Said & Done
Fan slapping: it's serious
Eric Cantona's limp eight-month ban for jumping the wall at Selhurst Park in 1995 has been put into perspective by Cambridge City's reaction to a similar incident last week. The club were responding to top scorer Ian Cambridge strolling 30 yards to the touchline and laying into a fan during their Dr Martens League match with Dorchester Town. The forward - not highly paid, not a celebrity and not French - was immediately fined, censored and sacked. The club say he'll spend the next few weeks as groundsman until he can find another job - "but we all agree that Ian's future is not with Cambridge City". Jude Stirling's alleged attack at Brentford, meanwhile, is still under investigation.
Quote of the week
Tony Cascarino on former Chelsea colleague Glenn Hoddle:
"Paul Elliot arrived in our dressing room wearing an immaculate leather trenchcoat. Hoddle raced to the 'cover' of a bin in the corner and started shooting at him with imaginary bullets, going "pshhh, pshhh" like a five-year-old with a cowboy pistol. He was probably the unfunniest man I have ever known."
Bouncing baby Brolin
Heart-warming news from Sweden: Tomas Brolin - cult hero and roving salesman - has knocked out his first baby Brolin. The boy, who weighed in at a modest 7lb 10oz, is to be named Sebastian, and has already been tipped by the Swedish press to follow in his dad's footsteps (as a footballer, that is). The wonderkid's mum is 33-year-old Susan Hardenborg, sister of famous-in-Sweden soap actress Catherine Hardenborg, and former girlfriend of ex-wrestling world champion Frank Andersson. Last month, though, Brolin swapped Susan for 29-year-old Miss Sweden Annika Duckmark - but it was, they say, an amicable split. Susan and Tomas tell us in a joint statement: "We are very proud. We will share this wonderful responsibility." Good luck, big man - branded Observer booties are on the way.
New word of the week
Lingual dexterist and king of gaffer-speak Harry Redknapp on abuse towards Michael Carrick from West Ham's fans, which included the best new word to join the lexicon this season:
"Everyone fucking jumps all over you. They don't care he's just 19. When he gave the ball away the other week there was twenty thousand people cunting him off. He give a bad ball and they are all fucking "weeeerrrr"."
Madrid news: Jesus at it again
Jesus Gil - the Spanish underworld's Doug Ellis - has explained his decision to sack another Atletico manager. Marcos Alonso was Gil's 25th casualty since 1987 - and was lucky to survive as long as he did. 'If I'd been on top of things I would have sacked him ages ago,' says Gil. 'This season has been one disaster after another. We have said goodbye to promotion.' Atletico are now certain to spend another season outside the top flight - this was their first in 66 years. Alonso's career lasted 29 games.
Observer: new signing close
Observer Sport is close to signing Alex Ferguson as a columnist for next season. We're doing this on the basis that we've inspired both our current gaffer-columnists Gordon Strachan and Alan Smith to the bottom of their divisions, Alan has lost his job (and left the country to recuperate), and doing the same to Fergie might liven up the Premiership. Watch this space.
Said & Done: david.hills@observer.co.uk