 | This is anessay. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors. This page is not an encyclopedia article, nor is it one ofWikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not beenthoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. |
 | This page in a nutshell: Respect the pronouns that editors request for themselves. |
Most speakers of English prefer to be referred to by a given set ofthird-person pronouns.[1]
Sometimes this is referred to aspreferred pronouns, but this essay will use the termrequested pronouns, since for most people these are more than a preference.[2] Requested pronouns are often thought of as a phenomenon peculiar to thetransgender andnon-binary communities, but this is not the case; almost allcisgender people request a set of pronouns, explicitly or implicitly—typicallyhe/him for men andshe/her for women.[3]
Misgendering is the act of referring to someone as a gender that they are not. One common form of misgendering is doing so by using incorrect pronouns, such as calling someone ahe when she requests to be called ashe.[4] Again, this is often thought of as an issue that is exclusive to the transgender or non-binary communities, but almost any cisgender woman on the Internet can tell you a time she was called ahe.
In most of the world, intentionally misgendering is seen as a serious insult, including in the cultures that most editors of the English Wikipedia come from. In many professional circles, intentionally and maliciously misgendering a person is seen as a serious disciplinary issue. These norms can be surprising for people who are not from these communities, or who came of age before these norms became commonplace.
Misgendering can cause conflict on Wikipedia. It is widely accepted that intentionally and maliciously misgendering an editor is a severecivility issue, and could lead to ablock or other sanctions.[5] That being said, we should understand that misgendering isn't always intentional, andassume good faith at all times unless there is evidence that the misgendering was intentional and, consequently, uncivil and disrespectful.
As mentioned above, most men (cisgender and transgender) takehe/him pronouns and most women (cisgender and transgender) takeshe/her pronouns. Many non-binary people takehe/him and/orshe/her pronouns as well.[6]
By far the most common set ofgender-neutral pronouns isthey/them.[7]They has been used as a gender-neutral pronoun for centuries for subjects of unknown or undefined gender—for instance, "I don't know who wrote that article, but they're a very gifted writer". The gender-neutralhe and the laterhe/she are significantly newer additions to the English language. Since the 1900s, some non-binary people (and others) have taken to usingthey as a gender-neutral pronoun specifically for themselves. A number of other gender-neutral third-person pronouns exist; seethis list.
Some people take multiple sets of pronouns. The way that this is communicated can be slightly confusing, as, in these cases, the terms are also separated by a slash: [first subject form]/[second subject form]/etc. Thusshe/they is an abbreviation of "she/her/hers/herself orthey/them/their/theirs/(themself orthemselves)". For some people, the sets of pronouns may be ordered from "most preferred" to "least preferred"; for others, there may be equal preference.
You probably care about people getting your pronouns right. If you really wouldn't care, that's valid too. Some cisgender people don't feel strong attachments to their genders. In that case, though, you should understand that this is something that many peopledo care about, strongly.
Furthermore, transgender and nonbinary people tend to care about being misgendered more than cisgender people do, because for transgender people, it comes in a context of many other challenges. Being misgendered means that someone does not perceive you as being the gender you have transitioned to, which can be deeply upsetting, and in some cases can be a harbinger of physical danger. For a much milder example, but of a similar nature, imagine getting a promotion at work, but then someone insisting on referring to you by your previous title—except that in this alternate reality, your job is a deeply important part of your identity that you've worked your whole life to assert, and people who are perceived as having the wrong job are often targeted for violent crimes.
 | Parts of this Wikipedia page (those related to this section) need to beupdated. The reason given is: does not discuss editors using multiple pronouns and how to find them.. Please help update this Wikipedia page to reflect recent events or newly available information. Relevant discussion may be found on the talk page.(January 2025) |
There are a number of ways to make sure that you get an editor's pronouns right. Editors can list their pronouns inSpecial:Preferences.[8] There are a number of ways to access this information, the simplest being{{they}} and related templates. For instance,I like [[User:Example male]]. I think {{they|Example male}} will make a great admin becomesI likeUser:Example male. I think he will make a great admin. You can see more information about this atTemplate:They.
The gadgetNavigation popups shows users' pronouns when you hover over their names.User:BrandonXLF/ShowUserGender does the same beside usernames without having to hover.User:PleaseStand/User info showsgender symbols[9] next to a user's name on their userpage.
Some editors may not have selected a gender in their preferences (they/them is the default) but may nonetheless have a preference. This may be reflected on their userpage, or by how they refer to themselves in discussions.
You are not under any obligation to figure out people's pronouns. Your obligation, rather, is to not use thewrong pronouns. It is generally not seen as misgendering to adopt aconsistent, gender-neutral across-the-board pronoun policy, which you apply to all editors regardless of what they've designated in the software or elsewhere. You should not default tohe/him,[10] as it is likely to be taken as misgendering by anyone who does not take those pronouns. Defaulting tohe/she orhe or she at least avoids misgendering people who takeshe/her pronouns, but still fails to consider editors who take other pronouns.
The most common all-inclusive approach, rather, is across-the-boardthey/them pronouns. A minority of editors may avoid third-person pronouns entirely when referring to other editors, or may refer to other editors using less common gender-neutral pronouns likexe/xem. These approaches are generally not perceived as misgendering, since pronoun sets likethey/them andxe/xem can refer to unknown or unspecified gender, not just to the pronoun preference of the person being mentioned. However,inconsistently following a personal policy like this (for instance, see below regarding selectively avoiding pronouns) could be taken as misgendering.
While an across-the-board practice is unlikely to offend even users who care strongly about their pronouns, if someonedoes (politely!) request that you make an exception from your policy and always refer to them by a specific pronoun, you should still make a good-faith effort to do so. Pronouns aren't special in this regard. There are many cases in life where one might have a general policy of how to refer to a group of people but be asked to make an exception. For instance, someone might refer to their woman friends as "girls" colloquially, but might have one friend who says she finds the term "girl" infantilizing.
In physical-world interactions it can sometimes be hard to remember people's pronouns, for instance if you know a lot of people who present as binary feminine or masculine but takethey/them pronouns. Fortunately, on Wikipedia, this needn't be an issue, for the reasons specifiedabove.
Deliberately misgendering an editor will usually be seen as apersonal attack and lead to ablock. It may also fall under thegender-related disputes discretionary sanctions area.
If you don't want that to happen, you have four choices:
If that seems unfair, this is just how a collegial environment works. Editors are generally expected to defer to one another's preferences in how to be treated. If you don't wish to deal with that, then you face the consequences of that decision. Consider: Is this how you treat other editors whose choices you take issue with? If you see an editor with just the stupidest username you can possibly imagine, do you avoid saying their name? If someone's signature notes, "Post on my talk; don't ping me", do you ping them anyways?
In theory this could work.I like Jesse's idea
works in lieu ofI like their idea
. However, it usually becomes obvious that you're avoiding pronouns.I like Jesse's idea. Jesse suggests splitting the article and I think Jesse should go ahead and do that, since I know Jesse is good at these things
is a very jarring sentence, and it will be very obvious to our hypothetical Jesse that you are trying to avoid their pronouns. This is, in effect, no better than using the wrong pronouns. It's justdog-whistling. You still indicate an underlying refusal to gender the person correctly.
A good writer who is very cautious may be able to avoid third-person pronouns without overusing the username; however most people will not be able to pull that off. And is it really worth the effort when all you have to do is use the word someone asked you to use?
Not really. None of the above logic relies onthey being a more reasonable word to use than any other. Part of civility is accommodating others' requests. That's just as true ofxe as ofthey. That said, many people who take pronouns likexe/xem may alternately takethey/them—although you shouldn'tassume that they do.
This one, however, you could easily get around by simply referring to everyone asthey.
As noted below, if you misgender someone by accident, they shouldassume good faith. Most likely, they will! For better or for worse, the people who tend to get misgendered by accident—cis women and trans and non-binary people of all genders—are pretty used to it. The latter two groups in particular are sometimes stereotyped as overreacting to accidental misgendering, but this is not consistent with reality. The average transgender or non-binary person is probably more familiar with accidentally misgendering others than the average cis person. This essayist, being part of the non-binary community, has many friends who have changed their pronouns more than once, and/or whose pronouns are not what you would expect given theirgender presentation, and thus has probably been corrected on pronouns significantly more times than most cisgender people have. So take it from her: Most corrections of misgendering are somewhere between "very polite" and "a tad curt". If someone points out that you've misgendered them, you should apologize, make a note for the future, and move on. If theyare noticeably upset, you have a better chance of defusing the situation if you understand why it's a sensitive subject for them.
If something about someone's pronouns confuses you, just reach out to them and say,Hey, I saw on your userpage <thing that confuses me about your pronouns>, but I don't really understand what that means. Can you explain? I don't want to get them wrong.
Maybe mention that you've already read this essay, to show that you did your due diligence.
Your first time interacting with someone, you can never be sure that they are aware of your pronouns. Even if you list them in your signature, perhaps they overlooked that, or saw it and forgot. Perhaps they speak a language where gendered pronouns work differently[11] or don't exist at all. The best thing you can do is politely correct them. If they're proceeding in good faith, that's all that needs to happen. If they don't understand what you mean, point them to this essay!
Repeated errors can be more complicated. Some people have bad memories. Some people get mixed up who they're talking about. Some people make typos. Someone getting your pronouns wrong twice a year apartprobably didn't mean to; someone getting them wrong three times in a conversation may well have. There's no bright line between those two points that decides when you can stop assuming good faith about a second (etc.) instance of misgendering, but try touse common sense. The subject being discussed and the overall tenor of the conversation can also be clues. When in doubt, consider reaching out privately to a neutraladministrator and asking, "Do you think this person's doing this intentionally?"
If you get the impression that an editor always refers to editors as "he", you may want to raise that point with them more generally, rather than thinking it has anything to do with you.