Written by Obi Anyanwu (@obianyanwu)

K'

K'

Series:King of Fighters

Complex Says:K’ used to be cool believe it or not. Lately….eh, not so much. K’ is the typical “cool guy” character complete with his sunglasses and leather bodysuit. Seriously? Leather body suit? Take it down a notch K’. What makes him even more annoying is that if he’s not busy spamming the same fire projectile, he’s throwing his sunglasses at you before catching them and placing them on his face slowly. We’re over it K’, so get over yourself.

Luis Sera

Luis Sera

Series:Resident Evil

Complex Says:Luis didn’t last very long in the story, but we’re not too sad about that. Luis would rather work alone and flirt with the President’s daughter despite the very tense situation they were in. Maybe if he teamed up with Leon better he would have lived longer? We would have been tortured by his one liners and failed attempts at wooing Ashley, so seeing Luis sparingly was not such a bad idea. Thanks Capcom.

Cracker Jack

Cracker Jack

Series:Street Fighter EX

Complex Says:Street Fighter EX was a forgotten series, and it may be the reason why Street Fighter’s 3D graphics upgrade for SFIV was a shocker. Well, graphics and fight system aside, the characters were boring despite how long the series lasted. Cracker Jack was the “cool guy” design of the boring characters. That made him less boring than the rest, but ultimately he was boring. The hat and ripped sleeves couldn’t save him though he followed the cool guy formula. Nice try Jack and now sit down.

Kayin Amoh

Kayin Amoh

Series:Toshinden

Complex Says:Kayin was the Ken character of Toshinden. He was the “cool guy” of the two stars that shared a move set. He set out for the tournament to win the fans, the glory, and the girls. He has a child too, but he’s not down for being a parent. We’ll stop there. Super douche.

Leon S. Kennedy

Leon S. Kennedy

Series:Resident Evil

Complex Says:Leon stepped it up in the series by maturing and becoming a true hero. InRE2, Leon would complain about why nobody listened to him, and he spent about 2 minutes talking down to Ada like she was his daughter. Leon held it down though and worked hard to escape Raccoon City safely, which paved the way for his sarcastic and moody attitude inRE4. We enjoyed the game more when Leon didn’t speak. Oh, and we could have done without the laser hallway too.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic the Hedgehog

Series:Sonic the Hedgehog

Complex Says:Sorry, Sonic fans but Sonic has Complex’s douche bag seal of approval. His cockiness was cool in the beginning, but then he started to talk. His lame quotes and over the top moves make us wonder why he thinks his shit doesn’t stink? The only one impressed by Sonic is Sonic (and Tails we guess, but we’re sure he’s over it.) Sonic’s ego is bigger than Kanye’s though he couldn’t keep Sega or his own series afloat. Wanna try some humble pie Sonic?

Sodom

Sodom

Series:Final Fight, Street Fighter

Complex Says:Sodom is one of the unfortunate ones. He was created by Capcom to be a total loser trying to be a cool Japanese samurai. Poor guy… His poor use of the Japanese language has made him an outcast for the Metro City gang, Mad Gear, where they placed him in a wrestling ring in the sewer. Ok, maybe that’s not the reason why he was in the ring at the end of the Subway stage, but it was a good enough reason for Guy to beat the shit out of him. And yes, that is canon.

Dan Hibiki

Dan Hibiki

Series:Street Fighter

Complex Says:Dan is a sad case. Sagat killed his father, he was exiled from Gouken’s gym, and he can’t throw a real projectile. He’s a parody character so that explains why he sucks so bad (Capcom went in on SNK’s Ryo Sakazaki), and it also explains why he tries so hard to be cool. Losing to Dan gives you enough frustration to break the arcade cabinet you’re playing, because of who Dan is, a total loser. Nothing he can do can save his reputation, though he tries extra hard.

TJ Combo

TJ Combo

Series:Killer Instinct

Complex Says:Something just isn’t right about TJ Combo. Ah yes, he’s a douche. His haircut, his extremely patriotic outfit, and wind up uppercut make us roll our eyes and suck our teeth. We lost count of how many times we have done that. Combo’s stock continues to drop even after the match is over when he punches the screen. Oh, we’re so scared! Punching the screen is something the kids enjoy. Keyword: kids. It was cool when we were awestruck by the arcade, but almost 20 years later it just makes us (that’s right, you guessed it) roll our eyes and suck our teeth. This guy is a true cornball…

Bubsy

Bubsy

Series:Bubsy

Complex Says:Sure, Bubsy’sfun and goofy, but he needs a nice tall glass of shut up juice. Bubsy feels himself way too much in his series. He uses his arrogance as his steam to power his dreams. We just say he’s gassed. After one hit Bubsy dies. Despite the fast running and gliding that he does often in the series, he still dies after one hit. ONE HIT! Yet, he still has a smirk on his face. Cut it out!

Duck King

Duck King

Series:Fatal Fury

Complex Says:Nothing about Duck King is cool. His clothes and break dancing skills weren’t getting props from us even when his clothes and break dancing skills were the shit. Fuck outta here! Duck King will forever be our favorite punching bag. “Too fast for ya huh?” No you’re not Duck King, no you are not. Douche.

Krusha

Krusha

Series:Donkey Kong Country

Complex Says:Nothing turns us off more than the big, burly fake Schwarzenegger tough guy. In fact, it makes us raise our judgmental eyebrows and give a befuddled look of disgust. Enter Krusha. Rare needed yet another character Diddy Kong can’t beat, and out came Krusha. His goofy “I’m bigger than you laugh” that we hear after trying to step on him makes us detest him even more. It’s bad enough that he’s in the way.

Drake

Drake

Series:NBA Street

Complex Says:Okay, we need to remember that the style in the early 00’s was very specific, and certain details then were cutting edge. That does not mean we like Drake though. The secret character with the sick-shooting stroke would continuously drain 3 after 3. We dig the challenge, but out of all of the secret characters, Drake just seemed to rub us the wrong way. Something about his one pant leg lifted, his haircut, and that stupid visor made us want to hack him on the court and swat every shot he threw up.

Destroyman

Destroyman

Series:No More Heroes

Complex Says:The dude would not die. Aside from that, he fights unfair whether it’s just one Destroyman or two. The movie superhero assassin with a mailman alter ego uses his special effects and beams to slay his opponents. Just like the 6 Million Dollar Man, Destroyman gets rebuilt but this time as two men even more annoying than the whole one he once was. His fake stand for justice, righteousness, and a fair fight makes it all more enjoyable when we put him out of his misery.

Captain Flavio

Captain Flavio

Series:Paper Mario

Complex Says:The game is pretty humorous, but there’s always that one person that spoils a joke. In comes Captain Flavio. The ship captain of the S.S. Flavion takes credit for all of the crew’s triumphs, and passes blame for all of the crew’s woes. The fearless leader had no issue with sending Mario around the island while he rested ashore free from danger. If only you could attack your allies in the game, hmm.

Falco Lombardi

Falco Lombardi

Series:Star Fox

Complex Says:“Gee! I’ve been saved by Fox, how swell!” Thanks for the sarcasm jerkoff. You can’t just say thank you? Falco’s ego was too big for the team, which is why he bounced for a brief stint before returning to the Star Fox team. We have a feeling after the argument and departure, Fox, Peppy, and Slippy said in unison, “what a douchebag…”

ShenLong

ShenLong

Series:Bloody Roar

Complex Says:ShenLong is a clone, and yet the cool attribute did not carry over. It happens with cloning we suppose. ShenLong’s purple, flashy outfits and death wishes would put him over as cool if only he was cool. Long, the man he is a clone of, is much cooler despite his nerdy look. Glasses don’t change the man, ask Charlie from Street Fighter. ShenLong’s look is the total opposite of Long’s, but done the wrong way. Someone needs to check this dude.

Ash Crimson

Ash Crimson

Series:King of Fighters

Complex Says:Out of all of the King of Fighters villains, Ash Crimson takes the cake. Goenitz was pretty bad in ’96, we all love to hate Rugal, and Adelheid is a cool design so we can’t hate. Crimson on the other hand is not. Canon wise, he stole Iori and Chizuru’s flames, so he’s a total fraud. His stance, girly look, and unbelievable strength drives us insane. We voted him most deserving of a punch square in the face.

Yamazaki

Yamazaki

Series:Fatal Fury, King of Fighters

Complex Says:Yamazaki is a pocket pool playing douche that is actually pretty cool. He is a great design, and is very unique despite the amount of fighting characters that exist and are created yearly. He can stop projectiles, has a very fast and effective anti-air move, and a super combo that hits hard. You can feel discouraged facing him, because it’ll feel like anything you do just doesn’t seem to work. We ask ourselves though, why can’t he take his hand out of his pocket? What’s that? He’s trying to look cool? Figures.

Aran Ryan

Aran Ryan

Series:Punch Out!!

Complex Says:The Piston Hurricane sprite rip, Aran Ryan, was the first character faced in the World Circuit in Super Punch Out!! Tough guy, yes, and a cheap bastard as well. What sets this jerk aside from other douchebags like Narcis Prince and Super Machoman is his unfair clinch grab followed by an uppercut. It took practice to avoid that, but we would ask ourselves where were the refs? They just let that fly? In Punch Out!! Wii, this asshole kicked his cheap fighting style up [by barely] sneaking more ways to deal damage from his bag of tricks. He never tries to fight fair, that’s why he’s a royal douche.

Gary

Gary

Series:Pokémon

Complex Says:Those that grew up playing Pokémon Red/Blue (or Green if you sought it out overseas) are all in agreement that Gary is the bane of our existence. Not only does he stalk the hell out of you, but also his Pokémon tend to be stronger. His ego is too large to let him accept defeat, and yet he can’t seem to figure out why his grandfather, Professor Oak, shoos him away.

Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage

Series:Mortal Kombat

Complex Says:Sunglasses? Check. Cockiness? Check. Being oblivious to how much of a loser he his? A resounding yes! Although the MK series bills Cage as a very popular action movie star, we don’t believe it. We blame the SNES version of Mortal Kombat. We don’t see a shadow kick killing anybody. Sure, uppercutting a man’s head off (three times no less) is pretty badass, but we’ve seen more gruesome fatalities. No, we don’t want a stupid autographed headshot Cage, and tattooing your name on your chest is not a convincing argument.

Pokey Minch

Pokey Minch

Series:Earthbound

Complex Says:Pokey (or Porky) takes the cake, and we’re sure he’d love to. From unleashing Giygas on the world to traveling through time to conquer the world, Pokey has been the reason for majority of our hard work in the Mother series as well as the receiver of all of our anger and hatred. The perfect villain. Nothing Pokey does is cool at all, which explains why he has no friends (according to the series creator Shigesato Itoi.)(spoiler alert) He pushed us so much that we had to destroy the world in order to catch him. ARRGH!!!! All of this because he’s obsessed with Ness. Douche!

Albert Wesker

Albert Wesker

Series:Resident Evil

Complex Says:Wesker has a following, yes, but there’s something very Agent Smith about him that makes us shake our heads. The ex-S.T.A.R.S. Leader, Umbrella Corp. Spy was cool in a T-1000, crew cut and sunglasses kind of way (which was the design inspiration.) ByResident Evil 0, he got a dorky voice change, and inResident Evil 4 he got an outfit change for the worse. He was a conniving and manipulative villain inRE1 that made us love to hate him. He silenced Enrico before he could snitch on him, got several of the S.T.A.R.S. team killed, and even killed his superior at Umbrella, Dr. James Marcus. Those douche moves made him the quintessential villain, but that was until he went all teleportation on us.

Duke Nukem

Duke Nukem

Series:Duke Nukem

Complex Says:The trench coat, sunglasses, cheap one-liners, and bevy of women make Duke Nukem the ultimate douche. He’s the perfect character for any cheesy action movie. The quintessential “Michael Bay, slow, epic spinning camera” that we’ve seen in Bad Boys II. Let’s step back though, because I said cheesy and not cool. The developers worked too hard to make Nukem the coolest of all cool guys, followed the formula a little too closely, and thus birthed the ultimate douche.

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