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The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Clouds, by AristophanesThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away orre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: The CloudsAuthor: AristophanesTranslator: William James HickieRelease Date: December 11, 2008 [EBook #2562]Last Updated: January 22, 2013Language: EnglishCharacter set encoding: ASCII*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS ***Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger

THE CLOUDS

By Aristophanes

Translated by William James Hickie

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

     Strepsiades     Phidippides     Servant of Strepsiades     Disciples of Socrates     Socrates     Chorus of Clouds     Just Cause     Unjust Cause     Pasias     Amynias     Witness     Chaerephon

     Scene: The interior of a sleeping-apartment:     Strepsiades, Phidippides, and two servants are in their     beds; a small house is seen at a distance. Time:     midnight.     Strepsiades (sitting up in his bed). Ah me! Ah me! O     King Jupiter, of what a terrible length the nights are!     Will it never be day? And yet long since I heard the     cock. My domestics are snoring; but they would not have     done so heretofore! May you perish then, O war! For many     reasons; because I may not even punish my domestics.     Neither does this excellent youth awake through the     night; but takes his ease, wrapped up in five blankets.     Well, if it is the fashion, let us snore wrapped up.

     [Lies down, and then almost immediately starts up     again.]     But I am not able, miserable man, to sleep, being     tormented by my expenses, and my stud of horses, and my     debts, through this son of mine. He with his long hair,     is riding horses and driving curricles, and dreaming of     horses; while I am driven to distraction, as I see the     moon bringing on the twentieths;  for the interest is     running on. Boy! Light a lamp, and bring forth my     tablets, that I may take them and read to how many I am     indebted, and calculate the interest.     [Enter boy with a light and tablets.]     Come, let me see; what do I owe? Twelve minae  to     Pasias. Why twelve minae to Pasias? Why did I borrow     them? When I bought the blood-horse. Ah me, unhappy!     Would that it had had its eye knocked out with a stone     first!     Phidippides (talking in his sleep). You are acting     unfairly, Philo! Drive on your own course.     Strep. This is the bane that has destroyed me; for even     in his sleep he dreams about horsemanship.     Phid. How many courses will the war-chariots run?     Strep. Many courses do you drive me, your father. But     what debt came upon me after Pasias? Three minae to     Amynias for a little chariot and pair of wheels.     Phid. Lead the horse home, after having given him a good     rolling.     Strep. O foolish youth, you have rolled me out of my     possessions; since I have been cast in suits, and others     say that they will have surety given them for the     interest.     Phid. (awakening) Pray, father, why are you peevish, and     toss about the whole night?     Strep. A bailiff out of the bedclothes is biting     me.     Phid. Suffer me, good sir, to sleep a little.     Strep. Then, do you sleep on; but know that all these     debts will turn on your head.     [Phidippides falls asleep again.]     Alas! Would that the match-maker had perished miserably,     who induced me to marry your mother. For a country life     used to be most agreeable to me, dirty, untrimmed,     reclining at random, abounding in bees, and sheep, and     oil-cake. Then I, a rustic, married a niece of Megacles,     the son of Megacles, from the city, haughty, luxurious,     and Coesyrafied. When I married her, I lay with her     redolent of new wine, of the cheese-crate, and abundance     of wool; but she, on the contrary, of ointment, saffron,     wanton-kisses, extravagance, gluttony, and of Colias and     Genetyllis.  I will not indeed say that she was idle;     but she wove. And I used to show her this cloak by way     of a pretext and say "Wife, you weave at a great     rate."     Servant re-enters.     Servant. We have no oil in the lamp.     Strep. Ah me! Why did you light the thirsty lamp? Come     hither that you may weep!     Ser. For what, pray, shall I weep?     Strep. Because you put in one of the thick wicks.     [Servant runs out]     After this, when this son was born to us, to me,     forsooth, and to my excellent wife, we squabbled then     about the name: for she was for adding hippos  to the     name, Xanthippus, or Charippus, or Callipides; but I was     for giving him the name of his grandfather, Phidonides.     For a time therefore we disputed; and then at length we     agreed, and called him Phidippides. She used to take     this son and fondle him, saying, "When you, being grown     up, shall drive your chariot to the city, like Megacles,     with a xystis." But I used to say, "Nay, rather, when     dressed in a leathern jerkin, you shall drive goats from     Phelleus, like your father." He paid no attention to my     words, but poured a horse-fever over my property. Now,     therefore, by meditating the whole night, I have     discovered one path for my course extraordinarily     excellent; to which if I persuade this youth I shall be     saved. But first I wish to awake him. How then can I     awake him in the most agreeable manner? How?     Phidippides, my little Phidippides?     Phid. What, father?     Strep. Kiss me, and give me your right hand!     Phid. There. What's the matter?     Strep. Tell me, do you love me?     Phid. Yes, by this Equestrian Neptune.     Strep. Nay, do not by any means mention this Equestrian     to me, for this god is the author of my misfortunes.     But, if you really love me from your heart, my son, obey     me.     Phid. In what then, pray, shall I obey you?     Strep. Reform your habits as quickly as possible, and go     and learn what I advise.     Phid. Tell me now, what do you prescribe?     Strep. And will you obey me at all?     Phid. By Bacchus,  I will obey you.     Strep. Look this way then! Do you see this little door     and little house?     Phid. I see it. What then, pray, is this, father?     Strep. This is a thinking-shop of wise spirits. There     dwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade people     that it is an oven, and that it encompasses us, and that     we are the embers. These men teach, if one give them     money, to conquer in speaking, right or wrong.     Phid. Who are they?     Strep. I do not know the name accurately. They are     minute philosophers, noble and excellent.     Phid. Bah! They are rogues; I know them. You mean the     quacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footed     fellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates and     Chaerephon.     Strep. Hold! Hold! Be silent! Do not say anything     foolish. But, if you have any concern for your father's     patrimony, become one of them, having given up your     horsemanship.     Phid. I would not, by Bacchus, even if you were to give     me the pheasants which Leogoras  rears!     Strep. Go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and be     taught.     Phid. Why, what shall I learn?     Strep. They say that among them are both the two     causes—the better cause, whichever that is, and the     worse: they say that the one of these two causes, the     worse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side.     If, therefore you learn for me this unjust cause, I     would not pay any one, not even an obolus of these     debts, which I owe at present on your account.     Phid. I can not comply; for I should not dare to look     upon the knights, having lost all my colour.     Strep. Then, by Ceres,  you shall not eat any of my     good! Neither you, nor your blood-horse; but I will     drive you out of my house to the crows.     Phid. My uncle Megacles will not permit me to be without     a horse. But I'll go in, and pay no heed to you.     [Exit Phidippides.]     Strep. Though fallen, still I will not lie prostrate:     but having prayed to the gods, I will go myself to the     thinking-shop and get taught. How, then, being an old     man, shall I learn the subtleties of refined     disquisitions? I must go. Why thus do I loiter and not     knock at the door?     [Knocks at the door.]     Boy! Little boy!     Disciple (from within). Go to the devil! Who it is that     knocked at the door?     Strep. Strepsiades, the son of Phidon, of Cicynna.     Dis. You are a stupid fellow, by Jove! who have kicked     against the door so very carelessly, and have caused the     miscarriage of an idea which I had conceived.     Strep. Pardon me; for I dwell afar in the country. But     tell me the thing which has been made to miscarry.     Dis. It is not lawful to mention it, except to     disciples.     Strep. Tell it, then, to me without fear; for I here am     come as a disciple to the thinking-shop.     Dis. I will tell you; but you must regard these as     mysteries. Socrates lately asked Chaerephon  about a     flea, how many of its own feet it jumped; for after     having bit the eyebrow of Chaerephon, it leaped away     onto the head of Socrates.     Strep. How then did he measure this?     Dis. Most cleverly. He melted some wax; and then took     the flea and dipped its feet in the wax; and then a pair     of Persian slippers stuck to it when cooled. Having     gently loosened these, he measured back the distance.     Strep. O King Jupiter! What subtlety of thought!     Dis. What then would you say if you heard another     contrivance of Socrates?     Strep. Of what kind? Tell me, I beseech you!     Dis. Chaerephon the Sphettian asked him whether he     thought gnats buzzed through the mouth or the breech.     Strep. What, then, did he say about the gnat?     Dis. He said the intestine of the gnat was narrow and     that the wind went forcibly through it, being slender,     straight to the breech; and then that the rump, being     hollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part,     resounded through the violence of the wind.     Strep. The rump of the gnats then is a trumpet! Oh,     thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness! Surely a     defendant might easily get acquitted who understands the     intestine of the gnat.     Dis. But he was lately deprived of a great idea by a     lizard.     Strep. In what way? Tell me.     Dis. As he was investigating the courses of the moon and     her revolutions, then as he was gaping upward a lizard     in the darkness dropped upon him from the roof.     Strep. I am amused at a lizard's having dropped on     Socrates.     Dis. Yesterday evening there was no supper for us.     Strep. Well. What then did he contrive for provisions?     Dis. He sprinkled fine ashes on the table, and bent a     little spit, and then took it as a pair of compasses and     filched a cloak from the Palaestra.     Strep. Why then do we admire Thales?  Open open quickly     the thinking-shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly as     possible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open the     door.     [The door of the thinking-shop opens and the pupils of     Socrates are seen all with their heads fixed on the     ground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in the     air in a basket.]     O Hercules, from what country are these wild beasts?     Dis. What do you wonder at? To what do they seem to you     to be like?     Strep. To the Spartans who were taken at Pylos.  But why     in the world do these look upon the ground?     Dis. They are in search of the things below the earth.     Strep. Then they are searching for roots. Do not, then,     trouble yourselves about this; for I know where there     are large and fine ones. Why, what are these doing, who     are bent down so much?     Dis. These are groping about in darkness under Tartarus.     Strep. Why then does their rump look toward heaven?     Dis. It is getting taught astronomy alone by itself.     [Turning to the pupils.]     But go in, lest he meet with us.     Strep. Not yet, not yet; but let them remain, that I may     communicate to them a little matter of my own.     Dis. It is not permitted to them to remain without in     the open air for a very long time.     [The pupils retire.]     Strep. (discovering a variety of mathematical     instruments) Why, what is this, in the name of heaven?     Tell me.     Dis. This is Astronomy.     Strep. But what is this?     Dis. Geometry.     Strep. What then is the use of this?     Dis. To measure out the land.     Strep. What belongs to an allotment?     Dis. No, but the whole earth.     Strep. You tell me a clever notion; for the contrivance     is democratic and useful.     Dis. (pointing to a map) See, here's a map of the whole     earth. Do you see? This is Athens.     Strep. What say you? I don't believe you; for I do not     see the Dicasts  sitting.     Dis. Be assured that this is truly the Attic territory.     Strep. Why, where are my fellow-tribesmen of Cicynna?     Dis. Here they are. And Euboea here, as you see, is     stretched out a long way by the side of it to a great     distance.     Strep. I know that; for it was stretched by us and     Pericles.  But where is Lacedaemon?     Dis. Where is it? Here it is.     Strep. How near it is to us! Pay great attention to     this, to remove it very far from us.     Dis. By Jupiter, it is not possible.     Strep. Then you will weep for it.     [Looking up and discovering Socrates.]     Come, who is this man who is in the basket?     Dis. Himself.     Strep. Who's "Himself"?     Dis. Socrates.     Strep. O Socrates! Come, you sir, call upon him loudly     for me.     Dis. Nay, rather, call him yourself; for I have no     leisure.     [Exit Disciple.]     Strep. Socrates! My little Socrates!     Socrates. Why callest thou me, thou creature of a day?     Strep. First tell me, I beseech you, what are you doing.     Soc. I am walking in the air, and speculating about the     sun.     Strep. And so you look down upon the gods from your     basket, and not from the earth?     Soc. For I should not have rightly discovered things     celestial if I had not suspended the intellect, and     mixed the thought in a subtle form with its kindred air.     But if, being on the ground, I speculated from below on     things above, I should never have discovered them. For     the earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditative     moisture. Water-cresses also suffer the very same thing.     Strep. What do you say? Does meditation attract the     moisture to the water-cresses? Come then, my little     Socrates, descend to me, that you may teach me those     things, for the sake of which I have come.     [Socrates lowers himself and gets out of the basket.]     Soc. And for what did you come?     Strep. Wishing to learn to speak; for by reason of     usury, and most ill-natured creditors, I am pillaged and     plundered, and have my goods seized for debt.     Soc. How did you get in debt without observing it?     Strep. A horse-disease consumed me—terrible at eating.     But teach me the other one of your two causes, that     which pays nothing; and I will swear by the gods, I will     pay down to you whatever reward you exact of me.     Soc. By what gods will you swear? For, in the first     place, gods are not a current coin with us.     Strep. By what do you swear? By iron money, as in     Byzantium?     Soc. Do you wish to know clearly celestial matters, what     they rightly are?     Strep. Yes, by Jupiter, if it be possible!     Soc. And to hold converse with the Clouds, our     divinities?     Strep. By all means.     Soc. (with great solemnity). Seat yourself, then, upon     the sacred couch.     Strep. Well, I am seated!     Soc. Take, then, this chaplet.     Strep. For what purpose a chaplet? Ah me! Socrates, see     that you do not sacrifice me like Athamas!     Strep. No; we do all these to those who get initiated.     Strep. Then what shall I gain, pray?     Soc. You shall become in oratory a tricky knave, a     thorough rattle, a subtle speaker. But keep quiet.     Strep. By Jupiter! You will not deceive me; for if I am     besprinkled, I shall become fine flour.     Soc. It becomes the old man to speak words of good omen,     and to hearken to my prayer. O sovereign King,     immeasurable Air, who keepest the earth suspended, and     through bright Aether, and ye august goddesses, the     Clouds, sending thunder and lightning, arise, appear in     the air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker!     Strep. Not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lest     I be wet through. To think of my having come from home     without even a cap, unlucky man!     Soc. Come then, ye highly honoured Clouds, for a display     to this man. Whether ye are sitting upon the sacred     snow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens of     Father Ocean form a sacred dance with the Nymphs, or     draw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of the     Nile, or inhabit the Maeotic lake, or the snowy rock of     Mimas, hearken to our prayer, and receive the sacrifice,     and be propitious to the sacred rites.     [The following song is heard at a distance, accompanied     by loud claps of thunder.]     Chorus. Eternal Clouds! Let us arise to view with our     dewy, clear-bright nature, from loud-sounding Father     Ocean to the wood-crowned summits of the lofty     mountains, in order that we may behold clearly the     far-seen watch-towers, and the fruits, and the     fostering, sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of the     divine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea; for     the unwearied eye of Aether sparkles with glittering     rays. Come, let us shake off the watery cloud from our     immortal forms and survey the earth with far-seeing eye.     Soc. O ye greatly venerable Clouds, ye have clearly     heard me when I called.     [Turning to Strepsiades.]     Did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowed     at the same time, feared as a god?     Strep. I too worship you, O ye highly honoured, and am     inclined to reply to the thundering, so much do I     tremble at them and am alarmed. And whether it be     lawful, or be not lawful, I have a desire just now to     ease myself.     Soc. Don't scoff, nor do what these poor-devil-poets do,     but use words of good omen, for a great swarm of     goddesses is in motion with their songs.     Cho. Ye rain-bringing virgins, let us come to the     fruitful land of Pallas,  to view the much-loved country     of Cecrops,  abounding in brave men; where is reverence     for sacred rites not to be divulged;  where the house     that receives the initiated is thrown open in holy     mystic rites; and gifts to the celestial gods; and     high-roofed temples, and statues; and most sacred     processions in honour of the blessed gods; and     well-crowned sacrifices to the gods, and feasts, at all     seasons; and with the approach of spring the Bacchic     festivity, and the rousings of melodious choruses, and     the loud-sounding music of flutes.     Strep. Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter,     who are these that have uttered this grand song? Are     they some heroines?     Soc. By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinities     to idle men; who supply us with thought and argument,     and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, and     ability to hoax, and comprehension.     Strep. On this account therefore my soul, having heard     their voice, flutters, and already seeks to discourse     subtilely, and to quibble about smoke, and having     pricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute the     opposite argument. So that now I eagerly desire, if by     any means it be possible, to see them palpably.     Soc. Look, then, hither, toward Mount Parnes;  for now I     behold them descending gently.     Strep. Pray where? Show me.     Soc. See! There they come in great numbers through the     hollows and thickets; there, obliquely.     Strep. What's the matter? For I can't see them.     Soc. By the entrance.     [Enter Chorus]     Strep. Now at length with difficulty I just see them.     Soc. Now at length you assuredly see them, unless you     have your eyes running pumpkins.     Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! O highly honoured Clouds, for     now they cover all things.     Soc. Did you not, however, know, nor yet consider, these     to be goddesses?     Strep. No, by Jupiter! But I thought them to be mist,     and dew, and smoke.     Soc. For you do not know, by Jupiter! that these feed     very many sophists, Thurian soothsayers, practisers of     medicine, lazy-long-haired-onyx-ring-wearers,     song-twisters for the cyclic dances, and meteorological     quacks. They feed idle people who do nothing, because     such men celebrate them in verse.     Strep. For this reason, then, they introduced into their     verses "the dreadful impetuosity of the moist,     whirling-bright clouds"; and the "curls of     hundred-headed Typho"; and the "hard-blowing tempests";     and then "aerial, moist"; "crooked-clawed birds,     floating in air"; and "the showers of rain from dewy     Clouds". And then, in return for these, they swallow     "slices of great, fine mullets, and bird's-flesh of     thrushes."     Soc. Is it not just, however, that they should have     their reward, on account of these?     Strep. Tell me, pray, if they are really clouds, what     ails them, that they resemble mortal women? For they are     not such.     Soc. Pray, of what nature are they?     Strep. I do not clearly know: at  any rate they resemble     spread-out fleeces, and not women, by Jupiter! Not a     bit; for these have noses.     Soc. Answer, then, whatever I ask you.     Strep. Then say quickly what you wish.     Soc. Have you ever, when you; looked up, seen a cloud     like to a centaur, or a panther, or a wolf, or a bull?     Strep. By Jupiter, have I! But what of that?     Soc. They become all things, whatever they please. And     then if they see a person with long hair, a wild one of     these hairy fellows, like the son of Xenophantes, in     derision of his folly, they liken themselves to     centaurs.     Strep. Why, what, if they should see Simon,  a plunderer     of the public property, what do they do?     Soc. They suddenly become wolves, showing up his     disposition.     Strep. For this reason, then, for this reason, when they     yesterday saw Cleonymus the recreant, on this account     they became stags, because they saw this most cowardly     fellow.     Soc. And now too, because they saw Clisthenes, you     observe, on this account they became women.     Strep. Hail therefore, O mistresses! And now, if ever ye     did to any other, to me also utter a voice reaching to     heaven, O all-powerful queens.     Cho. Hail, O ancient veteran, hunter after learned     speeches! And thou, O priest of most subtle trifles!     Tell us what you require? For we would not hearken to     any other of the recent meteorological sophists, except     to Prodicus;  to him, on account of his wisdom and     intelligence; and to you, because you walk proudly in     the streets, and cast your eyes askance, and endure many     hardships with bare feet, and in reliance upon us     lookest supercilious.     Strep. O Earth, what a voice! How holy and dignified and     wondrous!     Soc. For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and all     the rest is nonsense.     Strep. But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, the     Olympian, a god?     Soc. What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter.     Strep. What do you say? Who rains then? For first of all     explain this to me.     Soc. These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerful     evidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining at     any time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain in     fine weather, and these be absent.     Strep. By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmed     this by your present argument. And yet, before this, I     really thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell me     who is it that thunders. This makes me tremble.     Soc. These, as they roll, thunder.     Strep. In what way? you all-daring man!     Soc. When they are full of much water, and are compelled     to be borne along, being necessarily precipitated when     full of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other and     burst and clap.     Strep. Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is it     not Jupiter?     Soc. By no means, but aethereal Vortex.     Strep. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter did     not exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead. But     you have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clap     and the thunder.     Soc. Have you not heard me, that I said that the Clouds,     when full of moisture, dash against each other and clap     by reason of their density?     Strep. Come, how am I to believe this?     Soc. I'll teach you from your own case. Were you ever,     after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaic     festival,  then disturbed in your belly, and did a     tumult suddenly rumble through it?     Strep. Yes, by Apollo! And immediately the little broth     plays the mischief with me, and is disturbed and rumbles     like thunder, and grumbles dreadfully: at first gently     pappax, pappax; and then it adds papa-pappax; and     finally, it thunders downright papapappax, as they do.     Soc. Consider, therefore, how you have trumpeted from a     little belly so small; and how is it not probable that     this air, being boundless, should thunder so loudly?     Strep. For this reason, therefore, the two names also     Trump and Thunder, are similar to each other. But teach     me this, whence comes the thunderbolt blazing with fire,     and burns us to ashes when it smites us, and singes     those who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurls     this at the perjured.     Soc. Why, how then, you foolish person, and savouring of     the dark ages and antediluvian, if his manner is to     smite the perjured, does he not blast Simon, and     Cleonymus, and Theorus? And yet they are very perjured.     But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontory     of Athens, and the tall oaks. Wherefore, for indeed an     oak does not commit perjury.     Strep. I do not know; but you seem to speak well. For     what, pray, is the thunderbolt?     Soc. When a dry wind, having been raised aloft, is     inclosed in these Clouds, it inflates them within, like     a bladder; and then, of necessity, having burst them, it     rushes out with vehemence by reason of its density,     setting fire to itself through its rushing and     impetuosity.     Strep. By Jupiter, of a truth I once experienced this     exactly at the Diasian  festival! I was roasting a     haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not     cut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenly     bursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face.     Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us!     How happy will you become among the Athenians and among     the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be     a deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted in     your soul, and you be not wearied either by standing or     walking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with     cold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain from     wine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, and     consider this the highest excellence, as is proper a     clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and     by battling with your tongue.     Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that     makes one's bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit and     hard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courage     and don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself to     hammer on, for that matter.     Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except     what we believe in—this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the     Tongue—these three?     Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with the     others, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice to     them, nor make libations,  nor offer frankincense.     Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For     you shall not fail in getting it, if you honour and     admire us, and seek to become clever.     Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this very     small favour, that I be the best of the Greeks in     speaking by a hundred stadia.     Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so that     hence-forward from this time no one shall get more     opinions passed in the public assemblies than you.     Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I     do not desire these, but only to pervert the right for     my own advantage, and to evade my creditors.     Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do     not covet great things. But commit yourself without fear     to our ministers.     Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity     oppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and the     marriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use me     as they please. I give up this body to them to be     beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to     be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern     bottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, and     appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious,     impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods,     inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a     law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a     slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an     impostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a     troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call     me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely     what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let them     serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers.     Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but     prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me,     you will possess among mortals a glory as high as     heaven.     Strep. What shall I experience?     Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal     lives the whole time.     Strep. Shall I then ever see this?     Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates,     wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference     with you, to consult with you as to actions and     affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your     abilities.     [To Socrates.]     But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you     purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of     his mind.     Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order     that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after     this, apply to you new engines.     Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me?     Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are     possessed of a good memory.     Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me,     I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I     am very forgetful.     Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your     nature?     Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is.     Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn?     Strep. Excellently, of course.     Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any     clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up     immediately.     Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog?     Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish—I fear, old man,     lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you     do if any one beat you?     Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited     a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then     again, after a short interval, I go to law.     Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak.     Strep. Have I done any wrong?     Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked.     Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods.     Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense?     Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent and     learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I     become like?     Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon in     intellect.     Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead.     Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither with     smartness.     Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake;     for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the     cave of Trophonius.     Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door?     [Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades]     Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your     valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being     advanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellect     with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom!     [Turning to the audience.]     Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by     Bacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and be     accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever     spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies,     I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy,     which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired     from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though I     did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to     you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending     this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly     desert the discerning portion of you. For since what     time my Modest Man and my Rake  were very highly praised     here by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even to     hold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and it     was not lawful for me as yet to have children) exposed     my offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it,     and you generously reared and educated it, from this     time I have had sure pledges of your good will toward     me. Now, therefore, like that well-known Electra, has     this comedy come seeking, if haply it meet with an     audience so clever, for it will recognize, if it should     see, the lock of its brother.  But see how modest she is     by nature, who, in the first place, has come, having     stitched to her no leathern phallus hanging down, red at     the top, and thick, to set the boys a laughing;  nor yet     jeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax;  nor does     the old man who speaks the verses beat the person near     him with his staff, keeping out of sight wretched     ribaldry; nor has she rushed in with torches, nor does     she shout iou, iou;  but has come relying on herself and     her verses. And I, although so excellent a poet, do not     give myself airs, nor do I seek to deceive you by twice     and thrice bringing forward the same pieces; but I am     always clever at introducing new fashions, not at all     resembling each other, and all of them clever; who     struck Cleon  in the belly when at the height of his     power, and could not bear to attack him afterward when     he was down. But these scribblers, when once Hyperbolus     has given them a handle, keep ever trampling on this     wretched man and his mother. Eupolis,  indeed, first of     all craftily introduced his Maricas, having basely, base     fellow, spoiled by altering my play of the Knights,     having added to it, for the sake of the cordax, a     drunken old woman, whom Phrynichus long ago poetized,     whom the whale was for devouring. Then again Hermippus     made verses on Hyperbolus; and now all others press hard     upon Hyperbolus, imitating my simile of the eels.     Whoever, therefore, laughs at these, let him not take     pleasure in my attempts; but if you are delighted with     me and my inventions, in times to come you will seem to     be wise.

      I first invoke, to join our choral band, the mighty     Jupiter, ruling on high, the monarch of gods; and the     potent master of the trident, the fierce upheaver of     earth and briny sea; and our father of great renown,     most august Aether, life-supporter of all; and the     horse-guider, who fills the plain of the earth with     exceeding bright beams, a mighty deity among gods and     mortals.

      Most clever spectators, come, give us your attention;     for having been injured, we blame you to your faces. For     though we benefit the state most of all the gods, to us     alone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yet     pour libations, who watch over you. For if there should     be any expedition without prudence, then we either     thunder or drizzle small rain.  And then, when you were     for choosing as your general the Paphlagonian tanner,     hateful to the gods, we contracted our brows and were     enraged; and thunder burst through the lightning; and     the Moon forsook her usual paths; and the Sun     immediately drew in his wick to himself, and declared he     would not give you light, if Cleon should be your     general. Nevertheless you chose him. For they say that     ill counsel is in this city; that the gods, however,     turn all these your mismanagements to a prosperous     issue. And how this also shall be advantageous, we will     easily teach you. If you should convict the cormorant     Cleon of bribery and embezzlement, and then make fast     his neck in the stocks, the affair will turn out for the     state to the ancient form again, if you have mismanaged     in any way, and to a prosperous issue.

     Hear me again, King Phoebus, Delian Apollo, who     inhabitest the high-peaked Cynthian rock!  And thou,     blessed goddess, who inhabitest the all-golden house of     Ephesus,  in which Lydian damsels greatly reverence     thee;  and thou, our national goddess, swayer of the     aegis, Minerva,  guardian of the city! And thou, reveler     Bacchus, who, inhabiting the Parnassian rock, sparklest     with torches, conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals!

     When we had got ready to set out hither, the Moon met     us, and commanded us first to greet the Athenians and     their allies;  and then declared that she was angry, for     that she had suffered dreadful things, though she     benefits you all, not in words, but openly. In the first     place, not less than a drachma every month for torches;     so that also all, when they went out of an evening, were     wont to say, "Boy, don't buy a torch, for the moonlight     is beautiful." And she says she confers other benefits     on you, but that you do not observe the days at all     correctly, but confuse them up and down; so that she     says the gods are constantly threatening her, when they     are defrauded of their dinner, and depart home, not     having met with the regular feast according to the     number of the days. And then, when you ought to be     sacrificing, you are inflicting tortures and litigating.     And often, while we gods are observing a fast, when we     mourn for Memnon or Sarpedon,  you are pouring libations     and laughing. For which reason Hyperbolus, having     obtained the lot this year to be Hieromnemon,  was     afterward deprived by us gods of his crown; for thus he     will know better that he ought to spend the days of his     life according to the Moon.     [Enter Socrates]     Soc. By Respiration, and Chaos, and Air, I have not seen     any man so boorish, nor so impracticable, nor so stupid,     nor so forgetful; who, while learning some little petty     quibbles, forgets them before he has learned them.     Nevertheless I will certainly call him out here to the     light. Where is Strepsiades? Come forth with your couch.     Strep. (from within). The bugs do not permit me to bring     it forth.     Soc. Make haste and lay it down; and give me your     attention.     [Enter Strepsiades]     Strep. Very well.     Soc. Come now; what do you now wish to learn first of     those things in none of which you have ever been     instructed? Tell me. About measures, or rhythms, or     verses?     Strep. I should prefer to learn about measures; for it     is but lately I was cheated out of two choenices  by a     meal-huckster.     Soc. I do not ask you this, but which you account the     most beautiful measure; the trimetre or the tetrameter?     Strep. Make a wager then with me, if the semisextarius     be not a tetrameter.     Soc. Go to the devil! How boorish you are and dull of     learning. Perhaps you may be able to learn about     rhythms.     Strep. But what good will rhythms do me for a living?     Soc. In the first place, to be clever at an     entertainment, understanding what rhythm is for the     war-dance, and what, again, according to the dactyle.     Strep. According to the dactyle? By Jove, but I know it!     Soc. Tell me, pray.     Strep. What else but this finger? Formerly, indeed, when     I was yet a boy, this here!     Soc. You are boorish and stupid.     Strep. For I do not desire, you wretch, to learn any of     these things.     Soc. What then?     Strep. That, that, the most unjust cause.     Soc. But you must learn other things before these;     namely, what quadrupeds are properly masculine.     Strep. I know the males, if I am not mad-krios, tragos,     tauros, kuon, alektryon.     Soc. Do you see what you are doing? You are calling both     the female and the male alektryon in the same way.     Strep. How, pray? Come, tell me.     Soc. How? The one with you is alektryon, and the other     is alektryon also.     Strep. Yea, by Neptune! How now ought I to call them?     Soc. The one alektryaina and the other alektor.     Strep. Alektryaina? Capital, by the Air! So that, in     return for this lesson alone, I will fill your kardopos     full of barley-meal on all sides.     Soc. See! See! There again is another blunder! You make     kardopos, which is feminine, to be masculine.     Strep. In what way do I make kardopos masculine?     Soc. Most assuredly; just as if you were to say     Cleonymos.     Strep. Good sir, Cleonymus had no kneading-trough, but     kneaded his bread in a round mortar. How ought I to call     it henceforth?     Soc. How? Call it kardope, as you call Sostrate.     Strep. Kardope in the feminine?     Soc. For so you speak it rightly.     Strep. But that would make it kardope, Kleonyme.     Soc. You must learn one thing more about names, what are     masculine and what of them are feminine.     Strep. I know what are female.     Soc. Tell me, pray.     Strep. Lysilla, Philinna, Clitagora, Demetria.     Soc. What names are masculine?     Strep. Thousands; Philoxenus, Melesias, Amynias.     Soc. But, you wretch! These are not masculine.     Strep. Are they not males with you?     Soc. By no means; for how would you call Amynias, if you     met him?     Strep. How would I call? Thus: "Come hither, come hither     Amynia!"     Soc. Do you see? You call Amynias a woman.     Strep. Is it not then with justice, who does not serve     in the army? But why should I learn these things, that     we all know?     Soc. It is no use, by Jupiter! Having reclined yourself     down here—     Strep. What must I do?     Soc. Think out some of your own affairs.     Strep. Not here, pray, I beseech you; but, if I must,     suffer me to excogitate these very things on the ground.     Soc. There is no other way.     [Exit Socrates.]     Strep. Unfortunate man that I am! What a penalty shall I     this day pay to the bugs!     Cho. Now meditate and examine closely; and roll yourself     about in every way, having wrapped yourself up; and     quickly, when you fall into a difficulty, spring to     another mental contrivance. But let delightful sleep be     absent from your eyes.     Strep. Attatai! Attatai!     Cho. What ails you? Why are you distressed?     Strep. Wretched man, I am perishing! The Corinthians,     coming out from the bed, are biting me, and devouring my     sides, and drinking up my life-blood, and tearing away     my flesh, and digging through my vitals, and will     annihilate me.     Cho. Do not now be very grievously distressed.     Strep. Why, how, when my money is gone, my complexion     gone, my life gone, and my slipper gone? And furthermore     in addition to these evils, with singing the     night-watches, I am almost gone myself.     [Re-enter Socrates]     Soc. Ho you! What are you about? Are you not meditating?     Strep. I? Yea, by Neptune!     Soc. And what, pray, have you thought?     Strep. Whether any bit of me will be left by the bugs.     Soc. You will perish most wretchedly.     Strep. But, my good friend, I have already perished.     Soc. You must not give in, but must wrap yourself up;     for you have to discover a device for abstracting, and a     means of cheating.     [Walks up and down while Strepsiades wraps himself up in     the blankets.]     Strep. Ah me! Would, pray, some one would throw over me     a swindling contrivance from the sheep-skins.     Soc. Come now; I will first see this fellow, what he is     about. Ho you! Are you asleep?     Strep. No, by Apollo, I am not!     Soc. Have you got anything?     Strep. No; by Jupiter, certainly not!     Soc. Nothing at all?     Strep. Nothing, except what I have in my right hand.     Soc. Will you not quickly cover yourself up and think of     something?     Strep. About what? For do you tell me this, O Socrates!     Soc. Do you, yourself, first find out and state what you     wish.     Strep. You have heard a thousand times what I wish.     About the interest; so that I may pay no one.     Soc. Come then, wrap yourself up, and having given your     mind play with subtilty, revolve your affairs by little     and little, rightly distinguishing and examining.     Strep. Ah me, unhappy man!     Soc. Keep quiet; and if you be puzzled in any one of     your conceptions, leave it and go; and then set your     mind in motion again, and lock it up.     Strep. (in great glee). O dearest little Socrates!     Soc. What, old man?     Strep. I have got a device for cheating them of the     interest.     Soc. Exhibit it.     Strep. Now tell me this, pray; if I were to purchase a     Thessalian witch, and draw down the moon by night,  and     then shut it up, as if it were a mirror, in a round     crest-case, and then carefully keep it—     Soc. What good, pray, would this do you?     Strep. What? If the moon were to rise no longer     anywhere, I should not pay the interest.     Soc. Why so, pray?     Strep. Because the money is lent out by the month.     Soc. Capital! But I will again propose to you another     clever question. If a suit of five talents should be     entered against you, tell me how you would obliterate     it.     Strep. How? How? I do not know but I must seek.     Soc. Do not then always revolve your thoughts about     yourself; but slack away your mind into the air, like a     cock-chafer  tied with a thread by the foot.     Strep. I have found a very clever method of getting rid     of my suit, so that you yourself would acknowledge it.     Soc. Of what description?     Strep. Have you ever seen this stone in the chemist's     shops, the beautiful and transparent one, from which     they kindle fire?     Soc. Do you mean the burning-glass?     Strep. I do. Come what would you say, pray, if I were to     take this, when the clerk was entering the suit, and     were to stand at a distance, in the direction of the     sun, thus, and melt out the letters of my suit?     Soc. Cleverly done, by the Graces!     Strep. Oh! How I am delighted, that a suit of five     talents has been cancelled!     Soc. Come now, quickly seize upon this.     Strep. What?     Soc. How, when engaged in a lawsuit, you could overturn     the suit, when you were about to be cast, because you     had no witnesses.     Strep. Most readily and easily.     Soc. Tell me, pray.     Strep. Well now, I'll tell you. If, while one suit was     still pending, before mine was called on, I were to run     away and hang myself.     Soc. You talk nonsense.     Strep. By the gods, would I! For no one will bring     action against me when I am dead.     Soc. You talk nonsense. Begone; I can't teach you any     longer.     Strep. Why so? Yea, by the gods, O Socrates!     Soc. You straightaway forget whatever you learn. For     what now was the first thing you were taught? Tell me.     Strep. Come, let me see: nay, what was the first? What     was the fist? Nay, what was the thing in which we knead     our flour? Ah me! What was it?     Soc. Will you not pack off to the devil, you most     forgetful and most stupid old man?     Strep. Ah me, what then, pray will become of me,     wretched man? For I shall be utterly undone, if I do not     learn to ply the tongue. Come, O ye Clouds, give me some     good advice.     Cho. We, old man, advise you, if you have a son grown     up, to send him to learn in your stead.     Strep. Well, I have a fine, handsome son, but he is not     willing to learn. What must I do?     Cho. But do you permit him?     Strep. Yes, for he is robust in body, and in good     health, and is come of the high-plumed dames of Coesyra.     I will go for him, and if he be not willing, I will     certainly drive him from my house.     [To Socrates.]     Go in and wait for me a short time.     [Exit]     Cho. Do you perceive that you are soon to obtain the     greatest benefits through us alone of the gods? For this     man is ready to do everything that you bid him. But you,     while the man is astounded and evidently elated, having     perceived it, will quickly fleece him to the best of     your power.     [Exit Socrates]     For matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn     the other way.     [Enter Strepsiades and Phidippides]     Strep. By Mist, you certainly shall not stay here any     longer! But go and gnaw the columns of Megacles.     Phid. My good sir, what is the matter with you, O     father? You are not in your senses, by Olympian Jupiter!     Strep. See, see, "Olympian Jupiter!" What folly! To     think of your believing in Jupiter, as old as you are!     Phid. Why, pray, did you laugh at this?     Strep. Reflecting that you are a child, and have     antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach, that you may     know more; and I will tell you a thing, by learning     which you will be a man. But see that you do not teach     this to any one.     Phid. Well, what is it?     Strep. You swore now by Jupiter.     Phid. I did.     Strep. Seest thou, then, how good a thing is learning?     There is no Jupiter, O Phidippides!     Phid. Who then?     Strep. Vortex reigns, having expelled Jupiter.     Phid. Bah! Why do you talk foolishly?     Strep. Be assured that it is so.     Phid. Who says this?     Strep. Socrates the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows     the footmarks of fleas.     Phid. Have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that     you believe madmen?     Strep. Speak words of good omen, and say nothing bad of     clever men and wise; of whom, through frugality, none     ever shaved or anointed himself, or went to a bath to     wash himself; while you squander my property in bathing,     as if I were already dead. But go as quickly as possible     and learn instead of me.     Phid. What good could any one learn from them?     Strep. What, really? Whatever wisdom there is among men.     And you will know yourself, how ignorant and stupid you     are. But wait for me here a short time.     [Runs off]     Phid. Ah me! What shall I do, my father being crazed?     Shall I bring him into court and convict him of lunacy,     or shall I give information of his madness to the     coffin-makers?     [Re-enter Strepsiades with a cock under one arm and a     hen under the other]     Strep. Come, let me see; what do you consider this to     be? Tell me.     Phid. Alectryon.     Strep. Right. And what this?     Phid. Alectryon.     Strep. Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do     so, then, for the future; but call this alektryaina, and     this one alektor.     Phid. Alektryaina! Did you learn these clever things by     going in just now to the Titans?     Strep. And many others too; but whatever I learned on     each occasion I used to forget immediately, through     length of years.     Phid. Is it for this reason, pray, that you have also     lost your cloak?     Strep. I have not lost it; but have studied it away.     Phid. What have you made of your slippers, you foolish     man?     Strep. I have expended them, like Pericles, for needful     purposes.  Come, move, let us go. And then if you obey     your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I     formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old,     and bought you a go-cart at the Diasia, with the first     obolus I received from the Heliaea.     Phid. You will assuredly some time at length be grieved     at this.     Strep. It is well done of you that you obeyed. Come     hither, come hither O Socrates! Come forth, for I bring     to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against     his will.     [Enter Socrates]     Soc. For he is still childish, and not used to the     baskets here.     Phid. You would yourself be used to them if you were     hanged.     Strep. A mischief take you! Do you abuse your teacher?     Soc. "Were hanged" quoth 'a! How sillily he pronounced     it, and with lips wide apart! How can this youth ever     learn an acquittal from a trial or a legal summons, or     persuasive refutation? And yet Hyperbolus learned this     at the cost of a talent.     Strep. Never mind; teach him. He is clever by nature.     Indeed, from his earliest years, when he was a little     fellow only so big, he was wont to form houses and carve     ships within-doors, and make little wagons of leather,     and make frogs out of pomegranate-rinds, you can't think     how cleverly. But see that he learns those two causes;     the better, whatever it may be; and the worse, which, by     maintaining what is unjust, overturns the better. If not     both, at any rate the unjust one by all means.     Soc. He shall learn it himself from the two causes in     person.     [Exit Socrates]     Strep. I will take my departure. Remember this now, that     he is to be able to reply to all just arguments.     [Exit Strepsiades and enter Just Cause and Unjust Cause]     Just Cause. Come hither! Show yourself to the     spectators, although being audacious.     Unjust Cause. Go whither you please; for I shall far     rather do for you, if I speak before a crowd.     Just. You destroy me? Who are you?     Unj. A cause.     Just. Ay, the worse.     Unj. But I conquer you, who say that you are better than     I.     Just. By doing what clever trick?     Unj. By discovering new contrivances.     Just. For these innovations flourish by the favour of     these silly persons.     Unj. No; but wise persons.     Just I will destroy you miserably.     Unj. Tell me, by doing what?     Just By speaking what is just.     Unj. But I will overturn them by contradicting them; for     I deny that justice even exists at all.     Just Do you deny that it exists?     Unj. For come, where is it?     Just With the gods.     Unj. How, then, if justice exists, has Jupiter not     perished, who bound his own father?     Just Bah! This profanity now is spreading! Give me a     basin.     Unj. You are a dotard and absurd.     Just You are debauched and shameless.     Unj. You have spoken roses of me.     Just And a dirty lickspittle.     Unj. You crown me with lilies.     Just And a parricide.     Unj. You don't know that you are sprinkling me with     gold.     Just Certainly not so formerly, but with lead.     Unj. But now this is an ornament to me.     Just You are very impudent.     Unj. And you are antiquated.     Just And through you, no one of our youths is willing to     go to school; and you will be found out some time or     other by the Athenians, what sort of doctrines you teach     the simple-minded.     Unj. You are shamefully squalid.     Just And you are prosperous. And yet formerly you were a     beggar saying that you were the Mysian Telephus,  and     gnawing the maxims of Pandeletus out of your little     wallet.     Unj. Oh, the wisdom—     Just Oh, the madness—     Unj. Which you have mentioned.     Just And of your city, which supports you who ruin her     youths.     Unj. You shan't teach this youth, you old dotard.     Just Yes, if he is to be saved, and not merely to     practise loquacity.     Unj. (to Phidippides) Come hither, and leave him to     rave.     Just You shall howl, if you lay your hand on him.     Cho. Cease from contention and railing. But show to us,     you, what you used to teach the men of former times, and     you, the new system of education; in order that, having     heard you disputing, he may decide and go to the school     of one or the other.     Just. I am willing to do so.     Unj. I also am willing.     Cho. Come now, which of the two shall speak first?     Unj. I will give him the precedence; and then, from     these things which he adduces, I will shoot him dead     with new words and thoughts. And at last, if he mutter,     he shall be destroyed, being stung in his whole face and     his two eyes by my maxims, as if by bees.     Cho. Now the two, relying on very dexterous arguments     and thoughts, and sententious maxims, will show which of     them shall appear superior in argument. For now the     whole crisis of wisdom is here laid before them; about     which my friends have a very great contest. But do you,     who adorned our elders with many virtuous manners, utter     the voice in which you rejoice, and declare your nature.     Just. I will, therefore, describe the ancient system of     education, how it was ordered, when I flourished in the     advocacy of justice, and temperance was the fashion. In     the first place it was incumbent that no one should hear     the voice of a boy uttering a syllable; and next, that     those from the same quarter of the town should march in     good order through the streets to the school of the     harp-master, naked, and in a body, even if it were to     snow as thick as meal. Then again, their master would     teach them, not sitting cross-legged, to learn by rote a     song, either "pallada persepolin deinan"  or "teleporon     ti boama"  raising to a higher pitch the harmony which     our fathers transmitted to us. But if any of them were     to play the buffoon, or to turn any quavers, like these     difficult turns the present artists make after the     manner of Phrynis, he used to be thrashed, being beaten     with many blows, as banishing the Muses. And it behooved     the boys, while sitting in the school of the     Gymnastic-master, to cover the thigh, so that they might     exhibit nothing indecent to those outside; then again,     after rising from the ground, to sweep the sand     together, and to take care not to leave an impression of     the person for their lovers. And no boy used in those     days to anoint himself below the navel; so that their     bodies wore the appearance of blooming health. Nor used     he to go to his lover, having made up his voice in an     effeminate tone, prostituting himself with his eyes. Nor     used it to be allowed when one was dining to take the     head of the radish, or to snatch from their seniors dill     or parsley, or to eat fish, or to giggle, or to keep the     legs crossed.     Unj. Aye, antiquated and dipolia-like  and full of     grasshoppers, and of Cecydes, and of the Buphonian     festival!     Just Yet certainly these are those principles by which     my system of education nurtured the men who fought at     Marathon. But you teach the men of the present day, so     that I am choked, when at the Panathenaia a fellow,     holding his shield before his person, neglects     Tritogenia,  when they ought to dance. Wherefore, O     youth, choose with confidence, me, the better cause, and     you will learn to hate the Agora, and to refrain from     baths, and to be ashamed of what is disgraceful, and to     be enraged if any one jeer you, and to rise up from     seats before your seniors when they approach, and not to     behave ill toward your parents, and to do nothing else     that is base, because you are to form in your mind an     image of Modesty: and not to dart into the house of a     dancing-woman, lest, while gaping after these things,     being struck with an apple by a wanton, you should be     damaged in your reputation: and not to contradict your     father in anything; nor by calling him Iapetus, to     reproach him with the ills of age, by which you were     reared in your infancy.     Unj. If you shall believe him in this, O youth, by     Bacchus, you will be like the sons of Hippocrates, and     they will call you a booby.     Just. Yet certainly shall you spend your time in the     gymnastic schools, sleek and blooming; not chattering in     the market-place rude jests, like the youths of the     present day; nor dragged into court for a petty suit,     greedy, pettifogging, knavish; but you shall descend to     the Academy  and run races beneath the sacred olives     along with some modest compeer, crowned with white     reeds, redolent of yew, and careless ease, of     leaf-shedding white poplar, rejoicing in the season of     spring, when the plane-tree whispers to the elm. If you     do these things which I say, and apply your mind to     these, you will ever have a stout chest, a clear     complexion, broad shoulders, a little tongue, large     hips, little lewdness. But if you practise what the     youths of the present day do, you will have in the first     place, a pallid complexion, small shoulders, a narrow     chest, a large tongue, little hips, great lewdness, a     long psephism;  and this deceiver will persuade you to     consider everything that is base to be honourable, and     what is honourable to be base; and in addition to this,     he will fill you with the lewdness of Antimachus.     Cho. O thou that practisest most renowned high-towering     wisdom! How sweetly does a modest grace attend your     words! Happy, therefore, were they who lived in those     days, in the times of former men! In reply, then, to     these, O thou that hast a dainty-seeming Muse, it     behooveth thee to say something new; since the man has     gained renown. And it appears you have need of powerful     arguments against him, if you are to conquer the man and     not incur laughter.     Unj. And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing     to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have     been called among the deep thinkers the "worse cause" on     this very account, that I first contrived how to speak     against both law and justice; and this art is worth more     than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the     worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark     how I will confute the system of education on which he     relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not     permit you to be washed with warm water. And yet, on     what principle do you blame the warm baths?     Just. Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly.     Unj. Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the     waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons     of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul,     and to have undergone most labours?     Just. I consider no man superior to Hercules.     Unj. Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths?     And yet, who was more valiant than he?     Just. These are the very things which make the bath full     of youths always chattering all day long, but the     palaestras empty.     Unj. You next find fault with their living in the     market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad,     Homer would never have been for representing Nestor  as     an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return,     then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says     our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they     should. And again, he says they ought to be modest: two     very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen     any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your     words.     Just. To many. Peleus,  at any rate, received his sword     on account of it.     Unj. A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the     poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more     than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no     sword!     Just. And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his     modesty.     Unj. And then she went off and left him; for he was not     lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night     with. Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated.     But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides)     consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of     how many pleasures you are about to be deprived—of     women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of     drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth     to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments? Well, I     will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature.     You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have     been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught.     You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you     associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance,     laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should     happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make     this reply to him, "that you have done him no injury":     and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome     by love and women. And yet, how could you, who are a     mortal, have greater power than a god?     Just. But what if he should suffer the radish through     obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes?  What     argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is     not a blackguard?     Unj. And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he     suffer?     Just. Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than     this?     Unj. What then will you say if you be conquered by me in     this?     Just. I will be silent: what else can I do?     Unj. Come, now, tell me; from what class do the     advocates come?     Just. From the blackguards.     Unj. I believe you. What then? From what class do     tragedians come?     Just. From the blackguards.     Unj. You say well. But from what class do the public     orators come?     Just. From the blackguards.     Unj. Then have you perceived that you say nothing to the     purpose? And look which class among the audience is the     more numerous.     Just. Well now, I'm looking.     Unj. What, then, do you see?     Just. By the gods, the blackguards to be far more     numerous. This fellow, at any rate, I know; and him     yonder; and this fellow with the long hair.     Unj. What, then, will you say?     Just. We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods,     receive my cloak, for I desert to you.     [Exeunt the Two Causes, and re-enter Socrates and     Strepsiades.]     Soc. What then? whether do you wish to take and lead     away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak?     Strep. Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that     you train him properly; on the one side able for petty     suits; but train his other jaw able for the more     important causes.     Soc. Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a     clever sophist.     Strep. Nay, rather, pale and wretched.     [Exeunt Socrates, Strepsiades, and Phidippides.]     Cho. Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of     these proceedings. We wish to speak about the judges,     what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this     Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up     your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but     for the others afterward. And then we will protect the     fruits, and the vines, so that neither drought afflict     them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal     dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what     evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither     wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his     olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with     such slings will we smite them. And if we see him making     brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his     roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any     one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we     will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish     rather to have been even in Egypt than to have judged     badly.     [Enter Strepsiades with a meal-sack on his shoulder.]     Strep. The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the     second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and     dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is     the Old and New. For every one to whom I happen to be     indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me,     having made his deposits against me; though I only ask     what is moderate and just-"My good sir, one part don't     take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the     other part remit"; they say that thus they will never     get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and     say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them     go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has     learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at     the thinking-shop.     [Knocks at the door.]     Boy, I say! Boy, boy!     [Enter Socrates]     Soc. Good morning, Strepsiades.     Strep. The same to you. But first accept this present;     for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And     tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause,     which you just now brought forward.     Soc. He has learned it.     Strep. Well done, O Fraud, all-powerful queen!     Soc. So that you can get clear off from whatever suit     you please.     Strep. Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed     the money?     Soc. Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present.     Strep. Then I will shout with a very loud shout: Ho!     Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals,     and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me     any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in     this house, shining with a double-edged tongue, for my     guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my     enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his     father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me.     [Socrates goes into the house.]     O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your     father!     [Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides]     Soc. Lo, here is the man!     Strep. O my dear, my dear!     Soc. Take your son and depart.     [Exit Socrates.]     Strep. Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am     delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now,     indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and     disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the     place plainly appears, the "what do you say?" and the     seeming to be injured when, I well know, you are     injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance     there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you     save me, since you have also ruined me.     Phid. What, pray, do you fear?     Strep. The Old and New.     Phid. Why, is any day old and new?     Strep. Yes; on which they say that they will make their     deposits against me.     Phid. Then those that have made them will lose them; for     it is not possible that two days can be one day.     Strep. Can not it?     Phid. Certainly not; unless the same woman can be both     old and young at the same time.     Strep. And yet it is the law.     Phid. For they do not, I think, rightly understand what     the law means.     Strep. And what does it mean?     Phid. The ancient Solon  was by nature the commons'     friend.     Strep. This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and     New.     Phid. He therefore made the summons for two days, for     the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the     first of the month.     Strep. Why, pray, did he add the old day?     Phid. In order, my good sir, that the defendants, being     present a day before, might compromise the matter of     their own accord; but if not, that they might be worried     on the morning of the new moon.     Strep. Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the     deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New?     Phid. They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in     order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as     possible, on this account they have the first pick by     one day.     Strep. (turning to the audience) Bravo! Ye wretches, why     do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being     blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together,     wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this     my son, on account of our good fortune. "O happy     Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how     excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends     and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when     you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish     to lead you in and entertain you.     [Exeunt Strepsiades and Phidippides.]     Pasias (entering with his summons-witness) Then, ought a     man to throw away any part of his own property? Never!     But it were better then at once to put away blushes,     rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging     you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and     further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to     my fellow-tribesman. But never, while I live, will I     disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades.     Strep. (from within) Who's there?     Pas. For the Old and New.     Strep. I call you to witness, that he has named it for     two days. For what matter do you summon me?     Pas. For the twelve minae, which you received when you     were buying the dapple-gray horse.     Strep. A horse? Do you not hear? I, whom you all know to     hate horsemanship!     Pas. And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that     you would repay it.     Strep. Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet     know the irrefragable argument.     Pas. And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the     debt?     Strep. Why, what good should I get else from his     instruction?     Pas. And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of     the gods?     Strep. What gods?     Pas. Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune.     Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! And would pay down, too, a     three-obol piece besides to swear.     Pas. Then may you perish some day for your impudence!     Strep. This man would be the better for it if he were     cleansed by rubbing with salt.     Pas. Ah me, how you deride me!     Strep. He will contain six choae.      Pas. By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall     not do this to me with impunity!     Strep. I like your gods amazingly; and Jupiter, sworn     by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones.      Pas. You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or     other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you     are going to repay me my money or not.     Strep. Keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you     distinctly.     [Runs into the house.]     Pas. (to his summons-witness). What do you think he will     do?     Witness. I think he will pay you.     [Re-enter Strepsiades with a kneading-trough]     Strep. Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell     me what is this?     Pas. What is this? A kardopos.     Strep. And do you then ask me for your money, being such     an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus,     to any one who called the kardope kardopos.     Pas. Then won't you pay me?     Strep. Not, as far as I know. Will you not then pack off     as fast as possible from my door?     Pas. I will depart; and be assured of this, that I will     make deposit against you, or may I live no longer!     Strep. Then you will lose it besides, in addition to     your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer     this, because you named the kardopos foolishly.     [Exeunt Pasias and Witness, and enter Amynias]     Amynias. Ah me! Ah me!     Strep. Ha! Whoever is this, who is lamenting? Surely it     was not one of Carcinus' deities  that spoke.     Amyn. But why do you wish to know this, who I am?-A     miserable man.     Strep. Then follow your own path.     Amyn. O harsh fortune! O Fates, breaking the wheels of     my horses! O Pallas, how you have destroyed me!     Strep. What evil, pray, has Tlepolemus  ever done you?     Amyn. Do not jeer me, my friend; but order your son to     pay me the money which he received; especially as I have     been unfortunate.     Strep. What money is this?     Amyn. That which he borrowed.     Strep. Then you were really unlucky, as I think.     Amyn. By the gods, I fell while driving my horses.     Strep. Why, pray, do you talk nonsense, as if you had     fallen from an ass?     Amyn. Do I talk nonsense if I wish to recover my money?     Strep. You can't be in your senses yourself.     Amyn. Why, pray?     Strep. You appear to me to have had your brains shaken     as it were.     Amyn. And you appear to me, by Hermes, to be going to be     summoned, if you will not pay me the money?     Strep. Tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter     always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the     sun draws from below the same water back again?     Amyn. I know not which; nor do I care.     Strep. How then is it just that you should recover your     money, if you know nothing of meteorological matters?     Amyn. Well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of     my money.     Strep. What sort of animal is this interest?     Amyn. Most assuredly the money is always becoming more     and more every month and every day as the time slips     away.     Strep. You say well. What then? Is it possible that you     consider the sea to be greater now than formerly?     Amyn. No, by Jupiter, but equal; for it is not fitting     that it should be greater.     Strep. And how then, you wretch does this become no way     greater, though the rivers flow into it, while you seek     to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off     from my house? Bring me the goad.     [Enter Servant with a goad.]      Amyn. I call you to witness these things.     Strep. (beating him). Go! Why do you delay? Won't you     march, Mr. Blood-horse?     Amyn. Is not this an insult, pray?     Strep. Will you move quickly?      [Pricks him behind with the goad.]     I'll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger? Do     you fly?     [Amynias runs off.]     I thought I should stir you, together with your wheels     and your two-horse chariots.     [Exit Strepsiades.]     Cho. What a thing it is to love evil courses! For this     old man, having loved them, wishes to withhold the money     that he borrowed. And he will certainly meet with     something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist     to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the     knaveries he has begun. For I think that he will     presently find what has been long boiling up, that his     son is skilful to speak opinions opposed to justice, so     as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse,     even if he advance most villainous doctrines; and     perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even     speechless.     Strep. (running out of the house pursued by his son)     Hollo! Hollo! O neighbours, and kinsfolk, and     fellow-tribesmen, defend me, by all means, who am being     beaten! Ah me, unhappy man, for my head and jaw! Wretch!     Do you beat your father?     Phid. Yes, father.     Strep. You see him owning that he beats me.     Phid. Certainly.     Strep. O wretch, and parricide, and house-breaker!     Phid. Say the same things of me again, and more. Do you     know that I take pleasure in being much abused?     Strep. You blackguard!     Phid. Sprinkle me with roses in abundance.     Strep. Do you beat your father?     Phid. And will prove too, by Jupiter! that I beat you     with justice.     Strep. O thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to     beat a father?     Phid. I will demonstrate it, and will overcome you in     argument.     Strep. Will you overcome me in this?     Phid. Yea, by much and easily. But choose which of the     two Causes you wish to speak.     Strep. Of what two Causes?     Phid. The better, or the worse?     Strep. Marry, I did get you taught to speak against     justice, by Jupiter, my friend, if you are going to     persuade me of this, that it is just and honourable for     a father to be beaten by his sons!     Phid. I think I shall certainly persuade you; so that,     when you have heard, not even you yourself will say     anything against it.     Strep. Well, now, I am willing to hear what you have to     say.     Cho. It is your business, old man, to consider in what     way you shall conquer the man; for if he were not     relying upon something, he would not be so licentious.     But he is emboldened by something; the boldness of the     man is evident. Now you ought to tell to the Chorus from     what the contention first arose. And this you must do by     all means.     Strep. Well, now, I will tell you from what we first     began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as     you know, I first bade him take a lyre, and sing a song     of Simonides, "The Shearing of the Ram."  But he     immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the     lyre and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding     parched barley.     Phid. For ought you not then immediately to be beaten     and trampled on, bidding me sing, just as if you were     entertaining cicadae?     Strep. He expressed, however, such opinions then too     within, as he does now; and he asserted that Simonides     was a bad poet. I bore it at first, with difficulty     indeed, yet nevertheless I bore it. And then I bade him     at least take a myrtle-wreath and recite to me some     portion of Aeschylus; and then he immediately said,     "Shall I consider Aeschylus the first among the poets,     full of empty sound, unpolished, bombastic, using rugged     words?" And hereupon you can't think how my heart     panted. But, nevertheless, I restrained my passion, and     said, "At least recite some passage of the more modern     poets, of whatever kind these clever things be." And he     immediately sang a passage of Euripides, how a brother,     O averter of ill! Debauched his uterine sister. And I     bore it no longer, but immediately assailed him with     many abusive reproaches. And then, after that, as was     natural, we hurled word upon word. Then he springs upon     me; and then he was wounding me, and beating me, and     throttling me.     Phid. Were you not therefore justly beaten, who do not     praise Euripides, the wisest of poets?     Strep. He the wisest! Oh, what shall I call you? But I     shall be beaten again.     Phid. Yes, by Jupiter, with justice?     Strep. Why, how with justice? Who, O shameless fellow,     reared you, understanding all your wishes, when you     lisped what you meant? If you said bryn, I,     understanding it, used to give you to drink. And when     you asked for mamman, I used to come to you with bread.     And you used no sooner to say caccan, than I used to     take and carry you out of doors, and hold you before me.     But you now, throttling me who was bawling and crying     out because I wanted to ease myself, had not the heart     to carry me forth out of doors, you wretch; but I did it     there while I was being throttled.     Cho. I fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to     hear what he will say. For if, after having done such     things, he shall persuade him by speaking, I would not     take the hide of the old folks, even at the price of a     chick-pea. It is thy business, thou author and upheaver     of new words, to seek some means of persuasion, so that     you shall seem to speak justly.     Phid. How pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and     clever things, and to be able to despise the established     laws! For I, when I applied my mind to horsemanship     alone, used not to be able to utter three words before I     made a mistake; but now, since he himself has made me     cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with     subtle thoughts, and arguments, and speculations, I     think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise     one's father.     Strep. Ride, then, by Jupiter! Since it is better for me     to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a     beating.     Phid. I will pass over to that part of my discourse     where you interrupted me; and first I will ask you this:     Did you beat me when I was a boy?     Strep. I did, through good-will and concern for you.     Phid. Pray tell me, is it not just that I also should be     well inclined toward you in the same way, and beat you,     since this is to be well inclined-to give a beating? For     why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine     not? And yet I too was born free. The boys weep, and do     you not think it is right that a father should weep? You     will say that it is ordained by law that this should be     the lot of boys. But I would reply, that old men are     boys twice over, and that it is the more reasonable that     the old should weep than the young, inasmuch as it is     less just that they should err.     Strep. It is nowhere ordained by law that a father     should suffer this.     Phid. Was it not then a man like you and me, who first     proposed this law, and by speaking persuaded the     ancients? Why then is it less lawful for me also in turn     to propose henceforth a new law for the sons, that they     should beat their fathers in turn? But as many blows as     we received before the law was made, we remit: and we     concede to them our having been thrashed without return.     Observe the cocks and these other animals, how they     punish their fathers; and yet, in what do they differ     from us, except that they do not write decrees?     Strep. Why then, since you imitate the cocks in all     things, do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch?     Phid. It is not the same thing, my friend; nor would it     appear so to Socrates.     Strep. Therefore do not beat me; otherwise you will one     day blame yourself.     Phid. Why, how?     Strep. Since I am justly entitled to chastise you; and     you to chastise your son, if you should have one.     Phid. But if I should not have one, I shall have wept     for nothing, and you will die laughing at me.     Strep. To me, indeed, O comrades, he seems to speak     justly; and I think we ought to concede to them what is     fitting. For it is proper that we should weep, if we do     not act justly.     Phid. Consider still another maxim.     Strep. No; for I shall perish if I do.     Phid. And yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering     what you now suffer.     Strep. How, pray? For inform me what good you will do me     by this.     Phid. I will beat my mother, just as I have you.     Strep. What do you say? What do you say? This other,     again, is a greater wickedness.     Phid. But what if, having the worst Cause, I shall     conquer you in arguing, proving that it is right to beat     one's mother?     Strep. Most assuredly, if you do this, nothing will     hinder you from casting yourself and your Worse Cause     into the pit along with Socrates. These evils have I     suffered through you, O Clouds! Having intrusted all my     affairs to you.     Cho. Nay, rather, you are yourself  the cause of these     things, having turned yourself to wicked courses.     Strep. Why, pray, did you not tell me this, then, but     excited with hopes a rustic and aged man?     Cho. We always do this to him whom we perceive to be a     lover of wicked courses, until we precipitate him into     misfortune, so that he may learn to fear the gods.     Strep. Ah me! it is severe, O Clouds! But it is just;     for I ought not to have withheld the money which I     borrowed. Now, therefore, come with me, my dearest son,     that you may destroy the blackguard Chaerephon and     Socrates, who deceived you and me.     Phid. I will not injure my teachers.     Strep. Yes, yes, reverence Paternal Jove.     Phid. "Paternal Jove" quoth'a! How antiquated you are!     Why, is there any Jove?     Strep. There is.     Phid. There is not, no; for Vortex reigns having     expelled Jupiter.     Strep. He has not expelled him; but I fancied this, on     account of this Vortex here. Ah me, unhappy man! When I     even took you who are of earthenware for a god.     Phid. Here rave and babble to yourself.     [Exit Phidippides]     Strep. Ah me, what madness! How mad, then, I was when I     ejected the gods on account of Socrates! But O dear     Hermes, by no means be wroth with me, nor destroy me;     but pardon me, since I have gone crazy through prating.     And become my adviser, whether I shall bring an action     and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me     rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as     soon as possible to set fire to the house of the prating     fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthias! Come forth     with a ladder and with a mattock and then mount upon the     thinking-shop and dig down the roof, if you love your     master, until you tumble the house upon them.     [Xanthias mounts upon the roof]     But let some one bring me a lighted torch and I'll make     some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be     ever so much impostors.     1st Dis. (from within) Hollo! Hollo!     Strep. It is your business, O torch, to send forth     abundant flame.     [Mounts upon the roof]     1st Dis. What are you doing, fellow?     Strep. What am I doing? Why, what else, than chopping     logic with the beams of your house?     [Sets the house on fire]     2nd Dis. (from within) You will destroy us! You will     destroy us!     Strep. For I also wish this very thing; unless my     mattock deceive my hopes, or I should somehow fall first     and break my neck.     Soc. (from within). Hollo you! What are you doing, pray,     you fellow on the roof?     Strep. I am walking on air, and speculating about the     sun.     Soc. Ah me, unhappy! I shall be suffocated, wretched     man!     Chaer. And I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death!     Strep. For what has come into your heads that you acted     insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of     the moon? Chase, pelt, smite them, for many reasons, but     especially because you know that they offended against     the gods!     [The thinking shop is burned down]     Cho. Lead the way out; for we have sufficiently acted as     chorus for today.

     [Exeunt omnes]

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