(2002-06-24) We credit whoeverreports a joke (actual origins are usually unknown).
2 lines or less:
Chemists think they're physicists, physicists think they're gods and God thinks He is a mathematician.
If it wasn't forThomas Edison,we'd all be watching TV... to the light of a candle.
The contour integral around Western Europe is zero. (All the Poles are in Eastern Europe.)
[Coldfuse 2002-06-24] If I had three months to live, I'd spend the time in a statistics class... Three months would seem like an eternity.
[Fourbrick 2003-06-10] They say that we only ever use 12% of our brain. The other half is never used.
[den0eng3 2002-06-24] There arethree types of mathematicians: Those who can count, and those who can't count.
[FlyingHellfish 2002-07-01] There are 10 types of people: Those who understand binary numbers, and those who don't.
[Russell's Paradox 2010-04-23] There are two types of people: Those who can be classified into one of two types, and those who can't.
5 lines or less:
After the Flood, Noah lets all the animals out of the ark and tells them togo forth and multiply. A few months later, all are doing fine except a pair of snakeswho beg Noah to cut down some trees and let them live there. Soon, there are lots of little snakes and everybody is happy. "How did the trees help?", wonders Noah. "Well, we'readders. Weneed logs to multiply."
Returning from a conference,Polish physicists find themselves in a plane whose pilot dies from a heart attack. There's only one experimentalist in the bunchwho dares try to fly the aircraft. He has trouble figuring things out andapologizes to the others: "I'm just a simple Pole in a complex plane."
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are visiting Scotland by train. They see a black sheep grazing in a pasture. The astronomer observes thatScottish sheep are black. The physicist objects that they only know aboutone such sheep. The mathematician intones:"In Scotland, there's at least one pasture with at least one sheephaving at least one black side."
As Derivation approached, all functions fled, except the Natural Exponential: - "Don't you fear me?" says Derivation. - "I am e to the x, you can't touch me." - "Oh, but who says I differentiate along x?"
[Arnaud Ferec,2008-11-24] To an optimist, the glass is half full. To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as needed.
Three scientists observed that 2 people entered a house and 3 came out. The physicist:"The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist:"They have reproduced." The mathematician:"If one person enters the house, it will be empty again."
Werner Heisenberg (1901-1976) is arrested for speeding : - "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" - "Very much so, but I didn't know where I was."
A pre-med student rudely interrupts aphysics lecture: - "Why do we have to learn this useless stuff?" - "It saves lives." - "How does physics save lives?" - "It keepsignoramuses out of medical school."
NASA scientists had developped a gun to hurl dead chicken at aircrafts to study theeffect of accidental encounters with airborne fowl. When the British used the gun to test a new high-speed train,the chicken smashed the windshield,destroyed the console and embedded itself in the cabin wall! The Britons wired NASA about this... The answer:"Thaw the chicken."
(2007-04-25) Thepoetic formpopularized byEdward Lear (1845) and many others.
A mathematician confided That a Möbius band is one-sided, And you'll get quite a laugh, If you cut one in half, For it stays in one piece when divided.
(anonymous)
There once was a fellow with a horse. He taught him all forms of math discourse, Sparing just one mystery: Cartesian geometry. You can't putDescartesbefore the horse !
(G. Michon, 2007-05-07)
(2006-02-01)
The Method of Infinite Descent is due to Pierre de Fermat (1601-1665). It establishes that no positive integer can possibly have a given propertyby showing that a strictly smaller positive integer with the same property would otherwise exist. (There can't be an infinite sequence of positive decreasing integers.)
The French mathematician Michel Mendès-Francereported (2001-08-20) that Mike Keaneand himself have credited each other for a great proof of the irrationalityof 2, using the method of infinite descent. So, the following proof now belongs to folklore, without a known author:
Since 1 < 2 < 2, if a positive integer n was making n2 an integer, the smaller positive integer m = (2-1) n would make m2 an integer also!
For the sake of pedagogy only, let's be less terse and more general:
Theorem of Theodorus (before 399 BC) by infinite descent:
If the integer q > 0 isn't a perfect square, its square root is irrational.
Theodorus of Cyrene (465-398 BC) taught mathematics to Plato (427-347 BC) and Theaetetus of Athens (c. 417-369 BC). The latter would then expand his work on irrationals, culminating in the synthetic account givenin Book X of Euclid's elements (c. 300 BC). In thedialognamed after Theaetetus, Plato himself recollects howTheodorus was teaching his own result, in 399 BC, for values of q "up to 17" [probably for pedagogical reasons] and how the young Theaetetusgot excited "generalizing" it...
The fundamental theorem of arithmetic would provide a simple proof. However, a more elementary one can beobtained by generalizing the above two-line proof (which corresponds to q = 2, k = 1) as follows:
The square root of any given integer q which isn't a perfect squareis strictly between two consecutive integers k and k+1. For any positive integer n which would make nq an integer, we'dconsider the integer m = (q-k) n which would make mq an integer also. Well, m is positive because k < q and it's less that n because q-k is less than 1. Thus, by infinite descent, no such n can exist. Therefore, q is irrational.
(2007-07-28) Legitimate questions can be bad jokes played on students.
Some of the links contain clues, others are just straight information...
The first one is mine (2007-07-28). I have not tried it on anybody yet...
(2002-12-31) What's the big deal about mathematical texts, anyway?
David W. Cantrellreports the following anecdote involving two married friends of his,who were both attending graduate school at the time. The wife is a mathematician. The husband is a physicist.
A certain acquaintance of theirs was then working on her Ph.D. in history. She became aware of—and appalled at—the glacial pace at whichgraduate texts in mathematics and physics were being covered. She asked them to please lend her one of their texts so that she could form an opinion. As she insisted, they lent her a text onGeneral Relativity. The next day, she returned the book to them, gleefully proclaiming that she had finished it. They asked her if she had understood it. She said that she had. However, she was wondering why the authors never reduced "fractions" like dy/dx by cancelling the factors of d...
Ignoramus, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself,and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
(2002-07-01) Funny or gripping. Silly or wise. Provocative or inspirational.
Socrates(469-399 BC), early moral philosopher. - The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
Plato(427-347 BC), legendary philosopher (foundedAcademy in 387 BC). - Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young,not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. - The knowledge of which geometry aims isthe knowledge of the eternal. - Let no one ignorant of geometry enter [Plato's Academy]. "" [overthe Academy's entrance]
Archimedes of Syracuse(287-212 BC), legendary engineer. - I've got it! [or "Eureka!",upon discovering the law of hydrostatics] - Give me a fulcrum and I'll move the World. [probably apocryphal] "" - Don't disturb my circles! "" (Latin: Noli turbare circulos meos)
Roger Bacon(1214-1294), medieval scientist. - Mathematics is the gate and key of the sciences ... Neglectof mathematics works injury to all knowledge, since he whois ignorant of it cannot know the other sciences or the things of this world. And what is worse, men who are thus ignorant are unableto perceive their own ignorance and so do not seek a remedy. [Opus Majus, 1267]
Williamof Ockham (1288-1348). Occam's Razor is the rule of parsimony: - Pluralitas non ponenda est sine necessitate. [ KISS = Keep it simple, stupid. ]
William Rowan Hamilton (1805-1865),Irish mathematician. - On Earth, there is nothing great but Man; in Man,there is nothing great but mind.
Mark Twain (1835-1910),American writer. - Never argue with a fool. They'll drag you down to their leveland beat you with the experience.
PaulEhrlich (1854-1915;Nobel 1908),bacteriologist. - The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970;Nobel 1950),mathematician & philosopher. - Most people would rather die than think; many do. - Mathematics possesses not only truth but supreme beauty. - I like mathematics because it is not human and has nothing particularto do with this planet or with the whole accidental universe--because,like Spinoza's God, it won't love us in return.
Godfrey Harold Hardy(1877-1947), quintessential mathematician. - It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955;Nobel 1921),legendary physicist. - Subtle is the Lord, but malicious He is not. In German : Raffiniert ist der Herr Gott, aber boshaft ist er nicht. In French : Dieu est subtile, pas malveillant. - Nothing happens until something moves. - Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - If you are out to describe the truth,leave elegance to the tailor. - Gravitation cannot be held responsiblefor people falling in love. - Everything should be made as simple as possible,but not simpler. - The only reason for time isso that everything doesn't happen at once. - Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by ageeighteen. - The telegraph is like a very long cat;you pull the tail in New York and it meows in Los Angeles. Radio operates the same way, but without a cat. - We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we usedwhen we created them. - As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain;and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Two things are infinite: the Universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the Universe...[ Attribution to Einstein is dubious. ] - Genius has its limits, human stupidity doesn't. [Dubious ] - I didn't arrive at my understanding of the fundamental lawsof the Universe through my rational mind... - Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. - If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
John von Neumann (1903-1957),mathematical prodigy. - In mathematics, you don't understand things, you just get used to them.
John Wheeler (1911-2008),foremost patriach of modern physics. - If you are not completely confused by quantum mechanics, you do not understand it. - Time is defined so that motion looks simple. [This superbly deep statement was made to express a viewpointattributed toHenri Poincaré.] - We live on an island surrounded by a sea of ignorance. As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance. [D. Lightfoot]
PaulErdös (1913-1996), legendary mathematician. - God may not play dice with the universe, butsomething strange is going on with the prime numbers. - A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.[Rényi]
Richard P. Feynman(1918-1988;Nobel 1965),cult figure of physics. - Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts.[1966] - I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics. - Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it. - I would hate to die twice, it's so boring. [His last words]
Michel Audiard (1920-1985),Frenchplaywrightknown for hilarious dialogs. - Deux intellectuels assis vont moins loin qu' un con qui marche. [Two sitting intellectuals won't travel as far as one walking fool.]
Raymond Devos (1922-2006),French wordsmith and stand-up comedian. - Un jardinier qui sabote une pelouse est un assassin en herbe. [A piece of untranslatable humor, unrelated to Science, for good measure.]
StevenWeinberg (1933-2021;Nobel 1979),leading physicist and cosmologist. - The effort to understand the Universe is one of the very few thingsthat lifts human life a little above the level of farce and gives it someof the grace of tragedy.[Last sentence of "The First Three Minutes", 1976] - At the deepest level, all we find are symmetries and responses tosymmetries. [1986 Dirac Memorial Lecture] - We ought to try and preserve the meaning of words,and "God" historically has not meant "the laws of nature". [Criticizing S. Hawking] - Good people will do good things and bad people will do bad things. It takes religion for good people to do evil things. [ cf.ffrf ]
Stephen Hawking(1942-, FRS). Former Lucasian Professor at Cambridge - What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makesa universe for them to describe? [...] Why does the Universe go to all the bother of existing? [From the closing sentences of "A Brief History of Time", 1988]
VincentPattier (2011-06-03) "Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late."
The ongoing challenge is to translate that quote into as many languages as possible. Please,sendin your own answer in any language that you happen to know very well. Make it as elegant and idiomatic as possible...
The only noteworthy trap is that Franklin's words do not necessarily imply that we get old before we get wise (which would be really tragic).
A quote from Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
English
Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
The above entries are posted in the order received. Give the name of the target language in English. If possible, provide a link that identifies you.
(2003-05-03) Guesses from the best experts are just guesses...
Jérôme LeFrançais deLalande(1732-1807), French astronomer. - L'homme ne volera jamais. [May 23, 1782] Man did flyone year later.]
Auguste Comte(1798-1855), French philosopher. - We shall never be able to study, by any method, the chemical composition of stars. [1835] By then, Fraunhofer (1787-1826) had already "made the stars closer", by inventing spectroscopy (1814).
WilliamThomson, Lord Kelvin of Largs (1824-1907),physicist. - Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. [1896] - Radio has no future. [1897] - X-rays will prove to be a hoax. [1900]
Harry Warner (1881-1958)oldest of the four Warner Brothers. - Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? [1927]
Irving Fisher(1867-1947), leading US economist [Yale University]. - Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau. [1929]
Albert Einstein (1879-1955;Nobel 1921),legendary physicist. - There is not the slightest indication that energy will ever beobtainable from the atom. [1932]
Thomas John Watson, Sr.(1874-1956), chairman of IBM. - I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. [1943]
On November 6, 1919,Arthur Eddington (1882-1944) announced the results of hiseclipse expeditions on May 29, which had confirmed Einstein's prediction of the bending of light by gravity. The occasion was a joint meeting of the Royal Society andthe Royal Astronomical Society. The chairman for the session wasJ.J. Thomson (1856-1940;Nobel 1906), whowas then president of theRoyal Society(he held the position from 1915 to 1920). In his concluding remarks, Thomson said that: "No one has yet succeeded in stating, in clear language,what the theory of Einstein really is." As the meeting was dispersing, this statement prompted the polish-born physicistLudwig Silberstein (author of an early book onRelativity)to come up to Eddington:
- Professor Eddington, you must be one of three persons in the world who understandsgeneral relativity... Don't be modest. - On the contrary,I am trying to think who the third person is.
The full story was told by Eddington, at a dinner of Trinity College during theChristmas recess of 1933, in the presence of his famous studentSubrahmanyan Chandrasekhar (1910-1995;Nobel 1983). It appears in Chandrasekhar's 1987 book "Truth and Beauty", and/or in an earlierarticle of his, entitled"Einstein and general relativity: Historical perspectives". This is probably the origin of the popular myth that:"Only three people in the world understand Relativity."
The 67th Mersenne Number
The number 2n-1 (now called the nth Mersenne number)canonly beprime if theexponent (n) is itself prime. This necessary condition isnot sufficient : Although 11 is prime, the eleventh Mersenne number is 2047, which is not (it'sthe product of 23 and 89)... In 1644,Marin Mersenne (1588-1648) gavethe first values of n for which the number obtained was thought to be prime (Mersenne primes may be used to form evenperfect numbers). This mysteriousliststarted correctly with 2, 3, 5, 7, 13, 17, 19, 31... However,Mersenne's next entry was incorrect, as he omitted 61 whichdoes belong (as first shown byIvan Pervushin, in 1883) and included 67, which doesnot. The Mersenne number for n = 67 is huge: 147573952589676412927. This integer was shown to be composite well before the computer era (by Edouard Lucas, around 1875) and it wasn't clear whether an explicitfactorizationof such a large number could ever be found.
So it was thought in October 1903, whenFrankNelson Cole (1861-1926) walked up to the blackboard,at a meeting of theAmerican Mathematical Society(AMS). The announced title of his presentation was"On the Factorization of Large Numbers". Cole silently calculated by hand the 67th power of 2, subtracted 1,and wrote the result (147573952589676412927) on one side of the blackboard. Then, he multiplied 761838257287 by 193707721 and obtained the same result... Not uttering a single word, Cole went back to his seat,under the first and only standing ovation ever recorded at an AMS meeting. There were no questions.
Cole was a professor atColumbia. He had worked every Sunday for 3 years to find that factorization. Professor Cole served as AMS secretary for 25 years. Twoprestigiousprizes (in Algebra, and inNumber Theory) have beenfounded in his honor.
(2002-11-03) Clever practical jokes help make the intellectual world a healthier place.
Well, at least some of them do (some others have depressing outcomes).
In 1931, three physicists (including future Nobel laureateHans Bethe) managed to publish the famous spoof article reproduced below[in an English translation taken from "A Random Walk in Science",a compilation by R.L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza andpublished in 1973 by the Institute of Physics (London)].
This short article ridiculed the kind of numerology which was advocated bySir Arthur Eddington,when our experimental knowledge ofSommerfeld's fine structure constant () was consistent with the value 1/137
Spoofingly equating degrees of freedom and degrees of temperaturein the centigrade scale (which would officially be named afterAnders Celsius in 1949),the authors offer an "explanation" for the fact that the absolute zero of temperature(-273.15°C) is numerically close to .
Remarks on the quantum theory of the absolute zero of temperature by G. Beck, H. Bethe, and W. Riezler inDie Naturwissenschaften, (1931) volume 2, pp. 38-39
Let us consider a hexagonal crystal lattice. The absolute zero temperature is characterized by the condition thatall degrees of freedom are frozen. That means that all inner movements of the lattice cease. This, of course, does not hold for an electron on a Bohr orbital. According to Eddington, each electron has 1/degrees of freedom, where alpha is the Sommerfeld fine structure constant. Beside the electrons,the crystal contains only protons for which the number of degrees of freedomis the same since,according to Dirac, the proton can be viewed as a hole in the electron gas. To obtain absolute zero temperature we therefore have to remove from the substance 2/1 degrees of freedom per neutron. (The crystal as a whole is supposed to be electrically neutral;1 neutron = 1 electron + 1 proton. One degree of freedom remains because of the orbital movement.) For the absolute zero temperature we therefore obtain
T = -(2/1) degrees
If we take T = -273,we obtain for 1/ the value of 137,which agrees within limits with the number obtained by an entirely different method. It can be shown easily that this result is independent of the choice of crystal structure.
During World War II, the legend was born that the U.S. Navyhad perfected its degaussing of warships (which made them effectively invisible to magnetically-triggered mines) and could achieve total invisibility to radar and ordinary light, with the same typeof technology... For good measure, it was also claimed that the method,secretly devised by Albert Einstein, could also makeships and their crews dematerialize and teleport to remote locations. Allegedly, some glitches had made human body partsfuse with the metal of the ship upon rematerialization. This gruesome side-effect was supposedly the reason why the Government kept covering upits initial experiments (including a whole destroyer dematerializing in Philadelphia).
It's difficult to imagine how anyone could believe such a crazy tale but ithas remained popular for decades. After many years, in 1979, the central "eyewitness" confessedto be the perpetrator of the hoax. However, the story refused to die. He recanted the confession and remained at the center of the delusion he had created,for the rest of his natural life. And beyond.
This man passed away at a Colorado nursing home in 1994,under his pen name of Carlos Miguel Allende (1925-1994). His death certificate also lists what he fancied himself to be: "Science consultant, electromagnetic force fields". He had enlisted as a seaman half a century earlier (number 7416175) underhis actual birth name, Carl Meredith Allen. RIP.
In 1988, the so-called channeling craze(which had began in earnest around 1972) was in full swing,spearheaded by actressShirley MacLaineand many others. The professional magician James Randi (theAmazing Randi) was asked by Channel 9 from Australia to debunk the whole thing(hear an interviewof James Randi, also posted by theRound Earth Society).
Randi took up the challenge and taught his friendJosé Alvarez a few tricks to impersonate thechannelerof a fictitious 35000-year old spirit dubbed "Carlos". As it turned out, "The Great Carlos" received a lot of media attention in Australia(culminating with a show at the Sydney opera house)and eventually developed a rather large following there... Surprisingly, many continued tobelieve in "Carlos" and his silly messages,even after the hoax was publicly revealed!
It was, in fact, a cleverly disguised [and hilarious] parody,which hadonly the appearance of serious scholarly work: In the very first paragraph, Sokal criticizes the "dogma" [sic] according to which"there exists an external world,whose properties are independent of any individual human being". The rest of the paper is similarly salted with nonsense. Yet, it suited so much what the editors of Social Textwanted to see that they did not even blink,and Sokal's article was duly published,next to other pieces offashionably correct prose...
This controversy is about the supposedley rigorous process which takesplace before scientific doctorates are awarded. It's one thing to fool the editors of a cultural journal using scientific gibberish,like Sokal did. It would be another thing entirely if the same tactics could be successfullwith a doctoral jury...
Many peoplehastily talked about a "reverse Sokal hoax",when physicist Max Niedermaier first blew the whistlein an e-mail he sent to several friends around 2002-10-22. Niedermaier himself has since apologized and recognized that the Bogdanoff brothers"genuinely believe in what they are doing". The whole thing would probably have gone unnoticed if the Bogdanovs had not beentelevision celebrities, but this does not make the issue go away...
The twin semioticians Igor and Grichka Bogdanoff were born in 1949, in a castleof Gascony (southwest France). They are gifted science-fiction writers who became famous in France ashosts of their own television show(Temps X) which premiered on April 21, 1979(it aired prime-time on TF1 from 1980 to 1990). With the philosopher Jean Guitton (1901-1999), they coauthored a subsequent bestsellerentitled "God and Science" (Dieu et la science, Grasset 1991, ISBN 2-246-42411-9).
Doctorates in mathematical physicsfrom the FrenchUniversité de Bourgognewere recently awarded toGrichka(1999-06-26) andIgor(2002-07-08). Dr. John Baez andothers (including Field medalistAlainConnes) have since reviewed both doctoral dissertationsand at least four related journal articles published by the Bogdanovs: To summarize bluntly,the latest scientific jargon is clearly there,but actual scientific substance seems to be lacking... Or is it?
The Bogdanoff twins resumed their TV careers onOctober 3, 2002,weekly staging digital clones of themselves in 2-minute spots for public French television(France 2).
By checking links tomy own siteI discovered [the above] relatively balanced, and well done, review of theBogdanov affair.[To me, this does not belong in ahumor page, though.]
Letme quote [Bion and] Plutarch: " Though the boys throw stones at thefrogs in sport, yet the frogs do not die in sport, but in earnest." But I appreciate your personal perspective -- after all, the stones hit the target, and it must have been "fun!"
You have a point, Ark: Regardless of the scientific merits of their work,the Bogdanovs didn't deserve the public ridicule they were initially submitted to. A page about humor may include a few things that arenot meant to be funny,including possible examples of unethical uses of derision.
The Bogdanoff papers (e.g., Grichka Bogdanov & Igor Bogdanov,2001) have beenreviewed byLubos Motl (The Reference Frame, 2005-06-17). Other recent reviews less ambiguously rate as "nil" the scientific value of the Bogdanov'scontributions (Bogdanov update by Peter Woit,2010-10-18).
The two brothers died from COVID-19 in a Parisian hospital within days of each other;Grichka on 2021-12-28 and Igor on 2022-01-03.
(2006-11-17) Often engraved on sundials: Omnia vulnerant, ultima necat. (All [hours] hurt, the last one kills...)
The famous algebraist and inventor JerômeCardan(1501-1576) was proud of hisreputation as an astrologer. He predicted the day of his own death. He did die on that fateful day (31 Sept. 1576). He may have committed suicide.
As the mathematician Abrahamde Moivre (1667-1754) saw that he was sleeping 15 more minutes each day, he extrapolated that to find the day when he'd be sleeping 24 hours a day. He died on that day (27 Nov. 1754).
(2002-05-26) Our top picks of funny units... [See also theserious side.]
The beauty ofHelen could launch a thousand ships. Thus, in the Troy system of units,themillihelen (mHel) is the amount of beauty which can launchone ship. Its value in natural units [natural beauty] is about0.001098612. Amicrohelen is roughly the amount of beautyrequired tomotivate one sailor. The symbol for the helen iscapitalized: Hel is pronounced "hell" [the beauty of the Devil].
On 2008-12-30,Robin Whitty wrote: Ah - you silence me!
Themicrocentury is 52 minutes and 35.76 seconds and was introduced by Enrico Fermi as the "standard" duration of a lecture period. It's equal toexactly 3155.76 s, as an exact submultiple of thescientificJulian century, which isdefined to be equal to 36525days of 86400(SI) seconds each.
Theattoparsec (apc) is the only official unit in this bunch;it's about an inch (1.215" or, more precisely, 3.08567758149... cm)... Well, asthey say,"Give some people anattoparsec and they'll take16.09344 tera-ångströms."
= 9.69394202136 cm / apc
Ananoacre is exactly 4.0468564224 mm2.
Themicrofortnight is anFFF unitequal to 1.2096 s. (In theRAF,this used to be called a yonk, according toMichael Spencer, 2011-10-03.)
Thefurlong per fortnight is about 2 ft per hour (0.1663 mm/s).
TheDirac once stood for word per hour (P.A.M Dirac was known to use as few words as possible).
Themillicochrane andmicrocochrane are submultiples of a unitofsubspace distortion, named afterZefram Cochrane (2030-2117).
The above is almost as bad as some of the entries below:
(2002-05-27) [updated yearly ] There are noofficial metric prefixesabove 1024 or below 1024. What are some proposals to remedy that?
One "proposal" which is not funny is the subreptitious introduction,a few years ago, of 10 bogus prefixes (revo, tredo, syto, fito, ento, hepa, otta, nea, dea, una) which found their way next to legitimate ones in many serious summary tables floating around the Internet. There does not seem to be any way to get rid of those,except by encouragingwhoever maintains a legitimate table to flag those prefixes as bogus. Just removing them entirely is simply not good enough, as long as there are tables aroundwhich will look "more complete" by listing the bogus information(and thus reproduce faster). We took the initiative of starting the curative debunking by putting online areference table that's hopefully clearly better than previous ones, in the hope that it would lookauthoritative enough to anyone researching the subject on the Internet.
A few "proposals" gleaned (so far) for the next pair of metric prefixes:
In advocating his scheme,the Oxford clinical pharmacologist Jeff K. Aronson argued that the "pattern" of abbreviations Z and Yfor the latest official SI prefixes should be extended backward through the alphabet,by making X, W, V and U the abbreviations of the next large prefixes(and using x, w, v and u for the next small ones). Since the letter T is already used fortera-,the scheme would only allow 4 more pairs of prefixes...
Aronson advocated the names"xenna", "weka", "vendeka" and "udeka", for the larger prefixes ("xenno", "weko", "vendeko" and "udeko" for the smaller ones). We don't know how seriousProfessor Aronson really was about this... Unfortunately, this is being propagated as afait accompli,so the thing has turned into yet another annoying hoax.
Such misguided efforts will probably keep popping upuntil the CGPM finally adopts something for the next prefix pair (preferably avoiding "X and x" to discourage extensions of the aforementioned dubious pattern ).
"millikan-" (mkan) could be another natural name to propose for the1027 prefix (mkan = milli-kilo-atto-nano),which is so muchneeded just belowyocto-(the current smallestofficial prefix). The mass of an electron would thus be expressed as equal to "about 0.91 mkang".That would be a way to honorRobertA. Millikan (1868-1953) who was cursed with a name that makes it otherwiseimpossible to achieve the same kind of SI immortality (deserved or not) asPascal,Newton,Ampère,Tesla,Weber,or AlexanderGram Bell (sic ;-)... Either that, or we have to call akan the charge of 1000 electrons(so each single electron would carry amillikan of charge). For the record, this very silly idea of mine dates back to 1995,and I amalmost ashamed to repeat it here.
(2004-03-26) ) Look under the the lamppost for there's not enough light elsewhere.
Also in the early 1990's, I coined for myself the term Lamppost Theory which I shared at a few cocktail parties. Nowadays, anInternet searchwould reveal that a number of people apparently had theexact same idea independentlyto denote this very important scientific concept,which may sound so ludicrous at first... The name comes from an old joke:
A drunkard is looking for the keys to his house under a lamppost near his home. A neighbor comes to the rescue and helps him search. As they don't find anything, the neighbor begins to have doubts:
Are you sure you lost your keys under this lamppost ?
Well no, but there's no way I'll find them elsewhere; it's too dark !
The drunkard is right when it comes to scientific investigations: Don't ever look for obscure solutions,because you can't find anything in the dark vicinity of such solutions. If there's nothing by the lamppost, just give up.
If you're lucky, there might be a flashlight under some lamppost.
It's hard to catch a black cat in a dark room, especially if it isn't there. (Confucius)
(2011-10-09) Alternatives to orthodoxy.
A car is speeding at night through a deserted town. The driver doesn't stop at red lights. They have a near miss (which really means a near hit) that doesn't seem to bother the driverand the puzzled passenger is getting really scared:
- Why don't you stop at red lights? - It's a tradition; we never do in our family.
Suddenly, they arrive at a green light and the driver hits the brakes...
- Why are you stopping now? The light is green... Go! - Heck no! My brother might be coming the other way.
Dairy Cows Make Milk Not Pink Fruit, Airhead! [Metric submultiples:deci, centi, milli, micro, nano, pico, femto, atto]
Those Girls Can Flirt And Other Queer Things Can Do. [Mohs' scale:Talc, Gypsum, Calcite, Fluorite, Apatite,Orthoclase, Quartz, Topaz, Corundum, Diamond]
Pregnant Virgins Never Reveal the Truth [Ideal Gas Law: PV = nRT ]
OIL RIG [Redox Reactions: Oxidation Is Loss (of electrons); Reduction Is Gain.]
Cary Grant eXpects Unanimous Votes In Movie Reviews. [Electromagnetic spectrum, highest frequency first: Cosmic rays, Gamma rays, X-rays, Ultraviolet, Visible, Infrared, Microwaves, Radio waves]
Planets, from 1930 to2006) English: My Very Educated Mother Just Showed UsNine Planets. [Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune,Pluto] French:Mon vieux, tu m'as jetté sur une nouvelle planète. [Mercure, Vénus, Terre, Mars, Jupiter, Saturne, Uranus, Neptune,Pluton] German:Mein Vater Erklärt Mir Jeden Sonntag Unsere Neun Planeten. [Merkur, Venus, Erde, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptun,Pluto]
I eat green carrots [ Io, Europa, Ganymede, Callisto ] Galilean moons of Jupiter (3 mistresses of Zeus and his Trojancup-bearer).
Roy G. Biv (Richard Of York Gave Battle in Vain) [Colors of the Rainbow: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet]
Oh My, Such Great Apple Pie! (Sweet As Sugar!) Dicarboxylic acids: Oxalic, malonic,succinic,glutaric, adipic, pimelic (suberic, azelaic, sebacic).
Ho He! Lili Becta Bien Chez Notre Oncle François Nestor. Napoléon Mangea Allègrement SixPoulets Sans Clamser Après.Etc. [French mnemonic forchemical elements.]
Numerical values and constrained writing
Count the number of letters in each word to obtain each digit of the number. (A ten-letter word represents a zero digit.)
c = 299792458 m/s [= Speed of Light =Einstein's Constant] - My ingenious astronomy student remembers an easy light mnemonic. - We guarantee certainty, clearly referring to this light mnemonic.
e = 2.718281828459045235360287471352662497757247... - By omnibus, I traveled to Brooklyn. [271828 -- David Mage] - It enables a numskull to memorize a quantity of numerals. [2718281828 -- Gene Widhoff] - I'm forming a mnemonic to remember a function in analysis. [2718281828 -- Maxey Brooke] - It repeats: A constant of calculus, a constant of calculus. [2718281828 -- Jeffrey Strehlow] - To distrupt a playroom is commonly a practice of children. [2718281828 -- Joseph J Guiteras] - To express e, remember to memorize a sentence to simplify this. [27182818284 -- John L. Greene] - [271828182845 -- Joona Palaste (of Helsinki; 2004-11-07 e-mail)]
= 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751... - Yes, I have a number. [31416] - How I wish I could calculate Pi nearly right. [314159265] - See, I have a rhyme assisting my feeble brain. [314159265] - May I have a large container of coffee? Thank you.[3141592653] - to a well-known classic: [The firsttwo verses are attributed toSirJames Jeans (1877-1946).]
How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, After the heavy lecturesinvolving quantum mechanics. All of thy geometry, Herr Planck, is fairlyhard!
But a time I spent wandering in bloomy night; Yon tower, tinkling chimewise, loftily opportune. Out, up, and together came sudden to Sunday rite, The one solemnly off to correct plenilune.
3.14159265 358979 323846264 3383279
Famous French Poem:The following four verses were published by Edouard Lucas (1842-1891) in Récréations mathématiques (vol. II):
Que j'aime à faire apprendreun nombre utile aux sages ! Immortel Archimède, antique ingénieur, Qui de ton jugement peut sonder la valeur ? Pour moi ton problème eut de pareils avantages.
3.1415926535 8979 32384626 43383279
This quatrain was reprinted on August 5, 1906 by The Academy, a London literary magazine which challenged its readers to come upwith English equivalents (they were in short supply at the time). The first verse, at least, used to be taught to French schoolchildren. The last verse is a personal parallelbetween the little-known approximation of due to Lucas himself (0.26 146) and whatArchimedes came up with (22/7). This was generally considered too arcaneand verses 3 and 4 have since been replaced by better ones... Several extended variants exist, which differ very little from the following one:
Que j'aime à faire connaîtrece nombre utile aux sages ! Immortel Archimède, antique ingénieur, Toi de qui Syracuse loue encore la gloire, Soit ton nom conservé par de savants grimoires.
3.1415926535 8979 32384626 43383279
Jadis mystérieux, un problème existait Dans l'admirable édifice, l'oeuvre grandiose, Que Pythagore découvrit aux anciens Grecs. Ô quadrature ! Vieux tourment du philosophe !
50288 4197169 399375 105820
Insoluble rondeur, trop longtemps vous avez Défié Pythagore et ses imitateurs: Comment arpenter l'espace plan circulaire Valant un polygone mesuré en superficie ?
974944 59230 781640 628620
Approche innovante: Archimède envisage Cercle et polygone approchant une aire Inscrite en excès. Son plan de s'y réduire Dédoublera chaque élément antérieur.
8998 628034 825342117 0679
Résultat de l'idée ancienne curviligne, Laquelle limite donne l'arc, la longueur De cet inquiétant cercle, ennemi trop rebelle. Professeur, enseignezses méthodes avec zèle!
821480 8651328 2306647 093844
This gives (Pi) to 126 decimals (127 digits in 127 words). The first quatrain is beautiful and worth memorizing (it's perfectly metered and featuressome rhyming). The other stanzas are less than perfect...
Phonetic Numerical Mnemonics (Hérigone's System)
Endearing as it may be, the above method of encoding one digit per wordisn't quite practical: Once you have memorized a sentence, it takes a while to retrievethe corresponding digits by counting the letters in each word...
A more efficient approach was invented by the French mathematicianPierre Hérigone(1580-1643) who had the idea of assigning consonants to every digit (like-sounding consonants being assigned to the same digit).
Different versionsof Hérigone's system were subsequently devised and revisedby several people, starting withJohannJust Winckelmann (1620-1699) in 1648. Leibniz drew someinspiration from Winkelmann's code for his own scheme ofwriting all languages phonetically. In 1806, a German monk from Salem (near Konstanz) Gregor von Feinaigle, started to make a name for himself with his own version ofHérigone's system, which he demonstrated brilliantly (along with the rest of his mnemonic methods) at lectures in Paris, in 1807 and 1811.
The modern version of Hérigone's system, presented below,was perfected around 1820 by the Frenchman Aimé Paris whose book on mnemonics wasre-edited many times (Principes et applications diverses de la mnemonique,7th ed., Paris, 1834). In English, that code became known as The Major System in the 1840's,because it was popularized from London by a Polish refugeeknown as Major Beniowski (Handbook of Phrenotypics, 1845).
This system can be used, in English or other Indo-European languages, to associate "striking" words or sentences with important numbers (dates, security codes, telephone numbers, etc). In the 1970's,it was advocated for that purpose by the memory artistHarry Lorayne (1926-).
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
none
s (c) z
t d (th)
n ñ
m
r
l
ch, sh j (g)
k (c) g (q)
f v
p b
w, h, y
ArthurT. Benjamin presents one dubious sentence to memorizethe first 24 digits of with that code (vowels and unlisted consonants are discarded):
See alsobelow for acronyms[supposedly] used in computerized chats and/or Internet posts. The following ones do not fall into that category:
ACRONYM: Abbreviated Coded Rendition Of Name Yielding Meaning.
BAD: Broken As Designed.
DAP: Parents Against Dyslexia [sic].
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms. [Glenn Shaw] (Personal Computer Memory Card International Association)
TLA: Three-Letter Acronym.
TTP: The TTP Project. [Engineering classic, submitted byTonyDercola] More precisely, TTP stands for: The "The TTP Project" Project... (In the comic strip ofScott Adams,that's whateverDilbertis working on.)
Some Usenet-Related Acronyms
Acronym
Meaning
Comments (see also...)
Sources
2U2
To you too
AFAIK
As far as I know
A/S/L?
[What is your] age, sex &location?
ATO
Assume the opposite... [Introducing a proof by contradiction.]
AWGTHTGTTA?
Are we going to have to go through this again?
CERN 98
BRB
Be right back
BTW
By the way...
DNO
Do not open. [Message is entirely in the subject line...]
DYT
Do you think [that...]
FYI
For your information
GA
Go ahead (obsolete way to end your turn, in a 2-way exchange)
GL
Good luck!
HF
Have fun!
HTH
Hope this helps
IIRC
If I recall correctly
If I tell you what it means,I will have to kill you...
(2002-12-31) 
