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 | This page in a nutshell: Conflicts on Wikipedia should be resolved calmly and amicably,assuming good faith on all parties where possible. Raised tempers and expressions of anger are counter-productive. |
Babies and small children inprams have a tendency to throw atemper tantrum when they don't get their own way, throwing all theirtoys that were in the pram out onto the floor in the process. By extension, the British phrase "to throw one's toys out of the pram" is used when we see similar behaviour in adults. It's not acceptable, although understandable, for toddlers to do this, but on Wikipedia we see exactly the same thing happening in grown-ups from time to time.
Wikipedia is free for anyone to edit. But because it's an encyclopedia, it's not acceptable for anyone to edit everything about anything. There are a number ofreally, really bad ideas for things to do, that can result in thatnice article about your pet rabbit gettingspeedy deleted,[1] or facing ablock foredit warring,even though "they" were totally wrong and "you" were totally right.
If this sort of thing happens to you, you might be confused, upset or angry. It's a perfectly natural human emotion to have when somebody's trashed your efforts. But you must act calmly and with civility and don'tthrow your toys out of the pram. Exactlyhow you respond to conflict is just as important aswhat the conflict is to determine what happens next, and a quiet and polite response to something works so much better than an angry, ranting one.
Yet it's surprising how many times onthe Administrators' Noticeboard, we see complaints about someone'scivility that somehow completely miss the point that it'show they're handling a complaint that's the problem, but still bang on like abroken record about the content, seemingly under the impression that strong words and tempers have nothing to do with it.[2]Or, we see Wikipedians with the impression that administrators are somehow "the man" thatit needs to be stuck to, in order that they get knocked down a peg or two. While we do see the oddbona fide complaint about admins, most of the time they're just volunteers with experience in Wikipedia policy and process, doing a thankless task and trying to keep the Wikiwheels turning. Shouting at them angrily probably isn't the best way to get them on your side.
Most cases of throwing your toys out of the pram involve some sort ofappeal to emotion – words like "censorship", "bullying", "vendetta" and "busybodies" all relate to somebody's opinion ofwho they are, rather thanwhat they have done. Some typical ways we see this happening are as follows:
| What the issue is | What the toy-thrower says |
|---|---|
| Blocked for edit warring | This is evil censorship and bullying. I am right and they are wrong. You cannot allow lies and slander to appear on Wikipedia articles! |
| Article isnominated for deletion | This is censorship. This article is about a very important person. Clearly 'x' (where x nominated the article for deletion) has never heard of them, doesn't like me and is pursuing a vendetta! |
| Article has{{citation needed}} tags placed on it | This is pure vandalism – nobody can read the article without these sad and pathetic busybodies graffitiing their self-importance all over the place! |
... and especially,especially,comparisons to Hitler orlegal threats.And for goodness sake, whatever you do,do not under any circumstances climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spiderman to draw attention to yourself. You will just annoy people and probably get thrown off the Reichstag.
A special case of toy-throwing results from when youencounter somebody overreacting in an uncivil manner. Just because they threwtheir toys out of the pram, that doesn't mean you have to throwyours. If somebody reverts your edit toIran-Iraq relations and calls you a racist in the process, don't call them a racist back. Two wrongs don't make a right, especially when they both result in the distribution of toys on the floor. And, especially, don't go tothe Administrator's Noticeboard complaining about toy-throwing when you've done a bit of it yourself, because youwill getcalled up for it and told off as well.[3]
You may even be so aggravated and upset, that you're tempted to go for the ultimate toy-throwing exercise ofretiring from Wikipedia. But be absolutely sure you want to do this – retiring is supposed to beforever, and if you change your mind later on, you'll be accused of being aprofessional toy thrower. Especially if "later" is within three days.
Throwing your toys out of the pram in response to something isnever successful.It does not work. To successfully appeal against a decision, you need to focus onwhat has been done andwhere it does or doesn't fit into Wikipedia policies. Don't let your emotions get the better of you.