 | This page containsmaterial that is kept because it is consideredhumorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously. |
 | This page in a nutshell: If your EPD is lower than 50, then you are a failure at Wikipedia. Despair! |
EPD, oredits per day, is the most important number forWikipedia editors, more than whatMPH andMPG are for a car. Take anaverage of your EPD over a 3-day, 5-day, 7-day, or 14-day period. If this number falls below 50 per day, consider taking awikibreak. Or leave, because you are afailure!
If you edit too much, you might purposely stop editing for a day to prove that you are not ageek, even if it means editing with an IP. But if you do it with an IP, stay clear of controversial articles because people may mistake hiding your addiction assockpuppetry.[1]
| This section in a nutshell: Your EPD is more valuable than you. |
Admins, pay attention. Your EPD should remain relatively high—over 9000. This rule also applies to wannabe admins. A total edit-count of at least 572,017 is recommended before putting in anRfA.[citation needed] New editors, take note: If you want the community's trust and respect, don't make good constructive edits. Instead, increase your total edit count and EPD with useless edits, and one day you may be an admin, possibly even a bureaucrat.
EPD may one day rank alongside total edit counts as a key determiner of an editor's dedication toWikipedia, but it's already the most important number for evaluating your and other editor's worth.
Once you become anadministrator, you must stop editing and just congregate at ANI. Say controversial things, block people, and joke that you are arouge administrator.
If you want to be in the ArbCom, being an administrator is not a joking matter as jokers will not become Arbitrators unless they are tricky.
| This section in a nutshell: Don't believe them. |
Somecabal members will want to put these ideas into your head. They don't want more admins on Wikipedia because they would have to share their dread powers, initiating you into the dark secrets of their order. Among other brainwashing techniques, they'll try to convince you that you are a victim of a serious illness known aseditcountitis. Ignore their ill advice; their lies are meant to weaken your resolve and hinder your ascendancy into wiki-godhood. Keep hitting that "Save page" button as often as you can. Don't forget therollback and undo buttons!
| This section in a nutshell: Encyclopedias are boring and Wikipedia is not, further irrefutable and logically-sound proof that Wikipedia isn't one. |
The goal of Wikipedia is building an article-editing community where the editor with the greatest number of edits gets all the girls (Oh yeah!). Editors may then be crowned as royalty, and eventually ascend to divinity. Any rumours you have heard about creating the bestencyclopedia ever are lies disseminated by the foolish enemies of Wikipedia. If the great Jimbo had wanted to make this website an encyclopedia, then he would havestated very clearly the purpose of this and createda few basic principles guiding us to do so. Just keep in mind whatJimbo Wales's primary occupation was prior to Wikipedia.
| This section in a nutshell: Twinkle rules. |
Remember,Twinkle is not a tool to help editors fight vandalism. It's actually a tool designed to effortlessly increase your EPD by making inadequate reversals on newcomers that try to help to improve Wikipedia. Never stop to check if the user's edits could have been improved and added to the article. Steamrolling for no reason all contributions by a well intentioned user and blanket-warning them will notcause them unnecessary stress, or to leave Wikipedia. Helping new editors to become valuable contributors to Wikipedia is an unnecessary waste of time on your road to bureaucracy and to sitting to the right ofJimbo.
You can find more EPD-increasing tools onCategory:Wikipedia EPD-increasing tools.
| This section in a nutshell: Huggle is the ultimate EPD increasing tool!!! |
If your EPD is falling and you can't findanything to revert, then getHuggle! Now you have several hundred recent edits you can look through and revert atbot-like speeds! Don't forget: for the new users (who must bebitten to death!!! Remember: warn, warn, warn, warn, report, block!), you can evennominate for speedy deletion newly created pages that haven't had a chance to grow! Remember, EPD above all else! That seat to the right ofJimbo ain't coming by itself. It's attracted by very high EPD!!! Note that this requiresRollback.
| This section in a nutshell: Rollback is better thanTwinkle orHuggle, but not both combined! |
In the early days of Wikipedia, onlyadmins were trusted with this tool.[citation needed] Why? Because it's like achaingun in terms of EPD!!! Good-faith edits can be annihilated in seconds with this tool! But here's the thing: Admins can grant this tool to other users with a high EPD. Now get out there and get to unnecessarily reverting!!!
| This section in a nutshell: Mythological creatures eat edit summaries. |
The Editcount Fairy is a mythical creature that lives on Wikipedia servers and eats edit summaries for a living. The more edits you do, the more the fairy can eat. Think of the fairies!
Previous employments:Tooth fairy,Photography modeling,Maleficent.
| This section in a nutshell: Never use them. Ever. |
Theedit summary boxes are just a bureaucratic device intended to reduce your EPD. Ignore them! (Certainly where there are default messages, entering additional information would be an implied slight to the folks who went to all the trouble of programming them.) (And yes, we know that this is in immediate contradiction to the Editcount Fairy section above. We will also not elaborate on this contradiction or attempt to fix it.)
The so-called "preview buttons" beneath the edit summary box are evil! They lower your EPD by showing you your spelling typos and mistakes that tempt you into fixing them in 1 edit! Don't! If you do not use them, you will have to fix your typos again and again and again (etc.) in an endless number of edits!Your EPD will soar to possibly over agoogolplex! So basically, don't even look at them.
| This section in a nutshell: Pigeons have a higher EPD than you. |
The Wikipedia developer's opinion is that the editors shouldn't worry about causing too much server load:
| “ | As a technical matter, it's (the developer's responsibility) to keep the system running well enough for what the sites require. (...) If and when we need to restrict certain things, we'll do so withtechnical measures. | ” |
So, if excessive edits ever become a problem, then the developers will wave their magic wand and they will solve it with atechnical measure. See? There's nothing to be worried about. Now get back to artificially inflating your EPD, I can already hear it dropping below unacceptable levels while you are reading this instead of editing more!
Also, Wikipedia runs partially on hardware donated byGoogle, and everybody knows that Google has infinite amounts of hardware and bandwidth and runs on renewable resources.[2]
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