick the Pimp!"
  • Real Song Theme Tune: All of Brad's current shows useTheme Tunes from 1980s TV shows:
    • The Cinema Snob -The Greatest American Hero, of all things.
    • Kung Tai Ted -The Master (butnot"Master Ninja Theme Song"!)
    • The Big Box -Automan
    • Brad Tries... -Newhart
    • 80's Dan - Probably the most obscure of all, this one is from aJames D Parriot/Universal cop show calledHawaiian Heat. It ran onABC in 1984 and flopped horribly.
      • Referenced in the "McDLT" episode, where a "Hawaiian Heat" TV spot was used as the commercial break.
    • Brad and Jerrid -Bay City Blues, another extremely obscure one.
    • TheManimal theme is Brad's personal theme song, complete with the "Manimal!" and panther growl.
    • Lloyd's theme music is the goofy Troll music fromTroll 3 (the Ator sequel). Yes, the cat has a theme song.
  • Remember the New Guy?: 80s Dan, in theCaligula review.ZigZagged in that he disappears when the Snob realizes his show doesn't exist, then when 80s Dan returns on "Brad Tried New Coke" and not even Brad knows who he is.
  • Reviews Are the Gospel: He says the probable reasonPink Flamingos was requested so much wasRoger Ebert'szero star review. Then he sees other zero star movies:

"Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead? I like that! Guess I have to hate it now!

Brad: Way past you onthat.Garbage day and Nazi elves ruined it for me.

  • Rule 34: "Thanks, Rule 34-sploitation!" in reference toBeaver and Buttface.
  • Rule of Three: The Top 3 rules in his "How to be a Cinema Snob" handbook: 1) Your favorite movie must beCitizen Kane. 2) anything thatCharlie Kaufman wroteshould have won the Oscar that year, and 3) you don't likeDolemite.
  • Running Gag: Team Snob casually slammingPriest during the Current Movie Reviews series. Ultimately results in Jake praising it as a cinematic masterpiece after having to sit through bothThe Smurfs andSpy Kids 4.
    • Attempting to end review early by saying "One of these days, I'm going to get that [villain]", then cutting to the credits, a laThe Geek.
    • If this movie doesn't end with [reference to another, similar film], I'm gonna be pissed!
  • Sarcasm Mode: When Brad's voice goes smooth and soft, that's a sign he's in snob mode and is going to diss the gory slasher film for not being properly artsy.
  • Saying Too Much: Brad turns to Lloyd duringThe Corpse Grinders:

Well that's the last time I feedyou leftover bits of JerridNo. 1. [beat] Did, uh...did I say too much?"

    • "You slasher fans canhave yourSleepaway Camp. But I know a good steam room to go to when I want water balloon-fights, bunk bed orgies, and shorty-shorts! ...Perhaps I've said too much."
  • Science Is Bad: The children in the episode ofBibleman he reviews sing about science as if it's some kind of disease you can catch, and if exposed to it, you need to 'go to your Bible in time' for fear of, I dunno, Science-cooties or something.
  • Sexy Santa Dress: His wife wore one for a Christmas edition ofThe Big Box.
  • Self-Deprecation: Common.

Snob: This seems like a scene from a pretentious student film. DidI make this movie?

    • In one of theCannibal Holocaust segments with Jerrid and Mrs. Snob, Jerrid notes that he hates it when these review shows have plot-lines.
    • 80s Dan's Halloween costume. "I'm that pretentious guy from that internet show!"
    • "What, you think I just pulled anElves referenceout of my ass, for no reason whatsoever? [reconsiders] ...I can see why you might think that."
    • Jillian has trouble finding funny things to say aboutRape Squad.

Brad: When in doubt, just say that someone in the moviebears a striking resemblance to somebody else. Example: OfficerGerald Ford here...

Snob: Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

  • Show Within a Show:The Big Box,Kung Tai Ted andSoftly From Cable are TV shows in The Cinema Snob's universe.
  • Smart People Wear Glasses: It's not unusual for Brad to remove his glasses and then replace them with his larger Snob glasses. It's also the only thing he does in theLock and Load Montage scene inKickassia.
  • Soundtrack Dissonance: Given that the Snob tends to review exploitation films, his delightfully upbeat theme song often plays over images of horrific violence. One episode actually opened with the Snob questioning "why is my theme song so fucking happy?"
    • Also done in homage toA Clockwork Orange when the Snob says that only one thing that could make a murder scene inIsland of Death more disturbing, then plays "Singin' In The Rain" over it.
    • InCaligula, when the title character makes his pregnant wife dance for his horse, the music gets overdubbed with the theme fromMr. Ed.
    • The Snob doesn't quite know what to make of the tender piano score played over the necrophilia scenes inNekromantik.
    • Lampshaded again withCannibal Ferox's funk soundtrack. "No.No. I'm not in the mood for the music. I'm fuckingpissed off!"(startsbobbing his head to the beat)
    • He gets so fed up with it inThe Last House on the Left, he vows the next time someone delivers tragic news, he'll react with "madcap comedy."

Jillian:I have terrible news! My great-grandma passed away!
(cut to Bradwalking like an Egyptianin the buff to kazoo music)

  • Speak in Unison: Brad and Jillian share a drawn out, bored"Really?" when a characterbreaks her heel. And then they share a kiss. Too cute.
  • Special Effect Failure:Calls many of them out, such as theBrutes and Savages crocodile death where a tribesman is killed by a hand puppet in a pool that's supposed to be a river in Africa.
  • Spin-Off:80's Dan is a character originated in the Cinema Snob's Caligula review. He later got his own sitcom-like show on his website.
  • Spoof Aesop:[sigh] Let this be a lesson to you on campus. If you see a tracksuit-wearing Chinaman, he WILL attack you.And mispronounce his L's. Because he had "bad chop suey". Could that have beenany more out of nowhere?!" ("Pieces")
    • Subverted immediately by Kung Tai Ted materializing out of nowhere and punching the Snob.
    • "Hitler: Dead or Alive": "If you work hard enough,you could make a career in playing Hitler!"
    • "The Sinful Dwarf": "If you see a psychotic dwarf carrying toys, and he drops a cymbal monkey, DON'T help him. And DON'T investigate it!"
    • "Angel Above, Devil Below": "Vaginas are Satan! 1974 told me so!"
    • 80s Dan's Christmas: "Whether we think about Santa this season, or Jesus, whether we're religious, or we just like presents, we can all agree on one thing. And that's thatkilling Nazis is fun."
    • Mr. T: Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool has such gems as, "If you have a gold allergy, best go home because you can't be anybody, much lesssomebody", "When you forget your pants, just take offmore clothes!", and "Maybe I, too, can one day star in my own tampon commercial".
    • Bibleman: "If you get in danger, donothing, and God will smiteDr. Insano."
  • The Stinger: In a tradition borrowed fromMystery Science Theater 3000, the last seven seconds (approximately) of every review consists of one particularly embarrassing moment from the film.
  • Squee: This was the Snob's reaction to finding that there was another Pierre Kirby movie that he had not seen.
  • Squick:His reaction to finding out the lead actress ofCrazy Fat Ethel had been in a Seventies porno was just him saying "No" repeatedly while running away.
    • Two words: "Child Bride". Not sinceA Serbian Film had Cinema Snob felt uneasy in reviewing a movie.
    • One of his catchphrases is a distinctive "Ewww!" when he comes across this sort of thing.
  • Stable Time Loop: InBrad's review of Video Violence 2, he gets a call fromthe Cinema Snob of 2007 that just reviewed Video Violence 1, warning him not to review the second movie. During the call, 2010 Snob inspires 2007 Snob to review another movie, suggested changes to his show, and reminds 2007 Snob to appreciate his DVD collection, since some time between 2007 and 2010his DVD collection was, in fact, stolen.
  • Stealth Parody: If you were to watch a typicalCinema Snob review uninitiated, you would have no idea it was a parody. Perhaps for this reason, he's started doing out-of-character intros to his more recent reviews.
  • Straw Fan: Has a letter-writing one that shows up occasionally. It's unknown if he's related toDouchey McNitpick
  • Stunned Silence: The Snob's first response to "Virginia" inChatter Box.
  • Stylistic Suck:Kung Tai Ted. Bad dubbing, choppy editing, and hilariously awful acting, all of which are very intentional.
    • Also80's Dan, with intentionally stale jokes and obnoxiousLaugh Track.
  • Suckiness Is Painful:Nukie.
    • By the end of "E.T. Week", he opens a broken DVD case and is disappointed when the plastic doesn't pierce his carotid artery.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Under no circumstances should it ever be assumed, for any reason, that the Cinema Snob owns a copy ofWeekend at Bernie's. He's too classy for that.
    • The heroine ofElves to her cat: "You're the only friend I have left!" Cut to a meaningful glance at Lloyd.

Snob: Pfft. Whatever. I have friends! This movie isn't... speaking to me in a weird way.

  • Talking to Himself: Sometimes, Brad-As-Himself and Cinema Snob verbally disagree with one another as if they're in the same room; Cinema Snob hates everything, while Brad loves horrible movies, so of course they clash.
  • Talk Like a Pirate: Brad starts off his "DVR Hell" series this way, then decides he's not going to host the series as a character, but as himself, and takes off the eyepatch.
  • Take a Third Option: "So, which one is better,Billy the Kid vs. Dracula orJesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter? That's easy! The answer isThe Searchers!" (he admits the former is somewhat better)
  • Take That: Numerous examples. Favored targets:Eli Roth,M. Night Shyamalan,Boondock Saints, reality television,Michael Bay,Ishtar and cameras that record to VHS (aka "Shot on Shiteo").
    • "At leastthispink flamingo is funnier than the one inGnomeo and Juliet."
    • In the Top Ten Cinema Snob Moments of 2011, he gives one toFamily Guy's habit of having a character waste two minutes of every episode by repeatedly doing a mundane action.

Cinema Snob:(After spending two minutes trying and failing to pick up a cardboard box) ....THIS ISN'T FUNNY!

    • Rape Squad:

Jillian: I thought snobslikeScream.
Snob: Even I have my limits.

    • Joseph Lai updated his title card with some sweet John Williams.

"Phew. Don't scare me like that; I thought this wasEpisode One. Thank god it'sNinja Terminator.

    • "And [Nukie] is a lot shittier thanMac and Me, so I'm guessing it was endorsed by Hardee's."
    • Given thatEbert gaveI Spit on Your Grave zero stars and called it the worst movie ever made, we can only imagine what he gaveThe Last House on the..."3½ stars?!"

Snob:Wait. Roger's my guy. I think can spin this.(beat) I guess the addition of comic relief involving cake-making and camera-mugging, plus two bumbling cops falling off of a chicken truck and getting harassed by hippies, makes the 3½ star difference in your dark and sadistic rape revenge movie.

    • "For historical context, [Tromeo & Juliet] was made at a time whenJim Carrey was considered funny."
    • PlayingLMFAO as a mode of torture. (Guinea Pig: The Devil's Experiment)
  • Tempting Fate:
    • Sure to happen any time a movie he reviews has a sequel.Lampshaded in the review forTroll 3, where he declares there's absolutely no chance whatsoever that there could possibly be anotherTroll sequel out there and he's definitely not jinxing himself.He's wrong.
    • He acknowledges his having done this in his review ofAx 'em, in which he does aCall Back toLas Vegas Bloodbath, which he had called the worst "Shot on Shitteo" film ever. He then refuses to make the same mistake withAx 'em.

Snob: Maybe the dubbing won't be too bad... [clip plays] Why did I even say that?! Oh, I know why I said it.I said it to so I could set up a clip to show how awful the dubbing is!

    • At the start of theNight of Horror review:

Snob: Last time I was gone this long, I came back with a movie about zombie confederate soldiers. Thank God there's not another one of those. [First five seconds of the intro tune, showing a shot ofNight of Horror with zombie confederates]Fuck! [Intro continues]

Snob: That's a virginI can get behind! [shudders]That came out wrong.

Snob: [grits teeth] No no no. Ifucking hate "That's What She Said" jokes.

  • They Just Didn't Care:He points outBody Shop features a scene edited to include someone holding the film's clapboard.
  • They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot:Invoked, one of his many complaints aboutEclipse is that the backstories of the minor characters, like the vampire who fought in theCivil War, would be far more interesting than the actual story.
    • In thePoochinski episode of "DVD-R Hell" he says that the concept the film initially appears to be setting up -- a gritty police detective show starring Peter Boyle as a cop whose only friend is a stray dog that he adopts -- could potentially have made for a very good TV series. Unfortunately, whatactually happened was that Boyle's characterdied half an hour in and his soul possessed the dog; the resulting series would have followed the adventures of Poochinski as a talking dog who teamed up with his former partner to solve crimes. Needless to say, Brad was distinctly less enthused by this concept.
    • The Snob's main complaint aboutSuper Hornio Brothers.
    • When talking about The Asylum'sTitanic II, Brad starts talking about how a glacier melting was the catalyst for the ship sinking. At this point, he realises that was howMega Shark vs. Giant Octopus started, so the films could take place in the same universe. He immediately laments that they should have had the shark sink the Titanic II.
  • Took the Bad Film Seriously: John Carradine inBilly the Kid Versus Dracula, as the Snob lampshadedIn-Universe.
  • Totally Radical: How he refers to the "Tubular Corporation" fromBruno Mattei's Terminator 2.
  • Trapped in TV Land: "How is my real life taking place in a world ofshitty editing?!"
  • Trademark Favourite Food: Brad LOVES Crystal Pepsi. So much that he'strying to start a letter campaign to have it revived. In theLeprechaun crossover review, he also claims drinking Crystal Pepsi ishow his voice got the way it is.
  • True Art Is Incomprehensible:Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is such an incoherent, surreal, symbolism-packed movie thatthe Snob actually began wondering if it might be okay tolike it.
  • Twist Ending: At the end of the first segment of 'Dr. Sex' we find out the whole thing was fromthe point of view of a dog. Brad even admits it was actually a pretty clever twist.
    • Video Violence ends with the whole town having been in on the snuff-film business from the start. Brad didn't give it away during the review, but rather during the introduction of its sequel, Video Violence 2, for two reasons: one, it's been three years; and two, he just doesn't care anymore because it was stupid twist he saw coming miles away.
    • Beware! Children at Play ends witha five minute sequence of the adults slaughtering the kids. Brad is so horrified that he buys a bucket to vomit in.
  • Unknown Rival: A variant inKung Tai Ted. After being attacked by a hitman sent by bitter rival Solomon in his review ofThe Angry Dragon, Ted vows to find and defeat him. However,he takes so long in doing so that Solomon has long since forgotten about him by the time he finally manages it.
  • Unusual Euphemism:
  • Up to Eleven: At the end of the Anthropophagus review, Snob states that he's become numb to the horrors and atrocities he's witnessed since starting his show... and then threatens the audience with the stuff he's beenholding back for the last 3 or 4 years. In other words, he has movies worse thanCannibal Holocaust, and he's beendeliberately ignoring them for being too awful. ...Well, until now.
  • Viewers Are Geniuses: Most of his snarky asides are directed at fellow film buffs. The rest of us would do well to have theIMDb tab open while watching.
  • Visual Pun: InPorno Holocaust: "What else can't I show you in this review? This (picture ofSylvester), this (Dick Sargeant) and this (a donkey).
    • He spends hisBat Pussy review wearing a horse head. His first line in the mask: "I hope my voice doesn't go hoarse!"
  • Vocal Dissonance: Brad is a short man (watch his crossover videos withLinkara orPhelous) with a deep voice.
  • Vocal Evolution: The Snob started out much more monotonous, and indulged more frequently inSesquipedalian Loquaciousness. Since then, he's fallen more along the lines of a textbookCaustic Critic.

Hmmm. Guess it wasn'tKafka enough for me.

  • Vomit Discretion Shot: The end of "Brad Tries The Candwich and a Super Rooster Booster", the camera is on his bathroom door as you can hear Brad puking. That canned PB&J did not agree with him.
  • Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Snob has one toward the end of Beware: Children At Play.
    • Also, inE.T. the Porno after saying all the different sex she has, he concludes with "Hang on a sec!" before grabbing a boot to throw up in.
    • His review ofSalo is practically made of these. He even eats raw eggs to keep himself throwing up!
  • Vox Pops: Parodied in his review ofPussy Talk.
  • What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?:A Clockwork Orgy‍'‍s equivalent of the Ludovico treatment is a cure for promiscuous sex, which involves showing the patient lots and lots of--normal sex.

Snob: If youreally want to keep her from having sex again, THIS is how the scene should have gone! [plays a barrage of scenes fromE.T: The Porno,Beaver & Buttface, andSuper Hornio Bros.].

(Growl) Manimal!

  1. ↑Occasionally dubbed "Team Snob". They also appear in most videos which Brad hosts as himself, likeBrad Tries
  2. ↑Numbers 25:4, to be exact. Kind of funny in that "heads" actually means "chiefs" (This was the part where - after the people of Israel escape Egypt - they begin to worship Baal, which makes God command that Moses kill the leaders that authorized this), but the threat of violence is just as valid.
  3. ↑played by Brad's real life wife Jillian
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