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Set up, electrotyped, and printed by the Vail-Ballou Co., Binghamton, N. Y.
Paper furnished by W. F. Etherington & Co., New York.
Bound by H. Wolff Estate, New York.

A man once said to me: “I consider the dailyreading of B. L. T.’s column equal to a liberaleducation in English.” The thought immediatelycame to me that whatever it was necessaryfor B. L. T. to do he did well; and as his chiefbusiness in life was the writing of English he didthat with an accuracy, a beauty and grace of expressionat which the rest of us could only marvel.Of course, my attention was first called tohim because of his interest in golf, and I beganreading his column mainly to see what he mightsay about the game, but I ended by being interestedin everything that he wrote about, and thatoften seemed to mean the whole universe.

I cannot remember exactly when I first methim, but I think that it was at one of the indoorgolf schools where he was practicing, and webegan discussing golf in a desultory sort of way.That part of my remembrance is hazy, however,but another meeting stands out with peculiar[x]vividness. We were at the Cliff Dwellers, anddeaf and blind to the clamor and brilliancy aboutus we retired into a corner, and with the aid ofa cane or an umbrella we worked out the golfswing segment by segment. It was his idea ofthe way to learn it. It showed his thoroughness,and it may be said truthfully that by the time thedemonstration was over he had mastered thetheory of the swing. It was then very apparentthat he was fast yielding to the charms of theenchantress.

After that he and I played a good many gamesof golf together. It was a great pleasure forme and I hoped that he enjoyed it. We presenteda marked contrast. He had learned hisgolf at a comparatively late age; it was acerebral production, a good one, too, and like allsuch things it had improved with time. Had helived longer I am sure that his game would havebecome a very fine one. Indeed I often thoughtthat it had developed faster, considering the timehe had been able to give to it, and certain physicallimitations, than any game I had ever watched.His eyes had been long over-worked, and I donot think that during his early life he had givenmuch time to athletics. These two things are adrawback, but in spite of them his game improvedwith surprising rapidity. On the otherhand I had picked up my game when a small boy[xi]and it was largely imitative. I had fine eyesightand I had played every game that the “vacantlot” or the school playground permitted. WhenI reached years of reason I spent a great deal oftime trying to find out why certain shots wereplayed in certain ways. When the reasons wereunearthed I frequently discarded the methods,having proved to my own satisfaction that otherways were easier, and based on a sounder theory.

Mr. Taylor may have thought at times that Iwas helping him with golf. I knew that he washelping me. Through his eyes I was often ableto see the theory of the shot, and I confess thatmany of us imitative golfers work from a falsefoundation, and do not know why or how weplay our shots, and that is the reason why, whenthe game that we learned without reason desertsus, we are unable to find the way back quickly.Mr. Taylor’s whole attitude towards the gameand everything else in life impressed upon me theintrinsic value of sound methods. In a way he islinked in my mind with Edgewater, for he, Mr.MacDonald, and I played many games there, andthey are things that we are very glad to remember.

The greatest compliment ever paid my gameof golf I received from B. L. T. The text is notnow before me, because like many another thingthat I prized and preserved most carefully its[xii]exact sanctum is unknown, but he said, in thatpriceless column that daily intrigued me, andthousands of others, that he had gone out oneday to play golf with me and to try to find outthe secret of my golf swing. He declared thatit was rhythm, and added: “The morning starshave nothing on Mr. Chick.”

I have received much of praise and of blamein my life, and I have tried to bear both philosophically,feeling often that one was just as farwrong as the other, but never before have themorning stars and I occupied a place, to my advantage,in the same sentence. It may havebeen hard on them, but as for me, I was thrilledto the depths of my being. It made me wonder,too, if B. L. T. (what a world of affection dwellsin those initials, whether spoken or written!)was not right in this: That any art, howeverhumble, and often it may be the humblest, mustbe rhythmic, a part, infinitesimal though it maybe, in the great song that the morning stars sing;and whether it be the sweep of the artist’s brush,the measured beat of the poet’s song, the movementof a game, or dance, it answers to the universalswing.

B. L. T. had a mind that continually askedwhy. Therefore when he discovered at firsthand the overwhelming difficulties of the putt,and the overwhelming ignorance of all golfers,[xiii]amateur or professional, concerning it, he puthis mind to the task and evolved a new theory,or rather he decided that the billiard-player, notthe golfer, was using the right method to getthe ball into a sunken receptacle. “Keep youreye on the ball,” is a sacred, ancient golf law.Even the small boy, picking up his game whenand where he can, learns it, and no one is moredogmatic than he in its promulgation. B. L. T.attacked us right here. He said, “Keep youreye on the hole and not on the ball.” Variousmatches were played to try out this theory,chiefly among newspaper men, I fancy, and Ithink that Mr. Taylor lost most of them, whichmay or may not have been conclusive, for itwould have taken a longer time than had beengiven to weld a new theory solidly into one’sgame. Ordinarily I should say, however, thatMr. Taylor should have beaten the other men.

I could not recommend looking at the hole,but I can say that the best putting I ever did wasachieved by keeping my eye, not on the ball, buton a spot two or three inches in advance of it.But whether right or wrong, B. L. T.’s golftheories were always inspiring and they made agame with him a stimulating occasion that wewere never willing to miss.

Our days with him upon the links were all tooshort. Without warning the news of his illness[xiv]crept about. “Threatened with pneumonia,”some one said, and before we realized the threatthe end had come. Few men could have beenso missed. Thousands had found his column asort of daily bread, and mind and heart werehungry when he laid aside his pen. His golfingfriends missed him with an aching sense of loss;they felt that something irreplaceable had gonefrom their lives. Now it is a pleasure to themto learn that Mrs. Taylor has prepared a carefullyedited collection of all B. L. T.’s sayingsand writings about golf. It is just such a recordas we have wished vainly to have. In his owninimitable style a student of the game has toldus about it, and in this little book, the fine fugitivethings, the glancing wit, the keen flashes ofhuman nature that illuminated all that he saidor wrote, have been preserved. And we are verygrateful.

STARTING KEATS TWO UP.

When Rome started to burn Nero turned tofiddling. Had there been a golf course nearbyhe likely would have golfed instead.

Lady giving order for a caddie at a Countryclub: “Please send me two small ones or onelarge one.”

Golf is a great game because it leads a man toself-restraint and poise. There is the case of thephilosophical player at Glenview. After toppingthree new balls into the river he threw hismidiron into the drink, pitched his bag of clubsafter it, and then chased the caddie to the clubhouse.

The abolition of the stymie by the Western[2]Golf Association will be applauded by thosegolfers—or, rather, golf players—who delight infive and ten-cent syndicates. When a man has ajitney or a drive invested in a hole it is “unfair”to have his investment jeopardized by a stymie.Then again, the holes are too small. The W.G. A. might consider enlarging the cup to thediameter of a peck measure.

ON ADDRESSING THE BALL.

Some players accost the ball opprobriously,employing the adjective “pock-marked.” Othersregard it dubiously, hopelessly, prayerfully, tremulously,disgustedly, resignedly. Still otherseliminate the troublous sphere from their consciousness(it can be done), and swing throughthe spot where theDing an sich would be if theconsciousness had not refused to entertain the notionof its existence.

The best way to address the ball is neitherfiercely nor dreamily, but quizzically; as oneshould say, “Well, well, little pest! And so youare going on a long journey. Take keer of yourself!”Bang!

THE BALLYROT STYLE.

“Pairsonally,” said Mr. Sandy McTosh, professionalat Ballyrot—the word “personally” beinga waggle with which every pro preludes a shotat the King’s English—“pairsonally, I punch theba’, nae sweep it. I dinna use a besom in gowf,though ’tis useful in curling.” Pressed for ananalysis of his perfect stroke, “Oh, ay,” said Mr.McTosh, and obligingly took up a driver. “Itak’ the club in ma hands, and raise it so; andthen”—his face fairly radiated intelligence—“Igie the ba’ a guid skelpin’. Ay.” Nothing couldbe more transparent; and by adopting the Ballyrotstyle we expect to add at least a few morestrokes to our score.

We were discussing the golf stream, and Leopatwas reminded of a fisherman acquaintance,Bill Rice, who having recently begun golf, fanciedthat everybody was as interested as he.Seeing Dick Lang, another fisherman, go by, hecalled out: “I got six in bogey to-day.”“You’re a liar,” replied Dick. “There ain’t nosuch stream in the hull state.”

A medical adviser suggests chair-swinging formen who cannot golf. It has the disadvantagethat it cannot be practised in the open, withoutattracting the attention of the idle curious. On[4]the other hand, it is not an expensive sport—akitchen chair will last for years—and it is almostas interesting as indoor golf. Chair-swingingmight also be recommended to those whose scoresrun over 100.

“The Essence of the Matter,” holds up as anexposition of the soundest technique we have encountered.Technique resides chiefly in the fingers,in golf as in piano playing. Its first use,and its last, is to enable the player to produce anydesired effect with a minimum of effort. Oneman, without exertion, will drive a ball fifty yardsfarther than another man who delivers whatseems to be a terrific blow. Mr. Percy Graingerwill sail through a Tchaikowsky concerto at theconventional tempo, and yet, so impeccablysmooth is his performance, he seems to be playingit much faster than you have ever heard itplayed before. Speed is necessary in golf; inpiano playing an impression of speed suffices.

YOU NEVER CAN TELL.

It was Saturday afternoon, and a cup matchwas under way. We were standing near the firsttee, smoking a cigar and watching one manifestationof the inefficiency of the human race. Theweather was dry, and the course was noticeablyin need of rain.

A friend ambled out, garbed for battle, butunaccompanied by implements or bag-bearer.“Aren’t you playing?” we queried. “I’m waitingfor my opponent,” he replied. “He is takinga lesson from the professional.”

“Congratulations!” we exclaimed. “Thematch is as good as won. No man was ever ableto hit a ball for a week after taking a lesson.”

Our friend smiled complacently, and we lefthim to his waiting triumph. A few hours later,when we encountered him again, the smile wason the other side of his countenance. “Jonestrimmed me,” said he; “never knew him to playso well.”

“When a player puts four balls into a pond,”queries a reader, “would you call it playing golfor pool?”

WITHOUT WHICH NOT.

Of the instructing of dubs there is no end.Yet how little emphasis is placed on thesine quanon, themultum in parvo, thee pluribus unum!As Edmond Dantes observed, when he finishedthree up on his enemies, all human wisdom is containedin the five words, “Get back of the ball!”

HEWING TO THE LINE.

“THE ESSENCE OF THE MATTER.”

Mr. Hammond’s article in the world’s greatestgolf magazine for September was interesting inmore ways than two. The photograph of ErnestJones shooting a 72 with only one leg to his name,and that a left, was an arc-light of illumination.One-legged golf is what we have all been hopingfor. It does away with the problem of the shiftingof weight from one pin to another; it eliminatesthe perplexities of stance; it preventsheaves and swayback; it precludes pivoting on theleft great-toe (unless the player is a Mordkin);it reduces the game to its simplest terms, andleaves the pundits not a leg to stand on. Surgeon,get the saw! On to the operating room!

Mr. Hammond mentions Jones’ conviction that“the fingers are the essence of the matter.”They must be, since the cracks all have the gameat their fingers’ ends.

THE QUINTESSENCE OF THE MATTER.

The Essence of the Matter having been definitely[7]exposed, suppose we consider the quintessence,“the perfect flower and efflorescence,” thePythagorean ether, and this quintessence we esteemto be a “fine careless rapture.”

While we are praising golf, we will say stillanother thing for it. Its first rule contains thesum of human wisdom: “Keep your eye on theball.”

Why, if putting is as simple a matter as it iscracked up to be—and it is even simpler—whypractise it, as the doctors enjoin? Why notmerely do it? Whatever genius may be in thefine arts, genius in the gentle art of putting isnotinfinite capacity for taking pains; it is possibleto putt well and take no pains whatever. If aman must practise, let him practise the fine carelessrapture of the singing thrush, for this includesconfidence, relaxation and everything else thatthe doctors say should enter into the least complexof strokes. If anyone should not comprehendwhat is meant by this fine careless rapture,we might reply with Burke—or somebody—thatwe are not obliged to find him a comprehension.

Perhaps the next simplest thing to putting isrolling off a log. Prithee consider what wouldhappen if a man practisedthat for an hour each[8]day, paying excessive care to the position of hishands and feet, the relaxing of his muscles, theeye fixed on the ground, and so forth! Eventuallyhe would execute the roll-off in a self-conscious,constrained manner, and, if it were possible,he would miss the ground once out of fivetimes. If he also practised following through hewould stand an excellent chance of breaking hisneck.

MAKING IT EASY FOR DEMOCRACY.

“I want,” writes Mr. Francine in theGolfer’sMagazine, in his prolegomena to a disquisitionon form, “I want to take good golf out of theclass of accomplishments that belong to giftedcharacters only, and pass it on to the common people.”Quelque want, nace-paw? Why pausehere? Why not take poetry out of the class ofaccomplishments that belong to the gifted, andsometimes dissolute, characters only, and passthat on to the undeniably common people? Itis a simple matter to tell a mute inglorious Miltonwhat constitutes good poetry; all he needs thenis pen and ink. The golf swing is simple, and sois the line—

Why should only a few gifted characters writestuff like that, and only a few other gifted ones[9]whale a golf ball a mile without slicing it to Helngon?

Medal play is certain to retain its popularityin a country the motto of which is “Safety First.”

Suggestion for the opening of an essay on puttingby any celebrated professional: “At theoutset I may commence by beginning to say thatputting cannot be taught.”

AN ALL-AROUND LINKS.

You can sail, bathe, motor, play tennis or playgolf on the finest nine-hole golf course in theSouth.

Speaking of democratizing the U. S. G. A.and making the game safe for democracy, an oldlady accosted a man who was poking a ball alongthe edge of a public course. “What do you callthat game?” she asked. “Dunno,” said theman. “This is the first time I ever played it.”

On the same course, a child was heard to announce:“I’m going to play golf, too, when I’msix years old.” “Here!” called a waiting andweary democrat, “take my clubs. You’ll be sixyears old when my number is called.”

RULES FOR PORCH GOLF.

Our interest is solicited by W. J. T. in behalfof the Porch Golfer, who burns up perfectos andworks his elbow in a praiseworthy endeavor toreduce the floating debt of his club. Should henot be subject to rules, as is the regular golfer?As a starter, the following is suggested:

OFFICE IN SUMMER.

WHOLE DUTY OF GOLFERS.

RAIN.

TRAVEL.

THE PRO.

PRAYERS.

HAPPY THOUGHT.

HOW TO TOP A MASHIE.

One of the prettiest shots in golf is the toppedmashie. The ball flies low, like swallow on theriver’s brim, and, crossing the green, comes torest in the clean white sand of a deepish depression,vulgarly termed a trap. The majority ofgolfers execute this shot naturally, but not inevitably;now and then they get under the ball,which of course prevents a top, the result beingan ordinary pitch. To make certain of a top, itis only necessary to have the left hand, at themoment of impact, a few inches in advance ofwhere it was when the ball was addressed. Thismeans that the pivot on which the club swings(the left wrist in a short shot, the left elbow ina long) is transferred to a point nearer the flag,and the lower edge of the clubhead, instead ofconnecting with the ball at 90 degrees southlatitude, meets it anywhere from 35 to 45 degreessouth. In the works of the golf masters, old andyoung, we have seen no reference to this advancingof the pivotal point in the swing, from which[14]omission we conjecture that the idea has not yetoccurred to them.

Another pretty mashie shot is that which sendsthe ball well to the right of the green, where commonlythere is some sort of hazard. The simplestway to bring this off is to pronate the leftforearm. This facilitates cramping the down-swingand pushing the ball off to starboard.

There is no accounting for tastes, in love orgolf. Many expert players use a mashie with anarrow face, whereas we prefer one with a squarechin.

PEMMICANIZED GOLF.

In selecting a driver, choose a club that isneither too long nor too short. If too long, youmust stand away from the ball; if too short, youmust stand in to it.

Choose a shaft that has just the right amountof whip; a whippy shaft is not desirable, neitheris one that is rigid.

The lie is important. Expert opinion isagainst a too flat lie, and the best authorities disapproveof the ultra-upright.

Be particular about the weight. A heavydriver is likely to be unwieldy, while one toolight would not be wieldy enough.

The best plan is to have your professionalmeasure you for a club. The ready-made onessoon bag at the knees.

THE METAPHYSICIANS.

Far—far as Arcturus—be it from us to dissipatethe mist of theory that envelops the so-calledroyal and undeniably ancient game, or todiminish by one the methods of its madness.The more the merrier, as Noah remarked whenhe led the way to the Ark. The fairway is wide,and we had as soon knock a ball through it in onestyle as another; variety spices the journey, andwards off monotony. It is only when, approachingthe green, we require accuracy in direction,that we dismiss theory and resort to the primitiveexpedient of striking the ball with the club-faceat right angles to the line o’ flight—in otherwords, returning the club-face to the position itwas in when the ball was addressed. The trickis so simple, when the mind is disburdened of allother consideration, that we are a little ashamedof the inevitable result; it is so much more interestingto try to reach the pin by the most complicatedmethod, involving a nice considerationof stance and grip, division of labor between thehands, pronation, concentration, pausation, andwhat not. If every stroke in golf were reduced[16]to its lowest terms, what would the pundits do foran audience?

WHY.

“A DEEP STUDENT OF THE GAME.”

We have found on the links at Manchester,Vt., opportunity for uncommonly deep study. Ittook us three (ladder-steps) to get out of onepit. The caddie retrieved the ball.

“Romberg’s Sign,” says a medical writer, indicateslocomotor ataxia; if, when the eyes areclosed, the body sways several inches, we have apositive Romberg. On the other hand, if theeyes are open when the body sways, we have theaverage golfer. In either case, when the conditionis advanced, “the body is likely to toppleover.”

Pourquoi, indeed? He goeth forth at noon-time,chattering, laughing, overflowing withgoodnature. He cometh in at eventide, sore, sullen,and silent, except for an occasional curse.Man that is born of woman is full of foolishness.

CONCERNING SPIN.

“There is no ball that will run more straightlyto the hole than an ordinary putt,” deposes onepundit, meaning a ball to which no spin has beenimparted. On the o. h., a physicist tells us thatthe cut ball will hold the tenor of its way moreevenly than the uncut ball. The reason, we conjecture,is that the deflecting material on a greenexhausts itself in opposing the spin on the ball,and so has little chance to interfere with its forwardmotion. One may ascertain in practicewhat line a ball will take, curved or straight, withany given spin, and he may then hew to that line[18]in full confidence that the spin will keep it in itscourse, whether the shot be a pitch or a putt.

“THE PSYCHOLOGY OF GOLF.”

We were smoking a pipe in the laboratory ofDr. Sike, the eminent student of the soul and lesseminent golfer. All about us were queer lookinginstruments for measuring the mental processesof the so-called human race. We indicatedone contraption and asked its use.

“You are nearer the mark than you think,”said the Doctor; and taking up a pencil he drewtwo perpendicular lines (as represented in Fig.1). Then he added the oblique line, and pushed[19]the paper across the table. “Continue that lineacross the ditch,” he instructed.

We did so, and the result is indicated by thedark line in Fig. 2; the real line is the dottedone. The illusion is corrected by looking downthe oblique line.

“Suppose that a fairway,” said he. “If a ditchor road cuts the line of play at that slant, theplayer should aim a bit to the left.”

“Unless the ditch runs northeast-southwest.Then he should hold to the right.”

We poked the ashes in our pipe with a deepcontemplative forefinger, and remarked that theillusion would not seriously affect the play of theaverage golfer, but that it might mean the loss ofa match to an accurate approacher like Mr. ChickEvans or ourself.

“But hold on,” we second-thoughted. “Theplayer is not, as in this test, looking down theditch, but down the line that crosses it.Wouldn’t that correct the illusion?”

“A slight illusion would remain, if the playerestablished his line of play by looking along theground, and if the ditch were wide enough todisclose two lines.”

“Otherwise the Poggendorff person contributed[20]nothing of permanent value to the psychologyof golf.”

“Exactly so,” said Dr. Sike, and plunged intoa revery. Presently he emerged. “Still,” saidhe, “the majority of shots would fly to the right.”

“How is it,” we asked Dr. Sike, as we passedthe matches, “that after one has taken the line ofhis putt and transferred his attention to the ball,he still can view the line with ‘that inward eyewhich is the bliss of solitude’?”

“What an alibi!” we whatted. “A gentlemanwho blows a five-foot putt has only to remark tohis partner: ‘Sorry. My eye-pull isn’t onstraight to-day.’”

“Exactly so,” said Dr. Sike. “To some persons,like myself, the line of the putt is clearlydefined, as a darker green in the grass; to othersthe line is not present, but these locate the targetjust as accurately. All this is quite apart fromthe visual imagery referred to in the Wordsworthpoem. The eye——”

What followed was highly technical, and weregret that our memory failed to imprison theDoctor’s exact words; but we gathered that theeye is a mawxstrawnry organ, which can do everything[21]except talk. The technical explanationwould, of course, be a-b-c to a reader like MaxBehr, who looked in “A Critique of Pure Reason”for a definition of amateurism, and is nowworking on the Hegelian Hypothesis of Professionalism;but we fear the average reader wouldbe puzzled by such phrases as “accommodationpull,” “convergence pull,” and “binocular disparity.”Therefore, to put it as simply as possible,we will say that when a man takes the lineof his putt the muscles of his eyes set themselves,his head and neck muscles co-ordinate, and thereis probably co-ordination in the semi-circularcanals. The eye-pull once established, it remainsafter attention is transferred to the ball—howlong we cannot say, but long enough to serve thepurpose of all except those extremely deliberatepersons who fall asleep over their putts. Weshould advise, therefore, putting as rapidly as isconsistent with an unhurried stroke.

“Strange to say,” mused Dr. Sike, “althoughinnumerable experiments in eye-pull have beenmade and recorded in laboratories, there has beenno attempt to relate them to golf, which is theproper study of mankind.”

“But science is coming round,” said we. “Thelast two or three years have brought a great dealof speculation and research.”

“Yes, yes,” yessed the Doctor. “Even the[22]watchers of the skies are beginning to admit thatCanopus, Aldebaran, and the Pleiad Seven areonly exaggerations of a golf ball, which is thesymbol of the universe.”

“Now, if we imagine amateurism as a greatsea, and in the midst of it a little island....”—Mr.Behr, at the annual meeting.

Why, then, on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon,at any country club, we can define an island. Anisland is a professional entirely surrounded bydubs.

“Did you ever take up the game?” we askedArthur Whiting, the musician. “I took it upand put it down,” said he, and mentioned twoshots that were memorable. The first was madewith a driver, the pet club of the lady who wasshowing him how to wield it. The head brokeoff and wound itself around the lady’s neck.“And your second shot?” we inquired. “Ah,”said he, “the second shot—” An interruption atthis point put the game out of his mind. It wasundoubtedly a remarkable second shot.

SUNDAY SCHOOL FOR GOLFERS.

Sir: One member remarked that his wife hadagreed to play with him in the afternoon if hewould go to church in the morning. I’ve agreed[23]to play with my wife in the afternoon if shedoesn’t make me go to church in the morning.Which bargain is best?

INTRODUCTORY.

Golfator. A fine morning, sir, as freshas when this world was young. I markyou have a sack of golfing tools upon your back.Are you for the links thus early?

Scholar. Ay, sir, for I am resolved to learnthis game, of which you spake so bravely yester-night,and rose betimes to buy these tools; and Ido entreat you to instruct me in the art of strikingthe ball, that I may be well launched upon myadventure.

Golf. Well, sir, as for that I am at yourpleasure, yet I am loath to launch any man uponso great a sea of troubles, but would persuadehim rather to forego the hazard.

Schol. Nay, I am not to be persuaded, butam impatient to be at the business, and to strikea ball that it may fly to a great distance.

Golf. I am rejoiced, for what is your loss issome maid’s gain. A woman that has a golferfor husband might as profitably be wed to asailor, or to an adventurer in polar lands.Haply you have a business that will suffer.

Schol. Not I, again. My worldly goodsare all in stocks and bonds, and I have nought onmy mind of greater import than the learning ofthis ingenious game. Let us then to the links,and be at it.

Golf. In good season, Scholar. I pledgeyou I am in no haste to watch your antics, andsince you are but of a middle age there is greatstore of time before you. Come, let us sit beneaththis tree, in the branches of which a robinis chirping, and we will speak further of the adventureto which you are committed.

First, you are to know that the chief end ofgolf, as I view it, is not to strike the ball withgreater skill than your adversary, but to givestrength to your character, and, if it be needed,to reform it. Patience and a good temper, courtesyand a pleasant speech, these be marks of thetrue golfer, yet are they virtues that one may[26]put on as a mask, whereas I would have you wearthem honestly.

Golf. Clap then a hand to one of them, thatmy counsel may not escape you. You are to reflect,Scholar, that in tennis, or in a passage atfoils, or in any other game of great movement,there is not the space of a moment in which todesire ill luck to your adversary, but this golf isa game of so great deliberation, that whilst youaddress the ball I may pray fervently that youtop or founder it, or that you miss it entirely,and this I hold to be no true spirit.

Schol. Would you beseech heaven that youradversary strike the ball with greater cunningthan yourself?

Golf. Marry, sir, I would hope that hestruck it fairly, and that I struck it fairly in myturn, and that good fortune might attend us both.

Schol. Sir, I will endeavor to give such currentto my thought. Shall we not seek the linksnow? I am impatient to have knowledge of thisgreat game.

Golf. The which you will presently be asimpatient to be rid of, and seeking to dispose ofthis sack of tools for a tenth of their cost.Marry, sir, when I reflect on the tribulations instore for you I could weep, as a mother regards[27]her female babe, and laments the ills that it isheir to. Here is as fine a morning as ever brokeupon this world, with a sweet wind from thesouth, and birds calling from the greeningboughs; yet must you mar your day and mine.But since there is no help for it, let us to yourundoing.

THE FIRST HOLE.

Golf. As you will. For this first stroke Iwould have you assail the ball in any fashion thatmay please you; for it will be a great time hencewhen you please yourself again, before which dayyou shall be slave to this dogma and that, and agreat grief to your friends.

Golf. Nay, bestride not the ball like thecolossus which was at Rhodes, for in such stiffand ungraceful posture you cannot put hip andshoulder into the blow. There be many strangegolfers that spread themselves in this fashion,and play with elbows, to the great detriment ofthe landscape, so that when I walk over the linksI could wish for blinders, that horses wear.Let your feet be more neighborly, so, and have atit.

Golf. Well hit, Scholar; as true a ball asever left wood, and as far as the most.

Golf. A brave shot, Scholar, which you shallhave sweet remembrance of these many monthsto come. Marry, sir, if you take my advice youwill rest content, and sell these tools of wood andiron, to your great peace of mind and the continuedesteem of such friends as now you have.

Schol. Sir, I take not your meaning. Letus to the ball, that I may strike it again, for myimpatience is not to be described.

Golf. Come, then; for compared with thetask of staying you, it were a profitable employto discourse to the deaf, or to show pictures tothe blind. A sparrow, new come from the southland,sings for a mate in yonder maple tree, yetI warrant you hear him not. There are patchesof springing green in the brown carpet of thelinks, yet this pleasing tapestry serves but asbackground for your ball. Here it lies, well up.Take now this other club of wood, the which isshod with brass, and whilst you fall upon the ballI do desire to look another way.

Golf. Nay, I did avert mine eyes the whileyou smote it; but this scarred turf will bear witnessto the stroke. You are to observe that the[29]ball was pulled and foundered, and will be closeat hand, methinks in yonder copse. Let us to it.

Golf. Cast it upon the turf and make furthertrial. And do you clap an eye on the ball thewhile you strike it, or fix your gaze on yonderflag; either, as it please you, so long as your headbe at rest. Sir, I shall ever marvel why a golfermust cock his head up at every stroke, like a robinquesting worms, for since the greater number ofplayers top the ball, or fling it in any directionsave the right one, you would conceive they wouldavoid to look up as long as might be, that theybe spared sight of their woeful want of skill.Marry, sir, if I played as the majority I wouldclose mine eyes with each stroke, and ask to beled as a blind man to the ball.

Schol. Sir, I will endeavor to abide by yourcounsel, and I pray you attend me. Now, sir!...Maledictions! Another ill stroke, yet Ilooked upon the ball.

Golf. Nay, my good Scholar, your head didcome up with the jerk of the hanged ere the ballwas struck. So little of concentration hath theaverage man that he cannot bring his mind to afocus for a few seconds; wherefore he avoids toread a serious book, or to attend a serious play,or to give ear to music which is other than atinkle. I shall give you counsel in plenty, and[30]to some small part of it you will give attention,and thus you may curtail your apprenticeship ayear; but the larger part of what I shall tell youwill be wasted on these sparrows that flit aboutus, and for a great while you will go from bad toworse, as the saying is, pursuing this notion andanother, and reading many books upon the matter,the which are writ by players that preach the onething and practise the other, until there remainno fresh folly that you may commit. Truly, Iwould not pass through the travail which is beforeyou for a great sum of money.

Schol. Sir, it is but a dismal prospect thatyou offer, yet am I resolved at all pains to learnthis noble game; therefore I beg you to unlockthe storehouse of your knowledge and set me inthe right path.

Golf. That I will do, and gladly. But doyou step aside a moment, for hither come twogolfers that would play this hole.... Goodmorning, sirs. A fine, sweet day, is it not?

First Player. Sir, I should have made thatlast hole in five, but that a worm-cast marred myputt.

First Player. With pleasure, sir. YesterdayI did make this hole in four, and Saturdaya week I was so fortunate as to get a three.

Golf. Say, rather, so skillful; and, sir, I amenraptured to learn of your cunning and woulddesire a much longer tale of it. Good morning,gentlemen.... And there, my honest Scholar,you may perceive yourself in the sorrowful daysthat are to come, a burden and a grief to yourfriends, to whom you must relate the ill luck thatrobbed you of a four at this hole, and the conspiraciesof nature that prevented a five at that;for it is ever want of luck and not want of skillthat addeth strokes to a score, and many a summer’sday that promised fair has been marred bya cuppy lie or ruined utterly by a worm-cast.Marry, sir, I had as lief listen to a play actorrecounting his greatness as to a man besotted bythis game of golf.

Golf. Nay, sir, you have done enough mischiefwith that tool. Put it in the sack and letus to a putting-green; for whoso would walkmust begin by creeping, and much may be madeof a golfer that is caught young.

THE SECOND HOLE.

Scholar. Well, Good Master, I have belaboredthe ball to no purpose and I entreat you,sir, to counsel me in the way of striking it, elseI shall come to no understanding of the art.

Golfator. You are to know, Scholar, thatconcerning the Drive there is nought that isRosicrucian, nor is it a thing to be approachedwith incantations, though there be many that giveit an air of mystery and make of it a business ofmuch weight and complication. Nor do we findamong the wiseacres of the game more agreementthan was brought to the building of the greattower in Babel, as is shown in the vast number oftheories, the one contradicting the others, andall of them as owlish as you please.

Schol. I am rejoiced, Master, to learn thisthing, for I had esteemed the proper striking ofa ball to be a most difficult art.

Golf. The difficulty resides in yourself, sir,and not in the mechanics of the stroke, which aremost plain and simple; therefore I have deemedit wise to prepare you against the thousand folliesthat you shall commit, so that when you havemade the round of them you shall not sink intodiscouragement, but take up the matter afreshwith a mind purged of vanities and errors.

Schol. But, Master, might not one begin atthis point, without entering upon the follies ofwhich you speak?

Golf. Yes, if one and twenty had the wisdomof two score years, but nature hath decreed itotherwise, and there be many things of greatsimplicity that are to be come by only through experience.[33]Let us take the matter of looking at theball. I was reading of late a writing that containedmuch sound sense, and it was declared thatthis golf is the only game played with a ball inwhich the player looks upon the ball instead ofthe direction he would have it fly. Now, sir,this is but half a truth. It is true that the skillfulplayer sees the ball, as a tennis player sees it,yet his mind is upon the line of its flight, whichthe club’s head must travel; whereas the unskillfulplayer has his mind upon the ball, whichcharms him as a serpent is fabled to charm a bird;so that to tell a novice to keep his eye upon theball is but mischievous counsel, and I pray youavoid this thing.

Schol. Yet, Master, you did advise me, buta little time ago, to clap an eye upon it.

Golf. Marry, sir, that was to divert youfrom cocking up your head like a little bird, beforeever the ball was struck. Take now yourdriver, and we will consider the matter of swingingit.

THE THIRD HOLE.

Scholar. Well, Master, I have pursued thisball unto the second green, smiting it some dozentimes, and not once fairly; yet you would haveme believe that it is but a simple matter.

Golfator. Ay, sir, as simple as the boiling[34]of an egg; yet is there no trick so simple but caremust be brought to the turning of it; and you areto know that the stroke in golf and the boiling ofan egg are the same in this, that to time it rightlyis nine-tenths of the matter.

Schol. It may be, sir, that I am ill fitted tothis game, and shall never come to skill in it, forit seemeth of great difficulty, despite your fairwords.

Golf. Well, Scholar, to speak truth, yourantics have been most fantastical, and what skillyou may come to no man can say; therefore ifyou are for withdrawing I do again heartilycounsel you so to do, and to give your leisure toa more profitable employ, as the study of mares’nests or the collecting of phœnix eggs; but if youare resolved to have knowledge of this ingeniousgame I am still at your service.

Schol. Then, sir, I entreat you to teach methis stroke, that you say is so simple.

Golf. Why, sir, you have but to do certainthings and to avoid doing certain other things andthe trick is learned. The things you are to doare to stand easily, neither stiffly nor limply; tosole the club at a right angle to the line of theball’s flight; to take the club back smoothly, seeingto it that the wrists start the motion and thearms follow, and that the wrists turn inwardduring or at the height of the swing; and to strike[35]downward with decision, timing the blow to thethousandth of a second, and letting the armsdraw the body around in a natural fashion. Andthe things you are not to do are these: you mustnot let the club’s head flop at the height of theswing, nor stiffen the muscles at any time, normove your head, nor heave your shoulders likea ship in a sea, nor hop upon your left great toeas a ballet dancer, nor fall upon the ball, nor fallbackward, nor pound the ball as if it were a pegfor a tent, nor cock up your head as a tomtit, norfall into other errors of which I shall speak later.These divers matters kept in mind, the ball willfly straight, and to a great distance.

Schol. On my word, Master, it were a rarefeat to hold so many things in mind at the onemoment.

Golf. My good Scholar, it is not to be compassed,yet do we see scores of hapless creaturesendeavoring the impossible; for it is the way ofmany teachers of this game to bedevil the novicewith a multitude of instructions, so that the poorwretch is at his wits’ end. Therefore I commendto you the learning of one thing before another,and the thing you are first to come by is afree wrist; for in tennis, or in handball, or inbowls, as in this golf, it is a supple wrist that putspace on the ball and gives it direction. And youare to observe this principle again in the fine art[36]of casting a fly for trouts, and in the play of foils,so that a man that has reached to three score andten, though the vigor of his prime is past, is yetable to take trouts or to wield a rapier with theyoungest.

Schol. Sir, I am heartened by the thoughtthat there is a likeness between the casting of afly and the swinging of a club, for I have someskill with the rod.

Golf. Then, Scholar, you must know that therod itself does the work, guided by the wrist, sothat a man may throw a fly for hours withoutfatigue; therefore you have but to conceive yourselfas casting with the left wrist, and you havethe secret of every stroke in golf; for it is all ofthe putt and the beginning of the drive.

Golf. Marry, sir, that had been a sorry performanceon a trout river, for you were forwardwith your cast before ever your line had straightenedbehind you. Whip back your clubhead, asa brown hackle on a leader, pause until all isstraight behind and free of kinks, then forwardwith the wrists, and the arms will follow.

Golf. Practice then this back cast diligently,let the ball fly where it will. And I would I were[37]at this moment in a little river, knee-deep in sweetrunning waters, and casting here and there fortrouts; for that, Scholar, is a game worth two ofthis.

THE FOURTH HOLE.

Golfator. Come, my good Scholar, let ustarry a space beneath this maple, that we wastenot the morning utterly, but give ear to the meadowlarks,and take in the sweet scents which thesun distilleth from the new leaves and grasses.And if your mind still be on this golf you mayview, to your profit, the players that pass by us;for it is as needful to know what to avoid doingas what to do.

Scholar. Here comes one that has playedthese many years, yet methinks he performs butindifferent well.

Golf. Ay, sir, and should he attain to theyears of Noah he would come to no greater skill.This is one that, scorning instruction, hath workedout his own game—a poor thing but his own.There be many such, and when they play oneagainst the other, commonly for stakes, ’tis agreat battle of blunders. Mark you that drive!The green is but an iron shot away, but the ballhas fallen a score of yards on this side.

Golf. A lusty stroke, that might have served[38]in the driving of a fence post, but one that is asill suited to the propelling of a golf ball as thestroke of a pile driver, the which it counterfeits.The marvel is, not that the ball fell short, butthat it flew so far.

Schol. Ay, marry, he swung like a knight ofCamelot upon an adversary’s shield.

Golf. Not so, else there had been room forpraise. Think you the heroes of Camelot buffettedthe enemy so ineptly, fighting their ownselves at the top of the swing, as most golfersdo? Nay, I promise you. Sir Launcelot timedhis mighty blows; nor did he strike stiffly, in apiece, but drove sharply with his wrists, on whichhis sword turned as upon a hinge, his great armsfollowing, and there was naught to resist hiscleavage. Wherefore the fame of his follow-throughspread through all the land. And thismatter of the follow-through you are now to consider.

Golf. You are to know, my honest Scholar,that the follow-through, concerning which an infinitedeal of nothing is said and written, is liketo the snark, and he that setteth out to compassits taking will have his trouble for his pains.For the follow-through is the result of a properstroke, and not the cause of it; it hath not a separateexistence, as a something to be sought after;therefore I would have you take no thought of it.

Schol. Yet, Master, have I seen players practisingthis thing with exceeding industry.

Golf. Marry, sir, Simple Simon was as wellemployed. But ’tis the way of man to seek afterthe ends and take no thought of the means, andto look upon success as a something bestowed byheaven upon one mortal and denied to another.This is but vanity and vexation of spirit, asthe Preacher saith. My good Scholar, this golfteacheth a man more things than one, and if youhave any philosophy in you you shall nurture itand bring it to a full flower; but if you are wantingin philosophy you shall have as much profit inthe beating of a carpet, for the which a multitudeof golfers are by nature fitted.

Golf. Fairly spoken, Scholar; yet I mark youare impatient to be forward with your game, suchas it is. Take, then, your iron and I will counselyou in the using of it.

Schol. I have heard, Master, that ’tis easierto play with the iron than with a club of wood.

Golf. As to that there be two opinions, asusual, and you will be wise to follow either, forI am satisfied that they are of equal value.

THE FIFTH HOLE.

Golfator. You are to observe, my honest[40]Scholar, that although your iron is a shorter toolthan your wooden, you may do quite as much mischiefwith it; nay, sir, more, I warrant, for thehead of the club being of metal, you may hack aball to pieces with it in a few wild strokes.Wherefore it is that the experienced golfer playshis iron shots with less frenzy than he brings tohis drive, striving to hit the ball cleanly and withexactness.

Scholar. Sir, I shall endeavor the cultivatingof this virtue, in accordance with your wisecounsel.

Golf. You are to observe again, that in thefree stroke of the drive ’tis all one whether theball fly ten yards to this side or that of the trueline of its flight, but as you draw near to the flagthis true line becomes a matter of first importance.Marry, sir, if your desire for knowledge of thisgame were deeper than yonder ditch, I would haveyou to begin at the edge of the putting green, andto withdraw by degrees to greater distances, untilyou reached a point where the wrists no longersufficed to propel the ball, by the which time theymight be trained to some purpose.

Schol. Nay, Master, my desire for knowledgeof this ingenious game is as deep as anywell.

Golf. Then, sir, I have read you wrongly,[41]for I mark that you clutch your iron with impatience,and gaze into the distance, and thenupon this ball at your feet, and you do have theseeming of one that would smite the ball mostlustily. Smite it, then, good Scholar, and havedone with it. Ah! A most marvelous slice!The ball hath flown far into the wood, as a startledquail. Come, let us follow it, and thoughwe find it not we may happen upon matter of moreimportance.

Schol. The ball cannot be far in the wood,Master. I marked it by this dead tree, yet wefind it not.

Golf. ’Tis most cunningly hidden. Do yousit down, honest Scholar, and rest your eyes, formuch searching for a lost ball doth weary them.See, here is a brave array of trilliums, noddingwelcome to us, as jocund a company as the poet’sdaffodils. Here, too, is columbine, that beginsto show itself, and Bethlehem’s Star, and manyother wilding flowers.

Schol. Sir, I thought to walk directly to theball, since I saw it drop among these trees.

Golf. Marry, sir, believe your ears soonerthan your eyes, and your nose before either; butnot one of the senses is to be trusted. Yet ifmine eyes serve me now, here is yellow lady’s-slipper,that I have not seen before in this countryside,[42]and it were well worth losing a ball tocome upon this solitary plant, for I see no othersof the family. I have found them in great numberfarther north, where, too, I chanced onerememberable day on the orchid Arethusa, thatgrows in bogs, and is the loveliest of plants.Mark you the gold in the sunlight, shewing thatthe summer draws on; and hearken to thatthrasher overhead, who would have you to believethat singing is the chief business of life.

Schol. Think you that the ball struck upona tree and was flung deeper into the wood?

Golf. ’Tis conceivable, for I never saw ballthat had less notion of whither it was flying.Let us press farther into the thicket, for ’tis arare place to loiter in. This, you are to observe,is the compensation for a foolish stroke at golf,for he that plays straight before him sees noughtbut a strip of turf, and ever his thought is of hisnext stroke, whether he shall take wood or ironto it.

Schol. Good fortune, Master! Here is theball, among these trilliums, the which it is verylike in color.

Golf. And fairer to your eye than anyflower. I observe, sir, that you have the makingsof a golfer, and are not to be diverted bythe babbling of brookwater, and the twitteringof birds, and other natural distractions. Let us[43]return, then, to the fairgreen, where you maymake further trial of your iron.

THE SIXTH HOLE.

Scholar. Sir, hither comes a pair of golfersthat would play this hole. Shall we stand asideuntil they pass?

Golfer. Aye, sir, and I particularly chargeyou to remain stock still the while, and to breatheas lightly as a summer night; for one of thesegolfers, he that strutteth before the other, wouldhave Nature to make a pause whilst he swing hisclub, and is fretful as a porcupine if a caddy dobut shift an arm or leg, or a sparrow twitter in anearby tree.

Schol. Sir, I shall take the pattern of therabbit, that freezeth, as the saying is, when thepredacious owl booms through the darkenedwood.

First Player. Indifferent well, sir; for whatwith the gabbling of these caddies and their clickingof clubs together, and the great number ofnoises round about, one might suppose himselfto be on the links of Bedlam.

Golf. There goeth one that is a great affliction[44]to his fellows, and is to be found this worldover. Now, ’tis but common courtesy to refrainfrom talking whilst a player drives his ball, buthe that is disturbed by such a trifle lacketh controlof his mind, and were he a surgeon I shouldnot summon him to so small an operation as thelancing of a boil. Why, sir, if there be any virtuein this game it is that it teacheth one control, andhe that cannot dispatch a ball save in a church-yardhush hath somewhat the matter with hiswits, or hath no salt of humor in him. To playa round with such a golfer is a great waste oftime, save it be done in the way of penance, forwhich purpose a hair shirt were not more serviceable.

Golf. Willingly, honest Scholar, and for beginningdo not hold the club loosely in the palmsof your hands, but grip it firmly with your tenfingers. This is the first principle of iron play.

THE SEVENTH HOLE.

Golfator. Well met, honest Scholar. Thebirds have mated and reared their young sincelast I saw you, and the summer is over and gone.How fares it with you? Indifferent well, methinks,for I observed you to strike a ball a fewminutes since.

Scholar. Truly, Master, this golf is a thingthat is not come by quickly, and I well nigh despairof mastering it.

Golf. Then let me advise you to abandon itin season, that you may be spared much vexation,and your friends many afflicting tales.

Schol. Nay, sir, I am resolved at any costto lay hold of the secret, to which end I havevowed the rest of my days.

Golf. Truly, a worthy ambition. Now therebe men that have vowed their days to so futile athing as the mapping of the farthest stars, whichis of small purpose compared with the masteringof this incomparable game. Good luck to youthen, honest Scholar.

Schol. Sir, what luck I have now and againis the fruit of such counsel as you have given me,and I entreat you further to instruct me in theart of striking the ball, that it may fly straight,and not match the crescent of the young moon.

Golf. Marry, sir, you will never bring off askillful shot, save by accident, until you putrhythm into your stroke; nor is aught else ofvalue achieved in this life save by rhythm. Asage once said that if he but had his way he wouldwrite the word “Whim” above every man’s door-way.Now, sir, in the place of this “Whim” Iwould write the word “Rhythm.”

Schol. I take not your meaning, Master.[46]What, in so many words, is this priceless Rhythm?

Golf. Marry, sir, he that could answer youin so many words would have the tongue of allphilosophy.

THE EIGHTH HOLE.

Golfator. Well met, Scholar. Much waterhas passed the miller’s wheel since last we werein company; and, marry, much has fallen on thesefair acres, which too oft at this season are sereand brown; and thus we have compensation forthe cool winds and drenching rains of this sobackward summer. Saw you ever so green asward, and grasses so void of dust? Yet markyou the chatter of yon robin, that never gets hisfill of rain, so that methinks some far ancestor ofhis was a water fowl, or perchance a flower thatgrew in water, since to my fancy birds are butflowers that have taken wings. But peradventureyou had rather I question you concerning yourtowardness in the game of golf, as I mark youhave your tools by you, and I may hazard thatyou have prospered exceedingly.

Scholar. Why, good Master, to speak truth,this ingenious game has so bedeviled me that Imark not if the grass be brown or green, or ifrobin or blackbird chatter by my path. As formy towardness, I have practised with great diligence,and have been directed by this teacher and[47]that, and all excellently well, yet do I find myselfat a stand, and unable to advance beyond a moderateskill.

Golf. I pray you, Scholar, make trial withyour club of wood, that I may observe in whatfashion you handle it.

Golf. Marry, an excellent swing, save that itlacks freedom and rhythm, and has no power init, otherwise a most worthy swing, that might beof great service in knocking apples from a tree.One may observe with half an eye, Scholar, thatyou have been well instructed in every detail saveone, the which concerns the striking of the ball.

THE NINTH HOLE.

Golfator. You are now to know, worthyScholar, that whatsoever skill you may come toin the wielding of your tools, naught of greatconsequence is to be achieved at this ingeniousgame save by the cultivating of the highestpowers of concentration, as has well been said byMr. Travers, and other notable performers; andto the acquiring of this faculty you are to sacrificeall else in life; for what is of greater moment inthis world than the proper striking of a ball?

Scholar. Alas, good Master, it is this greatfaculty that I so sadly lack; for from the moment[48]that I raise my wood or iron until I bring it back,my mind is, as you might observe, a blank.

Golf. A perfect blank, truly; ’tis as if nomind existed. But thus it is with the majority,therefore be not cast down.

Schol. This concentration, sir, is it aughtsave the fixing of the eye upon the ball?

Golf. Ay, marry, much more. There is anattention of the eye, and an attention of the mind,and there is also an attention of the soul, and allthree of these you shall require. There arelower forms of concentration, and much has beenachieved through them. Thus one man sets hismind to the building of a system of philosophy;another man puts himself to the discovering of asatellite of our sun beyond the farthest that isknown, or to the devising of an hypothesis thatmay explain the beginnings of matter, and themovements of the stars; a third man gives hislife to the writing of plays, as Shakespeare orEuripides. All these are excellent pastimes, thatrequire concentration; but they are of little importcompared with the striking of a ball so itfly straight and to a great distance.

Golf. Marry, sir, by the endless iteration ofthe magical words, Keep the eye upon the ball!Give your days to this, good Scholar. ’Tis not[49]necessary to say the words loudly, but so muchpower is there in the spoken word that one mustdo more than think the conjuration; a low murmur,or a mumble, will serve. There be thosethat, observing a man going about muttering tohimself, will be moved to scoff, but these, beingignorant of the great matter going forward, neednot be considered. Persist, worthy Scholar, andere the snow lies in winrows on these links, yourheart’s desire will be well toward fulfilment.

ALICE IN BUNKERLAND.

“The golfer is about the only mortal proud ofbeing in a hole.”—Philadelphia Ledger.

No department of the game discloses morevariation than iron work. For example, someplayers take turf; others take to the woods.

“The really interesting question is, why willnot men listen to women?” says Alice DuerMiller. It’s this way, lady. After a hard dayon the golf links a man gives reluctant ear to discussionsof the music of Ravel and DeBussy, theEpicureanism of Marius, the influence of democracyon Greek culture, and other subjects which[51]the ladies persist in introducing. Collectively,women are rather strenuous. Individually theyare easy to listen to, especially if they are easy tolook at. And if they punctuate their discoursewith taps of a fan and what are known as speakingglances, they may disquisish on any topic,from figs to futurism.

The farmers around Brook, Ind., have votedto keep their clocks at the old time. ComradeAde will likely use both times—the old for hisfarm, and the new for his golf course.

ANOTHER NOTED MEMBER OF THE FAMILY WAS A COLONEL.

For Sale—Bookcase and doctor’s library, includingskull of Lucretia Bogie, a noted murderess.W. H. Garnette, East Monroe, O.

“Golf,” again we read, “is a game that demandscourtesy and politeness.” Makes us thinkof coal at the present writing. The demand exceedsthe supply.

SHAKESPEARE ON THE AMATEUR QUESTION.

There are two theories to explain the steadinessof champions in gruelling (to coin a word)tournament play. One is “heart of oak,” andthe other is head of the same material.

THE TURF-TEARERS.

Demos has taken to golf in America. In LincolnPark, Chicago, Demos wears suspenders anda derby, and Mrs. Demos has been seen pushinga perambulator from hole to hole. For the delectationof Demos, golf links and books aremultiplying, and eventually every town will haveat least two libraries—the Carnegie and the Golf.

HELPFUL HINT NO. 640.

To Inquiring Golfer: Qualifications for membershipin the Lincoln Park Golf Club are a derby[53]hat and a coupla clubs. No one is allowed totee off unless he is thus equipped.

Golf magazines are showingspring fashions for players;effete east stuff, chiefly.A natty make-up which will beseen at the Lincoln ParkCountry Club is exhibited inthe accompanying illustration.

We were sitting on theporch of the clubhouse atBrae Burn, listening to a discussionof the prohibition ofSunday golf at other courses.A gentleman who looked likea substantial pillar of the church offered hisviews. “Cut all your church subscriptions,” saidhe. “That will put a stop to this nonsense.”

Mr. Ouimet qualified with a score of 79 and atemperature of 103. That established the temperaturerecord for the course, which is uncommonlydifficult.

When, one day, we engaged a caddy to walkaround with us, although we carried only a midiron,we fancied we had reached the Height ofAffluence; but we know a man who drives a Fordand carries a chauffeur on the rear seat.

DEGENERATE DAYS.

Golfers, the days are growing shorter. Getout after dinner and save some daylight for thefarmers.

“Golf has its jokes, undoubtedly,” says Dr.Francis Hackett, “but it has no joke such a jokeas golf itself.” If Francis were thirty or fortyyears younger he would yell “Fore!” wheneverhe saw a man going along with a bag of clubs.

We have frequently wondered why we play[55]such a messy game on a golf course new to us.Mr. Vardon explains. “The perspective of thecourse” at Inverness bothered him.

When Harry Vardon relates that he puttedfrom the edge of the green, and “thanks to thefates of golf” the ball fell into the cup, he meansthat he made a damned good putt and is whollyaware of the fact.

Mr. Harding, we read, shoots Chevy Chasein 95, “but is known to be ambitious to reach par,”which is 71. Any golfer should be able to get alaugh out of that.

WONDER WHAT THIS OISEAU DID?

To the Editor: Kindly allow me to make apublic apology in your paper concerning my conductin a game of ball between Emerson andMorris. I feel very sorry and ashamed of myselffor losing my hasty temper. I could nothave been in my right mind to do just as I did,to allow such a provocation to make me do as Idid. It seems like a bad dream to me and neverwill forget it. In my 24 years of playing I neverlost control of myself before. I forgive theplayer who was the cause of my weakness, andhold no ill-will to any one. It will be better forme to say no more.

The gentleman could not be more regretful ifhe had tanked up and punched somebody at theLambs’ Club.

ON THE OTHER HAND—

It is a tribute both to the game of golf and tothose who play—the fact that you never read oftwo players getting into a brawl over the golftable and hitting each other on the head with agolf cue.

Those persons who feel sorry for Chick Evansbecause he can’t putt may like to know that Vardonand Ray, interviewed when they returned to England,agreed that “Evans with his new club is thebest putter in the United States.”

Paying club dues for the three months beginningJanuary first used to be our notion of zeroin entertainment. We are obliged to lower thetemperature twenty degrees since the war tax wasadded to the dues.

One of the things in golf most difficult to explainis “the feel of the clubhead.” We havetried to convey an idea of the sensation to personswho have solicited an opinion, but withoutsuccess. Perhaps this will explain it: Take a[57]full swing with the mashie for a chip shot often or twenty yards. Practise that for a while,and you will begin to discover that there is somethingat the end of the shaft.

The young woman with the golf club who appearson magazine covers or in railway foldersis shown, as often as not, holding the implementin an exceedingly awkward manner. Artists ofyesteryear were better observers. A reproductionof a painting, “The Golf Players,” by Pieterde Hooch (1630-1677), represents, for one item,a child holding a club as a Vardon of that periodmight have grasped it.

Mr. Topping is a well known American golfer,and the mention of his name has evoked manysmiles and decrepit jests. It is not generallyknown, however, that he is related on the paternalside to the Hookers and on the other wing to theSlicers, two other celebrated clans whose lineagedetails occupy many pages in theAlmanac deGolfa.

After prayerful consideration the WesternGolf Association has ruled that as long as agolfer depends on the literary merits of his articlesto sell them, he will retain his amateur standing.One could almost whittle a wheeze out ofthat.

THE DUB.

When the Preacher observed that there was nonew thing under the sun, he articulated a mouthful,as a contemporary slangily remarked of Demosthenes.A Denver man relates in theGolfer’sMagazine that he keeps his eye off the ball, insteadof on it, from the drive to the putt. Unlikethe feat which we recently noticed on an oratorioprogramme, “Rest in the Ford,” this canbe done. Several years ago we demonstrated to[59]our own content that it was possible to use amashie accurately while scrutinizing the flag, andduring one season we putted while glaring at thehole; but in the longer shots we preferred morefreedom of the neck—ours not being of thegiraffe type—and so maintained an “eyes front”attitude. About that time Mr. Charles Clarke,professional to the Rothersham Club at York,published his “Common Sense Golf,” which containedthis admonition:

“And most important of all, for putts of sixfeet and under,look at the hole and not at theball. I know it is a very unorthodox thing to say,and it will require no little courage at first to getused to the method. But the difficulty exists onlyin the imagination; the lie of your ball is as nearlyas possible perfect, and all the preliminary adjustmentshave been made. A back-swing of a fewinches, and a short, firm tap is all that is required.Personally I have improved my holing out enormouslysince adopting this method, and there aredays when I can scarcely miss a two-yard putt.”

Our hypothesis, which we arrived at independentlyof the Rothersham pro (as Adams locatedthe planet Neptune “unbeknownst” to Leverrier)was challenged by Grantland Rice and JeromeTravers; and so we arranged a test with Mr.Rice. But a heavy shower interposed, and weagreed to try the thing on a new dog—Mr. Ring[60]Lardner, who up to that time had not trifled witha golfing implement. He was required to putteighteen holes while looking at the hole, and torepeat while looking at the ball. The result wasslightly in favor of the latter method, but thiswas fairly attributable to increased familiaritywith the putter. Personally (sic), we can puttas well one way as the other, and all that we evermaintained for the eye-on-hole style was that itwould improve the work of one who putted badly.If a man putts well by any method, let him keepthe even tenor of his way, nor heed the rumble ofa distant drum.

Golf is advised for training camps by the Wardepartment, to counteract the tension of intensivetraining. The beneficial effect lies in the mentalrest during the swing; from the moment the ballis addressed until it is struck the mind is an absoluteblank. The poorer the player, the morestrokes he takes, and the greater the mentalrest.

WE’VE TRIED IT ON A GOLF BALL, BUT IT DOESN’T WORK.

Sir: In the Rotarian for this month: “Likea rubber ball, the Spirit of Rotary will not becowed by any one.” Did you ever try to cow arubber ball?

The Empory Gazette admits that somethingis to be said for golf; that “a man can play thegame without being hooted and abused as thoughhe was a wife beater.” But the same can be saidfor every other game except baseball.

Isn’t the weather provokingly delightful?Here we have a compilation of verse, a novel,and a few smaller matters planned out, and thegolfing weather persists out of reason.

HAVING THEIR SLICE OUT, MEBBE.

H. S. Wortham underwent a minor operationat Rockford hospital yesterday morning.

Economically war is much more wastefulthan golf. In war a waster bullet is a total loss,but when you lose a golf ball somebody else findsit, and eventually your initials are worn off it.By the way, has the question been discussed, andsettled, whether it is good sportsmanship to stampyour initials on a ball? We never stamped more[62]than a dozen, and none of these, when lost, wasever returned to the shop.

FRENZIED JOHN.

Mr. Pradt of Wausau, Wis., writes to us:“One day last summer I found my ball, after afine approach, lying in a hole on the back of atoad. Would you hold that the ball was teedup?” We should hold, off hand, that it was toadup.

STYMIED.

“In New York a club has been started exclusivelyfor golfers. The others insisted on it.”

The headline, “Finds a Husband on GolfLinks,” reminds us of the lady who observedsagely: “There is one good thing about golf.You always know where your husband is.”

Young Mr. Ouimet’s feat of holing out in oneiron shot contains a helpful hint for the novice.When the hole is only 243 yards away take amidiron. A driver might put you over the green.

OVERHEARD AT A SMALL-TOWN BALL GAME.

Umpire: “Boy, that’s certainly some tear yougave your pants when you slid.”

Casey (colored): “Shuah is. Mighty nearhavin’ to call this game off on ’counta darkness.”

THE GOLFER.

“The only man who can play a good game of golf is hewho has no brains.”—Andrew Lang.

According to Mr. Jim Barnes, whose new andreally valuable book of golf-swing photographshas just left the press, one can get more fun outof golf by knowing what he is about when wieldingthe various clubs. But according to Capper& Capper, “How to Get More Fun Out of Golf”depends on wearing athletic union suits withswiss-ribbed bottoms.

Observe how easily the Western Golf Association,confronted, like the peace conference, withthe problem of the stymie, reverses its perplexity!The player of the ball nearer the hole may playit or lift it, at his option.

DOES TOBACCO AFFECT YOUR GAME?

We are not sure whether smoking has an adverseinfluence on our game, such as it is; but wefelt a bit concerned the other day when we misseda thirty-foot putt. For—

AN EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT DOG.

Sir: I have a remarkable dog, a Scotch terrier,bought of a caddy at St. Andrews. This[68]dog has seen some pretty good golf, and is a bitof a critic. I took him to the links to watch mygame. My approach to the second flag waswithin five yards, and the dog disconcerted meby sitting by the hole and alternately watchingit and me. My putt went wide and seven or eightfeet past. The dog arose and began diggingfrantically at the hole to make it larger. Intelligent?

PROBLEM OF CONDUCT.

A drives. Before A reaches his ball B drives,and his ball strikes A in the back. A waits foran apology. B comes up and says: “Why didn’tyou duck, you rummy? That’d been a peach ofa drive.”

WHY GOLF DIVOTEES GO INSANE.

DO YOU KNOW THIS ONE?

Somebody, probably our favorite story-telleramong golfers, narrated to us the tale of a manwhom the same John D. invited to play on theRockefeller private course at Cleveland. Theguest had neglected to provide himself with balls.“Lend Mr. Blank a couple of old balls, George,”said the host to his caddie. “There’s no old ballsin the bag, Mr. Rockefeller,” replied the caddie.“No?” exclaimed the host, and after a pause,“well, I guess you’ll have to lend him a new one,then.”

We have wondered ever and anon—and sometimesas frequently as now and then—where theillustrators get their golf models for the decoratingof magazine covers. Perhaps on public links,[70]where there is no grip or stance so absurd that itmay not be observed.

WHY GOLF DIVOTEES GO INSANE.

GUFFLE FOR GOLFERS

For the benefit of golfers who depend on this[71]department exclusively for their tips on the game,we have engaged Mr. Donald MacBawbee, thefamous professional at Prairie Dog, as first aidto the helpless, and we feel safe in promising thathe will add delightfully to the complications ofthe sport.

Mr. MacBawbee is 5 feet 11⅜, and carries theconventional clubs, with the addition of two implementswhich he calls a soakum and a pushum.The first is a bludgeon of wood, and is employedfor dispatching the ball from the tee; the secondis an iron for push shots. The grip of this ironis tapered to a point at the end, so that when thehands are pushed forward, which Mr. MacBawbeeclaims is the proper way to make the shot, thechance of the hands slipping is reduced to an irreducibleminimum.

The Prairie Dog pro is committed to heavyclubs, and consequently he prefers lignum vitae tothe conventional hickory. Concerning the lengthof the implements he has very decided opinions.No golfer, he says, should attempt to wield aclub taller than himself or shorter than his golfbag. A happy medium, he suggests, will provemost satisfactory.

Mr. MacBawbee lays much emphasis on thematter of stance. Two ways of confronting theball, he says, are the ramrod stance and the[72]cab-horse stance. The first is to be avoided,as several cases are recorded of players who havebroken a leg in swinging. The cab-horse stanceis easy, graceful, and relaxing. As an arch isstronger than a straight line, the firmest of allstances, says Mr. MacBawbee, is the hoop stance,but this is possible only for very bowlegged golfers.For this stance he advises that the feet beplaced rather near each other.

Says Mr. Jock Hutchinson, who is illuminatingthe arcanum of golf for the benefit of the DubFamily Robinson, “I am 5 feet 10¼ inches inheight, weigh 137 pounds, and carry twelve clubs.”That bag would bar him from the Lincoln ParkCountry Club.

Hon. Jock’s arsenal of irons includes one whichhe calls a “stopum.” Percy Hammond’s bag includesa peculiar instrument which might be calleda “topum.”

Besides a “stopum” every bag of golf clubsshould contain a startum, a topum, a sliceum, ahookum, a sclaffum, a killum, and, for generalutility, a dubum.

Doc Hammond’s golf bag has two new clubsin it besides his topum—a lose-um and a wet-um.

Home-bound from the links, we were thinking,for the somethingth time, that golf was a greatwaste of time and money, when we observed acitizen starting out to break a few hundred claypigeons. Everything is relative, as Box remarkedto Cox.

FAMOUS LAST LINES.

Fragments from the Diary of Maecenas.
Latin Verses by P. Sebleius Ferus
(Payson S. Wild).

I—AUGUSTUS FIT CUPIDUS SCIENDI (C II K)

II—AUGUSTUS UTITUR LINGUA VULGARI SED LUDUM DISCIT.

I—AUGUSTUS BECOMES C2K.

II—AUGUSTUS INDULGES IN STRONG LANGUAGE, BUT DECIDES TO LEARN THE GAME.

HAD HERRICK GOLFED.

Why do British golfers, in their photographs,always look as if they were four down at the turn,and American golfers as if they were six up?

THAT WE SHAN’T MAKE A 73.

Sir: I absolutely refuse to putt for a hole ifa ball which has already been holed is not removed.What is your pet golfing superstition?

Pursuing a red ball over the wintry lea is apastime that leaves us cold. But, for compensation,one does not hear, in the locker room, thatthe shower is “the best part of the game.”

“Golf,” writes Professor William LyonPhelps in “The New Republic,” “has done more[83]for swearing than any other modern employment;it has made taciturn gentlemen as efficient asteamsters. The disappointments of golf are soimmediate, so unexpected, so overwhelming.Nearly all men, and women, too, must swear naturallyin their thoughts; else how explain sucheasily acquired efficiency!”

Professor Phelps’ observations coincide withours. Once, having addressed the recreant ballin terms more pointed than polite, we remarkedto the caddy: “The ladies never talk that way, dothey?” “Oh,” said he, “they say worse thingsthan that.” Which moved us to inquire:Should a youth of tender years caddy for a lady?

“Golf is the peculiar pastime of a peculiarpeople”; and particularly peculiar are the personsinto whose soul the iron has entered anddisplaced the wood. A friend of ours, ColonelTalmadge, of Glen View, is one of these eccentrics.He was starting out for a round oneday, toting a ton of iron, when his partner inquired:“Where are you going with all thosedental instruments?”

The news that a golf pro in Louisiana wasburied with his favorite clubs set us wonderingwhat might be the width of the River Styx.While waiting for the ferry the shade might tee[84]up a few balls and see whether he could carrythe hazard.

The grounds and greens committee of theEvanston Golf Club concludes: “Transgressionsof the rules embodied in paragraphs 1 to 14shall be reported at once to the rules and etiquettecommittee.” But why, a member wantsto know, send the fourteen points abroad again?

FOR GOLF BUGS ONLY.

In 1909, P. A. Vaile, the w. k. golf nut, discoursedin “Modern Golf” on the superior meritsof the open stance. The model he selected forhis illustrations, George Duncan, was shownhewing to that stance, let the chip shots fallwhere they might. However, a little study convincedus, then learning the game, that, whilethe open stance might be all right for Duncan,it was all wrong for us; whereupon we adoptedthe square stance, and, like the person in thesoap ad, we have “used no other since.”

Now hearken to George Duncan, writing in1920: “Generally speaking,” says he, “I shouldsay that the best stance is the square one. I[85]found it to be the best, but, before I made thediscovery, I went through a trying time in whichI had many aggravating cutting of tee shots....To many (I know it did to me) the openstance would appear to be the natural methodof standing up to a golf ball. I can only repeatthat if your trouble is slicing, you will continueto have plenty of it to face if you do not getto the square stance.”

A good argument against the theory that manis descended from the monkey is the averagegolfer. Now, the monkey is nothing if not imitative,but a golfer can watch a professionalswing all day without being able to imitate hismotions. No swing could be more obvious thanthat of our canny friend, Joe MacMorran; hemerely hauls off and hits the ball, which is allthat is necessary. Josephus weighs, when he iseating well, 104 pounds, yet he knocks the ballhalf a mile, or thereabouts.

FOR GOLF NUTS ONLY.

Dear Beechnut: Why do I call you a beechnut?Because it’s the only nut older than achestnut. What do you mean in 1920 by tryingto hold me answerable for what GeorgeDuncan and I thought in 1909? On golf we[86]are like Art J. Balfour in politics—of whom youmay have heard, although you would not approveof his follow through. We have no settledconvictions. We must expand with theexigencies of modern golfomania.

You know yourself, from personal experience,that the stance for the pull at the 19th hole hasbeen recently changed to the open square, andeven at that it requires a fine push to get a shotof any length or depth. When such a radicalchange as this takes place overnight you mustnot mind George Duncan changing his mind oncein ten years—and I am not sure that I don’tagree with him.

THE NINETEENTH HOLE.

Mr. and Mrs. Harry Hole will entertain theNonpareil Club Friday evening at their home,1502 Twenty-fourth street.

Once in an aeon or two somebody says somethingabout putting that is as a light in a darkplace, as a staff to a blind man, as a voice cryingin the wilderness. Thus spake GeorgeZarathustra O’Neil:

“It will be objected that no putting green isas smooth as a billiard table, but such objectorswill hardly maintain that the majority of putts[87]that miss do so because they are thrown off theline by inequalities in the surface of the green.The fact is that most putts that miss were notplayed properly—and that is the whole truth.”

WHOLE DUTY OF CADDIES.

That, with acknowledgment to Stevenson’sheirs and assigns, covers the case to our notion.It may be desirable to give a caddie a politeeducation, including French and dancing, but theduty of a caddie is simple. So long as he isreticent and watches the ball, we don’t mind ifhe stands an inch too near us while we shoot, orwhether he bats an eye while holding the flagfor a putt.

Miami, with its 19-hole golf course, has arival in Pensacola, which calls itself “The Oasisof West Florida.” One who was there tells usthat it is well camouflaged.

We have read half a ton of golf books, andin none of them is it advised to start the handsback before the club head. Yet, as C. B.Lloyd’s moving pictures show, many if not most[88]of the crack players employ that method. Don’tthey know what they do?

“Lord Northcliffe is shown contemplatinga long drive on the celebrated golf course atBiarritz, where he is much at home.”—The incomparableExaminer.

As the gentleman has a mashie in his hands,he is evidently a considerable contemplater.

“Warren K. Wood and Will Diddel, pairedagainst Chick Evans and Kenneth Edwards.”

“With the upright swing,” writes Hon. JockHutchison, “you must of necessity take someturf. Any novice knows when he has taken toomuch.” True; the limit is a pound. But whatthe novice needs to know is that it is more importantto put back turf than to take it.

Speaking of the Lincoln Park Country Club,F. D. P. reports that the golfer in the skin-tight,bowery blue sweater failed to make a clean drivealthough he spat on both hands.

A carping correspondent asks why cartoonists,column conductors, and so forth, drop intogolf when they can’t think of anything else todraw or write about. We can reply only for thisdepartment. We touch the subject of golf infrequently,and then chiefly for the benefit ofreaders in remote corners of the land, who writeto us to ask about such elementary things as thedifference between square and open stance.These novices are almost sure to get off on thewrong foot if they read almost any of the booksabout golf. Herr Einstein’s explanation of histheory is translucent compared with the averagegolf writer’s exposition of his stroke.

The results are sometimes deplorable. Thereis Ed Freschl, who wrote the other day that golfdoes not reduce his circumference. Very likelynot—with his swing. He probably entertainsthat curious notion of the “follow-through”which the writers emphasize—the notion of “lettingthe arms go forward freely,” as if thatwould get you anything. Ed will never take upany belt-holes by extending his arms in prayer.

Brother Whigham takes a lusty crack atsome of the “enormities” of golf, No. 2 being“the horrible habit of counting scores and competingfor silver pots on Saturday afternoons.”Medal scores produce the “strong east winds in[90]the locker room” which George Ade once referredto, and are a nuisance in more ways thanone. Some pencil players remain on the puttinggreen, lost in computation, and it is necessary todrive into them to wake ’em up.

The links of the Gary Country Club are laidout on the Atlas plan, reports the Gary Tribune.“That is, squares each 100 feet in size, measurenumerically one way and alphabetically theother. This greatly facilitates the locating ofany particular section of the grounds when necessary.”The idea being, we take it, that when aplayer slices into the ball he has only to consulthis atlas to locate the ball.

Much personal property was destroyed inthe fire at the Glen View Country Club; but theysaved the trophies! What’s the use of having afire if you don’t get rid of the trophies?

“THE ART OF GOLF.”

Readers and writers of the game are discoveringSir Walter Simpson, whose “Art of Golf”is a classic not so much because of the instructionit contains as because of the graceful style inwhich the instruction is conveyed. In this respectit resembles “The Compleat Angler.”Old Izaak’s instruction to fishermen was sound[91]enough, but we cherish his pages for somethingmore than that. Sir Walter wrote the bookhimself, we conjecture—another peculiarity distinguishingit from most of the dull-thud volumeson the Five-Foot Shelf of Golf Books. Copiesof it appear to be scarce; a gentleman writes to“The American Golfer” that he has a Simpsonin his library, which “makes at least two copiesin America.” We’ll make it three; there is acopy in the Chicago Public Library. And weshall be much surprised if Mr. Dana, the golfinglibrarian of Newark, N. J., hasn’t Simpson inhis temple of erudition.

SUPREME IGNORANCE.

Sir: The scene is a picnic in the middle ofthe fairway of Hole 1. Question, by a judge ofthe Supreme Court: “What do they use thispart of the golf grounds for?”

A player on a public course in Chicago brokea leg during his upswing at Tee No. 1. Verylikely he is, or was, a disciple of that school ofthought which insists on having the right leg asrigid as the well known ramrod. Soon or lateone of these stiff-legged players was bound tounscrew or fracture the limb. For this schoolthe wooden leg is the ideal pivot.

“GOLIF.”

“Much virtue in If,” as the Bard of Avon(sometimes referred to as Shakespeare) remarked.“If I hadn’t looked up—” “If Ihadn’t tried to kill the ball—” “If I hadn’tsliced—” “If I hadn’t turned my body toosoon—” In view of these and other Ifs, lameand impotent explanations (commonly known asalibis), the World’s Greatest Obsession mightappropriately be spelled “Golif.”

An account of an aviation stunt on Chesapeake’sstrand includes the instructive informationthat the aviator “began his loops with gracefulcurves, accurately timed.” Our first thoughtwas that all curves are graceful, but the ShortSkirt has negatived that notion; and some of themost ungraceful golf swings we have observedundeniably described curves. The intriguingitem in the aviation story was the accuracy of thetiming. If we only knew how a sky terrier timeshis curves we might be able to explain how Mr.Ouimet or Mr. Evans times his’n.

“All Mrs. Gourlay Dunn-Webb’s male ancestorsfor generations, including her father andmother, have been golf experts and teachers.”

THE GOLFING DOCTOR.

A lady in Lake Forest, Ill., whose cottage iswithin a few yards of the tenth hole at Onwentsia,tells us that there are no good players in theclub. It seems that the members of foursomesgather at this tee to make up their matches for[94]the day, and the lady in the cottage has overheardso much self-depreciation, she has come to thenatural conclusion that every player in the clubought to be started at least six up.

Whenever we play at Onwentsia we think ofan odd happening at the first tee a few years ago.A waiting foursome of plutocrats were discussinga Certain Rich Man. “Oh, he’s not so well off,”remarked one; “his income can’t be more than$250,000 a year.” At that moment a visitinggolfer from the Skokie club, who was in the actof swinging, topped his drive and fell into a swoon.

It is an old saying that too much abuse of a manwill enlist sympathy for him. So with the stymie.Many players who considered it merely a necessarynuisance are beginning to feel that they can’tkeep house without it.

IN THE LATE BILL NYE’S BAILIWICK.

Sir: Can you inform me where one mightprocure a good golf hound? The animal chosenmust have a sense of smell that will not be deflectedby the dust and gnats in the buffalo grass,a sense of sight that is unerring, and the courageand agility to retrieve balls which have rolleddown gopher holes. Ours is a nine-hole course.The first hazard consists of discarded objects of[95]various sorts forming what might be called thecity dump. The other hazards are prairie-dogvillages and the tribe of gopher. To keepthoughtless cattle from making their beds on ourgreens we have the latter enclosed with barbedwire. But even here the game flourishes.

When we added a wing to our Cannery lastSpring, we reserved a shelf for golf phrases thatexhibit signs of decomposition. The canningseason is now here, and Jar No. 1 has been set onthe shelf, bearing the label, “A close student ofthe game.”

SOUNDS SARCASTICAL.

Sir: I read: “Kenneth Edwards by his playto-day demonstrated that he is possessed of thecourage of a lion.” In the face of these noblesentiments concerning two adulated young menpropelling a harmless sphere across the virginsward, how puerile appear Hercules’ twelve labors,Napoleon’s conquests, and Cato’s success inlearning Greek at eighty!

Golf is becoming a democratic game—whocan doubt it? Private and public links multiply.And yet—and yet—when a national tournamentis on nobody calls up a newspaper office to inquireabout the score.

A pedometer test shows that a housewife walkstwo miles while preparing three meals, but fatherwalks twice as far doing a round of golf anddoesn’t make any fuss about it.

We were admiring the niblick of Chick(“Charles”) Evans. The next morning he sentus one just like it. Quite Japanese—the courtesy,not the niblick. But in Japan you are supposedto return the gift, are you not? Howabout it, “Charles”?

WE, TOO, PASS.

Relying on our superior wisdom, Mr. GeorgeO’Neil has relayed to us the following problemfrom a Kentucky gentleman:

“Dear Sir: I have played golf six years. Iplay an average game but my iron work has beenawful. Lately a friend suggested pronating theleft hand (turning it over) just as you start theback-swing, and I must say it worked wonders.I tried the same theory with wooden clubs and thesame was disastrous. Why should this work onone and not the other? What really happenswhen you pronate? Why should a player haveto use this method for results?”

We supposed the relative merits of the flatswing and the upright swing had been definitely[97]defined. At least we recall a learned scientificexposition in “Golf Illustrated” some months ago.“Of course,” we remarked to Hon. Bob MacDonald,the lank pro at Indian Hill, “of courseyou swing upright, whereas we ought to swingflat.” “A flat swing,” replied Hon. Bob, “is nogood to anybody.”

SCIENCE IN THE WOODS.

In summer journeys through the woods we haveadmired (as what forest pilgrim has not) theax work of our guides; and there is little tochoose between the best white artist and the bestIndian. Bill was perhaps our favorite, and it wasalways a pleasure to watch him work—especiallyif the day was warm. His execution was precise,no matter how precarious the stance—as, forexample, when he placed one foot on the bow ofthe canoe and the other on a floating log, andtackled the river barricade which the Chippewacalls “ge-bok-wah.” Bill grasped his axwith the o. f. palm grip. We tried to induce himto use the Vardon grip, explaining that the twohands would function more nearly like one, butBill couldn’t see it; nor could we make himvisualize the motion of the ax as a sweep, ratherthan a hit. We had better luck when we got onthe subject of the left being the master hand.Bill agreed to give that the once over. He did,[98]and nearly cut his feet off. After that we coulddo nothing with him.

“AM I TO SET MY LIFE UPON A THROW?”

Omar Khayyam, the well-known wine agent,related musically that when young he eagerly frequentedthe company of the well informed, andlistened to cubic miles of heated air; and that, sofar as unravelling the plot of the universe wasconcerned, he might as profitably have spent histime in digging holes in the desert. And so it isthat while we hear “great argument” about thegolf swing, it remains to the majority (and wefear it must continue to remain) a royal and ancientarcanum.

Take some recent punditial ponderings putforth by men who, as Editor Behr has said, cannever be satisfied with their perceptions until theyhave translated them into thought. A writer in“The American Golfer” illumines the arcanumwith this lightning flash:

It seemeth to us that any one who tries for afinal effort when the clubhead is two feet fromthe ball is endeavoring to encompass the improbable,and is getting away as far as possible fromthe idea of “throwing the head of the club at theball,” as advocated by leading academicians. Weasked Mr. George O’Neil to explain the throw,and he replied that “the clubhead must lead inthe movement, and pull after it the shaft of theclub and the player’s hands, arms, and body.”This dictum may, to some mentalities, be packedwith significance, but it means little in our mentallife. A throw’s a throw. We, too, essay athrow, but we throw what is in our hands tothrow, which is the other end of the club. Whatbecomes of the head of it we do not know, but weare sustained and soothed by the unfaltering trustthat if it continues attached to the shaft it willtake care of itself.

After all, the difference between Tweedledumand Tweedledee is more fancied than real. Bothof these heroes drive a long ball. It is only whenthey attempt to translate their perceptions intothought that they slice to the rough.

Our gossip, C. B. Lloyd, who has taken milesof moving pictures of the golf swing, writes usthat, in the case of many celebrated players, thepictures show that the clubhead doesnot leave[100]the ball before the hands and arms are set in motion.That coincides with our observation, C. B.,and applies particularly, we conjecture, to uprightswings.

A THING OF BEAUTY.

“CONSULT HARRY VARDON.”

Dear Mr. Vardon: We cannot supply aphotograph of our chief golfing fault, but perhapswe can make it clear to you. Our greattrouble is splitting our psyche; we seem not to beable to give an undivided soul to the ball. Justas we are ready to shoot, something of less importance—immortality,the war, or the cost ofliving—comes to mind, and the result, as often asnot, is a top. Any little suggestion will be appreciatedby your constant reader and admirer.

Among those recently bitten by the golf bug isOld Bill Byrne, and he is making, as he was boundto make, interesting discoveries. “A man isn’ta good player,” sezzee, “until he can make hisdrive sound like the wind storm in ‘Way DownEast.’”

Sir: Last Sunday our Beau Brummel appearedin the latest golfing costume, cutaway, stripedtrousers and straw hat. And he played.

Evans, Edwards, Hutchison, and MacDonaldare to play over George Ade’s golf course, for theRed Cross; and it may encourage these excellentplayers to learn that Messrs. Ade, McCutcheon,Atkinson, and Ye Ed all pitched to the flag on theshort hole one day. There was, unfortunately,no gallery.

When we wrote: “None of the golfers werewearing derby hats,” we knew we should startsomeone. “None are” is good English, and onceout of perhaps fifty times we prefer it to “Noneis.”

FOGGY.

“The ball is played well back off the right toe,”—theSt. Andrews run-up is under discussion,—“andthe hands are held well in front. Thisnaturally tips the face of the mashie forward, reducingthe loft.” Is there any other reason forholding the hands forward except to reduce theloft? If not, why not use midiron or cleek?There is, of course, a reason, but it is not mentioned.We can account for the perfect opacityof golf writers only on the classic theory thatlanguage was invented to conceal thought.

Steel shafts are mentioned, since hickory istemporarily scarce; and steel shafts will do as wellas wood or concrete for the dub, just as a steelfish rod serves the ignoble purpose of the impalerof worms.

Readers who attach significance to what istermed the fitness of things will be enthralled tolearn that Charles E. Ball has been re-electedpresident of the Tampa Golf Club.

A standard of amateurism is needed in art,says Max Eastman. “We cherish that standardin sport, where it does very little good and quitean amount of harm. It is idealism of a kind, butit is misplaced idealism.” We must agree with[103]Max; indeed, any man whose first name is Maxis more than likely to be right. There is MaxBeerbohm for one, and Max—— But we digress,as Ulysses remarked when his ship wasblown nine points to leeward. What we startedto say was, there are two kinds of golfers—gentlemenand gents. The former might be admittedto national tournaments, the latter barred.You know the golfing gent. He has spoiled morethan one afternoon for you.

LIFE’S LITTLE MIDIRONIES.

To aim at the southern hemisphere of the ball,and then hit it above the equator.

PUTTING.

Putting is probably the favorite feature ofindoor golf, but very few persons who arepractising it have any notion of what they areabout. Statistics, especially those that are knownas reliable (as George Birmingham says), showthat of eighty-six longish putts, forty-one go to theright of the hole and thirty-nine to the left; theremaining six, by great good fortune, fall into thecup. The fortunate play is always heartily congratulated.

Champ or dub, pro or amateur, hardly any oneputts accurately seven days in the week. For thatreason a great mystery is made about it. It issaid that putting, the simplest and most importantpart of the game, cannot be taught, and thestatement is true to this extent, that a man cannotteach something that he hasn’t reasoned outand come to understand. Professional coachersscoff at “book learning” (that is, those whohaven’t written books on the game); but all of[105]consequence that is known in this world waslearned from books. You don’t really know athing until you have taken it apart and linked ittogether again. You can do this with any strokein golf. And your stroke is as strong as itsweakest link.

You remember that glorious Thursday (shallyou or your friends ever forget it?) when youwere putting in wonderful form; you holed a numberof long ones and laid the others dead. ButFriday! If the hole had been big enough to burya dog in you would have missed it. Now, ahappy-go-lucky method that embraces such avariation is no method at all. The difference betweenyour Thursdays and Fridays should be amatter of inches, not a matter of feet. Whatyou require is a method of taking the putter backand bringing it forward, that shall, on your baddays, keep the ball somewhere near the line.Your putt must be as nearly as possible automatic,not temperamental. If this cannot be taught thefault is with the instructor.

When you drive from the tee for a distant flag,it doesn’t matter if you are ten feet off the line,nor need your second shot give you too muchconcern. When you come to pitch or run up tothe green the margin of error shrinks. Once onthe green it disappears; accuracy is now demanded.Yet on every green one sees putts of a[106]few inches fluffed, a putt of two feet is studiedwith great care, while a six foot putt is goneabout as gravely as an operation for appendicitis,and much less expeditiously.

II.

Place the ball twelve inches from the hole.This putt has been missed, although I cannot understandhow—unless the player was strickenwith paralysis at the moment of moving his club,or was intoxicated, and, seeing two balls, playedthe wrong one. There are, of course, personswith so poor an eye that, when they try to throwcoal into a furnace, they strike the outside of thefurnace two inches below the fuel door. Butparalytics, heavy drinkers, and cross-eyed personswill never become accurate putters, so we may dismissthem from consideration; we may also dismissthe twelve-inch putt as unmissable. Nowplace the ball two feet from the hole. This puttcan be foozled, and the easiest way to achieve thatabsurdity is to putt with the arms. Many playersputt with the arms, perfectly still, and putt verywell—on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.On the alternate days they are what is called offtheir game, and in such cases it is usual to ascribethe unhappy conditions to an inscrutable providenceand not to a fault in the method of taking[107]back the club. It is agreed, I assume, that theputter should be taken straight back on the line ofthe hole, and it is difficult to do this with the arms,stiff or relaxed, as half an inch on either side ofthe line means inaccuracy. A man might learnto do this with practising constantly for ten years.But then he would have to spend fifteen yearslearning to bring the putter back in the same line,which is even more difficult. One can take a flatswing with the club around his right leg and runthe ball to the hole—but only on Tuesday, Thursdayor Saturday; and he might have to play amatch on Friday.

There is no accounting for the tastes of golfers,and it may be that for many of them the very uncertaintyin erratic putting may be one of thegame’s attractions. Those persons are advisedto putt with their arms, and if a wider margin oferror is desired it can be obtained by letting theright hand turn over when the ball is tapped. Ifan even more brilliant result is wished for, theplayer may stand well back from the ball, withlegs spread wide. In this attitude he can missthe rim of a cistern.

III.

Man’s arms have always been of great serviceto him. In the arboreal age they helped himswing from tree to tree. Later they were useful[108]for transporting Christmas bundles, embracingthe lady of his choice, making politicalspeeches, and so on. But man’s arms were neverdesigned for putting; this is work for the wrists.These are well-oiled hinges, easily controlled;they can be trained to work almost automatically;they can brush a ball a few inches or they canflick it a hundred yards; they can caress or smite.Even in the long drive it is the turn of the wriststhat puts the pace on the ball. When professionalcoaches play they play with the wrists;when they instruct the novice they spend theirtime telling him how to wave his arms. Thereare a few exceptions.

Let us return to the ball, as the novelist “returnsto his story.” We left it two feet fromthe hole. To propel it so that it will strike theback of the cup it is necessary to take the putterstraight back. Stand as close to the ball as thelie of the putter allows. Face as you please; itpleases me to face along a line at an angle offorty-five degrees. Having soled the club, anchoryour elbows to your body, and don’t weigh anchorfor an instant. You can take the club back alongthe extension of the imaginary line between theball and the hole by bending, not turning, thewrists, but there is lack of freedom. You canalso take it back by turning the left wrist inward,as in the full iron shot, but the clubhead will[109]leave the line. A third way remains—to violateone of the best rules of golf and turn the leftwrist outward. The turn must be decided and itsuffices to lift the putter and keep it on the line.Make the turn slowly and let the clubhead swingforward smoothly.

Concerning the putt of greater length thanthree or four feet, I am not disposed to be dogmaticor ride a theory to death; besides, I shouldinevitably collide with that nebular hypothesis ofgolf known as “the feel of the club.” But fora yard putt I don’t care how the club feels if Ican keep the ball on a straight line to the hole.O’Neill refuses to subscribe entirely to my method.He flatters me by saying I can putt any fashion.Even if this were true, which it is not, I can puttbest in the way indicated.

IV.

Don’t look at the ball! Nothing is more fatalto consistent accurate putting than the habit oflooking at the ball. The fact that many personswho do look at it putt very well, and often brilliantly,merely proves that man is a patient andpersistent animal, and can overcome almost anyobstacle. I am aware that “keeping the eye onthe ball” is regarded as a virtue; the agreementon this point is pathetic. But I have found injogging through this world, that oftentimes a[110]piece of advice works very well if it is turned upsidedown. I never could see any good reasonfor falling in a trance over a ball before puttingit, and I suspect that this is one of the theorieswhich work well when reversed.

To draw, freehand, a straight line from A toB do you look at A? No, you look at B. Doesa billiard player look at the cue ball when makinga shot? No: having taken his “stance” andmade his calculations, he fixes his eye on the objectball. Billiards is played with the wrists, andthe cue is taken back automatically, as a puttershould be; and so you will never master the artof putting until you swing your club as unconsciouslyas you move your arm in tossing nuts toa squirrel, or pitching a quoit or doing a numberof other things of a similar nature.

Lookingup from the ball is fatal; your headmoves. Lookingat the hole is not; your head remainsstill. Take your line carefully and asdeliberately as you please, and, having soled yourclub, fix your attention on the hole, anddon’t lookback at the ball.

For the benefit of golfiacs who depend exclusivelyon this department for hope and inspirationwe are “able to say” that poor putting is due, in[111]great measure, to the foolish notion that “perfectgolf” allows two putts to the green. A putt fromany part of the green that does not sink is an unsuccessfulputt, and no amount of self-delusioncan make it otherwise. Hardly anybody tries tohole a long putt; the player is satisfied with “layingit dead”; if it stops within two feet of the holehe is tickled pink, and his companions congratulatehim, saying, “Very good, Eddie! That’s laying’em up!” He ought to know—and we takepleasure in telling him—that the only good puttis the putt that sinks, and that he will never, exceptby accident, sink a long putt if he continuesto cherish the delusion that “laying ’em dead” isgood putting.

In a word, an “approach” putt that fails todrop is really a re-proach. The word approachshould be eliminated from the game and pin orhole substituted.

THE MASHIE.

The difference between a putter and a mashieis that the face of one is straight and the face ofthe other is laid back. For short pitches youtake the mashie back in the same way that youmove the putter, and with a mere turn of the wristyou “chip” the ball toward the hole. It is assumed[112]that tall grass or rough turf lies between,for no sensible person will run up over smoothturf with a mashie when he can use a midiron orcleek—unless he has deluded himself for yearswith the notion that the difference between oneclub and another is more than a difference ofweight and loft. The over-use of the mashie isgenerally due to cowardice; the lofted face promisesto get the ball up, and it frequently does.

This timidity is due to the moss-grown traditionthat it is essential to “keep your eye on theball.” Now when a man can repeatedly top aball that he is looking steadily at, it ought eventuallyto dawn on him, as it dawned on me, thatlooking at the ball is one of the causes of topping.I don’t recall ever having topped a croquet ball,or ever having given a thought to the swing ofthe mallet. Having taken aim, one looks at thewicket and strikes the ball; that’s all there is toit. So in golf. When you want distance youlook at the ball, because you are going to “soak”it; but when direction or delicacy of stroke arewanted, you look at the hole, or at that spot onthe green where you design to drop the ball.

You stand very “open,” with your right footwell advanced and your right elbow anchored toyour hip; you let the club swing on the hinge ofyour wrists—straight back and straight forward—andwhen you reach the ball you flick it sharply[113]or gently, as the distance may require. A childthat never pitched ball can do this. A man whohas devoted years to glaring at the ball will havesome difficulty at first, because perfect relaxationis possible only when your attention is on theflag.

II.

For straightaway work (and that is all thatneed concern the inexperienced player) the mashiecan do nothing that the midiron cannot do, exceptto put the ball higher in the air and more atthe mercy of the wind. Yet, when the averagegolfer gets within a hundred and fifty yards ofa green out comes his mashie, and one of twothings happens: if the ball is half topped it goesto perdition; if it is hit clean it drops short ofthe green. A lower flying ball would havereached the green or passed it. But “many arecalled and few get up.”

Of ten players, nine overswing with all theirons, and especially with the mashie. Now, amashie, like a cheap piano, cannot be forced bythe average player without disastrous results. Avery skilful player can force a club in an emergency,but if he were to force it at all times hewould soon cease to be a very skilful player. Iknow of no holes that call for a long shot witha mashie. If you find yourself one hundred and[114]fifty or more yards from a green, and the ball hasto be dropped dead, that is both your misfortuneand your fault; your previous shots were short.

If, in the back-swing, your mashie passes theperpendicular, and your wrists are carried higherthan your equator, you are forcing the stroke.Even if you are in the predicament referred to,and have to have a long ball, it is better to dothe forcing with your wrists and forearms thanto wrap the club around your neck. As to whereyou should look while executing the shot, I findthat the pleasantest results are obtained by lettingthe eyes follow the ball. You don’t lift yourhead or shoulders to do this; you merely roll yourhead, and your eyes follow the entire flight ofthe ball. Nothing is gained, and something isrisked, by staring at the ground after the birdhas flown.

THE MIDIRON.

Before continuing these illuminating remarkson golf, it might be well to echo the warning ofAndrew Lang in an introduction to an editionof Walton’s Angler. “If there are any facts inthis book,” he said in effect, “they got in by accident.”This being understood, we may proceedto consider that indispensable tool, the midiron.

The most satisfying shot in golf would be thedrive, if you drove well every day; but all the circumstances[115]of this stroke are not always withinyour control; on the off days driving is somethingthat, since it must be done, ’twere well it weredone quickly. But the short shot with the iron,up to, say, seventy-five yards, is, next to putting(which is as simple as beanbag), the easiest thingto do imaginable. You need to keep but twothings in mind: first, you must lay the right elbowagainst the side and take the club back withthe wrists and forearms; second, you must finishthe stroke with the knuckles of the right hand underneath.This in itself insures the clubhead beingcarried through on the line. When this hasbecome automatic you may add the crowning touch—finishingwith the clubhead very low, the bladelaid flat, and your arms perfectly straight andpointed at the flag.

Don’t look at the ground after the ball is gone.Let everything follow it,—club, arms, eyes andbody. A very good plan is to practise the shotwith eyes on the flag. When you discover thatyou can hit a ball without looking at it you willhave no trouble in looking at it when the occasionrequires.

And this, in a word, is what I have been drivingat, that you cannot play golf easily, gracefullyand accurately until you have lost all fear of theball and have got rid of the notion that keepingyour eye on it is the fundamental principle of the[116]game. Almost any professional will tell you thatit is not looking at the ball that enables you todrive two hundred yards; it is keeping yourshoulders in one plane throughout the stroke.

THE PLEASURES OF HOPE.

“Let firmness combined with ease be yourmotto,” advises George O’Neil. Or, as Horacesuggested to Maecenas, on the links of AncientRome, “Otium cum dignitate.”

Woman’s place, as Socrates said, is in thehome. One of her appeared on a public golfcourse yesterday in so transparent a skirt thatfour members of a foursome topped their approachshots, and one of them left his ball on thegreen.

Golf would be a perfect game if it were notfor the golf gabble; and this must be accepted asinevitable. If a person who is conscious of theabsurdity of golf gabble is unable to quit it,how hopeless is the case of the unconsciousgabbler.

Here’s an example of it: We bring off a good[118]iron shot, and instead of ascribing it (silently) tochance or happy circumstance, we must announceto our companion that at last we have solvedthe secret of the iron shot. And so we gabbleour way around the course, till the soundof our own voice is wearisome to our ownears.

Olds Grant Rice and Bill Hammond of theN. Y. Mail and Sun respectively came out andgolfed with ye Scribe. Grant is a regular player,but Bill is kind of irregular.

The Saturday Review says that the fascinationof golf is understandable, but “the wickedhate of the non-player is less easy to grasp.”Nobody objects to the game itself; it is the incessantgabble about it that bores one to tears.Tie a non-player to a bench in the locker room ofany golf club and he would go mad within thehour.

Golf is a gabby game because it is so stuffedwith ifs—“if I hadn’t hooked,” “if I hadn’tlooked up,” “if the ball hadn’t hit the bunker,”etc. And it is all a great waste of breath, nobodyis interested in your “ifs,” not even the manyou are playing with.

Hon. Brand Whitlock, staff correspondentfor theLine at Brussels, advises us that there isa good golf course there, and that the Flemishcaddies touch their caps politely and do not seekto draw players into intimate and animated conversation.

In Wilmette, we gather, the goats are thosewho play golf on Sunday, and the sheep are thosewho go to church. This classification is flatteringto neither flock.

Curious golfers who may follow the learnedarguments on “what constitutes a good hole”must conclude that the purpose of the architectsis not to make the game easy for democracy.Par figures mean nothing to the average player;they are for the few gifted beings who participatein national tournaments. As courses are nowlaid out, there is a “short way to the green,”calling at the outset for a carry of, say, 190 yards.The next thing will be to station a policeman atthe bunker, to chase off the course a player so unluckyas not to carry the hazard.

“Golf is the pastime of small men with largeincomes, who are too old to play tennis and toodull to talk to women.”—Walter PritchardEaton.

It is also the pastime of large men with small[120]incomes, who vary golf with tennis, and who aretoo busy to hang around a samovar discoursingthe drayma.

To be entirely fair to Mr. Eaton (althoughone is under no compulsion to be fair to a dramaticcritic), he put the sniffy remarks about golf intothe mouth of one of his short-story characters.Tennis players should not scorn Golf. We havediscovered that playing golf improves our tennisgame at least fifty percent. Golf compels deliberationin striking; and waiting for a tennis ball,instead of leaping at it, is the secrecy of accuracy;not to mention the turn of wrist when the racquet(or golf ball) is taken back. This is what keepsthe tennis ball out of the net and the golf ballout of the rough.

A golfer in Rockland, Me., has a cat whichchases the ball and sits by it until the player arrives.This is interesting chiefly as being thesolitary reason for a cat’s existence.

“Each caddy should be at his ball by the timethe player arrives.”—Indian Hill note.

ON THE STYXVILLE GOLF LINKS.

“Bozzy,” chuckled Dr. Samuel Johnson, “youwere but a novice at the game.”

The amiable lexicographer teed off on the linksof the Styxville Golf Club and he and Boswell,his caddie, leisurely followed the ball.

“Yes, Bozzy,” continued Dr. Johnson, “I usedto think you the most enterprising press agent thatever tooted a horn, but when I compare your workwith the twentieth century article I am convincedthat you were the merest alphabetarian.”

“Pooh, pooh! A press agent who publishesonly what has happened would starve to deaththese days. But I have you even on that count.How about the time I lost my pantaloons and wastoo late at the Cheshire Cheese. Not a wordabout it in your celebrated ‘Life of Johnson.’By the way, what became of the ball? Did youkeep your eye on it?”

Boswell located the gutta percha and remarkedthat he considered the loss of his patron’s unmentionablestoo trivial an item for a dignifiedbiography.

“Sir,” cried Dr. Johnson, relapsing into his ancientstilted manner, “you are an unconscionableblockhead. When, not long ago Booth Tarkingtonlost his trousers a great ado was made by the[122]press agent and the papers were full of it. ’Twasnot half so good a tale as mine. You might havescribbled a whole chapter about it. Dick Steelemade an excellent jest on the matter and NollGoldsmith a set of verses, Davy Garrick gaggedhis lines with it and put the house in an uproar.Give me the cleek.”

“Nay, Bozzy, you were a very good pressagent for our day, but you would not stand muchshow if you were on earth to-day. Tarkingtonwouldn’t keep you a week. You couldn’t caddiefive minutes for Irving Bacheller or Ham Garland,or Hop Smith, or any other modern manof letters. Boz, you’re a back number.”

Golfers, especially those addicted to slicing,will approve a plan to pasture sheep in the roughand on the crest of bunkers. A well croppedrough will take much of the gloom out of theirzigzag operations.

GOLF AND GRUEL.

Golf and gruel are both Scotch, and as inseparablyassociated as kilts and bagpipes.

THE LAY OF THE LAST GOLFER.

WHY INDEED?

A Philadelphia golfer gets on the FirstPage for playing 144 holes of golf in one day.But this is by no means a record. It was tiedby Slason Thompson of Old Elm, who was far[124]from considering it a remarkable feat. It wouldbe much more noteworthy if the Philadelphiaperson should eat 144 pies between sun-up andsun-down.

WINTER GOLF.

“All the benefits of outdoors winter golf in the tropics, atthe Indoor Golf School.”—Ad.

“Pairfect,” said Mr. Joe MacMorran, whenwe indulged him in the pleasure of watching usswing a golf club. “The swing is pairfect. Allye need is control.” Or, as the distinguishedKansan said of hell and western Kansas, all thateither place needs is water and good society.

During a golf match at Greenwich this weekan approach by Vardon was so strong that theball passed the green and hit a lady on the bounce,recoiling to the flag. “Some back spin!” criedanother spectator.

THE PROPER SPIRIT.

Sir: I am resolved to essay the game of golfagain after having yielded to discouragement fora season. But now I am fired by a new ambition.Reason has taught me that the greater the numberof swats I can get at the pill the more I get formy money. This attribute of mind will enableme to preserve an even temper and measurablyreduce (or reduce measurably) my output of rudelanguage. I shall welcome on the bunkers or elsewherethe theory that I am better off where I amthan where I’m going next. If I can get a hundredwallops in a round I get more fun and exercisethan my friend who finishes in eighty, and ischesty about it.

“Have we too many golf clubs?” inquires thevalued Post. It has always seemed so to us.We usually get around with a driver and aputter—one drive to the green and one putt tothe hole.

OUR VILLAGE.

A well worn golf pencil was picked up by yourcorrespondent. What scores it could tell of.

Brand Whitlock writes from St. Andrews thathe had a fine time on the most famous links in theworld, he especially enjoying the Scotch of thecaddies.

In the great fourth-estate golf tournament, OldPop Wells and Ye Ed qualified as captains of canalboats. We out-cussed Pop on the first round,but he more than evened things up on the second,we being two down at the end.

Ye scribe shot a game of golf with ChickEvans, who allowed that our clubs, bag, shoes,and hat are all o.k., and that all we need is a littleskill.

Many are complaining that the golf season isat a conclusion; but, as the native at Lake Georgesaid, Hell, did you think it was going to be summerall the time?

The frost is on the niblick and the putter’s inthe shock. When a man has to play in a coupleof undershirts, flannel shirt, sweater, paper vest,[127]and a mackinaw coat, it is time to hang up thefiddle and the bow, for as a fellow said, hownlcan you play if you can’t follow through?

Ed Beck and Homer Chandler, accompaniedoccasionally by their wives, are motoring throughthe effete east, tearing up the golf courses enroute.

Mr. Jack Hoag, for whose golfic opinions weentertain unmitigated respect, writes that “to hita ball with a wooden club with the wrists loose isto have a feeling that the club itself is stoppedwhen the ball is hit.” Therefore he advisestightening the grip at the impact. It pains us todiffer with Mr. Hoag. A golf ball opposes tothe clubhead hardly more resistance than a puffball, as two minutes experimenting will show.Sounder advice, we think, is this: grip loosely orgrip tightly, but never change throughout thestroke.

The mother of Hamilton Post, the golfer, wasa Miss Stump; the wedding took place in GarrettWoods’ chapel, and the clergyman was Dr. Bockwood.Pass the matches.

FIRST AID TO THE GOLF DUB.

A prominent dub said to us one day: “I’vetaken a good many lessons, and every line of instruction[128]I’ve received sounds perfectly foolish.”

Obviously, the instruction is at fault, for, nextto rolling off a log, there is nothing easier thandriving a ball with, say, a midiron.

Take a box of balls and an iron, and stationyourself a short distance from a putting green.Lay the club on the ground; you won’t need it forten minutes or so. Now, with your right handpitch the balls, one by one, at the flag just as youwould pitch an indoor baseball, or throw a bowlingball down an alley—underhand. The onlydifference between this motion and the golf strokeis that in the bowling “address” you face the pins,whereas in golf your left side is toward the pin.Hence the turn of the body.

After you have chucked the dozen balls, youwill discover, if you are not utterly imbecile, twoor three things: you can’t chuck the ball underhandwhen your right hand is shoulder high;the arm must come down first; your body has comepart way round and your left hip has gone forward;and, of chief importance, the knuckles ofyour hand are underneath when the ball is dispatched.

Precisely the same motions are gone throughwith when you use the midiron. If, after halfan hour’s practice, with or without the club, youcan’t acquire the knack, you had better quit. Youare hopeless.

The two things sought for are distance anddirection. Concerning the first we have nothingat present to offer; our conclusions have not yetjelled.

Direction is a simpler matter. Accuracy in approachingand good direction in longer shots maybe acquired by the simple expedient of relaxingthe grip of the right hand after the ball is struck—relaxingit, not slightly, but completely; thefingers barely retaining a hold on the club. Mostduffers pull or drag all their iron shots away tothe left of the flag; letting go with the right handwill remedy this. The left hand, the grip ofwhich is constant throughout the stroke, goesmerrily on its way, uncrumpled, unhampered andunchecked.

One can, at will, pull or slice a golf ball arounda bunker or other obstruction, and we shouldthink it possible to rifle a cannon in such away that a round shell could be shot around acorner.

State convicts are to be employed on the publicroads of Illinois. This will be good for theroads, and as good as golf for the convicts, asthe work will “take them out in the open air.”[130]And it is a more pleasant sight to watch a manmending a road than to watch a dub golfer ruiningthe turf of a fairgreen.

The star player of Greenwich Golf Club isMr. Topping, who may be related to F. Dub,whose name we saw once in an account of a golfmatch.

When, on a Saturday you have bought a golfclub or tennis racket in a department store, has itoccurred to you that the clerk who sold you thethings would like to be setting forth that afternoon,like yourself, for a turn on the links, or inthe park? It has? Then you are more thoughtfulthan some people.

SUNDAY GOLF.

There is Sunday golf at Onwentsia now, in theafternoon; the forenoon, which is the better halfof the day, is set apart for church-going. A considerabletime ago a well known pastor announcedthat if the members of a certain golf club wouldnot come to the gospel he would take the gospelto the golfers, but, so far as we remember, noservices were held at the home tee. “The better[131]the day, the better the deed,” does not hold trueof golf. As a friend jingles it—

THE GAME IN STAGELAND.

Mr. Collins, the dramatic reviewer of theChicago Evening Post, has recently taken up ther. and a. g.; consequently his critical eye is castupon characters in plays who are introduced ingolfing regalia. He reports to us two interestingdiscoveries to date. In “Parlor, Bedroom, andBath,” the contents of the golf bag consist ofthree brassies and four putters, and in “GoodBye, Boys,” the bag holds two drivers and a midiron.It is scarcely necessary to say that therealistic Mr. Belasco is not connected with eitherproduction.

Discovered again, the meanest man. Playingin a game that called for a penny a stroke, the potto go to the Red Cross, he lifted when he pitchedinto a bunker, and conceded the hole.

FIRST AID.

(Reply: Any smooth piece of turf. Do not[132]attempt to sclaff in tall grass, as the club mightbreak on a concealed stone.)

Sherlock writes: “I look at the ball, but I topit just the same. What do you make of that,Watson?”

(Reply: Very likely you look at the ball withyour left eye, instead of your right. The righteye, being farther from the ball, can see fartherunder it. The cleanest hitter we know has a lefteye of glass.)

Moron writes: “I am a chronic slicer; sodesperate is my disease, I have to allow for theslice on every shot, even in practice swings. Cananything be done?”

(Reply: Cut out meats, eat plenty of greenvegetables, and take long walks in the open air—whichis really the most convenient place for longwalks. Report to us again in three years.)

Fluff writes: “With a strong wind blowingfrom east to west, should I slice or pull?”

(Reply: You neglect to say whether you aregoing north or south. If you are going south,pray give our regards to the bunch at Belleair.)

A valued reader, Mr. D. Precox, writes usthat, after testing a suggestion we advanced inMarch, he perfectly agrees that topping is invitedby regarding the ball with the left eye, but discouragedby regarding it with the right. “Unfortunately,”[133]he communicates, “my left eye isnot of glass, like your cleanest hitter’s, nor can Ibreak it of the habit of looking at the ball. Inthese critical circumstances what would you advise?”We can only refer Mr. Precox to thebest of authorities. If his left eye offends him,let him pluck it out. No sacrifice is too great.What is an eye more or less when a perfect pitchto the pin is demanded?

BULWER LYTTON ON GOLF.

“I ask your indulgence, gentlemen,” said thenew President of the U. S. G. A., “if I make anymistakes in my more or less ignorance of parliamentaryprocedure.” Our advice to PresidentPerrin is that he take a niblick when he gets intotrouble. There is nothing better for quelling acantankerous delegate.

THE PENDULUM PUTT.

As we find the theories of others are morediverting than our own, which are merely scientific,we shall but seldom intrude an opinion, and thenonly for the purpose of adding to the general confusion.Thus we may take this occasion to recordthat the so-called Pendulum Putt is an overpraised[134]institution. Any man, or almost any man, maybecome a grandfather, but no man can be grandfather’sclock; a tall clock has no nerves and nomuscles, and it lives a quiet, regular life. ThePendulum Putt is not more inevitable than another.In our laboratory experiments we haveputted in every language, including the Scandinavianand Profane, and have found that the holecan be missed as easily by one method as by another.The least attractive style is that whichrequires a consideration of their navels (knownin California as “sunkist navels”), and a strictadherence of the putter blade to the line o’ flight.The method we finally adopted does not requirethat the putter be taken back or brought forwardon any invariable, ineluctable line; any line,within reason, will do. That decided on, puttingceased to be as troublesome as a hair shirt, andwe now approach the green sustained and soothedby an unfaltering trust, instead of like the quarry-slaveat night, scourged to his dungeon.

Mr. Chick Evans drove two or three dozengolf balls into the west wind once for our specialdelectation, and golf dubs will be glad to learnthat after analyzing Mr. Chick’s stroke we concludedthat the great secret of golf and the onlysecret, is rhythm. Mr. Chick’s rhythm is perfect.The morning stars have nothing on him.

ON THE FIRING LINE.

GOLFING WISDOM FROM THE ANCIENTS.

SIMPLIFIED SPORT.

Sir: A golfing friend of mine was telling afriend, not a golfer, how difficult it was to playover the ditch on our course. The party of thesecond part said, “Why don’t they fill up theditch?”

(Your party of the second part is evidentlyrelated to the old lady who, watching a tennis[136]game, asks, “Why don’t they take down thenet?”)

The new professional at our club is Mr. AlFalfa, winner of last year’s open, when he pitcheda ton of hay in six forks under par. Mr. Falfauses the closed stance in pitching, as he believes itfacilitates the follow-through. In hoeing, however,he inclines to a square stance, the feet beingclose together. As adviser to the greens committee,he advocates dandelions and dock as beingsuperior to spinach. As a majority of ourclub is going in for gardening, the new pro’steaching time is already filled.

QUAD ERAT DEMONSTRANDUM.

At Old Elm last fall we were knocking aroundin a foursome, one member of which was a visitorfrom the east. We paired with him, but he wasunaware of the singular honor accorded him.After apologizing for missing a short putt, heconfided to us that his putting had been ruined byhis following the advice of a writer in some golfmagazine, who advocated looking at the holeinstead of the ball. “If ever I meet that chap,”said he, “I’ll take a niblick to him.” As we dislikeviolent scenes, we did not enlighten the gentleman.

Quite otherwise the case of Old Al Dennis ofSkokie, whom we persuaded to give the theory atrial. For several seasons he has looked at thehole while putting, and is wholly satisfied with theresult. Why wake him up?

Of 365 persons who use the expression “thepsychology of golf,” 365 know nothing of psychology,and 273 can spell the word. As it happens,one of our friends is a distinguished psychologistand something of a golfer, and our conversationshave been more or less illuminating.We may report some of them in this incomparabledepartment of uplift.

Mr. Punch gives us a picture of a golfer subduinga burglar with a cleek, and Mr. Fox showsus a golfer pitching coals into his furnace with amashie. So perhaps the missus will admit thatthe game is not an utter waste of time.

Mr. Varden’s game is a drive, a mashie, anda couple of putts. Thanks to temperament andyears of practice, he has concentration and perfectcontrol of his muscles. Self-control is nearly allof golf, and few people play seventies because fewpeople possess self-control.

We do not envy the man with the vegetabletemperament. The man we envy is the man withthe nervous temperament, who has acquired control[138]of himself. He may not live so long as thevegetable person, but while he is living he is living.

About this “perfect golf” or “faultless golf”that figures so frequently in the accounts ofmatches. It isn’t. For if a par four, allowingtwo putts, is perfect golf, one under par would be“more perfect.” One under par—one putt oneach green—would be perfect golf, and this is accomplishedby good players frequently and byordinary players occasionally.

They have been playing golf at Bayside forthe Mary Garden cup. Another clever substitutefor losing one’s jewels.

Mr. Darwin, who knows how to play golf aswell as how to write about it, has pleasantly butplainly indicated that there is a difference betweena real golf course and the usual links to befound hereabouts. Any course on which a playercan slice or hook badly without penalty is fit onlyfor lady golfers or for males who are content toslop around in ninety-something with nothingworthier in view than winning a “syndicate” fromtwo or three other dubbers.

Anybody can drive a golf ball a considerabledistance, but not every one can drive in a straightline. The man who CAN do it should be rewardedwith a good lie for his second. The manwho can’t should experience the terrors of the pitand the jungle. After a season of continuouspunishment he may do one of two things—quitthe game, or learn how to play it.

The dear oldSaturday Review has discovered,to its own satisfaction, why Vardon and Ray werebeaten by Ouimet. The concentrated will powerof the gallery did it, and the idea, says the S. R.,“is based upon the latest teachings of psychology.”“Englishmen,” it adds, “are seldom attheir best when playing games in America.”

Can you—as Baucis inquired of Philemon—beatit? Apparently the denser atmosphere ofthe British Isles is a non-conductor of psychologicalforce; otherwise, Mr. McLoughlin couldnot have brought home the Davis Cup, and HeinrichSchmidt could not have held Harold Hiltonuntil the last gun was fired.

Women are queer. They can’t see the differencebetween playing eighteen holes of golfand digging eighteen shrub holes in a garden.

Another cousin of Young Grimes, reports D.M. V., refers to a w. k. golf implement as aSkenecaddy putter.

Entrants for the Printers’ Golf tournamentwere requested to “hole all puts and replace allpivots.” A proofroom foozle.

She will e-vent-u-al-ly. But first she must re-turn tothe edge of the green and pick up her bag.

Why does she not lay the bag on the far side of thegreen, so as not to de-lay the game?

II.

Some one must be breath-ing heav-i-ly. There!Ever-y one is now hold-ing his breath.

Oh, he has hit the ball, but he has knocked it on-ly alit-tle way. What is he so sore a-bout?

A rob-in chirped just as he raised his club, and it spoiledhis drive. If he could catch that bird you bet he wouldwring its neck.

III.

The us-u-al thing. “Aw-ful-ly sor-ry, old man. I’dno i-de-a I should drive so far.”

IV.

No, he is mere-ly ad-dress-ing the ball. That is whatis called the pre-lim-in-ary wag-gle.

Not in the least. So far as they are con-cerned, themen in front can run and be damned.

VI.

He has lost his ball and is mo-tion-ing for the play-ersbe-hind him to play through.

Yes, that’s a com-mon trick. Let us hope some-bodywill hit the man in the bean.

THE LADY GOLFER.

The Oklahoma Times refers editorially to theNineteenth Amendment. The editor, it is conjectured,is probably a golfer, and has confusedthe amendment with the hole.

Society over here doesn’t make much of golf.For one thing, all sorts of people play it; thenthere isn’t much chance to exhibit millinery, whileto watch a match one has to walk three or fourmiles. It is easier to pretend an interest in tennis.

Golf seems a great waste of time, until you[145]see a man shooting at clay pigeons or starting offto attend an automobile race.

We believe we have discovered a method ofhitting a golf ball with certainty and precision,and we pass it on to the great army of toppers.You know what you do; you step up to the ballapprehensively and hit it timidly and ineffectively.Then, when it hop-skips into the rough you wasteall manner of epithets on it. The language is allright, but it is applied at the wrong time.

Try this; tee the ball, stand over it threateningly,and glare at it balefully. As you swingback, say, between shut teeth, “You pock-marked”—theadjective brings you to the top of theswing, when you pause an instant to gather allyour energy. Then apply the noun—any youmay fancy—at the same time smiting the ball asif it were the head of a rattler.

The secret of the method is a maximum of concentration.Your malignant gaze has never leftthe ball. It is surprising the distance you get—ifyou don’t smash your club. Even that’s betterthan topping.

THE COMPULSION OF HABIT.

Sir: Gentleman with two golf clubs in his handstepped into an elevator in the Railroad Exchange.After the car started up he yelled[146]“Four!” The man standing in front of himducked his head.

Meditating on the fact that the English havebeaten the Scotch at their own game of golf, acorrespondent writes, “Is there, in the whole historyof games, another case like this?” Sure.There’s polo. It originated in Asia.

We do not wish to add to the already extensivelist of words and phrases used in writing of golf,but it occurs to us that “led the field” would bea serviceable phrase in reporting a qualifyinground.

Suggestion to crack golfers: Why not getphotographed in the act of finishing a drive?

“Keep your eye on the ball,” writes ArthurTaylor, the w. k. golfer. And he adds, quizzically;“Which eye?” It makes a difference.

Speaking of golf (which we do on the slightestencouragement) thePall Mall Gazette has beenconsidering the best hole in a choice of 50,000.The experts do not agree, naturally, but they doagree that the best “blind hole” is the Alps holeat Prestwich.

At a meeting of 10,000 Chicago golfers, it wasagreed that the most attractive hole was the nineteenth.

In his preface to his book, “The New Golf,”P. A. Vaile writes: “Unless one can play, or atleast talk intelligently about golf, one has to missabout three-quarters of the conversation in anycountry club—and many other places in America.”That were indeed a deprivation.

As for the instruction in the book; the essenceof it is that one should grip the club tightly andthink of nothing except hitting the ball. Soundadvice; there is no better. It is almost impossibleto explain the golf stroke because of its simplicity.One might write a book explaining howto swim, but if the novice persisted in throwingup his hands he would go under. Similarly, ifthe golf novice persists in attacking the ball in acomplex and unnatural manner, elaborate treatiseson the simplicity of golf will do him no good.

A large part of Mr. Vaile’s book is taken upin pooh-poohing the theories of other writers,which are for the most part pooh-poohable. Thequestion arises, what would Mr. Vaile and theothers do for material if the game were not envelopedin mystery, and the simplest club shotconsidered as solemnly as the ordination of abishop?

A golf bag that does not require a caddy isamong the season’s novelties. It is, we assume,so contrived that every now and then it slams itself[148]on the ground with sufficient force to breakthe shaft of the driver or brassie.

A popular fallacy, usually cherished by themissus, is that a man can get as much physical goodfrom weeding a garden as from playing eighteenholes of golf.

From Milwaukee comes the regret that we havedeserted the r. and a. game for a mere automobile.We found that hauling on a wheelruined the delicacy of our approaching game.

Nineteenth Hole has a yarn to tell. Hisopponent drove a ball under a low-limbed thornapple, and as he crawled into the thicket on histum, N. H. said j. l. t. “Keep your head down!”

There is nothing surprising in the news thata caddy found a diamond necklace on the links.A caddy is likely to find anything except the thingyou pay him to keep an eye on.

A GREAT GAME.

Sir: A tall youth who golfs (by courtesy) atJaxon park has a wig-wag and swing which suggestsa combination of St. Vitus, tango, and locomotorataxia. As he was teeing off with muchceremony the other day a Scotch devotee of thegame remarked: “’Tis a great game! There’s[149]a mon who gets a’ there is in it. Before heheets the ba’ he’s used every mooscle in his bodyexcept his ears.”

“Near Golf Links”—Ad of a South Havenresort. Obviously, again, a hyphen is missing.

It is never too late to learn. From their morerecent disquisitions we observe that professionalgolfers are learning something about the game,and are advocating methods precisely the reverseof their former instruction.

ADDRESSING THE BALL.

“The revolutionists hold much of southernFinland along the Finnish golf,” reports the MinneapolisJournal. And A. E. B. thinks it mustbe annoying to have those seaside links clutteredup with Bullsheviki, Red Guards, and otherthings.

The difference between a summer member anda regular member of a golf club is that the summermember does not enjoy the privilege of payingdues during the winter.

GOLF ATHLETES.

Sir: As a fellow sport will you kindly assistme to hand a few remarks to those people whospeak of golfers as “athletes.” Athlete is anover-worked word, anyhow, and to tack golferson to its tail, is about the limit. To my notiongolf is a game fit only for ladies and dodderingold men. You are at liberty to give my addressto any golf “athlete” who thinks he would liketo “take a fall” out of me.—Buck (Ex-championtiddlediwinks athlete.)

One or two professionals have admitted thatwhen you look at the hole in putting the ballkeeps wonderfully on the line, but they thinkthey sense the distance better by looking at theball.

FOOTNOTES TO BAEDEKER.

Between the fort and the town sprawls the linksof the Barifield Golf Club, as “sporty” a courseas you please. I remarked a clubhouse and anumber of putting greens; for the rest one playsanywhere across the rock-strewn landscape.Wire fences surround the putting greens, on whichthe grass is tall and thick. A herd of cows werecropping the fairgreens and these I took to bemembers of the Greens Committee. Although itwas Saturday afternoon, only two players wereon the links, and they, as long as they remainedin view, were searching for balls among themyriad stones of the hillside.

At Manchester, Vermont, we were the honoredguests of Dr. P. Sibleius Ferus, the distinguishedLatin scholar and gentleman. An evening’s conversationwith Dr. Ferus is as stimulating as I conceivean evening with Dr. Middleton to have been.I also shot a round of golf with the doctor on thelinks of the Ekwanok Club—the most beautifulcourse I ever expect to see. The score? Nomatter.

It was a new experience to play golf among themountains. It is a passionate golfer who can disregard[152]the distracting views from the tees andregard the ball as raptly as certain Hindu gentlemencontemplate their equators. Upon the flatand smoky links on the south side of Chicago concentrationis easy. The ball is the handsomestobject in sight. There, too, it seems a more importantmatter than among the mountains. Ofcourse one may look at it this way: A golf ball isa symbol of infinity; it is as perfect a sphere asAldebaran; the power that sends it winging isone with the power that moves the stars in theircourses; the laws that govern its flight and trajectoryare as immutable as the laws that bind Arcturusand his sons. The trouble is, if you get tothinking in that groove while addressing the ballyou are apt to laugh, and that spoils your drive.

Chicago golfers who may have played aroundthe links of the Claremont Country Club of Oakland,will agree that the course may be classifiedas “sporty” especially in August. The earth isbaked hard and the turf burnt brown, and the ball,however driven, runs like a kangaroo. If thedrive deviates from the straight and narrow paththe ball rolls down hill to heaven and the caddyknows where. One usually aims ten or morepoints to the right or left of the flag; and so manyshots must be played off steep slopes that a manwith one leg six inches shorter than the other[153]would have a decided advantage over the conventionallylegged player.

A writer inDrover’s Journal remarks thatwe are “trying to tell Jerry Travers how to playgolf.” The gentleman is wrong, as usual; weshould assume to teach a duck how to swim. Butputting is a department of golf in which one man’sopinion is as good as another’s.

A child cannot drive a ball 250 yards, but achild can putt better than a number of gentlemenwe know who have been playing golf for years—providedthe child is permitted to function naturally,as when it plays croquet.

When a seasoned player, distant only a dozenfeet from the cup, can putt a ball a yard to theright or left of the hole, it shows that somethingis practically wrong. Yet one sees such patheticexhibitions of inaptitude on every green.

SPEAKING OF PUTTING.

“Putts and calls are the safest and surestmethod of trading in wheat, corn or oats, becauseyour loss is absolutely limited to theamount bought.”—Ad.

InGolf Illustrated, Mr. Francis Ouimet writesthat when, in his approach putt, he runs by the[154]cup only eight feet, he is more confident of holingthe next putt than if the approach had been threeor four feet short? When a man overruns thecup eight feet, would you call that sensing thedistance?

THE SEVENTEENTH OF MARCH.

Sir: Apropos of the day, likewise apropos ofone of your hobbies, it might interest you to knowthat golf as a game is of Irish origin, having beenplayed by Cuchullian, a personality who figureslargely in Irish heroic literature. In fact, it issaid that the snakes left Ireland because of an unsuccessfulattempt of a kind old mother snake tohatch a consignment of golf balls which she mistookfor eggs. Whereupon she rallied all her ilkand they betook themselves to a land more suitablefor incubating purposes.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE HOLE!

Sir: If I fail to hold my place on the teamthis year, it will be because your eye-on-the-holestuff has made a good putterer out of a mediocreputter, and the crime will rest upon your colyum.

Stick to it, old man, and you’ll come out allright. Two eminent psychologists have assuredus that our theory is absolutely sound, and we’d[155]rather have their opinion than that of Harry Vardon,who confesses that he doesn’t know anythingabout putting.

HAPPY HINTS FOR GLOOMY GOLFERS.

A large percentage of golf gloom arises fromslicing. A golfer’s idea of hell is to stand on ahot tee for a million years and slice balls out ofbounds. The chronic slicer is a wretched figureand he falls as low as he can when, giving uphope of ever hitting a straight ball, he aims aquarter of a mile to the left of the flag.

There are at least seven causes of slicing. Thecommonest is the vicious practice of bringing theclubhead down outside the line of the ball’s flight.This imparts a rotary motion to the ball, and theflight of it describes a crescent. You do this ninetimes out of ten. But do not despair; we canhelp you. We can teach you to hit inside theline.

Buy from a commission merchant a basket ofvery, very bad eggs, and give these to the caddyto carry. When you tee your ball, or come up toit on the fairgreen, place an egg about threeinches away from the ball and an inch or so backof it. Now swing, being careful to keep theclubhead from straying beyond the line, otherwiseyou will smash the egg and scatter the malodorouscontents. Before a dozen eggs are broken[156]you will quit slicing or be asked to resign fromthe club.

If the egg remedy fails, procure a piece of dynamiteand use that instead. This will effect apermanent cure.

L. E. B. says his wife claims to be a Class A-plusgolf widow. When she passes to her rewardshe hopes it will be early in the week, so theincident will not interfere with husband’s Sundaygolf.

Florence quotes from one of H. G. Wells’sslams at golf, concluding with, “The uglier aman’s legs are, the better he plays golf.”

“I play a beastly game,” adds Florence; “howabout you?” Oh, a regular Chippendale of agame, my dear.

Sir: I am sure I saw her on the golf courseone windy day. We offer her the privilege of ourcourse for entire season if she will agree to keepherself in shape.

The consensus of our readers seems to be thatthe maiden whose legs are “noticeably bowed”should take up golf, as she would likely developa peach of a game.

Sir: Sunday I looked at the hole and missedthe putt. At the nineteenth hole I looked at theball four times and was then eighty cents in thehole.

ASIDES.

Davy: A light golf ball (floater) will risefifteen or twenty feet higher than a heavy ball.A light ball should always be used when you haveto “hold the green.”

L. V. B. Your experience coincides with thatof many people. Putting cannot be taught; notbecause it is too hard, but because it is too easy.It is like instructing a duck in the art of natation.

After a round of golf a man might acquire areputation for originality by announcing, in thelocker room, that “at this time of year the showerbath is the best part of the game.”

“I must have looked up,” said our friend, A.E. D., as he replaced a divot. And he added:“Why don’t we have a list of such remarks, numberedto save time?” “Why not, indeed?” saidwe, who are nothing if not helpful. And so weoffer a short list which golfers may extend as theywish:

With such a list agreed on, when a man toppedhis driver he would merely ejaculate, “Two!” andsit down.

All true golfers believe in a golf hereafter.Brand Whitlock was okaying St. Andrews witha famous “pro” who remarked, of a certain puttinggreen, that there was none larger or finer, andWhitlock’s aged caddy added: “Not in thisworld.”

One of the pleasures of playing golf at OldElm is a notable absence of small bets in thematches such as a ball a hole or a piffling “syndicate.”Old Elm golfers play for blank cheques.

A gentleman writes us that our look-at-the-holetheory works all right in practice, but breaksdown in actual play. We beg to assure him thatthat is his fault not the theory’s. The test ofevery stroke is what you do with it in practice,when the muscles are relaxed and you functionalmost mechanically.

Frexample, the Worthington Ball Company[159]does not employ a crack golfer to test its products;it has a mechanical driver at its plant in Ohio.If the ball flies straight they know it is perfectlyround; if one brand flies farther than another,they know that that is the longest ball. Thereis nothing “psychological” about it.

FAR FROM THE M. C.

As bearing on the great obsession we may notethat of the twelve volumes added to the libraryof the Union League Club of Chicago, “since thelast report,” eight were about golf.

Casually glancing at a ladies’ tournament,we observed that while the follow-through of theplayers was open to criticism, the show-throughwas perfect.

When a lady golfer cries “Fore!” the safething to do is to step between her and the flag andcall, “Shoot!”

An English writer having asserted that golf isa nerve-wrecking game, the Interstate MedicalRecord welcomes discussion of the subject, as achange from the eternal debate on sex and neurasthenia.Now, for several years, we have madea rather close study of golf and golfers, and weare well assured that golf as a health-giving recreationis a greatly overlauded institution.

We will consider, now, only the person with anervous temperament: for him, golf is decidedlynot a restful game. The failure to bring off ashot that he knows perfectly well how to play,due to the refusal of the muscles to obey the instructionsof the mind, sets up an irritation conscious[161]or subconscious, that more than offsets thegood derived from a round on the links.

If golf works this way on a man who knowswhy he bungles a stroke, imagine what it doesto the man who can’t tell what ails him, and mustmake periodic visits to the golf doctors to havehis affliction diagnosed.

The best thing about golf is that it cultivatespatience and perseverance. But so does thetelephone.

WE SYMPATHIZE AND UNDERSTAND.

Sir: I feel that I have an indisputable rightto wail at your wailing place. I am being ridiculedand relentlessly persecuted by variousamateur golfer friends because, forsooth, I havedared to defend your theory of k. y. e. o. t. h.

Much may be made of a golfer if he be caughtyoung. After he has played a few years, youcan’t tell him anything.

Speaking of “golf and athletic sports” a dispatchfrom New York mentions “precious stonesand jewels.”

THE TRAINING OF CADDIES.

Sir: Didn’t that English writer who impliedthat we were committing an economical sin bytraining caddies to become a class worthless exceptas boys of burden, exaggerate things somewhat?Frinstance! At Jackson Park one day acaddie made a perfectly good nurse girl whilethe father and mother of the child played eighteenholes of golf. I can vouch for this, as I wasnearby when the brave bag-bearer decided thatpushing a baby buggy was not beneath his dignity.

Jackson Park society note: Applicationsfor lockers at the Golf shelter clubhouse shouldbe made to-day—Mr. Jim McGinnis will assistin receiving the guests, and the weather man haspromised to pour.

Query by theGolfer’s Magazine. “Doesgolf cause men to neglect their wives?”

Not being a golfiac, we cannot say, but if theanswer is in the affirmative, the wives must besingularly unattractive.

Is there another bore comparable with the manwho is just learning golf? He bores the friendwho was so foolish as to show him the game. Hebores the good souls who are kind enough toplay around with him. He bores his family andall his acquaintances. And finally (if able toview himself objectively) he bores himself.

If we had not made a vow never again toparody “The Ancient Mariner” we might easilyturn one on the golfiac who holds you with hisglittering eye. But it would be a shame to do it.

“When you have practised with your mashieon the various golf courses around Chicago,”writes L. T., “and have hit a foot behind the balland splashed mud all over you and into yourmouth, have you ever decided which are the besttasting links?” Well, we fancy the Skokie potbunkers, though the Glen View links are uncommonlyrich. We usually eat with a niblick.

It may not be possible to write an interestingbaseball story in ordinary English but it is possiblein the case of Golf. The articles by Mr.[164]Darwin in the W. G. N. are uncommonly interesting.He was not long in discovering that Americanplayers are weak with their irons, as any onewith half an eye can see. This weakness is dueto over swinging and to lack of instruction. Visitany golf club and watch the members play. Menwho have played for years are content to dubaround in ninety something. It is pathetic. Theself-taught golfer moves us to tears.

Golf in itself is not an important thing, but ifa thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doingwell. It is worth doing gracefully, too, unlessnature has denied a man all sense of rhythm,which seldom happens.

UPLIFTING THE CADDIE.

Gratifying is the response to the inquiry,“What should be done to occupy, instruct, oramuse the caddie during the long waits?”

Sir: What shall be done is asked, to occupy,amuse or instruct the caddie during the longwaits? Why, teach them to caddie, of course!One of ’em, at the Homeward links, planted himselfat the side of each green, and whistled “Onthe Mississippi” while we were trying to putt.Obviously, it can’t be done—to that tune!

F. W. P. “During those long waits, sift thecaddie for golf balls. I think I know where youcan get a new one if you hurry.”

C. P. S. “I always improve the time by readingto my caddies from ‘How to Keep Well.’”

E. McC. “Started by handing him the W. G.N. folded so the Line alone was visible. Hecalmly informed me that he read it every morningbefore eating, and after breakfast he lookedat Brigg’s picture and read the baseball news.Then with a sly look, he remarked: ‘I ain’t seenyou make it yet.’ Now, you got me into this,and it is up to you to reinstate me in the goodopinion of my caddie—if he ever had a goodone.”

E. E. R. “Uplifting one to-day, I found himstanding on my perfectly good Black Circle.”

J. M. W. “Since school began, a small boywho hitherto had been a ‘model of a pupil,’ hasbeen brought before the principal three times forusing ‘the most terrible language.’ Questionedas to how he had spent his vacation, the miscreantconfessed that he had caddied on a local golfcourse. The principal suggests that caddies besupplied with earmuffs, to be worn through thelong and profane waits.”

Another way to uplift the caddie is to followthe example of Col. MacDonald of Edgewater[166]and blow the boys to a good feed and a little goodwill.

JUST AS YOU SAY.

Sir: Asked my caddie his views, and he suggestedshorter hours and higher pay. I guess itis about time to drop the subject.

A character in one of Mr. Thomas’ playsremarks that there is nothing less worth watchingthan a bum game of billiards. But at OrmondBeach a gallery watched Mr. Rockefeller play around of golf.

MR. LEGION.

If we Americans took good government asseriously as we take the game of golf, we mighthope to overhaul the millennium.

Whether in his relations to others or in thegame of golf, almost everybody tries to do toomuch at one time. So from now to the end ofthe year we shall attempt but two things—(1)to be kind to those around us; and (2) to learnhow to use a mashie. Fore!

Fine distinctions are being drawn between amateurand professional golfers. In the case ofthe amateur one may occasionally be in doubt,[169]but we can always tell a professional by the wayhe handles his iron clubs.

To throw coal accurately into the furnace, reportsR. E. T., after experimenting, you mustkeep your eye on the opening, stand “open” anduse a pendulum swing. Correct. And in orderto get the coal to the back of the furnace youmust have a free follow-through. A jerky strokepiles the coal near the door.

Many golfers are setting out for the so-calledsunny southland, where for two or three months,they will hook and slice with all their clubs, andpitch balls with a mashie in every direction excepttoward the flag. We say nothing about thewooden club, but the fluffed iron shot alwaysevokes our compassion. Sooner than persist insuch ineptitude we’d arrange our implements ina neat pile, pour kerosene on them, and strike amatch.

There may be more than one way to get astraight ball with an iron, but there is at least oneway. All the player need keep in mind are twothings, instead of the conventional baker’s dozen.And the first of these is that his right elbow mustbe in contact with his body throughout the swinguntil the ball is struck. The second essential is[170]that the knuckles of his right hand must be underneathwhen the ball is struck. If these two itemsof a complicated matter are attended to the othereleven will give less and less trouble. What adub needs is a short cut. There it is. Keep thechange.

Golf, says Mr. Taft, is a great boon to humanity.It is indeed. It not only “takes you outin the open air,” but it consumes so much timethat you haven’t much left for making speechesand putting your foot in it. Every politicianshould play golf. Col. Lewis, for example,should swap his pen for a midiron.

Despite the pleasant words said of Mr. Wilson’sgolf game his scores probably have to betaken out and buried, as G. Ade expresses it. Itmay be that he is like the gentleman whom heappointed Minister to Belgium. We were playingwith the Hon. Brand, and things weren’tgoing well. He related an experience at St.Andrews. After he had shot five or six holes,he asked the caddie what he thought of his game—“Aweel,”said the bag-bearer, gloomily, “youhave a grand style, but nae luck.”

We have located the man who was first on thelinks of the Jackson Park Country Club. He gotthere at threeA.M. Sunday morning, and, it beingtoo early to play, he curled up in a rocker and[171]went to sleep. He slept so soundly that when hewoke up the starter had given out two hundredtickets.

THE PILL.

In quest of a certain volume of golf scripturewe visited the Crerar Library in Chicago. Mr.Andrews, the librarian, apologized for the lackof scripture on his shelves, saying that the PublicLibrary had agreed to take over all amusements.Amusement, forsooth! Golf is a religion, a disease,a fixed idea, a state of mind, a system ofmetaphysics, what you will—butnot an amusement.And Mr. Andrews himself a golfer!

GOLF ILLUSIONS.

Perhaps the greatest illusion about golf is thatit is a sociable game. The fact is, that, next tosolitaire, golf is the most unsociable game thatman has invented. One of many such stories tellsof two Scotchmen, brothers, who played togetherin perfect silence up to the twelfth hole, when oneof them let fall a trifling remark; whereupon theother flew into a passion, declaring that hisbrother’s gabbing had spoiled his day. An exaggeration,but only for artistic purposes. Onall golf courses one sees the same twosomes orfoursomes going the season through. Playersavoid other players as they would the plague.[173]If a round, even with old friends, is played sociably,it is at the expense of the game. Silenceand obsequial gloom brood over the puttinggreens. A match for the president’s cup is afuneral procession. Golf a sociable game?About as sociable as a hand at Canfield in themorgue on a rainy afternoon, in November.

The second great illusion about golf is that toplay par, especially to win important matches, aman must possess a mysterious something called“temperament.” Now, the only comprehensibletemperament is what an English writer has happilytermed the wooden temperament. Combinethis with a maximum amount of skill, and pargolf is possible seven days in the week. Golfrhapsodists are fond of declaring that the successfulmatch player must have a great heart, andan indomitable soul, and all that rot; whereas therequirements are great skill and almost perfectmuscular control. Great players with the so-calledtemperament have blown up under pressure;even the wooden temperament is not proofagainst an occasional loss of muscular control.Harold Hilton won the finals in this countrythrough a fluke; what good would his temperamenthave done him if his ball had not struck arock and bounded to the green? A heart as big[174]as an ox is no assistance if skill and luck are lacking,and many an indomitable soul has topped acritical shot. The only really temperamentalplayer is the man whose score fluctuates betweeneighty and ninety.

Concerning our giving up smoking, it had tobe either that or golf. When a man misses atwenty-five-foot putt he should ask himselfwhether tobacco is unsettling his nerves.

LOVE’S ANTIDOTE.

(Miss May Sutton avers that “athletics is an antidotefor the poison of premature romance.”)

FORE!

An excellent substitute for golf is swatting flies.Although it does not take one out in the openair, it provides more excitement. The full coursemay be played over in a nine-room apartment,playing from parlor to kitchen and back again,but good sport may be had in a six-room flat.Four or five slapsticks of varying shapes andwidths are all the clubs required, and the followingsuggestions may be useful to those who wishto take up the new sport.

If the fly is on a table top or other broad surface,a mashie may be used. If on a curtain, usethe driver and follow through with stroke; thisbeing the only chance to employ the follow-through.If the fly is on light or expensive wall-paper,take a niblick. This is a difficult shot, asthe fly must be lifted clear of the wall, after whichhe is holed out with the putter.

If the fly is on the side of a valuable vase orother bric-à-brac, the putter and a delicate wrist[176]are required. The swing must be checked theinstant the fly is crushed and before the clubreaches the china. A coffee cup, such as is foundin a quick lunchery, is a good thing to practise on.In fact, that is just the place to practise putting.

HOUSEFLY GOLF.

Sir: On Sunday, after the company had gone,the Missus and I played a twosome of your newgame of bughouse golf; but on the first hole—“kitchen”—aftera good drive off the sink, Ifoozled my approach into some water from anoverflowing drip pan under the icebox. I claimeda right to lift out of casual water, but wifey saidI’d forgotten to empty the pan for several days,and that the puddle constituted a regular hazard.Is she right?[1] Then, on the fourth hole, up thehill over the dining table, I sliced my brassie intothe sand pit, alias the sugar bowl, and though Icould get out with my mashie the ball went backinto the pit again and again and I had to use abaffy spoon. After that I got several bogies,and didn’t blow up till I came to the “nursery,”when I laid my approach shot dead against thekid’s toy balloon. I must have pressed a bit, forI couldn’t find the ball afterward.

Sir: Your new “fly” game, as a substitute forgolf, should become very popular with those whohave had trouble with the old-fashioned outdoorsport. After spending most of my time on handsand knees in the tall grass, peering down gopherholes for eighty-five cent disappearers, I find thenew game a refreshing diversion. Have alreadyone good score to submit—

Played the bedrooms in 4, 6, 5, and 3 respectively;parlor, seven; dining-room, five; kitchen,nine; and finished the bathroom in bogey. Theflour barrel and range were some trouble, butbunkers add zest to the game. The chandeliersand my wife were mental hazards, which I shallbecome accustomed to or remove. A friend ofmine says the sport is particularly enjoyable outat Calumet, where the flies have nine legs andstand so high they don’t have to be teed. I amopen to challenges.

And, as Arnold Bennett would say, with thosecadences singing in his head a man will go out andquarrel with a golf ball.

A reader mentions casually that he took sixteenshots for the first hole at Skokie, with threeballs in the pond. It doesn’t seem possible.Still, it might be done this way: Three in thepond is six strokes; the seventh was over, theeighth was topped, the ninth was in the bunker;two chops make eleven, out in twelve; thirteenthon the green or thereabouts; and three putts.It’s a great game.

By sheer nerve a golfer with a handicap oftwenty-something played through all the threesomesand foursomes ahead of him, on theSkokie, holding them all back, blowing up the entirecourse, and putting everybody out of humor.When last seen he was smoking a seegaron the club porch, entirely at peace with himself.It must be great to have a hide likethat.

The cost of golf balls is to be inquired into.For a reasoning creature, man spends an intolerabletime in needless investigation. The manufacturerscharge a high price for golf balls becausethey can get it. There is absolutely noother reason.

GOLF NOTE.

Sir: At Wabash and Madison, I noticed awhitewings using the Varden grip on his implement.Is thisau fait in the profession.

Golf players talk and write a great deal aboutthe niblick, but they devote hardly any time topractising with that tool. It is considered acomical club.

The meanest golfer is Pop Royce, who holesa twenty-foot putt, and acts as if he did that sortof thing every day of his life.

Crack golfers find a week of tournament playphysically fatiguing. A dub doesn’t tire soeasily. He will play thirty-six holes, day afterday, and use up as much energy in one drive as achamp needs for a dozen. Vive le dub!

Mr. Taft’s gabby caddy explains that thepresident plays “consistent” golf. That is tosay, he does not bring in a poor score one dayand a better one the next, but brings a poor oneevery day. Thus we observe again the influenceof the judicial temperament. It’s a grand temperament,but it never sets any links on fire.

THE DEVIL’S DISCIPLE.

Envy not the men who go south in the winterto continue their golf. They miss the pleasureof waiting for spring days and greening turf.Besides, the more they play the less eradicablebecome their bad habits.

IN THE WAKE OF THE WAKE.

A stretch of greensward fringed with the morningshadows of oaks and maples; a reach ofswampland gay with the colors of October; aflash of tardy songbirds drifting south, reluctantstill to go; a small lagoon glittering like steel inthe sunlight; a slender shaft rising and fallingrhythmically; a click, followed by the gracefulflight of a small white sphere that falls obedientlyupon a square of velvet green—

SCIENCE AND INVENTION.

The Chronomatic Golf Ball is another neat littleinvention of Prof. B. House of the Universityof Iowa. It is used only in driving, the objectbeing to avoid the loss of so many balls. Thedevice consists of clockwork imbedded in anordinary golf ball, which clockwork is set to allowfor the time in walking from tee to the endof drive.

Modus operandi: On stroke from club (impacton plunger) the machinery starts. At theexpiration of five minutes—or whatever time isallowed for in the setting—a bell rings. Theball is then officially a “lost ball,” but it is actuallyrecovered, the owner being able to follow thesound. Ringing continues until ball is found.

After the golf scientists finish the fascinatingstudy of the pronation of the left hand and forearm,we wish they would take up the matter ofrhythm, which is the fundamental law of golf, asit is the law of the almost as interesting universe.An ounce of rhythm is worth a pound of pronation.

The “slow back-swing” comes highly recommended,but its only value is that the dub doesnot fight himself quite so violently at the top ofhis swing; his mind is a blank for a shorter spaceof time. Why a back-swing at all? Why nottake stance, turn the body, adjust the club backof the head, and then, when all is set, swat theball? We have driven dozens of balls that way.It is not beautiful, but it is better than the jerky,snatchy, spasmodic swipe of the average golfplayer.

Miss Kaiser was defeated in the finals of thewoman’s tournament, and Mr. Krupp got as far[184]as the finals at Sandusky. Mr. Rainwater wonin the finals at Atlanta. He must be, as JoeDavis allows, a casual player.

In the accounts of important golf tournamentswe read, in every other paragraph, about the terrificstrain; and if the winner does not “crack underthe strain” he is hailed as a person of wonderfulnerve and the possessor of a lion heart.We wonder whether the writers, who themselvesare players, do not exaggerate this strain stuff.Golf is a good deal a matter of taking pains, andif a person is exceedingly keen to win he will notplay carelessly. The concentration which carebrings, more than offsets, we are sure, any strain.One plays best when alone on the links, or in aclose competition; one plays worst in a “friendlygame,” especially if the friend is an inferiorplayer.

Ouimet won against Varden by eliminating theEnglishman from his consciousness; to all purposeshe was playing solitaire. Travis, whoseheart is assayed one hundred percent leonine,walks the links in a trance; he, too, is alone.

If you go out to play a friendly game do notexpect a score. If this is necessary to your happiness,erase your friend from your mind at theoutset and restore him on the final green. It willnot be sociable, but golf is not a sociable game.

If you received an invitation to take a shot onthe new golf course at the Elgin State hospitalof Illinois, you probably remarked: “Yes, I’mcrazy about golf, but not enough to go to Elgin.”

Mr. Evans, the well-known “Chick,” reportsthat golf is played very seriously by the patientsat Elgin. This is remarkable as showing that, inone respect, there is no difference between the personsinside and those outside.

LET THE DIVOTS FALL WHERE THEY MAY.

Sir: Golf enthusiasts will be interested toread in Timothy iv., 7: “I have fought the goodfight. I have finished the course.”

(THE LAST LINE OF ALL.)

You know the infallible sign of spring: fatheron the back porch, cleaning last fall’s mud fromhis golf shoes.

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“Putting is extremely simple and easy to learn.”—P. A. Vaile.	“Of all the golfing arts putting is the most unteachable.”—Bernard Darwin.
“Although putting appears to be the simplest thing in golf to the beginner, after a little experience he will find out that it is the most difficult part of the game.”—Jerome Travers.	“The putt is without doubt the easiest stroke to learn.”—P. A. Vaile.
[69] “It is impossible to assert with too passionate an emphasis that the player must not try to assist the club on its path by sympathetically moving his body forward in unison with it.”—Bernard Darwin.	“The best way is to let the body go slightly forward with the club as the ball is struck.”—Tom Ball.
“The plan of playing for the back of the hole is all right in certain shots.”—J. L. Low.	“Always go for the back of the hole.”—Innumerable Authorities.

“The blade is better for being deep.”—Mr. Travis.	“Better results can be obtained by using a mashie with a narrow face.”—Mr. Travers.
“The ball has to be picked up rather abruptly.”—Bernard Darwin.	“Follow through as in the drive.”—Mr. Travis.
“Draw in the arms a trifle immediately after the ball is struck.”—Mr. Travis.	“There is no drawing in at the moment of crossing to produce the cut.”—P. A. Vaile.
“The player must take turf after hitting the ball.”—Mr. Travers.	“It matters very little whether the player takes ground with him or not.”—Simpson, Bart.
“The back-swing is long or short, according to the distance from the green.”—A multitude of authorities.	“Many will remember the wonderful accuracy Jamie Anderson acquired, hitting a full blow at all distances, and regulating the length of his loft by the inches of turf he took behind the ball.”—Simpson, Bart.
“Keep your eye on the ball.”—Chorus of pundits.	“Keeping the eye on the ball is not of first importance.”—George O’Neil.

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The Project Gutenberg eBook ofA line o' gowf or two

A Line o’ Gowfor Two

Foreword

Introduction

A LINE-O’-GOWF OR TWO

STARTING KEATS TWO UP.

ON ADDRESSING THE BALL.

THE BALLYROT STYLE.

YOU NEVER CAN TELL.

WITHOUT WHICH NOT.

HEWING TO THE LINE.

“THE ESSENCE OF THE MATTER.”

THE QUINTESSENCE OF THE MATTER.

MAKING IT EASY FOR DEMOCRACY.

AN ALL-AROUND LINKS.

RULES FOR PORCH GOLF.

A GOLFER’S GARDEN OF VERSES.

OFFICE IN SUMMER.

WHOLE DUTY OF GOLFERS.

RAIN.

TRAVEL.

THE PRO.

PRAYERS.

HAPPY THOUGHT.

HOW TO TOP A MASHIE.

PEMMICANIZED GOLF.

THE METAPHYSICIANS.

WHY.

“A DEEP STUDENT OF THE GAME.”

CONCERNING SPIN.

“THE PSYCHOLOGY OF GOLF.”

SUNDAY SCHOOL FOR GOLFERS.

The Compleat Golfer;OR, THE IDLE MAN’S RECREATION.

INTRODUCTORY.

THE FIRST HOLE.

THE SECOND HOLE.

THE THIRD HOLE.

THE FOURTH HOLE.

THE FIFTH HOLE.

THE SIXTH HOLE.

THE SEVENTH HOLE.

THE EIGHTH HOLE.

THE NINTH HOLE.

A LINE-O’-GOWF OR TWO

ALICE IN BUNKERLAND.

ANOTHER NOTED MEMBER OF THE FAMILY WAS A COLONEL.

SHAKESPEARE ON THE AMATEUR QUESTION.

THE TURF-TEARERS.

HELPFUL HINT NO. 640.

DEGENERATE DAYS.

WONDER WHAT THIS OISEAU DID?

ON THE OTHER HAND—

THE DUB.

WE’VE TRIED IT ON A GOLF BALL, BUT IT DOESN’T WORK.

HAVING THEIR SLICE OUT, MEBBE.

FRENZIED JOHN.

STYMIED.

OVERHEARD AT A SMALL-TOWN BALL GAME.

THE GOLFER.

DOES TOBACCO AFFECT YOUR GAME?

AN EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT DOG.

PROBLEM OF CONDUCT.

WHY GOLF DIVOTEES GO INSANE.

DO YOU KNOW THIS ONE?

WHY GOLF DIVOTEES GO INSANE.

GUFFLE FOR GOLFERS

FAMOUS LAST LINES.

THE LINKS OF ANCIENT ROME.

I—AUGUSTUS FIT CUPIDUS SCIENDI (C II K)

II—AUGUSTUS UTITUR LINGUA VULGARI SED LUDUM DISCIT.

THE LINKS OF ANCIENT ROME.

I—AUGUSTUS BECOMES C2K.

II—AUGUSTUS INDULGES IN STRONG LANGUAGE, BUT DECIDES TO LEARN THE GAME.

A LINE-O’-GOWF OR TWO

HAD HERRICK GOLFED.

THAT WE SHAN’T MAKE A 73.

FOR GOLF BUGS ONLY.

FOR GOLF NUTS ONLY.

THE NINETEENTH HOLE.

A Line o’ Gowf
or Two

The Compleat Golfer;
OR, THE IDLE MAN’S RECREATION.

POPULAR GOLF MAGAZINE PAGE.
THE AMERICAN GOLFER.