B-MOVIE REVIEWS
| | | Where else can you watch a mascara-wearing David Hasselhoff fight stop motion robots with a lightsaber?
-Starcrash
The Ymir eats sulfur and is docile unless poked. It only wants to be left alone, but people and dogs insist on doing the one thing that annoys a Ymir. That is right; they poke it.
-20 Million Miles to Earth
Forget chiken, those cows should be terrified of rabbetz
-Night of the Lepus |
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| | | THE LETTER B | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Babes in Toyland |  | Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves must save Toyland from evil Christmas Trees. | | Bad Channels | | Fungus aliens take over a radio station to collect women. | | Bad Girls Go to Hell |  | But the stupid ones go to New York, apparently. | | Bad Taste |  | Vomit eating aliens invade Earth seeking to turn humans into intergalactic fast food. | | Barbarella: Queen of the Galaxy | | Jane Fonda encounters an Angel, a lava lamp monster, and Duran Duran in the year 40,000. | | Barn of the Blood Llama | | Crazed llamas which spit toxic cud and hate menstruating women. | | Bats |  | Bats, created by our government to be the ultimate weapon, get loose and chew up Texas. | | Battle Beneath the Earth | | The Chinese are tunneling under America's defenses to plant atomic bombs under our cities. | | Battle Beyond the Stars | | John Boy must fight off an evil warlord to save his planet. Luckily he has seven samu...ah, some aliens helping him. | | Battle Queen 2020 |  | Julie Strain fights for control of the last snowmobiles on Earth. | | Beast from Haunted Cave | | A spider monster lurks in the wintry woods. | | The Beast of Yucca Flats | | Tor Johnson becomes a killing monster in the name of progress. | | The Beastmaster | | Dar was born from a cow (long story) and is able to speak with animals. | | Beginning of the End | | Giant grasshoppers threaten Chicago! | | The Being | | Idaho's one and only monster movie. | | Beneath the Planet of the Apes | | Mutants under NYC worship "The One True Bomb." | | Beowulf | | Same as the legend, but with techno music, chainsaw swords, and martial arts. | | Big Bad Mama | | "Bonny and Clyde" with a naked William Shatner thrown in, yech. | | Big Meat Eater | | I have seen cub scout troops with bigger budgets. | | Bigfoot (1970) | | I'd rather spend ninety minutes looking at the poster than actually watching the movie. | | Billy Jack | | Caring and productive people (the hippies) are beset by evil white men, but their defender is a legendary figure clad in denim. | | Black Magic | | Booty-flavored rice ball...of death! | | The Black Scorpion | | That is a big darn scorpion. | | Black Shampoo | | Jonathan brings a new meaning to the phrase "cream rinse." | | Blades | | A golf course is terrorized by a killer lawnmower in this low budget parody of "Jaws." | | Bleeders | | Nothing like a scene where the main character eats a pickled baby. | | The Blind Dead | | They thirst for the warm blood of the living, and hunt victims by following their terrified screams. | | The Blob (1958) | | A true classic of the genre. Watch as Steve McQueen fights a hungry horror from outer space! | | The Blob (1988) | | The Blob returns to dine once again on tasty human snacks. | | Blood Freak | | Nothing says, "Happy Thanksgiving!" like a turkey-headed man killing drug users and drinking their blood to satisfy his own addiction. | | The Blood of Heroes | | Brutal "after the apocalypse" sports film. | | Blood Hook | | Fishing for people is a perfect way to pass the afternoon. | | Bloodsucking Freaks | | A sadist master trains female slaves. | | Bloody Bender | | Independent film about a crazy killer. | | Blue Demon | | Scientists create FORTRAN sharks. | | Body Melt | | New vitamins which cause people to melt and explode plague Australia. | | A Boy and His Dog | | Don Johnson wanders around after the apocalypse with a telepathic dog. | | The Brain | | A hideous brain creature takes over people's minds through TV. | | The Brain from Planet Arous | | John Agar is taken over by a huge and sexually deviant space brain! | | The Brain That Wouldn't Die | | A scientist shops around for a new body for his girlfriend (who is a head in a pan). | | Brain Damage | | Brain eating parasite which also injects people with hallucinogenic drugs. | | Breakin' | | A trio of street dancers turn the world of rhythm upside down (probably spinning on its head). | | Brides of Blood | | A radioactive monster makes love to women so hard that they fall apart. | | Buck Rogers | | Buck Rogers awakes to a world in need of a womanizing hero. | | The Buddhist Fist | | Buddha spent a lot of time practicing kung fu. |
| | THE LETTER C | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Candy | | Flee, flee for your lives! | | Cane Toads | | Probably the most twisted documentary ever made. | | Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death | | Savage feminists eat men with gaucamolle dip. | | The Car | | Lucifer's vehicle is terrorizing the residents of Southern California, all forty of them. | | Carnosaur | | Genetic scientist creates chicken eggs that infect women, causing them to become pregnant with dinosaurs. | | The Cars that Ate Paris | | An Australian town runs people off the road to profit from the wrecked cars. | | Cat-Women of the Moon | | Earth's satellite is inhabited by frisky females wearing black leotards! | | The Cave of the Silken Web | | If Bollywood ever made a "Dragon Ball" movie... | | Cavegirl | | A nerd travels back in time and meets a beautiful cavegirl. | | Cemetery Man | | Francesco must stop the zombies which infest his graveyard. | | The Champions of Justice | | Blue Demon and his friends must stop Black Hand's army of super midgets. SUPER MIDGETS! | | Cherry 2000 | | Your synthetic female love slave might not be the real thing, but it's a darn good facsimile. | | The Children | | They have been turned into monsters by a radioactive cloud! | | Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things | | A group of thespians (not the cooler "L" word mind you) become zombie chow. | | Chosen Survivors | | "Yay, we're going to survive the nuclear war! Gah! BATS!" | | C.H.U.D. | | Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers consume New Yorkers. | | City of the Walking Dead | | Bloodsucking zombies created by a nuclear accident take over a city. | | City Limits | | Youth motorcycle gangs fight what is left of Corporate America in a future where plague has killed most adults. | | Class of Nuke 'Em High | | Music and TV is not ruining your kids, nuclear energy is! | | Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown | | Women with mouths where their bellybuttons should be, how sexy. | | The Conqueror | | John Wayne is...Genghis Khan. | | Cool As Ice | | The Vanilla Ice movie - beware. | | The Cosmic Man | | "The Day the Earth Stood Fidgeting." | | Crash and Burn | | A small group of people try to survive the assault of one murderous robot. | | The Crawling Eye | | Switzerland is attacked by telepathic alien creatures which must live in extreme cold and are radioactive. | | Creatures from the Abyss | | Mutated fish eat some people. | | Creature from the Haunted Sea | | Possibly the dumbest-looking monster ever. | | The Creeping Terror | | Possibly the slowest monster ever. | | The Crippled Masters | | Two Kung Fu masters, one without arms the other without legs, fight an evil warlord who has a metal hump on his back. | | Cthulhu Mansion | | A haunted house consumes gang members. This movie has an amazing number of mistakes. | | The Curse of Count Chocula | | The vampire that hates blood, but loves chocolate. | | Cyber Ninja | | Namco made a movie. It has lasers, samurai swords, and very little coherence. | | Cyborg 2 | | Jack Palance: warrior, cyborg, and poet. Believe it, or not... | | Cyborg Soldier | | The government tries to make cyborg soldiers out of condemned criminals, with the expected results. |
| | THE LETTER D | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Dagon | | Fish incest! | | Daimajin | | A giant stone statue comes to life and destroys an evil samurai's army. | | The Dark Lurking | | It's "DOOM" down under, mate. | | The Dark Power | | Four ancient indian sorcerers arise from the dead and battle Lash LaRue. | | Dark Star | | John Carpenter's first "real" film. Ever see an alien made out of a beach ball? | | Date With A Vampire | | You finally find that special woman to have a one-night stand with and she turns out to be a bloodsucker. | | Dawn of the Dead | | The dead taking over the world really isn't funny, unless you consider zombies on escalators. | | Day of the Animals | | Animals become savage killers after the ozone layer is damaged. | | Day of the Warrior | | The busty (and often naked) ladies of L.E.T.H.A.L. defend America from a criminal with indian ancestors. | | The Day Time Ended | | A timewarp and special effects artists torment a family. | | Dead Alive | | AWESOME! A lawn mower wielding lad and a kung fu Catholic priest battle zombies! | | Death Race 2000 | | David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone are drivers in a futuristic cross-country car race. Their goal: run over pedestrians. | | Death Ship | | A cursed Nazi ship and George Kennedy kill people. | | Deathstalker | | One of the better 80s sword and sorcery flicks, and it had plenty of nude women. | | Delicatessen | | Very odd French film about a building where they eat the handyman every now and then. | | Demon Wind | | Demons try to steal the souls from a group of people. | | Destroy All Monsters | | Three hundred percent more kaiju! | | Devil Girl From Mars | | The women of Mars are highly advanced and in need of men. | | The Devil's Rain | | William Shatner and Tom Skerritt must stop a satanic cult led by Ernest Borgnine and John Travolta (no, I'm not joking). | | Disco Godfather | | "Put your weight on it!" | | Dolemite | | Rudy Ray Moore is the proud pimp of one dozen kung fu hookers. | | DOOM | | The Rock is a space Marine who loves to scream, "Kill them all!" | | Double Dragon | | Two kickboxing brothers (one of which is Scott Wolf) must stop Koga Shuko from joining the parts of an ancient amulet. | | Dragonball: The Magic Begins | | The live action Dragonball Z movie. | | Dr. Alien | | Alien scientists use experimental sex drugs on a college nerd. | | Dr. Phibes Rises Again | | Phibes is back and this time it's no more Mr. Nice Revenant. | | Dreamcatcher | | Fanged, funky butt worms! | | Drunken Wu Tang | | Insane Kung Fu movie, Rat Face (that's his name) and Cha Le battle Devil, the Watermelon Monster, and a fat woman. | | The Dungeonmaster | | Computer geek versus Satan. | | The Dunwich Horror | | Cultist attempts to resurrect ancient gods. The real horror here is the acting. |
| | THE LETTER E | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Eat and Run | | Overweight alien visits earth, after hearing how good Italian is he tries some. To bad it's people, not the cooking. | | The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed | | A menagerie of short films with drunk drivers smashing into telephone poles, doomed pedestrians, and even talking cars! | | The Educational Archives: Sex & Drugs | | An assortment of classroom films featuring giant sanitary napkins, Italians with syphilis, and a talking hot dog. | | Eegah! | | Richard Kiel stars as a caveman in modern day Palm Springs. | | El Topo | | In the chaotic history of cult films there are several legendary movies. This bizarre story is one of them. | | Eliminators | | Remember that movie with the cyborg/tank? | | Elves | | An elf - bred by the Nazis. (This really is the plot.) | | Endless Descent | | An experimental submarine encounters killer seaweed and mutants galore. | | Escape 2000 | | Prisoners at a government work camp are hunted for sport. | | The Evil Dead | | Evil spirits steal the souls from Ash and his camper friends. | | Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn | | Awesome fun! Evil spirits threaten Ash again, but this time he has an attitude and a chainsaw. | | Evil Spawn | | Lynn tries an experimental youth serum and turns into a monster. |
| | THE LETTER F | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! | | The classic story of mean girls, in fast cars, looking for danger and finding it. | | Feast | | Hungry beasts besiege a dusty desert bar. | | Feeders | | I cannot decide which I hate more: the movie or the actor's socks. | | Fiend Without a Face | | Canada is invaded by hopping brain monsters. | | Fist of the North Star | | When Ken punches people they explode... | | Five Element Ninjas | | Kung fu vs. ninjas. Wonderfully inventive, surprisingly bloody, and almost unbelievably fun! | | Flash Gordon | | Silly special effects, ludicrous acting, and Brian Blessed for crying out loud! | | The Flesh Eaters | | Another reason to stay out of the water. | | Flesh Gordon 2 | | How high is your tolerance for toilet humor and breast jokes? | | The Fly | | If you do not at least know of this movie then you must be a space alien. | | Flying Guillotine | | Kung fu mayhem breaks out when the emperor trains assassins to use this deadly weapon. | | For Your Height Only | | The Philippines has a secret weapon you never dreamed of, a midget super spy! | | The Forbidden Dance is Lambada | | Dirty dancing can save the rainforest. | | Forbidden Zone | | When the Elfmans make a movie with Herve Villachez you know it is going to be weird. | | Frankenhooker | | Mad scientist rebuilds his girlfriend from prostitute spare parts. | | Fright Show | | Four short films in the horror and science fiction category hosted by two complete idiots. | | Future Force | | David Carradine is a bounty hunter whose robotic arm hates your crotch. | | Future War | | Time-traveling cyborgs use dinosaurs to hunt a flannel-wearing kickboxer who only speaks "Bible." |
| | THE LETTER G | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Galactic Gigolo | | An alien wins a trip to Earth. Sex with human women is included in the vacation package. | | Galactica 1980: Series Pilot | | The fleet finally reaches planet Earth. | | Galaxina | | The intergalactic patrol ship Infinity is sent to the far side of the universe to recover the BLUE STAR. "Ahhhhaaaahhhh!" | | Galaxy of Terror | | Where else can you see a giant maggot sucking the clothes off of a buxom blonde? | | Gamera | | Nuclear weapons wake up one very large and exceptionally unhappy turtle. | | Gamera vs Gaos | | The giant turtle tangles with the biggest vampire bat you ever did see. | | Gamera: Guardian of the Universe | | A fantastic giant monster movie. | | Gamera vs Guiron | | In space nobody can hear you make turtle soup. | | The Garbage Pail Kids Movie | | My viewing habits are best described as "painful," at times. | | Getting Lucky | | A leprechaun helps a nerd win the girl of his dreams. | | Ghosts of Mars | | When did John Carpenter stop making good movies, and why wasn't I informed? | | The Giant Behemoth | | Radioactive dinosaur menaces London. | | The Giant Claw | | Earth is attacked by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! | | The Giant Gila Monster | | Huge lizard attacks model railroads, model cars, model barns, and hotrodding teenagers. | | GI Samurai | | A small Japanese Defense Force unit is transported back in time. That descriptive phrase is cooler than the entire movie I assure you. | | Godzilla 2000 | | Godzilla fights a flying blue nose from outer space. | | Godzilla: Final Wars | | Aliens attempt to conquer the Earth, but a flying battleship wakes Godzilla to protect us from the other monsters. | | Godzilla, King of the Monsters | | Even with the awkward insertion of Raymond Burr, the American version of "Gojira" is worth viewing. | | Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah | | When time travelers fool around with Godzilla's past he is none too happy, but can he destroy their super monster? | | Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla | | Godzilla gets a helping hand from the biggest damn Pekinese you ever saw. | | Godzilla vs. Megaguirus | | Gorgeous layouts and shots of Godzilla, but his opponent sucked. | | Godzilla vs. Monster Zero | | Godzilla must battle King Ghidrah and Devo aliens to save Earth, then he gets to "Safety Dance." | | Godzilla vs. Mothra | | One of the "Godzilla as a natural disaster movies." Japan's only hope is a huge moth and her egg. | | Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster | | Godzilla is up against Hedorah and 70's music; things look bad. | | Godz of Wu Tang | | Magical rocking horses, killer mimes, and brothers who look nothing alike. | | The Gore Gore Girls | | Somebody is killing strippers and they're being plenty inventive about it! | | Graveyard Shift | | An old mill is infested with rats, but something much worse lives in the basement. | | Greaser's Palace | | One of the strangest movies about religion you will ever see. | | The Green Slime | | Space Station Gamma 3 is under attack by electric jello monsters. | | Gunhed | | That would you do with a transformable tank that drinks whiskey? | | Gwendoline | | Tawny Kitaen stumbles upon a secret kingdom of female warriors who wear leather thong bikinis. | | Gymkata | | How many villages have a pommel horse? |
| | | | THE LETTER J | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Jacker II | | What would you do if you were indestructible? Steal cars, maybe? | | Jack Frost | | A psychopathic murderer is reincarnated as a killer snowman. | | Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter | | The Saviour, El Santos, vampires, and a whole lot of weirdness. | | Journey to the Seventh Planet | | Visitors to Uranus find that their greatest fears and desires are made flesh. | | Jungle Hell | | I don't understand the plot, but there were lots of elephants. |
| | | THE LETTER L | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | The Lair of the White Worm | | Hugh Grant takes on the depraved minions of an evil god, God save the Queen from snakes (or something like that). | | Lake Placid | | Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda try to catch a fig bucking crocodile. | | The Land that Time Forgot | | Dinosaurs eating Germans, and Germans eating dinosaurs. | | Lap Dancing | | Naive farm girl takes a job stripping and learns how to be an actress... | | Laserblast | | Billy was always getting bullied until he found the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction. | | Last Days of Planet Earth | | Armageddon! | | The Last Dinosaur | | Big game hunter goes looking for a prehistoric trophy. | | The Last Dragon | | Bruce Leroy is looking for the final level of kung fu: The Glow. | | Leeches! | | Giant leeches molest the members of a boy's swim team. | | Legend of the Overfiend | | This is some seriously warped tentacle hentai. | | The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires | | Peter Cushing, vampires, virgins, and kung fu. Now there's a plot! | | Leprechaun | | Jennifer Aniston learns why you should never steal the wee little people's gold. | | Leprechaun 2 | | The little people need love too. | | Leprechaun 3 | | The greedy Irish spirit causes trouble in Vegas. | | Leprechaun 4: In Space | | Interstellar rhyming carnage! | | LEXX: I Worship His Shadow | | A vixen who is part "cluster lizard," a talking robot head, and an undead Brunnen-G. Man, this is one weird flick. | | The Lift | | It's a killer elevator movie! | | Light Years | | "In a thousand years Gandahar was destroyed. A thousand years ago Gandahar will be saved and what can't be avoided will be." | | Liquid Sky | | Aliens searching for heroin on Earth find that brains taste better. | | The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra | | Don't try to parody something being cheap and stupid, that everyone already recognizes as being cheap and stupid, by being cheap and stupid. |
| | THE LETTER M | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Maleorvs | | High school students release an ancient Greek demon. | | Maniac | | Dear God, I want to get naked and strangle a manatee for mother! MOTHER! | | The Manitou | | Karen's big pimple turns out to be an evil Native American medicine man being reborn. | | Manos, the Hands of Fate | | The Master and his many wives are the servants of Manos. I think that Manos is the god of boredom. | | Mark of the Astro-Zombies | | Aliens use machete-wielding creations to attack the Earth. | | Master of the Flying Guillotine | | What is the sound of one fist punching a blind monk? | | Masters of the Universe | | I have the POWER! | | Matango - Attack of the Mushroom People | | Shipwreck survivors find an island full of aggressive portobellos. | | Maximum Overdrive | | Yes, the toaster wants to kill you. | | Meet the Feebles | | Warped movie about puppets doing drugs and having sex Probably makes Jim Henson turn over in his grave. | | Megaforce | | The secret to freedom is motorcycles armed with missiles. | | Mega Piranha | | Tiffany did it. | | Meridian | | Werewolf booty call. | | Message from Space | | The Japanese version of "Star Wars." | | Microwave Massacre | | A cannibal, his women, and a microwave. | | The Midnight Hour | | Vampires, zombies, and other monsters run rampant on Halloween. | | Millennium | | Time travel, plane crashes, and a character named Louise Baltimore. Oh my. | | Missile to the Moon | | Moon women and moon spiders and rock monsters! Oh, my! | | Mom and Dad Save the World | | Can Jeffrey Jones stop Jon Lovitz from destroying Earth? | | Mongrel | | Mad dog! Er, man... | | Monster | | I usually like monster movies, but this was torture. | | The Monster that Challenged the World | | The US Navy battles killer gastropods in the middle of a desert. | | Monster High | | High school students must defeat Armageddon's basketball team or the Earth will be destroyed. | | Moon 44 | | What is so strange about a galactic (meaning outer space) mining company using convicts to pilot helicopters? | | Mortal Kombat: Annihilation | | Most video game movies suck, but this is worse than normal. | | Mosquito | | Gunnar Hanson battles huge mosquitos! | | Motel Hell | | "Sweeny Todd," but with beef jerky and Rory Calhoun. | | The Mummy | | Boris Karloff and Edward Van Sloan make this movie a classic. | | Munchies | | Hungry little gremlins. | | Mutant | | Vampires created by toxic waste who suck blood through their palms. | | The Mutilator | | Death by outboard motor! | | My Demon Lover | | Girl falls in love with a guy who tranforms into a demon when aroused. | | My Little Pony: The Movie | | Why do all of the ponies have tramp stamps? |
| | | | THE LETTER P | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Parasite | | Demi Moore fights gangs, merchants, and killer tadpoles. She probably wants to forget this movie. | | Party Crasher | | There is a party and some girls crash it, what that has to do with the movie is beyond me. | | Peepers | | I never want to see this film again. | | Penitentiary | | Once you get past the male rape scenes, it is a pretty good boxing movie. | | Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-In-Law | | Rudy Ray Moore is back at it, this time as a comedian/kung fu master who made a terrible pact with Lucifer. | | Phase IV | | Smart ants, smart ants, smart ants, smart ants, smart ants... | | Pigs | | AWFUL movie about pigs being fed human flesh. | | The Pink Angels | | Transvestite bikers encounter America, and it's full of PIGS. | | Piranha | | "Razorteeth" created by the Government (to win the Vietnam War no less) get loose and eat campers. | | Piranha II | | The fish are back and now they can fly! | | The Pit | | Psycho kid feeds people he doesn't like to monsters in a pit. | | Planet of the Apes | | Charlton Heston finds out what will happen if every American doesn't own a firearm. | | Plan 9 from Outer Space | | Aliens wish to destroy Earth before we discover a bomb which explodes sunlight. | | Please Don't Eat My Mother | | Henry accidentally grew a talking man-eating (potentially mother-eating) plant. | | Poultrygeist | | Never build a fried chicken restaurant on top of an Indian burial ground. | | Prince of Space | | He is so awesome, they named the movie after him. | | Princess Warrior | | Princess warrior: maybe. Laser swords: kinda. People driving around, and driving around, and driving around: yes. | | Prisoners of the Lost Universe | | Dimensional travel has never been so confusing... | | Prophecy | | A mutated grizzly bear slaughters people in Maine. | | Psycho Beach Party | | Is Chicklet a murderer or just a sick young woman? | | Pulse | | Evil electricity tries to kill Matthew Lawrence. | | The Punisher | | Be good or else he will shoot you. | | Puppet Master | | Animated puppets slaughter a group of psychics. | | Puppet Master II | | The Puppet Master needs brains and when the Puppet Master needs brains people die! | | Puppet Master III | | Andre Toulon was nice until the Nazis killed his wife. |
| | THE LETTER Q | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Q: The Winged Serpent | | A resurrected Aztec god terrorizes New York City. |
| | THE LETTER R | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Radioactive Dreams | | Michael Dudikoff and John Stockwell are detectives in a post nuclear world ruled by freaks and disco mutants. | | Raiders of the Living Dead | | A reporter is chased by zombies. | | Raiders of Wu Tang | | A young student must master twenty-four bronze horses (who have powerful kung fu) to defend Shaolin. | | Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer | | Ask me again how I did not go insane watching this movie. | | Rats: Night of Terror | | Rats shall inherit the Earth. | | Rebirth of Mothra | | A big moth, some little women, and two kids. | | Red Sonja | | She dislikes men, and hates Arnold Schwarzenegger's ex-girlfriend. | | Redneck Zombies | | Hicks drink moonshine contaminated with toxic waste, it turns them into people-munching undead! | | Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins | | La Femme Fred Ward. And who could forget Chiun? | | Reptilicus | | What happens when one giant rubber snake takes a wrong turn and ends up attacking Copenhagen vice Tokyo. | | The Resurrected | | Lovecraft-inspired movies often suck. This is one of the good ones. | | Return of the Living Dead | | Send more paramedics! | | Return to Frogtown | | What, no Rowdy Roddy Piper? | | Road House | | Patrick Swayze: philosopher, lover, bouncer. | | Robo C.H.I.C. | | Arrgggghhhhhhhhh! | | Robot Monster | | Earth is brought to it's knees by one horny alien in a gorilla suit. | | Rock 'n' Roll Frankenstein | | Record producer and mad scientist create a rock star from the parts of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, and - by accident - Liberace. | | Rock n Roll Nightmare | | Thor! must battle Satan to save humanity, this movie is amazingly bad. | | Rock'n With Satan | | The Devil offers to make two young men into good musicians. | | The Rocky Horror Picture Show | | The grandma cult movie of them all. Watch as Brad and Janet fall prey to the lust of alien transvestites. | | Rodan | | Two giant monsters threaten mankind's existence;a great movie from the folks at Toho. | | Rollerball | | Skates, motorcycles, a heavy metal shot, and violence: tomorrow's sport? |
| | THE LETTER S | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Santa Claus | | A devil named Pitch is sent to stop Santa, but the jolly man in red has two things on his side: child labor and wacky spying devices. | | Santa Claus Conquers the Martians | | Can Saint Nick overcome evil invaders from space, a robot, and Pia Zadora? | | Saturn 3 | | Somebody save me from old, naked Kirk Douglas - in space. | | Sea Beast | | Parker Lewis goes up against an invisible fish monster. | | Screamers (1979) | | A scientist creates creatures that are half fish and half man. | | Seedpeople | | Extraterrestrial flowers take root in California and begin pollinating human beings. | | Sextette | | Mae West, over eighty and still acting like Mae West. Ick, ick, ick... | | Sgt Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. | | A New York cop accidently becomes man's only hope against evil, a Super-Kabuki! | | The Shape of Things to Come | | Jack Palance stars as the evil robot overlord in a movie we fondly call "Blinky, Blinky." | | Shark Attack 3: Megalodon | | How do you kill a fifty-ton shark that should be, but most emphatically is not, extinct? | | Shark Hunter | | We're going to need a better movie. | | Sheena | | Painted horses, killer flamingos, and Tanya Roberts. | | Shock Treatment | | Brad and Janet appear on a reality TV show that threatens to commit him and corrupt her. | | Shockwave (AI Assault) | | Intelligent hunter-killer robots get loose on a tropical island. | | Silent Night, Deadly Night | | Punish! | | Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II | | Punish again, but recap the first movie too! | | The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine | | Also known as "Mother Superior Jumped the Other Nuns." | | Sins of the Fleshapoids |  | WTF? | | The Sisterhood | | Amazon women with psychic powers struggle to survive in the barren wastelands after a nuclear war. | | Six-String Samurai | | After nuclear war in 1957 Elvis became king, now he has died and a brave samurai rocker must battle Death for the throne. | | Skeeter | | Giant mosquitos, created by toxic waste, attack a desert town. | | Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity | | This movie has one redeeming quality: female nudity. | | Sleepstalker | | Evil killer returns to slay his brother, only this time he is made of sand. | | Sleepwalkers | | Can your house cat protect you from incestuous, soul-sucking, feline monsters? | | The Slime People | | They have invaded Los Angeles, stockpile weapons and salt! | | Slither | | Freakish and funny, but what invasion by alien brain worms wouldn't be? | | Slugs | | Killer slugs! Really, I mean it. Why are you laughing? | | The Slumber Party Massacre | | Just once I'd like to see some boobies and not get killed for my trouble. | | Solarbabies | | A glowing orb helps the members of a rollerskate team free the Earth's water. | | Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama | | Teenagers (played by actors in their thirties) release a demonic imp from its bowling trophy prison. | | Sorority House Vampires from Hell | | A vampiress rises from her grave. The audience suffers. | | Soul Vengeance | | When a man can use his penis to strangle people the audience suffers. | | The Sound of Horror | | A Spanish film about invisible dinosaurs in Greece. | | Space Mutiny | | TheSouthern Sun is under attack by cackling megalomaniacs and "Battlestar Galactica" stock footage. | | Spaced Invaders | | A truly funny alien invasion film. ZIM fanboys take note. | | Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone | | Just the name makes you shiver, doesn't it? | | Spaceship | | In space no one can hear Leslie Nielsen scream. | | The Spirit | | I don't mind a monologue with my movie, but I do like some movie with my monologue. | | Spookies | | How many silly monsters can fit into one movie? | | Squirm | | A small town in Georgia is attacked by killer worms. | | Starcrash | | Incredibly bad space opera. Where else could you find David Hasselhoff using a lightsaber? | | Star Crystal | | An alien slime monster reads the Bible and discovers that killing people is wrong. | | Starship | | Rebels fight football droids in the distant future. | | Star Odyssey | | Earth is under attack by an army of androids that look like members of Lady Gaga's Dutch fan club! | | The Star Wars Holiday Special | | Okay, so he did make something worse than Episode 1. | | Stealth Fighter | | Satellite weapons and Ice-T flying an F-117, this movie is not what you would call "firmly rooted in reality." | | Sting of Death | | Do the jellyfish. It's really swella. | | Stop It, You're Killing Me | | There are more references to sleeping with a hundred and twelve year old man than can be healthy. | | Story of Ricky | | AMAZINGLY GORY Kung Fu movie! | | The Strangeness | | Miners get eaten by a monster that looks like a stop motion vagina. | | Strays | | A pack of killer house cats is on the loose. | | Street Fighter | | Now, why did I not think of casting Raul Julia as Bison? | | Streets of Fire | | An incredible mix of music, violence, and dialog. | | Street Trash | | Bums melt into puddles of goo after drinking contaminated whiskey. | | Student Bodies | | Can teen sex survive "The Breather" and horse head bookends? | | The Stuff | | Killer dessert! It takes over your body, but has 50% less fat. | | Superman IV | | The "Man of Nuclear Disarmament." | | Super Fuzz | | Officer Dave Speed can run as fast as a car, catch bullets with his teeth, see through walls, and talk to fish. Supah-sssuuuppaaah! | | Super Mario Bros. | | Frank Booth hates plumbers. | | The Sword and the Sorcerer | | That sword makes me tired just looking at it. | | Syngenor | | What if Enron had created mutant monsters? |
| | | | THE LETTER V | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Vampire Men of the Lost Planet | | Three different films (one of them a Filipino caveman flick) cobbled together. Impressive, very impressive. | | Vampyres | | Lesbian vampires! Well, actually I guess they're bisexual. | | The Video Dead | | Zombies escape from a cursed television (the ultimate in 3-D). | | Video Violence | | Why are the people of this little town so interested in gory movies? | | Voodoo Academy | | Voodoo? Not really. Guys in whitie-tighties? Yes. |
| | | THE LETTER X | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | The X from Outer Space | | There is a good reason most monster films don't have a star which looks like Guilala. | | Xanadu | | Olivia Newton John, roller skates, and glowing blue people. |
| | | THE LETTER Z | | MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | ZAAT | | Ahhhhh! Catfish monster! | | Zardoz | | Sean Connery, everlasting hippies, and a GIANT FLYING STONE HEAD. | | Zarkorr! The Invader | | Mediocre postal worker battles giant monster to save humanity. |
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| | THE BADMOVIES.ORG "SLIME DROP" RATING SYSTEM: | The two main criteria are:
 A. How bad is this movie?
B. How much fun is it to watch? |
| | Rating | And it means... | | The pinnacle of bad movies; this is a must see! | | Definitely worthy of a Saturday afternoon or a late night. | | It had redeeming qualities, just like getting the clap does. | | A bad movie. | | This is going to hurt. |
| 3 September 2008: The rating system changed from a maximum of five slimes to a maximum of four slimes. All of the reviews were adjusted.
Remember: to be a "well rounded" bad movie viewer it is necessary to see the one or two slime movies - even a skull now and then. The Surgeon General would probably recommend that you not watch more than one skull movie per sitting. This recommendation is based on extensive research by myself. A friend of mine, by the name of Steve, developed a nervous tick from one such binge and the mention of "Johnny Mnemonic" sends him into convulsions.
(It is bad. I do not know about that bad, but maybe it just broke the horse's back.) |
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