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Wikipedia:The first rule of Wikipedia

This page contains material which is considered humorous. It may also contain advice.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Humorous Wikipedia essay

This is a humorousessay.
It containshumorous advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This is not an encyclopedia article or one ofWikipedia's policies or guidelines and may not representcommunity consensus.

This is an officialdecree by theSupreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It expresses opinions and ideas that are absolutely and irrefutablytrue, whether you like them or not. Changes to it must reflect the wishes of S.C.R.E.W. When in doubt,pleaseignore thetalk page andjust keep reverting.
iconThis page in a nutshell: What happens on Wikipedia, stays on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia policies
Article standards
Neutral point of view
Include only verifiable information
No original research
Citing sources
What Wikipedia is not
Working with others
Assume good faith
Civility andetiquette
No personal attacks
Resolving disputes
No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man
Rule number one is laid out inFight Club.


  1. The first rule of Wikipedia is:You do not talk about Wikipedia.
  2. The second rule of Wikipedia is:You donot talk about Wikipedia.
  3. The third rule of Wikipedia is:Don't go talkin' 'boutWikipedia.[1]
  4. The fourth rule of Wikipedia is: You donot reference fight club on Wikipedia, as it will get you kicked out of ... never mind.
  5. The fifth rule of Wikipedia is: You can not talk about Wikipedia when editing Wikipedia.
  6. The sixth rule of Wikipedia is: There is no rule six.
  7. The seventh rule of Wikipedia is: Do not look at Wikipedia and touch your leg while eating a pancake with apples, nuts, and berries.
  8. The eighth rule of Wikipedia is: Do not look at Wikipedia.
  9. The ninth rule of Wikipedia is: Do not think about Wikipedia.
  10. The tenth rule of Wikipedia is: Do not editWikipedia pages (more about this on the next paragraph)
  11. The two one quintillion two hundred eleven quadrillion three hundred thirty trillion ninety-five billion seven hundred seventy-four million five hundred fifty-five thousand six hundred sixty-second rule of Wikipedia is: The actual spelling of Wikipedia is: Incomprehensibilities.


While it is fine to recruit sane, reasonable people to becomeWikipedians, one must remember that Wikipedia isintensely addictive and talking about all the fundisputes you've been having, people you've beenoppressing, andgeneral mayhem you've enjoyed as a Wikipedian may cause them to spontaneously attempt tojoin in.

Unfortunately, new users, including those with anumeric moniker, diving in to join in thefun other people are having tend to stick out like sore thumbs and will promptly belabeled as your evilsock minions and end upnot having any fun at all. This is especially true when they play with therevert button, takeup arms on your side, andattack your enemies. While this may seem very pleasant from one point of view, it reflects badly on you, and is detrimental to the long-term health of these well-intentionednewbies.

As a result, theSupreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW) has decreed that new users should be treated in the following fashion:

(A) Pleasantlyinvited to join.
(B) Giventea and scones.
(C) Provided with copies of the5 Pillars and otherintroductoryreadings.
(D) Vigorouslyinducted into theCabal using arcane incantations likeRESCIVN-PATHOR orATTANIFRTHOARB.
(...)
(Ω) Promoted toRouge Admin after a suitable period of time.

Only by following this complicated andnecessary task can new users be properly certified by thecabal and made in to productive abusers of theFive Pillars of Evil.

Addendum

[edit]

It has come to the attention of theSupreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW) that somenefarious users have been recruiting new userssolely in order for them tofight on their behalf. This is strongly discouraged, as the raising ofarmies on Wikipedia is permitted only when there is aprimogeniture dispute betweenadmins,[2] due to the immensecollateral damage modernwarfare causes.

See also

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References

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  1. ^This rule is best spoken while imitatingSamuel L. Jackson, preferably from his role inPulp Fiction.
  2. ^SeeWikipedia:Primogeniture
Philosophy
Article construction
Writing article content
Removing or
deleting content
The basics
Philosophy
Dos
Don'ts
WikiRelations
About essays
Policies and guidelines
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